Words are powerful, and the words we choose will either be encouraging and positive, or they will be discouraging and negative. You are likely familiar with the old saying, “Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. Well it’s not true. Words can and do hurt, and can inflict more pain on the hearer than if physically beaten with a stick. Having been in an abusive relationship from a previous marriage, I can tell you with certainty that the mental and emotional abuse experienced from malicious words was far worse than the pain of being hit with a fist or pulled around by my hair.
Whenever I witness someone picking on another person, calling them names, making fun of how someone looks or belittling them about their weight, it makes me sick to my stomach. We hear so much in the news about Bullying and Cyber-Bullying taking place online, in schools and in neighborhoods, with children and teens making fun of and harassing other kids with relentless teasing and hate-filled speech, and it’s only getting worse.
If you think that bullying is only a problem for school-aged kids, think about the people in your life or business office who ridicule others because of their physical size, racial prejudice, social status (or the lack therein) etc, and you will likely be able to come up with a few people you know that are bullies.
I would like to share with you a brief video I saw on Michael Fortin’s Website entitled “The Lines That Divide Us”, which demonstrates how we can and need to put aside our judgments, acknowledge our similarities and develop a deeper connection with others. The program is part of an ongoing effort from the non-profit organization Challenge Day, whose mission is to provide youth and communities with workshops and programs that demonstrate the opportunity to close the gap that continues to divide us because of the words we use.
While you watch this video, think about the words you use within your family and with your children, and see if you aren’t moved to tears. Children live what they learn, and if we want our children and teens to treat others with proper respect in all areas of life, than grownups and parents need to get real about how they themselves are talking to and about other people.
Once you have seen and listened to this brief video, I highly recommend taking a few more minutes to listen and watch the full 15 Minute Teen Files Video called “Teen Files: Surviving High School”, and I welcome your thoughts and comments.
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13 responses so far ↓
1 JerseyMomma (1 comments.) // May 22, 2008 at 6:41 am
I couldn’t have said this better myself! I was picked on as a child, and at 24 years old I still hear “nobody likes you,” etc. when I try to communicate with other people. As I got older and out of my ugly duckling phase, I was never able to truly shake that negative thinking.
Once I got “popular” in high school and college, I made a committment to reach out ot people in the same position. The same people my friends would make fun of, I would go out of my way to set up a lunch date with them or drop them an email to let them know that I appreciate them in my life. I can’t tell you how many of these people broke down and poured out so much pain and thanked me up and down just for giving them one minute of my time. So sad.
This is why children bring guns to school. They are in pain, they have a distorted view of the future (high school is EVERYTHING) and feel they have nothing to loose. This is a very serious problem and I am glad you drew attention to this!
2 Lin (904 comments.) // May 22, 2008 at 7:20 am
JM, I hear ya. Kids used to pick on me too when I in school because I was “scrawny” at the time. It eventually got to the point in 4th grade where I found myself having to physically defend myself from these bullies, and from that point on kids stopped bullying me.
I grew up with 5 brothers who taught me how to defend myself (thank goodness), and even though I always hated fighting, it became necessary on a number of occasions (especially with each new school I attended because we moved a lot).
I didn’t have any problems with bullying in High School since by that point everyone knew I could and would defend myself. Of course bullying takes many forms including malicious teasing, name calling etc, but what I dealt with growing up was kids intent on beating me up, but they failed.
Whenever I hear stories about bullying or cyber bullying online or offline, it just breaks my heart. Some kids are bullied to the point of suicide because of feeling so much pain, and that tears me up.
3 Hungry Mother (45 comments.) // May 22, 2008 at 10:51 am
I avoided the bullying situation in school for the most part, but I had to work at it. I was bullied a couple of times and I bullied one guy once and still feel guilty about it.
It’s a problem that has no solution, but educating kids and parents can help reduce it.
4 Lin (904 comments.) // May 22, 2008 at 11:55 am
HM, it’s true that bullying has been around for a long time and is a very difficult thing to put a complete stop to. I do, however, have hope that with education and learning how our words really do inflict a great deal of pain on others, that bullying will be greatly reduced if not eliminated completely.
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6 Chris (10 comments.) // May 23, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Stick and stones may not break bones but they sure breat hearts.
7 Laura Spencer (1 comments.) // May 23, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Bullies never go away, it’s true - but as adults we have more power to avoid them by simply not going certain places, not accepting certain jobs, or simply not paying attention to those who would hurt us.
My hurt goes out to those children who are being bullied in school (I was one of them long ago) and can’t or don’t know how to avoid it.
I’m glad that schools are finally addressing this problem.
8 Lin (904 comments.) // May 24, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Hi Laura, I’m also glad that schools are starting to deal with the issue of bullying, and I hope they reach out even further and take the lessons to even younger kids including elementary schools. Maybe if the younger kids can be shown the detrimental effects of bullying much sooner, perhaps it might help reduce the problems of bullying.
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10 jill // Aug 28, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I saw a lot of unprovoked bullying when I was in high school. I felt so bad for the people that had it happen. What I found most disturbing was that other people just stood around and laughed. What happened to me in my senior year was horrible. A mean and rotten guy pulled up my skirt in front of everyone. I was so embarrassed and so humiliated that I thought I was going to die. It was so awful!!!! I’m over it now, but I still think about it 20 years later. Thinking back, I know that guy was a loser, but I still have unpleasant memories about it.
11 Lin (904 comments.) // Aug 28, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Jill, people that just stand around and say or do nothing when someone is being bullied are (in my opinion) just as guilty as the one actually doing the bullying.
I really think school officials and administrators have a lot more work to do in dealing with this sort of nonsense. Bullying is unacceptable on every level, and should never, ever be tolerated or laughed at. Or ignored.
12 marysam // Sep 3, 2008 at 9:15 am
I kind of agree with you Lin. Standing around and doing nothing might contribute to letting the bully get away with it. I saw bullying in high school and I admit that I didn’t say or do anything. Maybe I was afraid, I don’t know. Of course, I regret it now. I read Jill’s post and her description is a nightmare. I just can’t imagine how unbelievably embarrassing that must have been to have her skirt pulled up. Someone should have stopped that right away or should have gotten help. It’s really sad that people stood there and watched as she was humiliated in such a horrible way.
13 Lin (904 comments.) // Sep 3, 2008 at 9:24 am
Hi Marysam,
I really hope parents are realizing the importance of teaching and training their children not to be a bully and also not to tolerate or remain quiet when seeing someone else bullied, and also teaching their kids how to protect themselves from bullies too. It seems to be happening more and more, and with younger children participating in it as well. I’ve heard news reports of kids as young as 5 and 6 bullying other kids in school and no one did anything about it until the parents raised a fuss with the administration officials. Yeeesh.
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