Would you know if you were in a toxic relationship? Are you dealing with toxic family members or people in your life who manage to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled, ridiculed or confused? Are you dealing with conflicts and problems because of a toxic parent, sibling, co-worker, spouse, friend, in-laws or other extended family members? Are toxic family members causing stress, anxiety and even symptoms of depression during the holidays and special occasions, a time that is supposed to be about family, love and togetherness?
Most of us could write a laundry list of names of people who make us feel miserable whenever we’re around them, spewing their noxious negative attitudes, behaviors and gossip like nauseating toxic waste. Have you ever wondered what makes toxic people tick, or why some family members have the tendency and inane ability to be two-faced in their relationships with others in the family?
Who Are Toxic People?
Toxic people are extremely negative, miserable, whiny, jealous, inconsiderate, financially irresponsible and entitled, manipulative, narcissistic, selfish, disrespectful, gossip mongers, mentally and emotionally abusive bullies who have no boundaries. Everyone and anyone is fair game for toxic people, with toxic relationships creating undo stress and anxiety for everyone involved. If you are dealing with these problems and conflicts in your life, know that you are not alone.
According to mental health specialists and psychologists, toxic people are “highly insecure people who only feel better about themselves if they make others feel worse, and they make up about ten percent of the population. A toxic person, including family members and in-laws, cause over 50% of all communication and relationship stress in others, health problems such as headaches, stomach pain and digestive problems, due to negative baggage brought on from low-esteem”.
Understanding how low self-confidence and low self-esteem causes some people to grow up to become toxic adults may help you feel better about yourself. However, having some understanding, compassion and empathy for bad childhood experiences and memories that continue to fester and linger in their personalities does not change the fact that their toxic attitudes and behaviors will continue until you stop allowing them to hurt you and your life.
Toxic people are this way because they can and often do get away with it, and it works well for them. If it didn’t work, and work very well, they wouldn’t continue doing it.
Toxic People Will…if not dealt with:
- Rob us of our dignity.
- Destroy our self-confidence.
- Increase our stress levels.
- Cause health problems.
- Destroy our morale.
- Destroy family relationships.
- Foster negativity.
- Decrease productivity.
- Get you fired from your job.
- Drive you to bankruptcy.
How to Deal With Toxic People and Family Members:
Recognize that toxic people have issues within themselves, and their toxicity has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. In life, everyone has to take personal responsibility for their own choices, attitudes, actions and behaviors. Toxic people do not do this. You become their personal target. They habitually turn things around and manipulate you to the point where you feel bad, you feel guilty, you feel like you are at fault, therefore responsible for their problems.
You may even begin to feel like you’re “going crazy” or “losing your mind”, wondering if you have become the victim of a psychopath desperately trying to manipulate and control you. Once you recognize the toxic behaviors that are engulfing your life and health, it allows you to take your power back.
Keep emotionally toxic people from ruining your health and happiness by setting limits and personal boundaries, assertively speaking up for yourself, and standing your ground. Don’t make someone else’s problems your own, but physically and mentally distance yourself from the negative and toxic people in your life, which may or may not include cutting the person out of your life entirely.
Knowing what it means to “let go” of negative people, along with their personal demons and issues, allows you the strength and determination needed to live your life without the constant barrage of criticism that can easily erode your own self-esteem, health and well-being.
Dealing with family members and in-laws can be especially difficult and stressful. If there are family members or in-laws that treat you like their personal doormat, criticizing and ridiculing you for everything and anything, you may have to consider putting a strict limit on how often you associate with them, if at all.
Holidays and special occasions can quickly become a dread, where just the thought of being around toxic relatives or friends causes your blood pressure to rise to unhealthy levels. You have the right to decide who to associate with and who not to associate with, who is or isn’t invited or welcome to step foot into your home, including toxic family members.
Toxic people
Surround yourself with positive influences, people who genuinely care about you and are supportive of you. These loved ones are a great defense and support group against the negativity of all kinds of toxic relationships or toxic family members, allowing you to choose for yourself to no longer be a victim of their malicious and abusive behaviors.
