In 1995, I lost my entire family. Mom, Dad, five brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles. All gone. It wasn’t that they all died in a horrible accident or anything like that, it was more like I was the one who died. At least from their perspective.
I was born and raised, third generation, in a strict religious home of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I grew up as one of the often seen people, all dressed up, carrying briefcases, approaching homes with a Bible message. I was also raised to believe that celebrating holidays and birthdays were a pagan activity, and while attending school, I would have to sit and wait in the school hallway until the class had finished their various observances. I did not salute the flag, as I was taught not to. I did not recite the Pledge of Allegiance, as I was taught not to, and so on.
In August of 1977, just ten days prior to Elvis Presley’s death, I got married. I of course married a fellow “Witness”, and had hopes and dreams of a long and happy life with my “Christian” husband. I married very young, at the age of 17, as it was and continues to be “normal” within the religion to marry young, in order to avoid the “sins of the flesh.” Six months later, my “Christian” husband began being violent with me, with the abuse continuing and escalating over the course of our marriage.
Throughout our marriage, I continued to hope and pray that the abuse would stop and we could build a long-lasting, happy marriage. Immediately following violent episodes was a time of tenderness, kindness and repeated apologies, “It will never happen again, I promise.” It happened again and again, and for the most inconsequential, trivial matters. For example, I forgot to put his hot sauce on the dinner table one evening, and when he sat down to eat, the next thing I know he’s in my face, his fist preparing to swing.
Like most woman who have endured an abusive relationship, I left my husband a few different times until finally coming to the clear realization that I had to get out for good. The religion I was brought up in played a heavy role in my decision to leave the marriage, as I had by that point begun having serious doubts about how I was brought up as a “believer.”
Of the times that I left my husband, going and staying with friends, even my father (an Elder in the Congregation) showed up and, without missing a beat, adamantly told me to get my “butt home where you belong.” He never even asked me what was happening that I would leave my husband. It only mattered that I went right back to my husband, regardless of the problems.
1993 was a very good year. It was the year in which I exercised my personal conscience, separate and apart from the religious teachings I was brought up to believe, and left my fifteen year marriage for good. Being born and raised in the Jehovah’s Witness faith, the decision to leave my marriage was not an easy one to make. There were many personal, emotional, financial and spiritual roadblocks in my way. To save myself and my children from further abuse, would ultimately lead me to making a life-changing decision that would immediately lead to my “death” as far as my family and close friends were concerned.
1995 was a very good year. It was the year in which I stopped being a member of the Jehovah’s Witness religion. However, it was also the year that I “died” in the eyes of my immediate family of Jehovah’s Witnesses, and close “witness” friends. Excommunicated. Shunned. Dead.
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6 responses so far ↓
1 Joe // Sep 29, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Wow, what a testimony! DO you practice christianity? I have a friend who actually led me to the bible who was a JW. I have lost touch of him, but I still think about him and how he has been led down the wrong path.
THe htings I use to ask him is where in the bible did Jesus tell Peter he would build his Hall upon him? I would then ask him about the thief on the cross who Jesus brought to heaven with him.
Al the of these things that disproved the JW faith he never wanted to talk about.
Just like you who was abused by your husband, were told to go back to your husband. Jesus states the only valid reason for a divorce is marital unfaithfulness. Now I don’t remember ever reading how Jesus beat his church into submission or his “kingdom hall” into submission.
No The scripture saya Men lover your wife as Christ loved the church. I do beleieve that you father who is an elder will have a lot to answer for. I only pray that he will see his mistakes and change his ways. Just pray for them and find it in your heart to forgive them.
2 Telling It Like It Is // Sep 29, 2007 at 8:38 pm
Joe, at this point in my life, I do not profess anything. All I know, or have faith in, is that I believe in God and his son.
Apart from that, due mostly to my upbringing in the religion/cult (you choose which word fits), as well as the many years of abuse I endured under the seeing eyes of the ministers and my family, I do not profess to be anything but human. Maybe that will change one day, but for now, my visits to various churches of varying denominations leave me feeling void and empty.
I invite you to check out my personal story found on the home page entitled “Look Into The Eyes Of A Child”. So far I have parts one and two ready, but there is much more to come, and it may likely become a book at some time. Although not written in first person, it is my personal experience. I invite your comments on those as well.
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4 Rob O. (19 comments.) // Feb 20, 2008 at 8:09 am
It’s eerie how much close this struck to home. My Mom was a JH and raised us 3 kids as such. Dad was explosive & abusive, but the JH Elders insisted that she stick by him - and as you said, practically made her the guilty party in the whole mess. Yet when things got really bad, those same Elders were never available to help.
My older brother bailed out around age 17. I followed suit at around the same age a few years later. My younger sister still continues to be a Witness.
I’m turned off not only by the way the Witnesses mishandled mom’s ongoing marital crisis for nearly 2 decades, but by many of the big-ticket issue that they stand so firm on. Put simply, I’m convinced that it is a cult, pure & simple. I’m embarrassed to even admit that I ever had any affiliation with the “religion.”
Sadly enough, my sister tattled to the Elders on our Mom for a business dealing that she considered slightly unethical (it was a tenant/landlord issue and Mom was clearly in the right) and they disfellowshipped Mom. She lost nearly every friend, her daughter (and family), and a religion all in one fell swoop. She tried to contest the Elders’ decision, but ultimately the crusty old white guys wore her down and she simply gave up on the whole mess…
5 Lin (793 comments.) // Feb 20, 2008 at 9:14 am
Rob, I also consider it to be a Cult. I’m very glad that you were able to get out and away from it as you did.
I’ve heard so many strange and downright scary stories about JW Elder practices, it makes my skin crawl.
Elders literally hold your very life in their hands, and the fear of being “killed” by disfellowshipping/excommunication whereby you literally lose all relationships with immediate family and close friends, keeps many people in the cult.
Although I’m “dead” in their eyes, I am strong and happy in my life. I don’t look back with regrets over my decision to leave the cult. I will never…go back to it.
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