Let’s Talk About Teen Sex
If you’re like many parents, just the thought of discussing sex with your teen makes you squeamish and jittery, and you’re likely to try to find any means possible to avoid the topic altogether. Whether you’re ready or not to have discussions about teen sex, it’s a responsibility of parenting that you simply cannot and must not avoid. Even if you have very strong religious beliefs, or simply believe in total abstinence until marriage, teen sex is a reality parents cannot afford to ignore.
Statistics show that children are having sex for the very first time as young as 10 to 12 years old, making it very obvious that discussions about sex needs to start when they are very young. Like it or not, teen sex is a hot topic amongst teens and their peers, and leaving it up to their friends or school system to teach your children about sex is, quite frankly, not good parenting. When it comes to teen sex and sexual health, there are things that every parent and teen should know about sex
Some parents are concerned that talking about sex with their children or teens will lead to sexual experimentation and exploration well before they are ready for the responsibilities that go along with being sexually active. A far greater risk is not having taken the time to personally (and correctly) educate your children and teens about sex, in a manner that respects your family values and morals, only to learn later on that your child or teen has already “done the deed” and is now pregnant or has contracted a sexually transmitted disease.
Teen Sex – Taught By Whom?
While I believe discussions about sex should be a joint effort amongst parents, with fathers teaching sons and mothers teaching daughters, this is often not possible with the ever-increasing numbers of single parent homes. Some parents may not have been properly taught about sex by their own mother or father while growing up, or are simply ill-equipped to teach their children to have a healthy, responsible and respectful view of sex. How to Talk With Teens About Love, Relationships, & S-E-X: A Guide for Parents
As I’ve mentioned before, I have six children, three boys and three girls. With each and every one of my children, I was the one who discussed the changes that would go on within their bodies as they got older. Yes, including the boys! I was the one who discussed puberty, reproductive organs, sex, safe sex, birth control etc, because their father wouldn’t discuss these topics with the boys while I did so with the girls.
I read a lot of books about changes that take place within growing boys because I wanted to be sure to educate my sons correctly but more importantly, I was not going to have my sons thinking something was wrong with them when changes started happening. Fortunately I had already established an open and communicative relationship with my children, thus allowing calm and frank discussions that were not uncomfortable or embarrassing for me or my children.
Teen Sex Resources and Information-
One of my favorite and highly recommended resources is a book called: Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask): The Secrets to Surviving Your Child’s Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens
Another fabulous resource is Ten Talks Parents Must Have with Their Children About Sex and Character
Whatever your opinion is of teen sex and teen sexuality, your parental responsibility is to educate your children and teens in how the real world is. That includes the good, bad and the ugly. The more effort you put into raising your children and teens with correct information, the better chance you have of them reaching adulthood and beyond knowing you had done everything possible to raise them right.
What are your thoughts on teen sex? What have you done to educate your children on this important topic?
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Hi Lin,
I’ve talked with both my son and daughter who live with me. The one I’m most worried about is my 12 year old daughter Haley, who lives with her mom. My ex-wife says that she does talk with her about it on a regular basis. I hope so. When she was here this summer, she was caught exchanging messages with a 17 year old boy on myspace (which she is now banned from … shouldn’t have had it in the first place).
Thanks for posting the resources. I’ll be sure to check them out … and pass them on to my daughter’s mom.
Todd Morris’s last blog post..Positive Visioning … Making Up The Future
I started talking with my kids (1 girl, 1 boy) when they were very young about age-appropriate issues. As they got older, the questions got harder to answer, but at least they were talking with me.
Thanks for the post, lots of really good information.
Tara R.’s last blog post..A child no more
Things were much easier when I was raising my kids in the 70s and 80s. We controlled their TV watching so that they weren’t bombarded with confusing sexual stuff. We lived in a small town that was only good because it was a safe place to raise kids (and that was good enough). My wife and I talked to the kids about sex, marriage, and family and used ourselves as examples. Somehow, it all worked out OK.
Todd, I can understand the concern about raising children that live with another parent. That’s a real tough one since you just never know whether they are learning valuable things, or whether they are putting themselves at risk in some way. It’s great that you’ve talked about these things with your kids, that’s very good parenting!
Tara, thanks for the compliment! When kids start asking the real pointed questions, that’s when it really tests to see what parents are made of.
HM, I’m so glad it worked out well for your family. That issue of TV watching is a real problem area because kids are mindlessly learning all sorts of things that are downright scary.
with my 4 older kids, we’ve been age appropriately honest about sex. luckily, i don’t have a problem discussing it with them…so, they ask me stuff and i tell them what i know…in a politically correct way, of course!
parent’s that don’t discuss sex with their kids are the ones who have to worry about sexual experimentation. because…it’s the forbidden and kids are fascinated by that!
the school district also has a family life program, which starts in the 4th grade. it’s very detailed. so, my kids know waaaayyy too much…and love to talk about it!
awesome post, as usual!
No matter what you say to your kids, they will all grow up with different standards. My brother, sister, and I were all raised to wait until marriage to have sex. My brother and sister both live with people to whom they are not married, and are fine with it, and I waited until I was married. So even if you’re the best parent out there, your kids are still going to go their own way. Hopefully they’ll remember your advice.
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I agree full heartily with the message of the post. Its important to discuss sex with your kids. I especially think its important to stress abstinence but to not rely on abstinence.
Peer pressure always has and always will play a major role in the development of kids. To ignore this would be to our own detriment. Which is why I stress abstinence but dont rely on it. The fact is, our kids are going to have sex, maybe not today or tomorrow but at some point they are going to start having sex at some age and usually outside of marriage. Id rather them know and hopefully practice safe sex then to only know abstinence.
While I believe talking about sex ultimately falls on the parent, some of the burden is shared by the school system. It is my belief that by ignoring that kids are going to experiment and failing to teach safe sex, the school systems policy of teaching abstinence only does our country a great disservice.
As Charlie’s post clearly illustrates, teaching purely abstinence and believing it will work is a fallacy created by those who are blind to the fact that no child/person is perfect
Grow Up, thank you. Children will experiment, and they will hear and talk about sex amongst their peers, so parents really have to step up and discuss these important topics with their kids. Before it’s too late.
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