When you walk down the street or are out in public, what kind of attention are you attracting? Do people smile, stare, point at you and laugh, look away, or simply ignore you altogether? What do your clothes say about you? Like it or not, people judge a book by its cover. While it may not seem fair that people develop an immediate impression of who you are simply by the clothes you wear, it’s still true that your clothes tell a story about your personality and how you are likely to be perceived by others.
With current fashion trends as they are, it seems that modesty and dressing appropriately has gone right out the window, replaced by the shortest, tightest, most revealing clothes women and tween-teen girls can find. Astonishingly plunging necklines, crop tops, mini or micro mini-skirts, short-shorts (or daisy dukes), and other provocative clothing styles that leave little to the imagination. The clothes you choose to wear on a daily basis provides important information about you as a person, your approximate education level, your income or social status, and even your level of self-esteem. What story is your clothes telling about you?
A recent telephone conversation with my 23 year-old daughter really drove home the point about girls and young women thinking they are being fashion conscious, but are really missing the mark. It seems my daughter has been trying to help a friend of hers understand why men have been treating the friend disrespectfully, from catcalls to sexual propositions, and how her provocative style of dress just might have something to do with it. This friend also seems to be surprised by the negative reaction she gets from female peers, and struggles to understand why she has lost friendships since “becoming fashionable”.
When women dress in a skimpy, seductive style of dress akin to a street corner hooker, they shouldn’t be too surprised when men treat them with less respect and dignity than a woman dressed more modestly. You teach people how to treat you. “Is what you wear who you are?” While it may be true that what you wear doesn’t define you as a person, what you wear is a reflection of who you are, so choose wisely. Before you choose your outfit for the day, it’s important to think carefully about how you want other people to view you and interpret your personality and intentions.
There are many clothing personality styles out there to choose from, from sloppy dressers (“I don’t care about my appearance”) to expensive designer styles, but the skimpy dressers who opt to wear the most inappropriate, skanky looking outfits that exude a poor self-image is truly alarming. Individuals may look at these wild, scandalous, “fashionable” outfits as a sign that you may have less than honorable intentions, rather than thinking you have a great sense of style.
Whatever bait you use determines the type of fish you’ll catch. Having your ass-sets hanging out, your padded-bra enhanced “cleavage” falling out of your revealing top, boys and men are not going to be thinking about what a nice personality you might have. They are much more likely to have thoughts of wanting to “hit that” at the first opportunity possible. Is that really what you want? What you wear is a reflection of who you are as a person. Wear clothes that show your individuality, interests and real personality instead of wearing clothes that may illicit obscene and unnecessary misconceptions about you.
Even very young girls are being targeted to dress seductively and inappropriately, believed by many to be fueled by pop music stars, television and movies, teen magazines and clothing manufacturers. Personally, I blame the parents for buying these clothes for their young children and teens, or allowing them to be accepted as gifts from others.
The sexualizing of children, both girls and boys, has been going on for many years now. As soon as children’s television became deregulated in 1984, marketers have been treating children as fair game for the almighty dollar. This new group of consumers are being targeted with lines of toys, clothing and other products with sexual content, imagery and violence. Children and parents are falling for these marketing tactics hook, line and sinker. I’ll have more to say on the sexualization of children in an upcoming article.
Update:
Further Reading: So Sexy, So Soon: The Sexualization of Childhood in Commercial Culture
Popularity: 16% [?]
30 responses so far ↓
1 Susan Reynolds (1 comments.) // Apr 23, 2008 at 6:47 pm
This is so true. It’s not being a prude to suggest that what one wears makes a statement.
Wonder though if the nine year olds who grew up with these image messages will ever be able to see past how hot they think they look to see what they are really saying to others who see them.
2 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 23, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Hi Susan, that is an interesting point, and hopefully parents of young children will really give that some thought when they go out and buy this crap for their kids.
