I am a mean mom. Not just a mean mom, but the meanest mom on earth. I must admit, I’m so proud of being a mean mom that I believe there should be a National Mean Mom Holiday to celebrate all the mean moms just like me.
Hearing the words “Mom, you are sooo mean!” might hurt some mom’s feelings, but not mine. Fortunately, there are mean dad’s in this crazy world too.
“Say what you mean and mean what you say” is a quote I remember hearing from my mean mom many years ago. I’ve been known to repeat those words numerous times throughout my life and I will continue to be a mean mom saying what I mean and meaning what I say with my children and grandchildren until I take my least breath.
I proudly “stand” before you today to announce that, Yes, I am a mean mom. Fortunately, I’m not alone. There is a mean-mom movement taking place across the country and other mean moms just like me are saying Enough Is Enough.
A mean mom isn’t physically or emotionally abusive to her children, but she is tough and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound like Superman bring a group of rambunctuous kids under control with a stern warning or “the look”.
Mean moms set rules and boundaries for their children. Mean moms know how to say no to her children and mean “no” without compromising or negotiating standards of behavior.
Celebrating “Mean Moms”
(Author Unknown)
I had the meanest mother in the whole world. While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others had cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my supper was different than the other kids’ also. (Picky Eaters: Getting Kids to Eat Healthy)
But at least, I wasn’t alone in my sufferings. My sister and two brothers had the same mean mother as I did.
My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You’d think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and where we were going. She insisted if we said we’d be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less–not one hour and one minute. I am nearly ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased. That poor belt was used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy’s pants. Can you imagine someone actually hitting a child just because he disobeyed? Now you can begin to see how mean she really was. (How to Discipline Children)
We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends? (You Are What You Wear: What Your Clothes Say About You)
The worst is yet to come. We had to be in bed by nine each night and up at eight the next morning. We couldn’t sleep till noon like our friends. So while they slept-my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us. (Are You An Enabler? Identifying Early Warning Signs of Enabling Behaviors)
She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did. (A Child’s Ten Commandments For Parents)
By the time we were teenagers, she was much wiser, and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a girlfriend, can you imagine she checked on me to see if I were really there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I’d had a boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is, if you dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year. (Let’s Talk About Teens and Sex)
Through the years, things didn’t improve a bit. We could not lie in bed, “sick” like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends’ report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks. (Sometimes Kids Can Drive Parents Nuts)
As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the pleasure of being a drop-out.
My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of four children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten his mate. Each of my brothers served his time in the service of this country. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You’re right, our mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a protest parade, nor to take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did.
She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults. Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my children call me mean.
Because, you see, I thank God, He gave me the meanest mother in the whole world.
Are you a mean mom or dad? Shout it out for the whole world to take notice saying, “I am a mean mom” or dad. How about a Mean Mom Club?! Yeah!
The Mom Song - Mum Song With Lyrics
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37 responses so far ↓
1 Jamie @Eco Friendly Products (2 comments.) // Nov 7, 2008 at 4:06 pm
I applaud you!! These days, discipline isn’t what it used to be. When I was growing up, I was disciplined the old fashion way. But with children crying and sensitive parents whining, too many laws. You don’t even have to hit them, but DISCIPLINE them. Children need boundaries. The parents are suppose to be their mentor and guide them throughout their lives. I hope “mean moms” holiday will come.
2 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 7, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Hi Jamie,
Being a mean mom really isn’t so bad, huh? You’re right, children need boundaries (and they want rules too), and being mean moms and dads is being a good parent.
3 Zella // Nov 8, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Sometimes rebellion isn’t so bad– I was raised by people (parents + nanny) with high expectations of me. Despite the fact that I listen to very heavy metal, met my husband at a concert, and picked my college for its radio station (and in-state tuition), I’ve done really well for myself.