Are you dealing with problems and conflicts of being in a toxic relationship? Do you struggle with how to respond and react to ridicule and criticism from toxic family members? Share your personal story or even ask a question by leaving a comment below.
Related Posts:
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Toxic Relationships - What to Do
Building Self-Confidence in Children with Self-Esteem Activities
The Sociopath Next Door - The Ruthless vs. Us
Characteristics of a Psychopath
Relationship Deal Breakers: Non-Negotiable Boundaries
Understanding Assertiveness: Getting the Respect You Deserve
What It Means to “Let Go”
How to Get Along With the In-Laws
How to Be a Good Mother-In-Law
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44 responses so far ↓
1 The Manival #15 | Discovering Dad // Aug 11, 2008 at 10:57 pm
[…] Burress presents Toxic Relationships - Toxic Family Members posted at Telling It Like It […]
2 tom (1 comments.) // Aug 12, 2008 at 11:48 am
Wow. This is really good stuff. I’m going to have to print it out and let my wife read it - she and I both are dealing with a couple of toxic people in our lives. So true about every one of those characteristics, and how well they can manipulate you into feeling like scum, all the while making themselves appear to be flawless.
3 Urbane Lion (1 comments.) // Aug 12, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Very interesting post! While it is fairly easy to just write off toxic people in your environment, it is a heck of a lot more complicated when it is a family member. I actually put an end to a 15 year relationship because of a toxic mother-in-law. She may not have been the only cause but she sure was a decisive factor. Thanks for thoughful post.
4 Lin (1019 comments.) // Aug 12, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Hi Tom, I’m glad you found this article to be helpful in dealing with toxic people; everyone has a toxic person they have to deal with in some way, so hopefully this provides some information that can help.
5 Lin (1019 comments.) // Aug 12, 2008 at 5:18 pm
U.L., mother-in-law problems are so common, and it’s unfortunate that these relationships become toxic and marriages are affected and ended. Sometimes people just have to do what they have to do, including ending relationships as you mentioned.
6 How to Get Along With the In-Laws: Dealing With In-Laws and Extended Family | Telling It Like It Is // Aug 12, 2008 at 6:36 pm
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7 Toxic Relationships-What To Do | Telling It Like It Is // Aug 16, 2008 at 9:52 am
[…] Toxic Relationships: Toxic Family Members […]
8 JHS (8 comments.) // Aug 17, 2008 at 3:05 am
This post hits the nail on the head.
I know . . . I’ve lived it and recently distanced myself from a family member because I decided that I could no longer tolerate the toxicity.
Actually, her husband is even more toxic than her but she allows him to put her down in front of me, walk all over her, use her, and generally be a big old’ obnoxious blowhard while she sits there and does nothing for herself or those around her.
Years and years of being manipulated and told half-truths finally took a toll on me. I got tired of hanging up the phone and feeling bad about myself and my family every time I spoke to her because, of course, everything she does is right and her children are perfect while neither my children nor I can do anything right.
Most importantly, I got tired of being sent a very clear message by her: Her friends are more important to her than her family.
So . . . sadly, I had to remove myself from the situation for the sake of my own physical and mental health. Ironically, everyone in town talks to me about how lovely, gracious, generous, etc. she is and what a wonderful hostess. That’s because they don’t see the real person — the true self she shows only to her family. For instance, she installed a pool at her house a few years ago. All of her friends have been over for pool parties, and her kids have had their friends over numerous times. We’ve never been invited and her kids have never invited my kids to swim. When I told someone that recently, she just stared at me. I truly don’t think that she believed me.
As you said, toxic people get away with their behavior because they fool a lot of people.
Not me. Not any more.
Great article!
9 Lin (1019 comments.) // Aug 17, 2008 at 8:10 am
JHS, wow! A lot of people, especially family members, have a real hard time wrapping their mind around the idea that it’s sometimes necessary to completely detach from the toxic people in their lives.
As unfortunate as it is that families deal with these kinds of problems with other family members, when there should be love and respect shown amongst everyone in the family, the toxic people cannot be allowed to damage or destroy our own self esteem and good health, and everyone must accept their own right to choose whether to associate with them or not.