3 Megan from Imaginif (15 comments.) // Apr 23, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Great article Lin. While I subscribe to the thought that a person can wear what they want, with that right comes responsibilities.
The sexualisation of children through clothing lines is something I am strongly against - while the Mums and Dads may think it is only cute and innocent, it does often give the wrong message to a perverted mind. Of course, perverted mind will always be responsible for their own actions, but risk minimisation is the responsibility of a protective parent.
4 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 23, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Excellent points Megan. Parents have to make responsible choices when buying clothes for their children; I mean, don’t we have enough to worry about already with the high prevalence of child sexual abuse cases without parading children around in skimpy, revealing outfits? It’s ridiculous.
5 Polina (6 comments.) // Apr 24, 2008 at 9:04 am
Great article, still clothes alone don’t say everything about you; your behavior should be taken into consideration as well. I know a woman who can wear things that are absolutely “provocative” by themselves, but she wears them with such a grace and nobility that no men would dare to say she’s not a queen:) She really teaches people how to treat her, but not with clothes alone.
6 Laura Spencer (4 comments.) // Apr 24, 2008 at 9:05 am
I really dislike when manufacturers manipulate styles for young children.
I’ll never forget when one of my daughter’s second grade friends showed up at her birthday party in leather pants.
Leather pants for a seven year old? How silly!
7 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 24, 2008 at 9:08 am
Hi Laura! Leather pants for a second grader?! Parents have lost their minds. That’s disgusting.
8 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 24, 2008 at 9:12 am
Hi Polina, thanks for stopping by! I wonder if men/boys get mixed messages by girls/women who dress inappropriately but their attitude and behavior suggests respectability.
9 Polina (1 comments.) // Apr 24, 2008 at 9:21 am
Hi, Lin,
I admit men should feel confused to meet the girl who is not what she seems to be. Some would get distracted, some would get interested in having “a closer look”. But when speaking of this particular lady, she has such a strong personality and sense of humor that most people tend to love her.
Still, i think that in fashion for girls (whose personality is still very flexible and demands very special approach) there should be some “limits” set…
10 Jeff@My Super-Charged Life (6 comments.) // Apr 24, 2008 at 9:43 am
I couldn’t agree with you more! As the father of two young girls, I hope my wife and I teach them to dress and act in a modest manner that reflects their true value.
11 Jeremy (Discovering Dad) (5 comments.) // Apr 24, 2008 at 8:34 pm
I think there is usually a clear line that adults decide to cross when they dress skanky; however, When we go clothes shopping, I’ve often found myself on one side of the line and my teenage daughter on the other. She thinks I’m being too conservative, even though I feel like I’m meeting her halfway on most things. I try to explain and teach and help her make a good decision on her own, but at times it gets to the point where I just say “No!”
12 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 24, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Hi Jeremy, I think many parents have forgotten how to say No. Too many are trying to be “best friends” with their kids rather than being responsible parents to train and teach their children. That word, No, isn’t used enough these days. Use it and mean it.
13 Triz (1 comments.) // Apr 25, 2008 at 12:26 am
Great article! I’m also very against the sexualization of children, in my country I often see little girls as young as 6 wearing clothes that would shame most 20 year olds in the name of “fashion” and parents should enforce stricter guidelines/rules, yes be parents not best friends.
14 Bob O (2 comments.) // Apr 25, 2008 at 1:40 am
Amen! This is a most excellent discussion! My wife and I have been fighting with our older daughter for years over her choice of clothing. While she was under 18 and still lived here, we could at least tell her she had to change her clothes before she left the house. Now that she’s in college (away from us) and has control over her own destiny (and fashion choices) the girl dresses like she works the corners. While we can advise her now…which we do with regular fervor, there is not a whole lot we can do. We only hope she figures this out for herself sometime…soon!
15 Elaine (1 comments.) // Apr 25, 2008 at 3:41 am
Very well put. Whether you are 6 or 76, the classic look is always the modest look. Just because you are fashion forward doesn`t mean you are going to dress like street walker barbie. Fashion forward is the overall awareness of trends and a sense or propriety is always in style. Dress trampy, and get treated like one!