It’s one thing to be a “mean mom” and force children to eat healthily, let you know where they are, etc. but it’s entirely different to force them into a certain mold. Not being forced to go to church, being allowed to experiment with my appearance and the constant reassurance that their expectations of me were as high as ever kept me in my parents’ home a lot longer than many friends of mine. That gave me additional time to mature and made it possible for me to succeed.
So yeah, keep the high expectations of children, but don’t beat them into submission of your own ideas and ideals.
4 wilson (51 comments.) // Nov 9, 2008 at 6:36 am
Honestly, my mom is a very mean person and she was always had the strange rules to restrict my brother and I while we were a teenager…
However, I do know that she done it on a right purpose and because she loved us
By the way, Lin. Are you also a mean mom?
5 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 9, 2008 at 8:15 am
Zella, I don’t believe children should be forced to fit into a particular mold. Rules and boundaries that are reasonable and age-appropriate are needed for children as well as teens.
There are many things children/teens need to know before they are “let loose” as adults, and it’s unfortunate that many young adults leave home without knowing even the basics of living independently of their parents.
I recently spoke with a 19 year old man who is heading off to college out of state from his parents. He doesn’t know how to do many of the simple basics like doing his own laundry; he was never taught how to do laundry or prepare even the simplest meals for himself using the oven/stove. His mom and dad did everything for him and now he’s desperately trying to learn many “how to” stuff that he never learned while growing up. He doesn’t know how to do laundry, how to balance a checkbook, how to cook anything at all, how to budget and all the simple and basic things people need to know to live on their own. Very very sad indeed.
6 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 9, 2008 at 8:20 am
Wilson, being a mean mom or dad really means to teach and train and prepare children/teens to become adults who can and will succeed on their own.
My dad was a mean dad because be made me learn how to read a map when I was a little girl! Because of his being so “mean” I can go anywhere I want in the country or elsewhere without someone going with me, all because my mean dad taught me how to read a map. Isn’t that just mean and terrible for him to do that to me?
It’s amazing to me the number of people, including the young man I just mentioned above, who don’t know to read a map bought from a store, or even a simple hand-drawn map giving simple and explicit details of how to get where they need to go. Amazing.
7 Cath Lawson (15 comments.) // Nov 9, 2008 at 8:38 am
LOL Lin - no candy for breakfast. Poor you. My mom was just as mean as yours. I should be meaner really - especially when it comes to tidying up. I’m just going to have to crack down a little bit more.
8 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 9, 2008 at 8:47 am
Hi Cath, once in awhile we did get to have breakfast for dinner or “raid the refrigerator” night, which was fun for sure.
9 Zella // Nov 9, 2008 at 11:57 am
Lin, the basics you mention that the kid lacked are appalling– I had a savings account as soon as I could write my name. And as a vegetarian teen, it was cook or starve, after Mom killed some tofu in a very kind, but terrible experiment. That also taught me to grocery shop for myself.
My comment was really geared towards your 4th from the bottom paragraph (and the remaining below) about not marching in protest parades, etc. Depending on the age of children, I see no reason to disallow that (i.e. I would have not been allowed to go at 12, but at 17 it would have been negotiable).
Creating values of your own and being allowed to exercise them is absolutely vital. I know my thoughts on a lot of political and social issues appall my family, but they realize that I’ve developed my own opinions and I’m not going to back down.
I’m probably not phrasing this right, or otherwise, misinterpreting what you’re saying, but it just bugs me that your emphasis (at the end) seems to be raising children to believe in what you want them to believe, rather than developing their own opinions?
10 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 9, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Zella, I’m glad you pointed that out. “mean moms” is actually a poem I came across recently and I’ve been unable to find who wrote this “mean moms poem” in order to give the authors name. I will edit the post to include “author unknown” to make it more obvious that it is a poem written I don’t know when, and that I simply added relevant links to posts I’ve done that relate to the subject line or sentences in the mean mom poem.
