Even parents need occasional reminders on how to be a loving, responsible parent to children, from the day our children are born and even into adulthood.
Taking a look at how our children view the world in general, and their perceptions on our parenting skills, can help parents improve their communication style that builds self-confidence and self-esteem in children that are necessary to succeed in life.
Ten Commandments for Parents:
1. My hands are small; please don’t expect perfection whenever I make my bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.
Remember, it’s our parental responsibility to teach and train our children how to do even the basics of life such as, how to make a bed, how to brush their teeth properly, how to prepare simple meals, how to dust and vacuum, but not expecting perfection in each task. As children learn each new life skill, give them opportunities to practice these in your own home, so young children and teenagers can feel good about themselves and build confidence in their own abilities.
2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely; don’t restrict me unnecessarily.
It should go without saying but, this advice does not include allowing our children such a wide berth of “freedom to explore” their surroundings in such a way that might put children at risk of being harmed or abused in some way.
3. Housework will always be there. I’m only little for such a short time-please take the time to explain things to me about this wonderful world and do so willingly.
4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs; don’t nag me all day long. (You wouldn’t want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness). Treat me as you would like to be treated.
No matter how busy we are as parents, taking care of the home, jobs and other duties, make sure you are taking/making the time to really listen to your children. Physically stop whatever you’re doing when your child wants or needs to talk to you, rather than thoughtlessly telling children you are “too busy right now”, making sure you are giving your child undivided attention and looking directly into their eyes when they are speaking.
5. I am a special gift; please treasure me as my Creator intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.
6. I need your encouragement, not just your praise to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.
7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my own mistakes. Then someday I will be prepared to make the kind of decisions life will require of me.
8. Please don’t do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn’t quite measure to your expectations. I know it’s hard, but please don’t try to compare me to my brother or sister.
If you have the tendency to give your child a chore to do, but continuously follow closely behind to re-do the chore “your way”, you might need to consider if you are really helping or enabling your child’s efforts to grow and fully develop.
9. Please don’t be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need a vacation from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides it’s a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.
Taking and making time to be alone with your spouse, over a weekend trip or during “Date Night” away from the kids, is beneficial for children as well as for married couples. It’s so easy to get bogged down with various aspects of daily living that we may find the fire and romance in marriage once enjoyed, before the kids came along, begins to slip away from us.
10. Please set a good example for me to follow in all the ways of life. I enjoy watching the things you do and want to do them just like you do.
The old saying, “Children learn what they live” couldn’t be more true, so make sure as parents that the attitude and behaviors children learn are the ones you really want your children to exhibit in their lives.
Further Reading:
Improving Self-Esteem in Kids: How to Build Self-Confidence in Children and Teens
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22 responses so far ↓
1 Kevin @ Change Your Tree (8 comments.) // Apr 7, 2008 at 8:51 am
Very nice! I love this list.
Hey, check your feedburner RSS settings and see if you can add a “comments” link in your feed so it’s easier for people to come comment on articles.
I wanted to comment on this one and had to take the long way around.
2 Rob O. (18 comments.) // Apr 7, 2008 at 9:36 am
Good stuff, Lin! A couple of these are really tough issues for me… Gotta work on these.
3 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 7, 2008 at 10:02 am
Thanks Kevin, I’ve edited my feedburner settings, so you now should see the comments link at the bottom of email subscriptions.
Hi Rob! Yeah, parents sometimes need to be reminded to take a look at things from a child’s perspective.
4 Hungry Mother (45 comments.) // Apr 7, 2008 at 10:24 am
From little ones:
Remember that I don’t know right from wrong, so don’t blame me too much for things that I do. Give me guidance but not punishment.
5 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 7, 2008 at 10:31 am
Good one HM!
Parents sometimes have a difficult time understanding how “discipline” really means to “teach and train” our children.
Discipline also includes providing appropriate correction or punishment too, but the most important thing is to teach and train children how to do things and then give children some space to fully develop those skills.
Even for small children being potty trained, parents have to patiently teach children how to go to the bathroom and how to recognize the signals that indicate it’s “time to go”.
Too often, parents get upset when children have an accident, or get wrapped up in play that parents get mad and criticize their children or perhaps even yell or punish the little child for messing a diaper or training pants.
Teaching and training children takes patience and lots of repetition.
6 workout mommy (2 comments.) // Apr 7, 2008 at 8:28 pm
great list! thank you!
7 Karen (2 comments.) // Apr 8, 2008 at 12:09 am
Great post! I’m passing this on to my sister who’s a 53 year old mother of a 4 year old.
8 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 8, 2008 at 6:59 am
Thank you for your comments. I can’t even imagine being a mom of a 4 yr old at this point in my life. Wow!
9 PlanningQueen (5 comments.) // Apr 8, 2008 at 7:30 am
A very thoughtful post. I think it reflects the overall philosophy of treating a child with respect and as you would any other person in your life.
There is a great book called “Children are People too.” by Louise Porter on child behaviour management that explores this issue as well and I can highly recommend it.
PS. I have been getting your feed since I came across your blog at Imaginif and I am really enjoying it.
10 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 8, 2008 at 9:45 am
Hi Planning Queen, it’s great to have you join us here and that you’re enjoying what you read.
I’ve not heard of that book before so I’ll definitely check it out. I read TONS of books, so I’ll add it to my To-Do list.
11 Jeremy Neal (5 comments.) // Apr 8, 2008 at 4:10 pm
I like #2 and #6. Kids need us to encourage them more. The can be a big, wonderful place to them, if that is what we help them see. Too much shelter or restriction is not good.
12 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 8, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Hi Jeremy, thanks for dropping in! I’m glad you liked those, since parents can use reminders too.
13 RT Cunningham (11 comments.) // Apr 9, 2008 at 10:31 am
I was looking for something to pick apart and I couldn’t. This is a great list!
14 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 9, 2008 at 11:35 am
Picky picky picky are we? LOL
15 Aurelia (2 comments.) // Apr 14, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Oh WOW, this is just BEUTIFUL!! thanks so much for this!!
16 Tanya (1 comments.) // Apr 16, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Incredible! I specially liked no. 10 Thanks for putting this together.
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19 Stephanie Dow (1 comments.) // May 3, 2008 at 12:25 am
I think this is an excellent reminder of some basic things we as parents tend to forget sometimes. Thank you for this.
20 Lin (640 comments.) // May 3, 2008 at 7:44 am
Hi Stephanie, we all can benefit from reminders of this kind because as you said, parents can sometimes forget how important these are. Thanks for your input.
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