Having children around toxic people on a regular basis can easily destroy all the good parenting done, and sometimes kids will pick up toxic behaviors from those around them, and then even more problems arise for parents to have to deal with.
10 Carnival of Family Life | Frugal Homesteading Blog // Aug 18, 2008 at 2:17 am
[…] Burress presents Toxic Relationships - Toxic Family Members posted at Telling It Like It […]
11 Michelle // Aug 18, 2008 at 10:16 am
I wish I had read this article years ago. My future in laws fit this description to the T. My fiance and I were just dealing with the fact that maybe we need to avoid them completely. We thought it was harsh but now we realize we need to do this to save our relationship and our happiness. As I kept reading on I was like oh my yes, that’s it, they are that way. It’s refreshing to know it’s them and NOT ME. I knew it all along but it’s nice to have some guided advice.
12 Lin (1019 comments.) // Aug 18, 2008 at 10:20 am
Hi Michelle, toxic people really take a toll on relationships and marriages. It’s good that you and your fiance’ have already talked about these problems and are prepared to take active steps to disengage from such people.
It is not harsh to avoid toxic family who cause stress, anxiety and numerous problems for others in the family. It just might ensure your marriage lasts a long time by doing so. Good luck!
13 Kristi (1 comments.) // Aug 18, 2008 at 3:20 pm
It’s really difficult to draw the line and put toxic people, especially if they are close family or friends, out of lives. A lot of people consider it loyalty, but at the same time, it seems like continuing to take their toxicity without any punishment (in the form of isolating them) almost encourages the behavior to go on and on. Maybe if enough people stood up to them and said “I can’t take your behavior anymore,” they would find motivation to change.
14 Lin (1019 comments.) // Aug 18, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Hi Kristi, dealing with toxic family members is especially difficult but some people simply have no other choice but to completely avoid them altogether.
Some have even decided to move away from family, some even hundreds of miles away, just to be able to get rid of the toxicity they are experiencing that is driving them nuts.
I was recently asked if toxic people know they are toxic? I replied by email telling them that people that are this way simply don’t care to know if they are or not. They just want what they want, and they don’t care who gets hurt in the process, nor do they take into consideration how it affects marriages and relationships. Simply put, they are too selfish minded to care.
15 candeelady (1 comments.) // Aug 18, 2008 at 10:35 pm
We have an award winning toxic “be-otch” in our family. For years she soured parties and dominated games and caused unecessary argumentsand hurt feelings. It caused our family to slowly all avoid any get togethers at all. Then I got mad! I thought I was “keeping the peace” by allowing her behavior to go unchalleged but we were all getting walked all over. So my neice and I had a pow-wow & decided we would have our family gatherings and simply point out any stupid manipulating she tried and stop it “dead in it’s tracks. Of course this caused some tense situations a few times but the toxic person has become quieter and often doesn’t attend our gatherings. It’s been wonderful! Some times you just gotta stop them from the game they like to play.
16 donna (1 comments.) // Aug 19, 2008 at 9:45 pm
wow. thank you. i am dealing with the toxicity of jealous family members and i am happy to know i am not alone. they play “victim” to generate sympathy from others and it doesn’t matter whose expense it is at. as a mother of two young children now, i realize i must figure out how to deal with this effectively. it is very hard to ignore their antics, but i realize more and more that if i let their mean comments and bad attitudes affect me, they beat me. in order for me to succeed, i must learn to dismiss their behaviors for the meaningless nonsense it really is.
thank you for this article and allowing me to vent.
17 Lin (1019 comments.) // Aug 20, 2008 at 5:32 am
Candeelady, it’s great that you found a solution to the problem your family was experiencing and that it’s been much more peaceful for family gatherings since speaking up. Good for you!
18 Lin (1019 comments.) // Aug 20, 2008 at 5:35 am
Donna, I’m glad this article helped you. Having young children seeing and hearing this sort of nonsense from family members can actually teach kids to become toxic themselves as they grow up, especially when they find the antics of others actually working to their own selfish advantage.