Understand, I completely agree that children need to have the space (age appropriate of course) to express themselves in their own beliefs etc. A few of my now-grown children got tattoos when they turned 18, and one or two got their tongue pierced as well, and I have no major problem with that since it’s their grown up, adult choice.
Two of my three sons “experimented” with various clothing styles and hairstyles that were/are common amongst teens these days, and later decided to go for a more conventional look, which was also their choice.
My children definitely have their own religious beliefs and political beliefs, and one of my three daughters has a passion for political debate if there ever was one. I certainly don’t “force” or expect my children to believe as I believe about anything. We sometimes have discussions about politics, religion and other emotionally charged topics, but we respect each others views and opinions and allow each other to disagree without being disagreeable.
11 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 9, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Oops Zella, I forgot to suggest doing a search online for “mean moms poem” and you’ll see what I mean about it being a poem that has been popular and used many times online. I just wish I knew who the actual author was.
12 Zella // Nov 9, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Oh okay, glad to know that! I hadn’t seen the poem. My husband and I are discussing parenting techniques in preparation for children, and I ran across this blog– not sure how, but I saw the first part and cracked up, because that’s what we’d been talking about, how we’re going to be the “worst” parents ever.
13 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 9, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Zella, the mean moms poem is definitely a tongue-in-cheek sort of thing, not to be taken seriously or literally. I’m glad to know you are going to be a mean mom too! Yeah to all the mean moms and mean dads!
14 Kevin @Dansko Shoes (1 comments.) // Nov 9, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Lin, do you think there is any way to remain “nice” yet still say what you mean and mean what you say? There must be some trick to use out there…..every person in control of their kid can’t be mean can they?
15 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 10, 2008 at 8:15 am
Hi Kevin, thanks for stopping by. The short answer to your question is Yes, you can say what you mean and mean what you say while being nice and not mean. Tactful Assertiveness. The ability to use Tact with anyone, including our own children, is an important communication tool.
There is a right way and wrong way to speak to others, just as there is a right and wrong way to behave.
Parents must teach and train their children everything they need to know to lead independent lives as adults, but some parents just go through the motions of parenting and their kids reach the age of adulthood not having a clue of even the basics of living on their own.
Being a mean mom or dad simply means being a parent who establishes reasonable, age-appropriate rules and boundaries for their children and teaching these to their children so the kids understand what is expected of them while growing up.
16 Steve @Trade Show Guru (8 comments.) // Nov 10, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Hi Lin,
I think this may be your best post ever, though I really liked “A Sense of Entitlement” also, well, and so many of your posts…
I remember growing up that my bedtime was before Charlie’s Angels came on. My older brothers got to watch it, but not me. Not even once! By the time I was old enough to stay up later, the TV series was over. Yeh, I had “mean parents” and they never let me watch Charlie’s Angels. They were mean, mean, mean! And I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I am proud to be a “mean dad”. I am my kids’ parent first, not their buddy or friend.
~ Steve, aka the trade show guru and a “mean dad”
PS. It’s great the way this post links to all your other posts.
17 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 10, 2008 at 12:13 pm
LOL Steve, welcome to the club of mean moms and mean dads! Yeah!
My mean mom and dad wouldn’t let any of us kids watch Casper the Friendly Ghost or Bewitched when we were little. There was also the Smurf show which my mean parents wouldn’t let us watch either. Anything that hinted at being “demonized” etc by religious standards was totally off limits for us.
As we got older, and the mean mom and dad were gone running errands etc, we terrible rotten kids would sneak watching all of those shows and we even had a chosen “look out” person to warn us if the car drove up.
18 Steve @Trade Show Guru (8 comments.) // Nov 10, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Wow, Lin, small world.
We weren’t allowed to watch very much TV at all when we were young, no matter what the show (TV rots the brain, my dad would say). The kids across the street had their TV on all the time, and they got cable, but that’s another story. Anyway, one of my old brothers told me recently that they would sneak watch TV and post me at the window to watch for the car. I have no memory of it though, but then, I have forgotten a lot of stuff.
