A Marriage Without Regrets – Do You Regret Getting Married?

Do you regret getting married? Have you ever said to yourself “I regret getting married”? Is your marriage a happy marriage or an unhappy marriage? If you could do it all over again, would you still choose to be married to your spouse? Are you planning on getting married? Why? The sheer number of unhappy marriages and staggering divorce rates should give dating and/or engaged couples reason for pause, and serious consideration into building a happy marriage without regrets in order to avoid divorce altogether.

According to a study of 4000 married couples carried out by market research firm OnePoll.com, a quarter of married men and women regret getting married to their spouses, while 15% of engaged couples planning to get married have misgivings about their upcoming nuptials. Is it “cold feet” pre-wedding jitters, or is there something more serious going on? Why do people regret getting married?

The average married couple gives up on romance just two years, six months and 25 days into a marriage, according to the research poll. “We tend to think of marriage as something people do when they are in love but this survey reveals that people tie the knot for all sorts of different reasons,” OnePoll’s John Sewell said. “And many of them aren’t sure they want to get married — even as they are standing at the altar saying their vows, which may worry some brides and grooms-to-be.”

  • Four percent of the married people surveyed said they had gotten married for the wrong reasons, because they wanted wedding presents and a party, not because they were in love.
  • 23 percent said they would not marry their partner if they could do it all over again, and 14 percent wished they had married someone else from their past.
  • Only 28 percent confessed to being virgins when they met their future spouse, with some respondents saying they had slept with an average of four people before they met their marriage partner, and five percent admitted to having 20 or more previous sexual partners.
  • 35 percent said the person they married was not the best sexual partner they have ever had and another 33 percent said that being single was more fun than being married.
  • 12 percent of people surveyed said they stay with their partner just because they couldn’t be bothered to find someone new.
  • Fifteen percent of husbands and wives admitted to lying to each other about their love lives, with most decreasing the number of previous sexual partners while two percent admitted to boosting the number.
  • 83 percent of those surveyed said they couldn’t be bothered to celebrate the date they tied the knot by their third anniversary.
  • Seven out of ten men admitted they were so comfortable with their spouse they frequently left socks, pants and other dirty washing lying around the house, while 79 percent admitted they no longer bothered to put the toilet seat down.
  • 75 percent of men and women said they wouldn’t relinquish control over the remote control to their other half, even if they asked nicely.
  • Two thirds of the married women polled said they no longer put forth the effort to dress up and look nice for their spouse. Nearly a third said they stay on the far side of the bed, claiming they don‘t have time for sex with their husbands.
  • 54 percent of women polled no longer bothered wearing make-up; 61 percent admitted that they throw on a ratty T-shirt, comfy tracksuit bottoms or pajamas as soon as they got home from work, and 10 percent of married women said they don’t bother to wear sexy lingerie to spice things up in the bedroom.
  • 83 percent of couples surveyed held hands often while out during the first few months of marriage, compared to just 38 percent after a decade of being married.
  • Prior to the first wedding anniversary, partners would cuddle and hug more than eight times a day- compared with five or fewer after ten years of marriage. 60 percent said they hadn’t been surprised with a romantic night out since getting hitched.

John Sewell said, “It would appear that many are stuck in a rut, and whilst they still love their other half, they’re a little too comfortable in each others company. Couples need to find a good balance between feeling comfortable and taking each other for granted. The odd romantic meal would probably be all many couples need to spice things up a bit – and small gestures such as tidying up, and helping out with the housework would go a long way.”

Right and Wrong Reasons to Get Married

Marriage regrets often happen because dating and/or engaged couples haven’t considered their reasons for wanting to get married in the first place. Couples don’t think about the pros and cons of marriage, but choose to focus their time, attention and financial resources to the Cinderella wedding fairytale fantasy while planning a wedding that lasts just one day.

There are good reasons to get married and bad reasons to get married, but brides-to-be and grooms-to-be often pay too much attention to planning the fairytale fluff of the wedding day ceremony and reception, rather than planning and preparing for marriage and the difficulties that go with being married after the wedding day is over.

Brides-to-be often plan their wedding at The Knot Wedding Shop where decisions are made about the wedding budget, wedding dress, flowers, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, wedding cake, grooms cake, wedding rings, wedding invitations, chapel or wedding venue options, the honeymoon, DJ, photographer and video etc. Your wedding day is just one day out of the rest of your life.

