Grandma Stories-Grandma and Grandpa Visitation Rights-What Do I Know?
What do I know about being a Grandma? As a grandparent, do I have visitation rights to see my grandchildren? I’m not so sure anymore. Until recently, I had no idea that getting to see my grandson, living out of state, would be next to impossible with current laws being as they are. What visitation rights do grandparents have, if any?
If anyone had told me that getting grandparents visitation rights would be so difficult (or necessary), with me living in Texas and my one-year-old grandson living with his mother in Illinois, I would have thought they were joking. Unfortunately, it’s no joke at all, and I’m not the only grandparent having difficulty in being allowed to see and visit with their own grandchildren.
It came as quite a shock to me when I heard the news that my son and his significant other had split up and went their separate ways even before my grandson was born. Who would have thought that one major fallout of two people ending a relationship and going their separate ways would mean that Grandma and Grandpa would have no right to meet, see or visit our own grandchild as much as possible?
Grandparents Rights
I’ve been spending a lot of time researching grandparent’s rights
I’ve read numerous Illinois and Texas Supreme Court case documents that don’t seem to favor grandparents having the right to see their own grandchildren, but I’m not through yet. I’ve even been told that if I want visitation rights to see my grandchild that I have to move to Illinois and file a court petition and ask the family court judge to grant visitation with my grandson, but the court is not required to give grandparent visitation rights at all.
The law requires that if any legal action is being planned to gain visitation with a grandchild, action must be done in the state where the child resides, that being Illinois in my case. Under Illinois law, grandparent’s must show that “denying visitation will harm the child mentally or physically, and that you are being unreasonably denied visitation by a parent”.
Illinois Visitation Rights
Let me be very clear. I am not seeking grandparent custody of my grandson. I just want opportunities to visit with and bond with my grandson, share in the joys of being a grandmother, exercise my bragging rights by telling Grandma stories, and be a part of his life as he grows up. Is that too much to ask?
My grandson’s mother is a fit and competent young mother, taking very good care of my grandson, from what I hear through the grapevine. Whatever happened between her and my son is a private matter between them and has nothing to do with me.
I attempted to contact her for several months, before and after my grandson was born, in order to clear up any questions or concerns she may have had, only to discover that HER mother and father are the ones pulling the strings and preventing me from knowing my own grandson. Apparently, from their twisted point of view, their grandparent rights trump my right to shared visitation to a grandchild we all share.
After emailing back and forth with my grandson’s mother, and actually making arrangements to see and visit my grandson for the very first time during a recent vacation trip to Illinois, a final email arrived in my inbox saying I wouldn’t be allowed to see my grandchild because her parents said no.
The maternal grandma and grandpa are dictating the rules of who gets to see and spend time with my/our grandson, and because my grandson’s mother lives with her parents in Illinois and I live in Texas, they figure there isn’t much I can do about it.
Grandparents Visitation Rights
According to Illinois Legal Aid, a judge may order grandparent visitation rights to visit with a grandchild if:
- The parental rights of at least one parent have not been terminated, and
- Visitation with your grandchild is in that grandchild’s best interest, and
At least one the following 6 rules are true:
- Your child (mother or father of your grandchild) has been incarcerated during the 3-month period prior to filing the petition, or has been found to be incompetent, or is dead.
- The parents of your grandchild are divorced or have been living apart for at least three months.
- Your grandchild has been abused or neglected by a parent.
- It has been found by the court that your grandchild is a child in need of supervision.
- Your child (a parent of your grandchild) has had his or her parental rights to your grandchild terminated.
- Your grandchild has resided with you for at least six months during the last two years.
Illinois law says grandparents, great-grandparents and siblings can file a petition in a court of law to ask for visitation. Once the petition is filed, it is recommended to continue trying to work out an amicable agreement for a visitation order, otherwise there will be a court trial with witnesses and evidence presented to the judge, wherein the judge will make his ruling.
Illinois Legal Aid says: “If the mother is considered a fit parent, then the court must follow her wishes unless there is a danger of harm to the child. However, Judges will usually try to maintain a healthy and established relationship between grandparents and a grandchild”.
The child’s mother made arrangements with me personally to meet and spend time with my grandson, but the “mother’s wishes” were denied by her parents, and since she is currently living in their home while attending college, they are controlling her life and my right and privilege to visitation with my grandson.
Family law attorneys aren’t cheap by any means, and while I hope to resolve this problem amicably and with no hurt feelings on either side of this issue, I am considering all of my options. Whether or not grandparents rights should be a “right” or a “privilege” is still open for debate, but when it comes to deciding whether or not a grandparent should give up trying to have visitation with their own flesh and blood, giving up isn’t in my nature.
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Hi Lin – This really sucks and those people are being so selfish. Why can’t they put themselves in your shoes and see what they are doing is wrong?
My problems was the other way round. My ex-husband’s mother has always been more than welcome to see my kids. And she does have them over now and again, when it’s convenient for her, then the novelty seems to wear off for a while.
But last year, I discovered she was going round telling people that I wouldn’t let her see them. What a bitch. Rather than admit that she hadn’t seen them in a while because she couldn’t be bothered – it was easier to make up a huge lie.
I hope you get to see your grandson – it just doesn’t seem right to stop you.
Hi Cath,
I wish I could understand what their motivation is for preventing me and my family from seeing my grandson. No “reasons” or excuses have been given at all, only silence. Her parents haven’t even been willing to have open dialogue about whatever their issues are, but there is no legitimate reason for them to keep me/us out of my grandson’s life.
Lin, I know life sometimes isn’t seems too fair to us, but I’m hoping all the best to you! Remember to keep the faith and things will be alright in the very end…
Thanks Wilson. It’s been very frustrating to say the least.
Gosh Lin,
This sounds completely absurd. To think of not letting grandparents visit their grandkids is like a blatant crime. After all, whet is ur fault in the whole matter??
I really wish u luck and hope there is a way out..
Thanks Janet,
If anyone had ever told me that there would ever be a need for me to learn about grandparents rights I would have thought it was a joke. It’s just not funny to have to fight for visitation rights to see my own grandchild. Hopefully it can be resolved without having to take the matter to court, but we’ll see.