If you have ever been the victim of angry, controlling and abusive men, you understand the depths of despair many women in society experience at the hands of men claiming to love them. Domestic violence against women occurs every day, with victims of violence often too afraid to report the abuse to the police, and is often kept secret from close family members and friends.
Getting inside the minds of men exhibiting controlling and abusive behavior is no easy task, and if current statistics are correct, there isn’t much hope in clinical studies nor positive data as to whether or not they can ever be cured. That is not good news for women that are married to an abuser or involved in abusive relationships, making it that much more important for women to become educated as to the early warning signs of abusive behaviors in order to protect themselves and their children.
(Photo By: Giina Caliente)
Abusive men are often very charismatic, living in virtual denial, quick to blame and manipulate others into thinking and believing they are Mr. Wonderful. These manipulative tendencies often create doubt in a woman’s mind over a period of time as to whether she herself is at fault for the abuse, where she then begins to try and make changes in herself in hopes it will end the domestic abuse in the home.
Anger Management Programs and Couples Counseling for abusers haven’t brought much change in these men, as abusive men have the unique and disturbing ability to manipulate and persuade even their counselors that they themselves are simply misunderstood and not at all to blame for the problems at home. One of the most prevalent features of an angry and controlling partner is how he frequently tells women how they should think and tries to get women to doubt their own perceptions and beliefs.
Each year in the United States, two to four million women are assaulted by their partners or husbands, and one out of three women will become a victim of violence by their husband or boyfriend at some point in her life. Children of abusive men, especially the boys, are more likely to grow up to become abusers themselves in their own relationships.
Intimate partner violence against women is steadily increasing, crossing all racial and ethnic boundaries, involving women and teenage girls by their husbands or boyfriends. Founded in 1977, Emerge is the first abuser education program established in the United States, counseling abusive men on an individual basis rather than in group settings, and is working hard to increase public awareness that domestic violence is a learned behavior not a disease, with the goal of helping men stop their abusive behaviors and become better men, husbands and fathers.
Identifying the early warning signs of abusive and controlling men, understanding the four types of abusive behaviors, and recognizing the characteristics of men who batter women can save women’s lives.
“Why Does He Do That?” is an essential resource for women of all ages, for victims of domestic violence, women’s shelters, therapists and counselors. Detailed explanations of the nine types of abusers; manipulative tactics abusive men use; early warnings signs of abusive relationships; dispelling common myths about men who abuse women; the effect such abuse has on children; and getting needed help for abused women.
The good news is that abuse is a learned behavior and can be solved. The bad news is that the abuser must commit to following every step of a quality program in order to solve the problem. Only a small percentage of those who join a quality program actually follow all the necessary steps towards change, and those men who deny having a problem at all have a prognosis of change amounting to ZERO. What if it were to happen to someone you loved? What if it were your sister, mother, niece that were being abused? Or, perhaps your own daughter? Would it still be “someone else’s problem?”
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