Marriage Without Regrets

If you really want a marriage without regrets that lasts a lifetime, you need to prepare for marriage, starting with asking the hard before marriage questions every couple should ask and answer before getting married in order to have a happy, successful marriage without any regrets.

  1. Resolving conflict in marriage
  2. Understanding each partner’s role
  3. Improving the sexual relationship
  4. Becoming financially wise
  5. Respecting and keeping marriage vows

Getting married for the wrong reasons can quickly lead to an unhappy marriage ending in divorce, because couples did not prepare for marriage properly, were too young to get married or didn’t consider the fact that being married and being happily married are two entirely different things.

See: How to Please a Woman in Bed, Pleasure and Satisfy Her Completely

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44 Responses to “A Marriage Without Regrets – Do You Regret Getting Married?”

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  1. Ralphael says:

    I certainly regret getting married.

    My wife grossly misrepresented her past to me, and the baggage that she carries from her wild lifestyle before I came along still causes problems. She portrayed herself as a religious, honorable person while we were dating. I wrote off her discomfort and dislike for sex during our honeymoon as nervousness and lack of experience, so you can imagine my horror in learning years later that she was used to much more “extreme” sexual encounters than I had been led to believe.

    Four years into the marriage I learned about the credit card debt that she had built up and hidden from me. After that I learned about her yearning for old boyfriends, and her continuing contact with them.

    We have great kids, and that is the sole reason that I stay married.

    I hate her, but mostly I hate myself for being young and stupid and not looking at the warnings signs that are now so plainly evident.

  2. SadGuy says:

    I has been 1 week since I got married. I had to settle for an arranged marriage and my wife was chosen simply because she was the most desirable among the suitors. I knew beforehand that she had a tough character and there were hints that she would be extremely stubborn and bossy.

    I got the biggest shock when she declared on our marriage night that she was going to bed as she was tired. We tried to have sex for the first time, 2 days ago and she simply killed my mood by using harsh words when I was trying to arouse her. After that incident, we tried again but she just lay like a rock and expected me to be aroused and also arouse her. Any way, I managed to penetrate her after many futile attempts at trying to find the right opening and she started screaming that it was painful and asked to stop soon. We didn’t discuss sex ever since. We also had our first fight when she publicly rebuked me because I was reluctant to eat at a restaurant of her licking and I was instead accused by her for being rude to her. I might have let he incident pass but then I don’t appreciate being humiliated in front of others.

    I am concerned about this as my wife and I will be living apart for almost an year due to work commitment and I wounder whether we will get distant because of our difference in temperament. I have already put on hold plans to let her have any share in my assets until I see whether is any improvement in her behavior…..

  3. Charles says:

    I recently got married for the first time at the ripe age of 48. Looking at this thread, I was encouraged with the first set of posts. However, a couple of the more recent posts put a pretty bad taste in my mouth. I noticed a couple of things about these posts.

    The first thing I noticed was that the poster seemed to be really concerned that they were not getting what they wanted out of the deal or that they were getting the short end of the stick. as mentioned earlier, once focus on what we want to “Get out of it” we become disappointed. I find comfort in the idea that a great marriage is all about sacrifice and that two mature, thoughtful and “Giving” adults can make it great. So often, I think that one or both spouses are takers and not givers.

    The other thing I noticed was that the posters (particularly the males, of which I am one) were concerned that the legal agreement turns out to be a very raw deal for the male if it comes to a divorce. Quite frankly, I think this is true. I saw my brother go through a divorce and he is considerably worse off financially as a result.

    That being said, I don’t think that this should deter marriage. I do think it should deter divorce. After much thought, my wife and I decided to include a prenuptial agreement. I have some slight misgivings about doing this but overall think it was the right way to go. Prenups are not foolproof and can be overturned in some circumstances. But they do offer some comfort that divorce is a somewhat equally losing proposition for both of you in the event of a divorce.

    On an optimistic note, the goal is to sacrifice and give to the marriage so that it can thrive.

    One last and final point. At the ripe age of 48, I found a great gal. Prior to her there were plenty of great dates but I do not believe that any of them would have been the right marriage partner. I have always maintained that you have to choose very carefully when it comes to a spouse. It can make all the difference in the world. Choosing the wrong partner is going to decrease the quality of our lives over the longterm. Choosing the right one might just increase the quality. So a very important choice and one to give time and consideration to.