~ Steve (aka the trade show guru)
19 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 10, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Cable? What’s that?! LOL Not a chance of having cable at our house while growing up. You were the look out?! Ha! (P.S. I edited your comments to show Steve @Trade Show Guru)
20 Salwa (1 comments.) // Nov 11, 2008 at 3:03 am
There are many things children/teens need to know before they are “let loose” as adults, and it’s unfortunate that many young adults leave home without knowing even the basics of living independently of their parents.
21 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 11, 2008 at 8:10 am
Salwa, thanks for stopping by. You’re absolutely right in that far too many “children” leave home to head off to college, get married, or just live on their own without the basic skills necessary. Sad, but very true.
22 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 11, 2008 at 8:12 am
Steve, I’m glad you liked the Sense of Entitlement article. Since I have it interlinked amongst the other articles about “helping vs enabling” grown adult children, many people are reading it. I even received a couple of emails requesting permission to print it off and/or forward it to “children” and grandchildren who are living with their parents/grandparents and milking it for what it’s worth. Yeah!
23 Jamie@Eco Friendly Products (1 comments.) // Nov 11, 2008 at 11:04 am
Wow Lin, a lot of venting went on since my first post. I’m a young mom so I grew up in the late 80’s but mostly 90’s. I grew up in a very traditional and strict family. My parents showed love, but also disciplined me. Since technology is so much different, the things I worry about is that my son will stay home and be on the internet all day and night. I think internet is good, but it tends to consume a child’s time. I remember growing up and having fun outside. Blowing bubbles, running through the sprinklers, and playing tag with friends. I try to raise my son (maybe more in the future) to enjoy being a kid and the freedom they are privileged to have.
24 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 11, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Hi Jamie, I remember those days of blowing bubbles and playing in the sprinkler, as well as playing hide-and-go-seek around the neighborhood.
Nowadays, parents are “too busy” (which I don’t believe one bit) to provide their children opportunities to play outside under the watchful eye of parents. The television, computer, video games etc have become the babysitter for kids. Then there’s the fear parents have of allowing their kids active time outside due to the concerns about who might wish to do their kids harm by child abductions or child molesters. So many parents go to the other extreme and keep their kids inside playing most of the time. Times have changed certainly, but that just means parents have to be proactive at finding ways for their kids to enjoy their childhood, play outside (no wonder kids are so obese these days) and sitting around eating junk all day.
25 Steve @Trade Show Guru (8 comments.) // Nov 11, 2008 at 6:29 pm
hi Lin,
I’m not surprised you’re getting requests to for your “Sense of Entitlement” article. It’s great.
As to interlinking, you and RT are the gurus.
And your comment above about playing hide-and-seek around the neighborhood reminded me of growing up and playing touch football out in the street in the afternoon after school and then kick-the-can in the evenings after dinner with all the kids in the neighborhood. Did you ever play kick-the-can? I’m not sure any kids play it today… to0 busy texting or playing video games I suppose…
Ah, the memories!
~ Steve (aka the trade show guru)
26 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 11, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Steve, we used to play kick the can all the time! How could I forget that one? As kids, we rarely stayed in the house (except when I played dolls), since we were all busy doing everything possible outside. Riding bikes, playing touch football, baseball, swimming, snowball fights, playing dodge ball (my favorite since I kicked butt at it) and various other activities that kept us running, jumping and having a good time. No sitting around being a couch potato at our house.
27 Joy of Fatherhood ~ Trade Show Guru // Nov 12, 2008 at 12:59 pm
[…] third blogger is Lin, who recently wrote the post “Mean Mom 101 - Lessons Learned From My Mean Mom“. I mention Lin because she offers great parenting advice on her blog. She’s a […]
28 Rob O. (31 comments.) // Nov 12, 2008 at 12:59 pm
My wife & I both had “mean Moms” too - and we’re doing our level best to be just as “mean” to our child. I can think of no better way to honor the hard work & sacrifices that they made on our behalf than to give our son the same type of loving and disciplined foundation.