19 Kathleen // Aug 21, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Such a help!!! I was starting to think I was the crazy one. Thank you, Thank you!!
20 Matthew // Aug 26, 2008 at 7:42 am
I’m in a tricky situation…I’m slowing coming around to the conclusion that my wife,whom I love, has many of the traits of a toxic person. I try very hard to make her happy and do what she wants, and it’s never enough. I am routinely put down and devalued, and I have a tough time thinking of the last time she said something nice to me. I’m very far from perfect, but damn, I try hard. She refuses marriage counseling–I’ve begged, but she says she doesn’t want to have someone tell her she’s wrong. She’s talked abourt leaving, and I don’t want my marriage to end, but it would be something of a relief. I don’t want a divorce, mainly b/c we have 4 kids, and I hate what that would do to them (fortunately she saves most of the toxicity for me and spares them). And sometimes, for no good reason I can tell, she stops and things are good for a few days–and then they’re very good. But it never lasts. I’m frustrated and don’t know what to do. I’m telling myself that it’s not me–I can’t be THAT bad.
But the positive self-talk seems like it can only help so much…
21 Lin (1019 comments.) // Aug 26, 2008 at 10:22 am
Hi Matthew, definitely a tough situation for anyone to endure. From what you’ve said, it sure seems as though your wife is the one “calling all the shots” so to speak, AND is being mentally and emotionally abusive towards you, her own husband.
Children learn what they live, and whether or not she inflicts her toxicity directly at the kids, you can bet they know about and feel what has been going on in their home within the deepest parts of their souls.
Divorce is sometimes the only solution to save yourself and your sanity. And your children’s mental and emotional health; and don’t forget the well known fact that children who are raised in abusive homes have a very high chance of becoming abusive partners themselves as adults.
I can’t tell you what to do in your situation Matt. It’s your choice to decide what to do. Just keep in mind that either choice has its own consequences for the kids especially. Which would be better and which would be worse?
22 Megan // Aug 27, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I wish I would have read this article earlier. My father recently passed away and my aunt and cousin are expecting me to respect and welcome his abusive girlfriend. He was with her for fifteen years and in those fifteen years, she was so cruel to me. They don’t respect the fact that I want to distance myself from her. They think I’m just being mean and won’t believe me when I try to explain why I want nothing to do with this toxic woman. I’m thinking of cutting off not only this woman, but my aunt and cousin as well. Having toxic people in your life isn’t good for you, mentally and physically.
23 Lin (1019 comments.) // Aug 27, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Megan, I’m very sorry for your loss. Losing your dad and having to deal with toxic people in your life all at the same time has got to be very difficult.
Life is too short to waste time with people who are abusive in one form or another. You have every right to distance yourself from those you have found to be hurtful and abusive towards you. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Do whatever you feel you must do to not be bullied by people, and the fact that the girlfriend was with your father for 15 years has nothing to do with what your personal experience has been with her. Respect your own boundaries and don’t allow anyone to pressure you into doing anything with this woman that you don’t feel comfortable about. Hugs Megan!
24 Discovering Dad Blog Carnival - September 2008 | Discovering Dad // Sep 1, 2008 at 11:29 am
[…] Burress presents Toxic Relationships - Toxic Family Members posted at Telling It Like It Is, saying, “Dads and mom’s alike can relate to dealing […]
25 How to Be a Good Mother-In-Law | Telling It Like It Is // Sep 1, 2008 at 8:04 pm
[…] Toxic Relationships - Toxic Family Members How to Get Along With the In-Laws How to Fight Fair in Marriage How to Spice Up Your Marriage Keeping the Fire Alive in Your Marriage How to Stop Enabling: When Our Grown Children Disappoint Us […]
26 Ndivho // Sep 5, 2008 at 3:55 am
Toxic people, well I must say I stumbled on it by sheer chance. It reminded me of my boss, He was the worst ever human being to deal with. He would try to bring down at each single moment he got. I think people who are toxic really have or suffered a mishap in one area of their lives. People who do that again are victims of their own circumstances and being a toxin to other people is their way of ‘release’. But I am glad coz’ I am human enough to stand on my two feet and ‘detox’ all the toxins in my ’system’ for me to function effectively. So my advise is for us all to detoxify all the toxics and start anew. But don’t hate while you at it because you will turn toxic yourself.
