Keeping the Fire Alive in Your Marriage

When you think back to the days you and your spouse were dating, can you remember the things you said or did together that sticks out in your memory as something you will cherish for the rest of your life? Can you remember the days of holding hands; romantic candlelight dinners; talking quietly together while sitting by a roaring fire; picnics for two; walks in the park under the moonlight; laughing and joking about nothing in particular? How did it make you feel? Did you feel safe and secure, valued and appreciated? Truly loved? Can you remember the specific moment that you realized you had fallen in love with your now-husband or wife?

No matter how many years you have been married, keeping the romance alive and the fire embers burning bright in your marriage is something that is not only doable, but fun as well.

While it may be true that the initial passion and spark begins to wane after a period of time, fueled by the responsibilities of caring for children, laundry, jobs, the mortgage, soccer practice and dance recitals, many couples tend to forget that their first priority is to their spouse and marriage.

Keeping the fire alive in your marital relationship may be challenging, and sometimes it’s more work than we want to do, but the rewards are well worth the effort you put forth each and every day.

How to Keep the Home Fires Burning in Your Marriage:

Communication

Remember and maintain your friendship with your spouse with open and honest communication. Making time to be alone with each other MUST be a priority. Agree to not discuss the kids, jobs, bills or other stress related topics, but use the time to really connect with each other as friends and lovers. Express genuine appreciation and gratitude for the things your spouse does; compliment and FLIRT with your husband or wife!

Relationship experts agree that couples who understand the importance of maintaining and nourishing a healthy friendship with each other have the most satisfying, long-lasting marriages. It is not the responsibility of your spouse to read your mind and make you happy, but it is a relationship trap many people fall into because they are not communicating their needs and feelings properly. Remember to always say “I love you” during the good and wonderful times, as well as during the hard times.

Tip: When disagreements occur, hold hands throughout the entire discussion without letting go, as this works very well in greatly reducing the chances of saying something you may regret later. Trust me, it’s not as easy as it may seem.

Good and effective communication includes being a good listener, paying close attention to the spoken words but also the tone of voice and body language used, in order to get a complete understanding of what is being spoken. Have fun together! Be silly and goofy with each other, laugh a lot and enjoy the pleasure of each others company and one-on-one attention.

Let’s Get Physical

One very obvious sign of a couple lacking fire and romance in their marriage is when physical and affectionate touch has virtually ceased to exist in their relationship. Seeing elderly couples continuing to hold hands while walking or sitting closely together always puts a smile on my face, with my husband and I happily visualizing ourselves continuing to do the very same thing as the years go by.

Just sitting on the couch together watching television is an excellent opportunity to physically touch each other, hold hands and get the romantic sparks flying. Be affectionate and increase physical touch in your marriage (even if your sex drive isn’t what it used to be), along with creating a romantic environment in the home that is conducive to wanting to make love. Hugging, kissing, cuddling, giving each other back rubs and massages, all help to ignite fire and keep romance alive in marriage.

When you climb into bed each night, affectionately cuddle and hold each other for several minutes, rather than immediately turning away from each other to fall asleep. The more you practice spending time being affectionate and feeling more connected, the more your passion for each other will grow. See “How to Please a Woman in Bed” for sex tips!

Keeping the Fire Alive in Your Marriage
(Photo by: jpghouse)

Bring Back the Fun!

Be spontaneous! Do something unexpected to show your husband or wife that you are thinking of them. Schedule a weekly “Date Night For Two” where you do things together you both enjoy. Play free romantic couples games! Leave little love notes where your spouse is sure to find them. Does your spouse have a chore they despise? Do it for them!

Is your spouse meticulous about keeping their vehicle clean inside and out? Clean it for them, or take it to be done professionally as a surprise. Take a bike ride together. Go ice skating or roller skating together. Take a leisurely walk around the neighborhood while holding hands, talking about fun and happy times from your dating days.

Create opportunities for fun. Think back to the fun and exciting things you two did together while dating and recreate those occasions. Buy some naughty adult games to play together in the privacy of your bedroom. Sit together and browse through your wedding photos, or watch your wedding video, remembering the fun and excitement of your wedding day.

Monotonous routine can easily douse the romantic fire in any relationship or marriage, so change things up with creative surprises. Keep your focus on what is MOST important in your marriage; the two of you. Feed the fire that keeps marriage alive and passionate, and it will sizzle.

How do you and your spouse keep the fire alive in your marriage? What tips can you share that work well for your relationship?

Further Reading:

Sex Every Day for Married Couples – 30 Day Sex Challenge
How to Spice Up Your Marriage: Fun and Easy Ways to Add Romance to Your Relationship

Be Sociable, Share!

42 Responses to “Keeping the Fire Alive in Your Marriage”

Read below or add a comment...

  1. Lin says:

    Hometown Quotes, I apologize for the delay in approving your comment. It somehow ended up in the spam filter, but it’s fine now. I’m so glad that you and your wife are able to keep the romance alive in your marriage, and are remaining close friends. Keeping the friendship part of it is more important than many people realize.

    Hiya Stephan! Giving babysitters a nice incentive to want to keep coming back for more babysitting gigs definitely has it’s perks, eh? haha Keep it fun! :)

  2. JHS says:

    Thanks for contributing this post to this week’s Carnival of Family Life, hosted at This Full House. Be sure to stop by on Monday, March 10, 2008, and support your fellow participants by checking out all of their wonderful contributions.

  3. I agree with pp. The tip on holding hands during an argument really stuck out to me. I am the type that likes to walk away, but this would force me to confront the issue. We will have to give this one a try.

  4. mayowa oni says:

    i read through ur writeup and iam impresed, infact the tips u suggested really save my marriage. please i want more tips on how to ones marriage work. thank

  5. Lin says:

    Mayowa, thank you. I will definitely be providing more tips and information on keeping the romance alive in marriages very soon. Stay tuned, and be sure to subscribe to my blog if you haven’t done so yet. ;)

  6. mayowa oni says:

    i wish to subcribe to ur blog, what are the procedure? is it free? please let me know

  7. Lin says:

    Mayowa, click on the big green button at the top left side of my site, and then you will be given the option of subscribing by email or by RSS feed. It is always free. Thank you and welcome to Telling It Like It Is.

  8. Vince says:

    Both of us are 100% committed to making it work. We realize that not everything is going to go smoothly, and there will be some rocky times. We’re not always going to agree about everything (that’s for sure!). But in the end, we are both willing to make compromises. It isn’t about getting your way everytime. Sometimes you have to let your spouse get their way.

  9. Lin says:

    Vince, Compromise is so important in marriage, rather than insisting on getting our own way about everything. Whether it is working through the hard times or sailing through the easy times, it’s very important to not have a “me, me, me” attitude.

Trackbacks

  1. […] couples can and need to take necessary steps to keep the fire alive in their marriage, not only with good communication but also with selfless giving in and out of the bedroom, which […]

  2. […] diploma, or get the college degree you always wanted. Rekindle the romance with your spouse and fire up your marriage by spending time together and bringing back the fun and excitement experienced when you were dating […]

  3. […] winning, look for successful people in that arena of life and do what they do.  It could be in marriage, personal finances, or […]