I guess it just goes to show that sometimes as a parent you can do everything possible to help ensure your kid is excelling in all areas of life, especially in school, and no matter what you do or how closely you watch their activities, they can often find themselves in trouble anyway. Argh!
I just recently learned from my daughter’s school that if she is to graduate from High School on time with her classmates in May, that I must pay over $600.00 for her to attend night school to make up grades in three classes that she’s FAILING in. To say that I was not at all pleased with this news is an understatement.
Regardless of the fact that I inquire almost daily as to whether she has homework to do, what exactly she is needing to do for homework or school projects, when each is due to be turned in etc, my 18 year-old daughter is failing in three classes. Her response to my questions as to why and how this could have happened? “I guess I just got lazy, and didn’t do my homework”. Argh!
It took me about an hour to calm my blood pressure enough to discuss the situation with my husband in order to decide what steps we would and would NOT take in this rather expensive proposition. Mind you, my daughter is 18 years old, mature enough to understand and appreciate that there are some things I just don’t tolerate. Telling me that things are going very well in school, when they are obviously NOT going so well, is the quickest way to send me over the edge. Lying is not an option in our home.
Now what are we going to do about this situation?
We are going to use Tough Love and allow her to face the consequences of her own poor choices. Not only are we NOT going to pay the $600.00+ for her to attend night school to make up for these three classes, so she can graduate with her classmates (people she doesn’t even like) on time, but she will have to attend Summer School in order to graduate.
Not only that, but she will have to pay the $600.00 tuition fee necessary to attend summer school, as we are not going to enable do it for her. Trying to dig up a part-time job that will allow her to earn the money she’ll need in time to attend summer school will be a valuable lesson. I’m also going to be speaking with the school to try and find out why I didn’t receive any notification of this pending catastrophe. Hmm, I bet I already know the answer to that one. Argh!
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19 responses so far ↓
1 Kim (1 comments.) // Jan 29, 2008 at 8:43 am
I know exactly what your going through. I just went through this last year with my oldest son. Unfortunately for him, the classes he was failing, he couldn’t make up at summer school. So he had to repeat the year.
I also wasn’t aware of how badly he was doing until I went to his school for another matter. But, kids are kids and what can you do?
Kim’s last blog post..Quiet weekend coming to an end
2 Lin (1019 comments.) // Jan 29, 2008 at 9:44 am
Hi Kim, it really upset me. I’ve spoken to the school and they said they mailed to our home some notifications but I never received them. Hmm.
3 TripTheLady (1 comments.) // Jan 29, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Good for you! My daughter did not graduate with her class because she failed the last half of her senior year. Making it up at night school was not an option for us but if it had been we wouldn’t have paid for it.
TripTheLady’s last blog post..Sunrise & Sunset are my favorite times of day…
4 Hungry Mother (45 comments.) // Jan 29, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I feel for you. Our kids are independent units, which is both good and bad. All you can do is keep trying.
5 Kango Scout (1 comments.) // Jan 30, 2008 at 4:11 am
Yes, all you can do is keep trying . . . and hope your daughter learns by your example.
Kango Scout’s last blog post..Go home, Mr. Thomas!
6 Lin (1019 comments.) // Jan 30, 2008 at 7:15 am
Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I do hope she will learn the intended lesson here.
7 Mandy (6 comments.) // Jan 30, 2008 at 10:59 am
Lin ~ I hear you, my oldest (daughter) did not have problems with her grades…But, once she turned 18, her room magically turned into her very own apartment. Some how her room was no longer attached to “our” house. She was not going to college and the money that she earned working, she was just blowing. Finally we had enough and started charging her rent. We saved her rent money and told her that once she started saving her money and enrolled in college, she would get all of the rent money back. She finally got her act together. Kids can drive you nuts!
Mandy’s last blog post..Autism Speaks And Five for Fighting Raising Awareness
8 Monique (2 comments.) // Jan 30, 2008 at 11:21 am
Well, if this makes you feel any better, I dropped out of HS 2 weeks before graduation just to spite my parents. They were not happy with me (obviously.)
Monique’s last blog post..Whoa.
9 Halifax Internet Marketing (2 comments.) // Jan 30, 2008 at 5:42 pm
We all were like them. It`s our turn.
10 Lin (1019 comments.) // Jan 30, 2008 at 5:52 pm
H.I.M, if that were only true in my case, but it’s not. I never even attempted to slip this sort of thing through with my parents, but it probably due to utter fear than anything else.
11 Rob O. (29 comments.) // Jan 30, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Lin, I admire you for holding true to your convictions - if she doesn’t learn of the repercussions of her laziness now, there will likely come even more extreme fallouts when she gets lazy in the workplace - which would certainly cost more than $600 to repair. Hang tough!
Rob O.’s last blog post..Moscow - Trip 2 - Day 12
12 Lin (1019 comments.) // Jan 30, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Thank you Rob. Oh, I finally managed to get subscribed to your blog too, I kept having trouble getting the feed to load with yahoo. But I’m now subscribed! Whoohoo!
13 Todd morris (18 comments.) // Feb 2, 2008 at 1:45 am
Hi Lin,
Wow, another post that I can totally relate to. My 15 year old son, is a very smart kid … who for some reason doesn’t see what the problem is with not turning homework on time, and acting up in class.
Fortunately, (or maybe unfortunately) summer school doesn’t cost anything here … but, I sure it doesn’t come to that.
You set a great example.
Thanks again for another article that makes me think.
Todd
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14 Lin (1019 comments.) // Feb 2, 2008 at 7:48 am
Hi Todd,
Summer school doesn’t cost anything there? Who says payment would have to be made to the school?
How about teens making payment directly to the parent, which then can be donated to the school or to some charity, as a hard lesson learned. Seems like kids tend to learn hard lessons when it hits them hard in the wallet. Poor things can’t go buy video games ’cause they have a debt to pay first.
15 Rob O. (29 comments.) // Feb 2, 2008 at 8:54 am
I like the way you think, Lin! I agree - make Summer School cost something regardless of whether the school district itself charges for it.
And I’d be inclined to remove the distraction of videogames for the duration of Summer School classes, too.
Rob O.’s last blog post..Moscow - Trip 2 - Day 14, Part 2
16 Lin (1019 comments.) // Feb 2, 2008 at 12:13 pm
LOL Rob, yeah I’m a toughie alright. What really struck a cord with my daughter was taking away her driving privileges. oooh that really sunk in.
17 Jason Pearson (3 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Hang in there. I think the approach you are taking is appropriate. This will be a lesson that will stay with her well into adulthood. Thanks for sharing this with us.
18 Lin (1019 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Hi Jason,
She’s definitely learning some lessons right now. Trying to find a job that will give her the hours and pay she needs has been difficult for her (Yes!), and that in itself has made an impression on her.
She has been working part-time locally, but the hours are very limited and the place doesn’t get a lot of foot traffic, so she ends up being sent home which of course effects her measily paycheck. She’s busting her behind to find something more substantial, ’cause she knows we’re not going to lift a pinky finger to help her pay for school.
19 Mean Mom 101 - Lessons Learned From My Mean Mom | Telling It Like It Is // Nov 7, 2008 at 7:42 am
[…] Through the years, things didn’t improve a bit. We could not lie in bed, “sick” like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends’ report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks. (Sometimes Kids Can Drive Parents Nuts) […]
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