27 Lin (1019 comments.) // Sep 6, 2008 at 7:23 am
Toxic people are everywhere, and we encounter them in every area of our lives, including our jobs, relatives and neighbors.
It really is all about using our own backbone and standing up to the toxic people or toxic family members that are driving us nuts. Life is simply too short to stand around being bullied by people, even if they are family members and extended relatives.
28 Questions Before Marriage - Questions to Ask Before Getting Married | Telling It Like It Is // Sep 15, 2008 at 6:28 am
[…] stress in your marriage due to their own false expectations of time spent together; conflicts and arguments with toxic family members over where holidays and special occasions will be spent; disagreements over how grandchildren […]
29 How to Tell Your Parents You Are Getting Married | Telling It Like It Is // Sep 25, 2008 at 4:09 am
[…] Before Marriage - Questions to Ask Before Getting Married Toxic Relationships - Toxic Family Members How to Fight Fair in Marriage How to Spice Up Your Marriage How to Get Along With the In-Laws: […]
30 T // Sep 28, 2008 at 8:54 am
I finally stood up to a toxic family member who is manipulative and tries to invalidate other people’s feelings.
She was yelling at me about something that had happened between me and another person, and I couldn’t get a word in edge wise I finally just told her to lower her voice and she hung up on me. , The relationship has changed and commnication has decreased which is probably a good thing. I will be cordial and polite, but that’s about all. I am tired of the manipulation and constantly being “thrown under the bus.”
I know that I will have to deal with her at family functions by being polite, but how do I get out of famly camping trips which my husband looks forward to? I don’t want to spend 4 days with this person.
31 Lin (1019 comments.) // Sep 28, 2008 at 12:59 pm
T, this sort of thing happens all the time with toxic people making life difficult for everyone around them, and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with it.
Is this camping trip just between you, your husband/children and the toxic person/spouse? Is it limited to a very small group, perhaps only the four of you, or are there other family members involved which make the trip a large event?
How does your husband feel and react to the problems associated with the toxic person? Does your husband know and understand how stressful it is to be around this obnoxious person? Would he be willing to consider camping trips without this person being invited along?
Can you invite other couples, other family members, close friends to make up a group that will ensure everyone (especially you) can and will enjoy going camping rather than dread it? Have you discussed with your husband the possibility that you may decide not to go on the trip if this person is going too?
T, it really comes down to making a decision, personally and as a couple, what behavior you are willing to tolerate vs. what is completely unacceptable, to the point where you may have to decide for yourself and your own health and peace of mind that you choose to “have other plans” that weekend. Perhaps a girlfriends weekend trip in the opposite direction that “just happens” to fall on the same weekend as the camping trip.
32 T // Sep 29, 2008 at 12:17 am
Hi Lin,
Thanks for your reply.
This trip is for family and friends. My husband may go by himself for a couple of days which I am OK with. He really enjoys hanging out with his friends.
I normally do enjoy these trips but the last trip was very negative and not much fun. I think a lot of it is that I had not been assertive with this person until now, so her efforts of manipulation really bothered me.
I just don’t need the drama especially when I am stuck out there with her.
There is another friend who goes that is toxic as well. Between the two of them, I am miserable.
Tonight I had another incident where we happen to be together and she got upset with me because I was asked by another family member to give my opinion on how something was written. I gave a suggestion to make it flow better and she took it personally and walked away. I can’t win!!!
I just took the high road, and acted cordial and polite. Although she did not say goodbye to me and was obviously trying to avoid me, I took the lead and said my goodbyes to her.
I think I will have to continue to minimize my contact with her. This is a shame but I don’t want or need the added stress in my life.
She,of course, will tell everyone her side of everything and I just hope that my true friends and family members will take it with a grain of salt and stand by me.
Thanks again for your reply.