  4. Rob onawire says:

    Totally regret it. Never was happy giving up my freedomn. 23 years unhappy. Legally aNd financially stuck. Never liked it. Had some good times but most of the time wish i stayed single. No desire to work on something i wish i never did. Wonderfull wife but i simply wish i was free.. Definately should have got a prenup. Marriage is just a horrible legal deal for men. Women end up getting what You Would have had if you never married. Assets that would have accrued if you never married are gone ! To all you single guys, dont ever do it. Its just a legal contract that has nothing to do with the church or love. Would any one on earth sign a contract that says you give back half your pay if you leave you job ? If you listen to some of the womens statements it says it all. They believe they should get the pension you would have had if you never ever got married ! Its a legally insane move that no one would ever do if they truly understood it. Mid life crisis is simply a lable givin to men who have reached the breaking point of unhappyness in marriage, thats really the truth. Why do you think they put a lable on it. By midlife most men realize what a mistake they mafe and feel trapped. Most of them are legally and financially trapped resulting in utter misery. Bigest mistake i ever made in my life and im stuck. Wish the wife would take off with some wealthy fool.

  5. Amy says:

    I have been living without sex, Its been 45 years now and that was the first and last time. MY HUSBAND DECIDED on our wedding night that he didn’t like sex. He said it was to much work, no excitement or pleasure, and got nothing out of it, plus it was disgusting. I should of figured before we were married he never tried to get me to have sex, in fact he didn’t even try to touch my boobs or anything. So I picked a real loser. We’ve lived apart he worked midnights for 40 years, and slept in the basement. We rarely talk to each other. He’s a lonely person goes no where, hasn’t any friends, just stays cooped up in the basement with no phone, TV, or computer
    Do I regret getting married YES!

  6. Man_A says:

    I got married just before I turned 20. I was an international student and ended up getting married and got my citizenship. While I love my wife, I feel like I gave up so much geetting married at an early age. We have been married for 6 yrs, while she is a good person, I feel empty on the inside. I feel like I will not be married today if I had my citizenship before I got married. Or I would not have rushed into marriage. While we have some good times, I just feel like I did not get to enjoy my youthful years as I had to give up a lot of things such as friends and networking with professionals. Before I married my wife, I left my previous girlfriend who I loved very much because I did not want to play between two people. I feel unhappy most times and wonder what my life would be like if I was still single and developed my self more before getting married. During our 4th yr of marriage we went through a very rough time and my wife ended up cheating on me 3 times with the same guy. I thought this would be my way out, but I did not file for a divorce. Sometimes, I regret not ending the marriage after the cheating incident. We kind of worked our way through it. My trust for her has not been the same ever since even though she promises it will never happen again. I’m so confused right now on what to do. 2 years later, here I am feeling all depressed and unhappy about my life. I don’t hang out a lot of my friends like I used to before I got married. I barely have any friends. I feel I can still get out while I’m still young instead of being unhappy, miserable and worrying about what other people think. I’m just at crossroads right now.

  7. JonJon says:

    I got married because of parental pressure. Although they didn’t force me to marry this particular woman, I thought, “Why not, she’s cute, she’s a good girl and seems like she will be a good wife.” Well, a week after my marriage, I already regret being married. This has nothing to do with my wife. She is a good woman. I just hate responsibilities and having the seeing the same over again and again. There are times I want to be alone. There are times I want my wife to stay quiet for the whole night. So now, being married for less than a month, I want a way out. Again, my wife is an awesome woman. I just hate being tied down to the same woman for the rest of my life. This is sad. I enjoyed the time I was dating various women prior to marriage. I like the thrill of dating multiple girls and having many female companions. Now, sigh. I know you all think I should grow up but then…

  8. ChargingCharlie says:

    Totally regret getting married. Didn’t date anyone for over four years after breakup with girlfriend, and spent my time doing single guy stuff. My one friend that I hung out with met his current wife (bitch, I might add), so decided that I should try internet dating. Met my wife, and got married a few years later. Went OK for a bit, but now that the kids are here, it’s nothing but constant nagging (don’t feed the kids right, don’t change their diapers right, blah blah blah). Have had sex four times in three years (always too tired, not in the mood, etc). I wish I could go back in time and not do online dating and just stayed single doing what I want to do.

    If someone could just invent a time machine……