If you are a regular reader of this blog, you may be thinking I must have lost my mind to suggest that women should hide money from their husbands. Give me a few minutes to explain my reasoning on wives hiding money from their husbands, and I’m sure you’ll understand and agree with my reasons for doing this post.
For happy and healthy marriages, free of any kind of emotional, mental or physical abuse, I certainly do not advocate hiding money from your husband. But, based on the kind of web traffic this blog receives from women in abusive relationships and marriages, abused women want and need to know how to hide money from an abusive husband, and I am just the person to tell them exactly how to do it so they can get a divorce from these jerks.
Listed here are the various articles I’ve written that are getting a lot of attention from women doing keyword searches on topics relating to being in abusive relationships or marriage, and based on the feedback and emails I receive on a regular basis, I believe these women have a right to know how to hide money from abusive husbands.
I have now written, “How to Hide Money from an Abusive Husband”, and it is my sincere hope and wish that women suffering emotional, physical and mental abuse will take active steps to leave their abusive relationship, saving themselves as well as their children from further abuse.
Can abusive men be cured? No! So get out now while you still can, before he inflicts more bodily harm to you and/or your children! Children that are raised in abusive homes are more likely to grow up to become abusers themselves (or end up in abusive relationships themselves as adults), so protect yourself and your children from these behaviors before it is too late.
Your additional comments and suggestions on how abused women can hide money from their abusive husbands are welcome, and you can do so by leaving a comment below.
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23 responses so far ↓
1 Momo Fali (7 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 12:34 pm
This is so great! I’m happily married now, but I used to be in an abusive relationship and how I wish I had money saved when I left him. I ended up selling half of everything I owned to pay my bills. I’m glad I made it out safely, but it would’ve been a lot easier with money.
2 Lin (793 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Yeah me too! My first marriage was abusive, so I learned some nice little tricks that helped me get out safely.
3 arnold (8 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm
As a male I do hope I am allowed to add my feelings on the topic.
Many years ago I had a friend living in my neighbourhood. This lady was unfortunately on the receiving end of an extremely abusive marriage.
When I found out about the situation I wanted to know why she did not leave and take her children to her Mom who stayed in another part of the country at the time. I even offered to pay for the trip. This she refused but she did say that she would start saving to be able to get out of there. I think she was playing for time and hoping that the situation would improve in the meantime.
Every week this lady would bring me just a bit of money which she had managed to save from her weekly household money. I kept record of the amounts and paid the money into my bank.
It took my friend 13 months to save the amount she needed but eventually she could get herself and the children away from the monster. Interesting enough, the situation never once improved during that period.
Ladies, if you have the misfortune to find yourself in such an abusive position, do whatever it takes, just get the heck out of there.
As was stated in this article, abusive men will never be cured.
4 How to Hide Money from an Abusive Husband or Wife Part 2 — TellinItLikeItIs // Mar 3, 2008 at 4:20 pm
[…] at TellinItLikeItIs left a great response to my post asking for advice. She followed that up with a post today on why you need to know how to hide money from your husband. It includes links to other posts she’s done on getting out of an abusive […]
5 Lin (793 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Arnold, thank you so much for added your comment. Comments from men are certainly welcome on the topic. I apologize for the delay in my response to your comment (family emergency).
Any woman that are in an abusive relationship and sees this post or the others that I link to in this article, please realize the situation will never improve. It never does, but it always gets worse. I know. I repeat…., I know.
6 brian (1 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 7:34 pm
maybe you were just emphatically making a point to help your readers, but I would question your statement, “can abusive men be cured. No!”
maybe some can, BUT not by the women in the short end of the relationship. the woman should leave and not try to fix him, but that doesn’t mean there is never any hope of some of these men changing their lives.
if bad people can’t change, we are all in trouble, because we all have bad habits.
just two cents.
just found your blog and enjoy it so far
7 Lin (793 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Hi Brian, thanks for stopping by and giving us your viewpoint, but I must respectfully disagree.
8 wendy (1 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 7:47 pm
true, abusive men cannot easily change. i also believe that if you’re in an abusive relationship it is wrong to stay because you wait for the person to change. LEAVE ASAP.
9 Lin (793 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Thank you Wendy! Leaving an abusive relationship as soon as possible is critical for women, as the longer they stay in the relationship or marriage things only get worse.
10 Hungry Mother (45 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 9:46 pm
It saddens me to realize that so many men are abusive to their wives. I absolutely don’t understand what causes them to act that way, but I believe that you’re right that they can’t be cured.
11 Lin (793 comments.) // Mar 3, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Hi HM,
Many people do not realize just how common it is in our society for men to abuse women, wives and even girlfriends.
There has been an increasing number of teenage girls that are being abused by their boyfriends, and based on the keyword searches I analyze, these girls are finding these same posts. Sad but true.
12 Confused // Mar 4, 2008 at 2:51 am
Can a woman be in an emotionally abusive relationship and not even know it? I mean, lately those words came out of my mouth…but my WHOLE RELATIONSHIP I just thought that we argued…that’s what we did from the start…I thought we were “passionate”. Dumb, right? BUT…I thought I was standing up for myself and making a difference. Lately, though…his anger has gotten worse and worse over the years to where he gets sooo mad at something you wouldn’t think he should get THAT mad about. Everytime we fight…and THIS has pretty much been alot of the relationship…he turns everything around on ME. I mean I KNOW I’m not PERFECT but I KNOW I’m not responsible for EVERY fight!!! He says I put words into his mouth, and he says I get confused when we’re fighting and THAT makes him madder. But what I DON’T get is that he HAS such a good heart!! I think he might need something like an anti-depressant. Don’t you think these men might just need some type of medication PLUS therapy to help. If someone needs medication AND therapy but they are ONLY getting therapy…they never WILL get all the way better!!! I know…I have depression and I have gotten off of my medication before because I didn’t think I needed it. It took a couple of months but I was back to being “slightly ” depressed but I was more ‘irritable’ than anything. AND I blamed my husband for upsetting me and pissing me off. (Same man) He couldn’t do ANYTHING right!!! So I’m wondering if these men just aren’t getting the proper treatment. Men, when you read about male depression, are so under treated…and alot of their symptoms do come out as “anger” RATHER THAN depression…because they don’t necessarily know HOW to “express” depression but they ARE more familiar with ANGER!