T
33 Lin (1019 comments.) // Sep 29, 2008 at 6:46 am
Hi T, being assertive (especially with toxic people) is an absolute must, and I’m glad you’re standing up to her. Don’t be surprised if she tries other tactics to get under your skin now that she knows you won’t just sit quiet and take her abuse. Isn’t it great to have a strong backbone?
Hopefully other family members realize how she is and won’t believe her lies and manipulations. They may see her for who she really is, but they may not have a specific word to attach to her like “toxic”. A lot of people have the tendency to just look at the symptoms of lying, manipulating, gossiping etc and not yet have a word for it in their minds. Toxic people do drive people nuts, and avoiding them as much as possible helps a lot to reduce if not eliminate the stress. Good luck T.
34 Eileen // Oct 1, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I am in the process of disengaging abruptly from all 3 of my siblings. I have tried to do this in the past and each time of ‘peace’ (about 3 or 4 months), my physical, emotional, and spiritual health improves dramatically. My father is very ill; decisions need to be made about the house, bringing all 4 of us into contact again over the past 2 weeks. Disaster. I am the ‘mess-up’, yet again and told them off (felt good!) so soundly, I felt nervous and depressed afterward. By supportive family and friends, I did not back down. Now, having reached one by phone (need info about our dad), she seems completely demolished. But, thank God, I finally don’t feel responsible for that. Years and years “they” said all kinds of negative things ‘in concern’ about me to anyone in the extended family. This started over 10 years ago when I started to believe I have been fearfully and wonderfully made and am loved JUST AS I AM by God. No longer their dumping ground, they are quite the unhappy lot. Seriously, I let them ‘have it’ last week, only. I know to be well, to walk forward into joy, I need to leave them all, even if they won’t or cannot acknowledge my ‘good-bye’. I will always feel for them, as they are who I grew up with. But I finally found myself after I stopped letting them define me!! (smile). If anyone is going through a ’sweep’ of rejection, as I have….just know God loves you. And…you can walk away. If you feel desolate, seek counselling. You’ll love knowing you’re a worthwhile individual in your own right!!!
35 Lin (1019 comments.) // Oct 1, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Eileen, I love reading stories of people who finally stand up to toxic people who are destroying relationships and families. It sounds like your backbone is working quite well and you’re not afraid to use it anymore. Good for you! The worst thing people can do when dealing with toxic family members or others they come in contact with is to continue to back down and internalize all the toxicity. Each and every time a person backs down and doesn’t stand up for themselves makes the toxic person feel better! They tear you to shreds with their attitudes and behaviors and viciousness, and they walk away feeling empowered, while the “victim” of the attack walks away feeling like shattered glass. Hello????? What is wrong with this picture? Stand up for yourselves like Eileen has, and show these toxic people you aren’t going to take their abuse anymore! Good job Eileen!
36 Eileen // Oct 1, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Thanks, Lin. Too many people ‘look the other way’ (myself included) and these folks usually do not WAKE UP on their own. I have one daughter that we’ve (hubby and I) WORKED ON since she was little, since she has had entitlement issues from the age of 3! She could not make and keep relationships throughout much of her life until about 2 years ago. (she is in her 20’s) We put her in intensive therapy (which she LOVED at first, since she craved attention) and kept ‘our’ spine. She is really a terrific woman these days, no longer someone I wish would move far away (she lives at home and attends college locally). She has been one of my staunchest allies, having grown up and watching the family dynamics. If caught early, by an alert parent, this type of behaviour/person can be grown ‘OUT OF IT’, imo. But not without alot of tenacity and steadfastness in not allowing the BS. I actually googled “leaving a toxic family” and found you! Thanks for this article and your ‘cheers’ to all.
37 Lin (1019 comments.) // Oct 2, 2008 at 5:33 am
Eileen, one of the things I often hear is “I don’t want to make waves” or, “turn the other cheek” and even “just be the better person and ignore it”. Oh please… That sounds like the talk of someone who has regularly and routinely been spineless, PASSIVE to an extreme, or someone with such low self esteem they start shaking internally just thinking about being assertive.