Wonderful article!
16 Mike New (2 comments.) // Apr 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I can’t stand it when my younger sister who’s 17 wears slutty clothes. I can’t count the number of times I’ve yelled at her to go change her clothes. She’s just too young to understand what goes through boys minds when she wears stuff like that. We can only continue to help her along I guess.
17 Lin (640 comments.) // Apr 25, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Hi Mike, it’s amazing how many times I’ve heard from guys who say they WISH “this or that” female friend or relative would realize how they dress makes a big difference in how they’re treated in society. Hopefully she’ll figure it out soon, before she learns the hard way. Keep encouraging her, or have her read this article and others like it.
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21 Lyndsay // May 15, 2008 at 1:13 am
“It seems my daughter has been trying to help a friend of hers understand why men have been treating the friend disrespectfully, from catcalls to sexual propositions, and how her provocative style of dress just might have something to do with it.”
Okay, BUT, I have heard of many people experiencing street harassment on subways, streets, buses etc and I’m sure most of these people were not dressed like the woman in your entry. Some men just need lessons on being a decent human being. Some men will holler at a girl wearing a nice dress even if it’s a modest dress. I tend to want to dress modestly but in summer that can be pretty uncomfortable so I want to wear shorts and a tank top. If men find that revealing and attractive they should suck it up and keep comments to themselves and be thankful they are allowed to go topless.
22 Lin (640 comments.) // May 15, 2008 at 5:16 am
Hi Lyndsay, the part of my post that you quoted was about someone dressed very similar to the photo at the beginning of the post, dressed very provocatively on a daily basis.
The more skin that shows, the more problems that arise. I’m not suggesting covering up from head to toe, but the word “modesty” has differing meanings to different people.
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25 MInTheGap (2 comments.) // Jun 10, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Thanks for being part of the latest Carnival of Modesty!
This is such a terrific article, and I think you’ve hit on the crux of the problem when you talk about the fact that girls think “fashionable” and guys think “easy.” I used to think it was just that the girls were demurring, knowing what they were doing, but I’m beginning to think that the culture has truly taught these girls that showing it all is natural, cool, and fashionable.
It’s a sad day indeed.
26 Lin (640 comments.) // Jun 10, 2008 at 8:19 pm
MInTheGap, pop culture and media has a lot to answer for in regards to what children, teens and young adults are wearing for sure. Parents of young children have to give serious thought to what clothes they are buying for their children, and parents of teenagers have to be prepared to say No to buying sexy or inappropriate clothing. Too many parents have lost their backbone, and they allow their children to decide what is or is not appropriate for them to wear.
27 MInTheGap (2 comments.) // Jun 11, 2008 at 4:25 am
Lin, it’s a sex saturated society. And parents can be the worst offenders. They may want their kid to think they’re cool, or they may actually want their girl to look sexy (though I would hope that fathers would be more sensitive, but I don’t know that’s the case).
We live in a society that thinks that teens should be having sex, and that something’s wrong if they’re not. The culture has dictated that teen girls should look like they work the street, and teen boys should treat them as such.
It really is sad, that these young men and ladies are being robbed of innocence and of the blessings of being able to share all with their life partner– all for an ideal that cheapens them.
28 Shane // Jul 2, 2008 at 8:20 am
WoW,
I actually choose not to dress provocatively often. However, you actually put a different perspective on the topic. WOW! you definitely made me more conscious of what I wear. Your point was well recieved. GREAT JOB
29 Lin (640 comments.) // Jul 2, 2008 at 10:42 am
Hi Shane, I’m glad you found some real value in this article and that is causes you to think a little more about the effects of dressing seductively or, as it’s usually referred to, provocatively. There’s much more to the subject than most kids, teens, young adults and even grown up parents realize.
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