Sorry my reply is so long…I just had alot to say, I guess. Thanks for the article and all the replies. They’re great!
13 Lin (793 comments.) // Mar 4, 2008 at 7:22 am
Confused,
Thank you for posting this comment/question. Yes, some women can be in an emotionally abusive relationship and not even know it.
Some abusive men twist words around and blame everything on the women, mentally manipulating her into believing she is the cause of the problems in the relationship, causing her to question her own sanity.
Anti-depressant medications are very likely to laughed off and dismissed by men who abuse women, because they don’t believe the problems are their fault. They just will not accept responsibility for their own behavior, and they feel the need to be in control to the point where they would not take medications even if it were recommended by a doctor.
I invite you to carefully read the other articles written, that are linked to in this post, and carefully consider whether this is or is not the kind of situation you have in your home. I pray it is not. Your thoughts and comments are of course welcome on those articles as well.
14 Kim (16 comments.) // Mar 4, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Bravo on another great topic.. I don’t want to go into detail, but there are ways of hiding money here and there. It takes time. But it was the light at the end of my tunnell and thankfully those years are far behind me.
15 Lin (793 comments.) // Mar 4, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Hi Kim! There are lots of ways of hiding money, and once women get some creative ideas flowing, they’ll be amazed at how easy it is to hide money from an abusive husband.
16 vladi (1 comments.) // Mar 5, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I totally agree i feel women should always have a back up plan. I also think men should do the same.
And men need to stop abusing their women, women should run from these type of relationships.
17 Lin (793 comments.) // Mar 5, 2008 at 5:17 pm
vladi, I apologize for the delay in approving your comment. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
18 Kim (1 comments.) // Mar 6, 2008 at 10:33 am
Thankfully I’m not in an abusive relationship. But I do have my own money and I do save it for a rainy day. He knows I have it and never asks for it. But I know I have it if I ever need it.
Great post for those who aren’t as fortunate as some of us.
19 UmmeAaiman (1 comments.) // Mar 7, 2008 at 9:37 am
I really appreciate your post. Your ideas are amazing and though I come from a very loving marriage, I know a few people (lose to me) who have lived their life with their abusers - being verbally, emotionally and physically abused and it is so painful to see them and imagine what it must be like to be with someone who abused you while giving the altruistic reason that he cares for you and thats why you need to be punished sometimes for what you just did. …
I may not be able to do anything much for these people especially since they are Indian and to them, their pride is something that matters more than their pain. though, if I get a chance to help, I would always lend help to a woman who needed it.
20 Lisa K (1 comments.) // Mar 8, 2008 at 9:24 am
This is a great blog, keep up the good work. I’m sure there are lots of women who need this advice, unfortunately.
21 Jaz (1 comments.) // Mar 8, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Actually, I used to be in an abusive marriage. Now I’m happily married!! It’s awesome. But, it’s like this. If you’re in an abusive thing, HIDE THE MONEY!!! If not, enjoy the guy and you can both save together. Thank you for this post. It was needed.
22 Evan // Apr 29, 2008 at 10:47 am
This is really interesting. Today I’ve discovered that my wife has been keeping up to £1000 in her own account while I’ve had to transfer the last of (what I thought were) ‘our’ savings into my main account to pay off our credit card (she is a card-holder). I was really angry that she lied to me about this account (she said there was “about £30 in it”), but she can’t see what my problem is (even though she lied repeatedly about this account when I asked because of our current difficult financial situation). Background: my wife knows all of my financial details as she ‘balances the books’ and I let her open my post (unlike her last partner). Currently, I’m paying just short of 50% of my earnings in deductions for DWP/CSA payments (children by previous marriage) and to the Tax Office (an admin foul-up meant they applied the wrong code not allowing for my company car for over four years). Because of this financial squeeze we’re in, I thought it wrong that all our money was not being ‘pooled’, but she doesn’t agree. Does this mean I’m in an abusive/toxic relationship?
23 Lin (793 comments.) // Apr 29, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Evan, only you know your situation in your marriage, and I am certainly in no position to tell you whether your relationship is abusive or toxic. As I said in my post, for healthy and happy relationships, hiding money from a husband or wife is not something I advocate or agree with.
This post was written specifically for women in abusive relationships wanting to know how they can save money in order to get away from their abusers. Abused women tend to not have free access to any monies, so having ways for abused women to seek a divorce by hiding money is what this post is all about.
It does appear that there is some problems with communication in your marriage, but the root of the problem and how exactly to fix the problem, I couldn’t say since I’m not a psychologist or marriage counselor.
I can certainly understand the concerns about the financial situation you say you’re both in now, so I would think that some honest and sincere communication needs to take place in order to find a reasonable balance, so you both are on the “same page” financially speaking. If money has been an ongoing problem in your marriage, I would suggest seeking out a marriage counselor, since they are licensed in these sort of problems. Good luck!
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