One of the biggest problems I’ve seen or have heard about through private emails from visitors such as yourself Eileen, is that husbands are standing by saying and doing nothing while his family degrades his own wife for one nit-picky thing after another, and then wonders why there are serious problems in the marriage and why the wife is seriously considering divorce.
I mean come on….who would want to stay in a marriage where the husband (or the wife) says or does nothing when their own family members are constantly and routinely attacking their chosen life partner? R.E.S.P.E.C.T or D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
38 Eileen // Oct 2, 2008 at 7:57 am
Yeah, I hear that Lin. We (hubs and I) got into counselling 3 years into the marriage. Before then, he always took his family to task for the junk they flung regarding me, but I felt crappy that he wouldn’t break the relationships. I ended up giving an ultimatum. Ended up going by myself 2 or 3 times (counselling); that convinced him I was serious. We learned SOOO MUCH about neurotic and psychotic behaviors; the differences and the similarities. That (the counselling) was so significant in stopping the enabling in my spouse. It was a wonderful feeling to have a professional (and trust me, it was more than one) side with me!!! My husband snapped out of his ‘coma’. I know I would have had to have left him if he chose not to.
39 Lin (1019 comments.) // Oct 2, 2008 at 3:14 pm
It’s amazing how many people we all come into contact with throughout our lives that are sociopaths/psychopaths and people don’t realize until much later just what type of person they are/were dealing with.
40 Telling It Like It Is | The Rising Blogger // Oct 5, 2008 at 8:49 pm
[…] 11, 2008, she delved into a subject that struck a chord with me, as well as many other readers: Toxic Relationships - Toxic Family Members. And it is that post that has earned Lin the Post of the Day […]
41 You Can Overcome Lack Of Self Confidence // Oct 22, 2008 at 10:43 pm
[…] marriage and parenting at TellingItLikeItIs.net and she has written this excellent resource: Toxic Relationships - Toxic Family Members I found that by just jumping into situations my self confidence has increased significantly. It […]
42 Rita (1 comments.) // Oct 24, 2008 at 6:34 am
I linked over here from Cath’s blog. I had earlier made a statement that toxic family members are those who revel in your misery.
I tried to play peace-maker in my family with a toxic ex-sister for years. What did it cost me? My self-esteem, my confidence, and, ultimately, a viscious law suit after my father died - and she decided after 14 years of not speaking with him that SHE deserved his money.
In a way, that law suit (which she lost, with no chance of appeal) saved my life. Because we COULDN’T talk, as we were both represented by counsel, being sued by her was a blessing. I stopped cringing every time the phone rang. I no longer had to deal with her bullying abuse, and I finally broke away.
If only I had done it 30 years earlier…
Thanks,
Rita
43 Lin (1019 comments.) // Oct 24, 2008 at 7:41 am
Hi Rita, dealing with toxic people in our lives is incredibly difficult and stressful, but having a toxic family member causing problems really does destroy families. I’m thrilled your sister wasn’t able to win the lawsuit; sounds like your sister definitely fits the description of toxic people feeling “entitled” to whatever they can get, even if they don’t deserve anything at all. Good for you that you stood up and disengaged from the situation, and you’re the better for it as is your health physically, mentally and emotionally. Good job for standing strong and tough!
44 Terry // Oct 31, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I really appreciate this article. Unfortunately, my mother is the toxic person in our family. I feel she has destroyed our family. She matches perfectly all of the characteristics of what defines a toxic person. I realize now after reading this article that I have to set some serious boundaries and not allow her to make my life miserable anymore. I love my mother and it saddens me to think that in order for me to live peacefully and happily, I have to limit my association or cut her loose. Things are out of control and yes, I do feel like I am going crazy and my finacial world is upside down. This article was indeed a blessing. For to long my mother has manipulated my sisters, brother and father and has run guilt trips and introduced rediculous dramas into all of our lives. She is not an evil person but a person who was not loved and valued the way little girls should feel. I really do pitty her but only she can heal herself “not I” so she can hopefully have the kind of life full of happiness, peace and stability. This article really addressed some deep feelings of guilt, sadness, and worry that I had weighing heavy in my head.
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