29 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 12, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Hi Rob, being “mean” parents is all about love, discipline, guidance, and all sorts of other good stuff. Your little man will one day be grown and look back on his childhood and parenting with happy memories, knowing he had the “meanest” mom and dad in the neighborhood.
30 Tim (2 comments.) // Nov 13, 2008 at 4:54 pm
I am a ‘mean’ dad, but my wife is meaner than me! She insists that our children will be able to clean, cook, do their own laundry and wash their own dishes even if it kills us. I am so tired of checking dishes to make sure they are clean before I use them. She starts ‘em small, you know
I am sure it would be quicker, easier and done ‘right’ if we as adults just did it ourselves while our children lounged about watching t.v. But of course, then they don’t learn responsibility and such.
I have always been prepared to use a little force with my children, and they know it. Because they know it, I have hardly ever (almost never) had to follow through. It doesn’t pay to be a wishy washy pushover pal with your kids. They will walk all over you and resent you for it later.
31 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 13, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Tim, isn’t it great to be a mean dad?!
As I’ve said in other articles, my children all were taught at a very young age how to cook basic meals, do their own laundry, clean house (dust, vacuum, clean bathrooms, sweep and mop floors etc) and now that they’re grown they know how to take care of themselves AND be good husbands/wives to their future spouses. Mean moms and mean dads Rule!
32 Will (1 comments.) // Nov 17, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Great article! Interestingly I had not heard of the “Mean Mom” movement until this week when I have randomly come across 3 or 4 mentions of it and now this article. My youngest is now 14, but she has older brothers and sisters. I was a “mean dad”, (that sounds so bad), but the kids are all great people and actually love to spend time with dear old Mom and Dad. The older ones even tell younger sister that some day she will be very grateful for the rules and guidance she now resists so well.
And thanks Lin for the Stumble of my last post on preventing ACL injuries in women. I feel the research needs a lot mor publicity, so I really appreciate the thumbs up!
-Will
33 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 17, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Hi Will! I think we need to form a Mean Moms and Mean Dads Support Group! Just kidding. Maybe. hehehe
I think one of the best moments in life is when grown children experience an “ah-hah” moment and realize their mean moms and dads weren’t really so mean after all, but were doing what was needed to raise their children to be responsible, independent adults fully capable of taking care of themselves on their own.
The icing on the cake is if/when these now-adult children come and apologize for “being so hard to raise” or being so difficult to deal with during the teen years. That is an awesome time. Mean moms and mean dads rule!
P.S. You’ve very welcome for the thumbs up!
34 Carole (4 comments.) // Nov 18, 2008 at 10:55 am
I’m so glad to see that I’m not alone! I laughed when I read the statement about ‘the look’. We had a house full of kids most of the time when my daughter was growing up. I never had to yell much, but on the rare occasions when I did, it put the fear of god into them. They didn’t like it when I yelled.
I would say ’say what you mean and mean what you say’ is probably the whole secret.
35 Lin (1127 comments.) // Nov 18, 2008 at 11:00 am
Hi Carole, there are numerous benefits to “the look” huh? No screaming necessary, no increased blood pressure. Just give the kids “the look” and they often straighten right up.
36 The Mom Song - Mum Song With Lyrics | Telling It Like It Is // Dec 10, 2008 at 5:04 am
[…] song goes well with my recent Mean Moms post too. This mom song does an excellent job of describing what a typical mom says in a 24-hour […]
37 How to Discipline your Children - A Better Way ~ Trade Show Guru // Dec 31, 2008 at 1:56 pm
[…] in her post, How to Discipline Children. Her blog was the first place I read of the term “mean mom“, and then realized that I’m a mean dad. But that’s the way I was raised, and it […]
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