The End Is Near
This is the first time in my life where I have had to face the reality of losing someone I love in death. Both of my parents are still alive and well, and both sets of grandparents passed away before I was born, so watching my father in-law move closer towards his final day brings about emotions never experienced before. I’m not liking this one bit.
He was released from the hospital this past Tuesday, and moved to a senior rehab facility where he is under 24-hour nursing care. He is still not eating, so the doctor’s have prescribed something called Megase to hopefully increase his appetite, but so far no change.
We talked to the management of his Senior Independent Living apartment complex, and were able to get his lease cleared at the end of the month, then worked on the beginnings of packing up his apartment and belongings. That was hard to take, going through his things and deciding what we will need to do with it all by the end of the month.
Seeing the pictures and various momento’s of his life and achievements, family portraits of him smiling and happy really touched my heart. Remembering how he’d hear certain songs on the radio that he liked, stand up and start doing his little “jig” around the room like he was Fred Astaire, gave me and my husband moments to smile and reminisce.
The family has come to the realization that his days are numbered, and it’s quite clear that he has completely “given up” on trying to get better. He has no energy whatsoever and sleeps most of the time, and efforts to get him to eat in order to build his energy are quickly thwarted and ignored.
Taking him in a wheelchair to the main sitting room of the facility, with chairs and couches for family to visit with him, doesn’t even bring a sparkle of interest and within a few minutes he’s wanting to go back to bed.
Phone calls are being exchanged amongst friends and relatives to let them know the current status, as well as informing them to expect the dreaded phone call at any time that he’s gone to heaven.
For now, we just want to spend every moment possible with him, going through photos of happy times with his wife, children and grandchildren. Until he is taken Home.
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I’ll be praying for you and your family. My father-in-law passed away a little over a year ago, and it’s not an easy time. Hang in there.
I lost my mom just 2 weeks ago and know how tough this must be for your family. May God bless you during this difficult time.
Only advice I can really give is to make sure everythone has said everything they need to say to him before he goes. Even if you’re not sure he can hear or understand the words, say them. I continue to be bothered by the things I left unsaid. I’d like to think Mom knew what I would’ve wanted to say, but it would be so much more comforting to have actually said them while I had the chance.
I’m not good with words at these kinds of times but I did want you to know you’ve been in my thoughts often. (((HUGS)))
Hi Lin,
Thankfully, this isn’t something I’ve had to deal with yet. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope that in some way, you’re able to find at least a measure of enjoyment from the time that you do still have left with your father-in-law.
Talk to you again soon,
Todd
It’s a tough time. I hope you can feel the positive vibes I’m sending from Canada.
Having been through the loss of my parents in the last few years, I completely understand what it’s like. Just be sure to tell him you love him and anything else you would want him to hear while you have the chance. That in itself will help later on when you look back on these last days. Thoughts are with you.
There are no words that can make things truly easier. Just no that many people have been through this, and send our thoughts and prayers to you and your family. God Bless!
Wow, thank you everyone for your comments and your kind words of encouragement.
Every moment spent with him is a blessing and we’re taking every opportunity possible to do so, and telling him everything we feel in our hearts and that we love him dearly.
There are times when it seems he is coherent and converses back with us, and other times when he’ll use the wrong name in reference to someone in the family, or completely forgets that he asked the same question ten different times even after it being answered each time.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. They are much appreciated by us all.
I am sending prayers your way. I am sorry you are going through this difficult time. Sending hugs to you and your family..
I’m sorry to hear about this. Sending you positive thoughts during this difficult time. Make the most of this opportunity to be closer as a family. **hugs**
sending hugs your way!
I remember this happening to my grandfather who was worn down by a long illness. It was tough for us to watch him decline like that. I’m sorry to hear that you are also going through such a difficult time. Best wishes to you and your family.
This is sad news indeed. I have had the misfortune of having to say goodbye to so many of my loved ones but that does not make me an expert. No-one can ever get used to that which you and your family are going through right now. I wish you all well over this difficult time. Best wishes to you and your family.
Thank you everyone for your kindness and prayers.
Frank, watching him decline further twists my stomach into knots, as it does with everyone else in the family. He’s lost so much weight that he doesn’t even look the same in the face. So drawn, so very thin, dark circles under his eyes that never used to be there.
For a man of his height, 6′5″, to be so thin and frail (he now can wear a 36 inch waist pants, with a bit of room to spare), is sickening in itself. Seeing his ribs and hip bones protruding through his hospital gown makes me have to look away to keep from bursting into tears.
Yet he reaches out for me, kisses my hand and tells me he loves me, and I of course do the same. Facing the reality of our own mortality in this life gives me many moments of pause and deep thought.
It is indeed sad when we lose someone we love. My grandmother passed away last year and my mother and her two sisters had to clean out her house in Arizona. It was hard for all of them, but I think they were happy to know that she was finally with her husband again. My condolences to you and your family.
Cheers.
Lin
my thoughts are with you all, and with him too. I hope his end is peaceful and gives him the relief he now seeks.
I am glad that you have been able to derive some smiles from his past behaviours – how wonderful to have such good memories.
Mxxx
Thank you Megan. He’s still with us so far, but not eating much of anything, so we just don’t know how long he has left.
Hi Lin,
I feel your pain and sense of premature loss. Just knowing the day will come soon leaves you with an extreme emptiness. I have lost my parents and inlaws. They passed in thier 60s and 70s. Too soon for my liking.
Be grateful that he is able to leave this earth with dignity. All too often, we feed them artificially and fight hard on every level to keep them alive. They know when they are ready.
When everyone passed around me, I chose to work activities in a nursing home. There I can share my love of life for the forgotten generation. They just love the attention.
Be sure that your father in law has his favorite music, old movies, warm touches, his delicious desserts (they love sweets), and a comforting throw from home. Stay close and let him know how loved his is.
Remember that when he is gone, he will always be there in spirit and without any pain. What a gift.
Take Care, Debbie
Thank you Debbie, I really appreciate your comment.
Just this morning I got a call from my hubby saying his father has once again been rushed to the hospital (he’s been in a senior rehab nursing facility) with breathing problems and we’re about to head over there ourselves. Thanks much!
[...] We were all there with him before he went to sleep, and were able to tell him we love him dearly and to be sure to “swing ‘em straight and stay out of the cat box”. Popo (pronounced Pop-O) wrote his final words on a piece of paper before passing away, “Love ya’ll always, Popo”, and I will cherish that forever. [...]