An increasing number of teenage girls are being controlled or abused by their boyfriends by the time they graduate from high school. Although it is not unheard of for teenage boys to be victims of abusive relationships, abused by their girlfriends, it is much more common for the boys to be abusing the girls. Statistics show that 1 out of 3 teenagers have experienced violence in a dating relationship, proving the need for information on the “signs of an abusive relationship“, “how to know if your relationship is Toxic”, and tips on “leaving an abusive relationship“.
Most cases involve one partner trying to maintain power and control over the other through various forms of abuse. I can’t even imagine what I would do if I learned one of my children were being mistreated this way by someone claiming to love them. I’m afraid the “mother bear” in me would take over any sense of rational thought, leading me to go straight for the jugular of the person doing harm to my child.
Teen dating violence or abuse is often kept secret and hidden because teenagers are inexperienced, seeking independence from their parents, and they are often pressured by peers to begin dating at an early age. Some young men (boys) even believe they have the right to “control” women out of fear that they will lose “respect” amongst their own peers for being attentive and supportive towards their girlfriends.
Love doesn’t hurt-it’s not a feeling either. Actions speak louder than words. It’s what he does in action, not based on what he says, that shows his true love for you. Love is not the way you think he feels about you, or how you want him to feel about you. True love is an empowering experience, where you don’t feel afraid or sad…you feel great!
Love also doesn’t happen immediately, or even within a few short weeks. Young people can often be heard expressing their “love” for their boyfriend/girlfriend within a matter of days after they begin dating. It takes time to get to know someone, to really get to know them; to learn about their likes, dislikes, personality flaws, quirks, ideals, goals, to determine if who they are really fits who you are in order to blend into a happy, meaningful, and most importantly, loving relationship.
Teen dating violence statistics-
If you think that his abusive tendencies (whether physical, mental or emotional) means he really loves you, you would be wrong and statistics prove that beyond a shadow of a doubt. If your boyfriend or partner is abusive to you now, even if not physically violent yet, more often than not it will only get worse until one day he seriously injures you or kills you. It’s that serious.
You may think that because you have friends that are being controlled or abused, that this is “normal” relationship behavior or you think you can change him. Think again. You may think that because he has not physically hurt you or hit you, that you are not being abused. It is important to understand, to really “get it”, that emotional abuse or control is often the first signs of an abusive relationship yet to come.
Emotional abuse almost always escalates and becomes a physical form of abuse, making it even more vital to learn now what the signs of an abusive relationship are, so you can take necessary steps to get out of the abusive relationship. It always involves control - one partner controlling the actions of another. If this kind of behavior is present in your relationship, you have a potentially dangerous situation that is likely to only get worse as the relationship progresses.
While emotional abuse could easily lead to physical violence, it doesn’t always lead to this. The abuser might decide that he can sufficiently control you with psychological abuse, fear, professions of “love”, apologies (”I promise it will never happen again”), gifts and other manipulations.
Relationship Warning Signs-
How do you know if you are currently in an abusive relationship, whether it be physical, emotional or mental? What warning signs are there for you to evaluate and question yourself truthfully about your relationship and the potential for violence or further abuse? It is never too late to help yourself, by educating yourself as well as your dating teenage children, in relation to dealing with abusive relationships, whether it be teenage or adult relationships. Don’t be a statistic. I know, because I was one at one time in my life. As a parent, I make sure all of my children (sons and daughters) know the signs of an abusive relationship, and how they can and should leave such a relationship. And, that I’m only a phone call away.
Suggested Reading:
“Signs of an Abusive Relationship”
Toxic Relationships-What To Do
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11 responses so far ↓
1 kristin (3 comments.) // Feb 2, 2008 at 10:30 pm
It’s so sad that teenage girls are going through this. Parents need to be educated so thanks!
kristin’s last blog post..Just Wanted To Tell You All
2 Lin (904 comments.) // Feb 3, 2008 at 11:04 am
Hi Kristin,
You’re so right; not only do teens themselves need to be educated on these things, but parents need to be pay close attention to any signs of their teen being a victim of abuse in their relationships.
3 Headshot Photography Los Angeles (3 comments.) // Feb 3, 2008 at 11:47 am
Some parents also need to realize the damage that it does to their children to stay in a abusive relationship.
When children grow up seeing such interaction between the adult role models in their lives they take everything that goes down to be the normal way things should be.
Everything you do in your relationship with your spouse is noted and later (probably) copied
This is not to say that a child looks at his father abusing his mother and mentally thinks “BOY I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO GROW UP SO I CAN DO THAT TO MY GIRLFRIEND/WIFE” It’s more like it just happens suddenly.
FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN, AND YOUR SELF, ABANDON SUCH A RELATIONSHIP!
Your life will become a whole lot better for it, and so will the life of your children!
Todd
4 Lin (904 comments.) // Feb 3, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Todd, I couldn’t have said it any better. GET OUT before it’s too late for your children or yourself.
5 Internet Entrepreneur (1 comments.) // Feb 4, 2008 at 2:38 am
When I look at that picture of the girl, I could not imagine that someone would do such a thing, to someone they ‘love’.
Internet Entrepreneur’s last blog post..January Progress Report
6 Lin (904 comments.) // Feb 4, 2008 at 7:18 am
IE, Unfortunately this sort of thing happens all the time to teens, and adults.
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9 Jason Pearson (6 comments.) // Mar 21, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Thanks for posting this. I work with the youth group at my church and it is shocking to see how many young women have experienced domestic abuse at such a young age. They need to know they deserve better and it is not ok.
10 Dating Headshots (1 comments.) // Aug 20, 2008 at 12:38 pm
It’s unfortunate that this is something that needs to be talked about at but I’m glad you did. Like you, I don’t know what I’d do if my daughter was involved this type of person. Let’s just say it would be best if I never saw him again. Anyway, this seems to be caused by a poor example at home (mentioned above) and the need to wield power. To any girl I would say, if you are struck once, even a single time - then get away from that person forever. Don’t listen to any apologies, don’t listen to how “I just got carried away”, “I couldn’t help myself”, “I didn’t mean it”, “It won’t happen again” or anything. If a boy or man hits you one time - it’s over for good. Violence is a psychopathic behavior, and most psychopaths are masters of manipulation. Don’t listen to their excuses - just leave him FOREVER. No person who loved you would ever hit you.
11 Lin (904 comments.) // Aug 20, 2008 at 2:55 pm
DH, thank you for stopping by. It’s very important that teens understand that a teenage abusive relationship does not always include hitting, but many teen girls are experiencing emotional and mental abuse by their boyfriends and should never ignore or excuse such behavior. Teens that are being abused, whether a boy or a girl, needs to immediately get away from their abusers and don’t ever think it’ll change. It only gets worse.
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