“I was sexually abused, should I tell?”; “Should I tell my mother I was sexually abused?”; “Should you tell your spouse you were sexually abused?”; “What should you do if you were sexually abused and you can’t your mom?”; “How do I know if I’ve been sexually abused?”; “What happens if you tell you were sexually abused?”
These are some of the questions I’ve received from child sexual abuse victims over the last few weeks, from sexually abused children as young as 10 to older victims in their teens, and others that are married and have children of their own. They all wanted to know what they should do, who they can or should tell, if they should tell anyone about being sexually abused, and how to tell a parent they were sexually abused.
Yes, if someone is sexually abusing you or has sexually abused you in the past, you should tell a trustworthy adult about the abuse and as soon as possible. Why should you tell? Because keeping the abuse a secret is what your abuser wants, and you need help from adults to stop the abuse and stop the abuser from molesting or raping anyone else.
Sexual abuse statistics show that child molesters don’t molest just one person and then suddenly stop. No, pedophiles and child molesters continue to sexually abuse victims until they are caught and arrested, and the authorities are able to bring charges against your abuser so he or she can no longer harm anyone else.
As I’ve said before, most sexually abused children don’t tell because they are afraid to tell, were threatened by their abuser or because victims feel guilty, embarrassed and ashamed. It’s important for sexually abused children, teens and even adult victims to know and understand that what has happened to you is not your fault, and the person who has sexually abused you must be stopped from repeating the abuse against you or anyone else.
Unfortunately, some parents don’t react to being told their child has been sexually abused in the right way, which only creates more problems and stress for the victim. Some mothers and fathers choose not to believe their own child’s disclosure of being sexually abused. Some parents have been known to blame the victim for the abuse, going so far as to claim their child “seduced” their abuser, and/or do nothing to stop the continued abuse of their own child.
If you are being sexually abused or have been abused in the past, ask yourself who you know that will help you. Choose an adult you trust that will help you and then tell that person what has happened to you. That person may be your mother or father, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, the school counselor, teacher, school nurse or even a police officer.
What happens when you tell? The adult you tell is required by law to tell the police or a social worker, because children of all ages have a right to be protected from sexual abuse, and the person who has abused you needs to be stopped. The social worker or police officer will need to ask you some questions about what happened to you, and if you were sexually abused in your own home, the authorities will want to talk to you somewhere else.
Read this excellent, printable, 13-page sexual abuse packet that victims of all ages and parents need to read, save to your computer and/or print off to read. The packet explains who to tell, how to tell, and what will happen when you tell in easy-to-read and easy-to-understand language even kids can understand. Kids, just click on these words —> Sexual Abuse Information Packet so you can read more on how to tell someone you were sexually abused and get the help you need.
Most children who have told about being sexually abused say it’s worth it because “telling freed them of the guilty secret”, and adults who are getting counseling after being sexually abused when they were children say “I only wish I could have told someone when I was a child.”
Should you tell a spouse you were sexually abused? Yes, you should. When you chose your husband or wife, you married him or her with life experiences that shapes who you are today, and the effects of having been sexually abused can take a long time to recover from, if ever.
Trusting your spouse to be there for you through “better or worse” includes those times when sharing painful memories of past experiences and abuse not only brings you closer together, but helps take away some of the negative self-esteem feelings many victims hold onto for many years and a loving, supportive spouse can make all the difference in the world.
Lin, I always advised my students to tell me, if they’re been sexually abused by their parents, neighbors or strangers. Most of the time, we won’t know, if we didn’t tell the truth…
I was molested by a group of boys during class time in second grade. Sometimes the abuse happens right under your nose.
i was abused as a young child and find it very hard to talk about, i really dont want to tell my partner as im scared that he wouldnt want to touch me again, so i think sometimes its best to keep to yourself.
Nicola, I understand all too well the difficulties associated with talking to anyone about having been sexually abused. But…, talking about what happened to you as a child is the FIRST step towards healing. The fact that it’s very hard for you to talk about sexual abuse tells me you’ve likely got a lot of pent up emotions and stress (after effects) remaining in your heart and mind.
Speaking from experience, I can tell you that talking about your personal experience with someone who loves you and cares about you can do a lot to help you deal with the effects of having been sexually abused. If it weren’t for having talked about my experiences with people who care about me, I would never have gotten to the point where I could advocate and write about sexual abuse on this site. It would be too hard to deal with.
And…, the person who abused you is hoping you won’t tell. Ever. You’re going through your own personal “hell” by not talking about your experience. Who else but your loving husband to tell about what happened to you? If you will ever break free from the torment of having been a victim of sexual abuse, you must talk about it.
From comments and emails I’ve received on the articles about sexual abuse on this site, it is very possible that there are questions in your husbands mind about the sexual intimacy in your marriage. It’s at least possible that he wonders if something had happened to you as a child, but he’s too nervous or afraid to ask you directly. I’ve received numerous emails from husbands asking me about their wife and what they thought were signs that their wife had been abused as a child. Once they asked their wives about it, they each talked at length and discovered they were right. The men/husbands were very understanding and had empathy for their wives, and love her no matter what. They’re now reading some of the books about sexual abuse for spouses and lovers on healing from sexual abuse, and their relationship has been improved by talking about it. Think about it Nicola.
I am just starting counselling for my sexual abuse at the hands of an older kid in my neighborhood growing up. I had nightmares about it starting 17 years later (I’m 27 now) and started to have temper problems, loss of sleep, etc. I talked to my wife about it and she seemed really interested and understanding at first. However, it took some time to build up the courage to see a counselor and it’s been almost a year since I told my wife. We haven’t slept in the same bed since, we haven’t been intimate and theres no emotion in our marriage. I don’t feel I did anything wrong, but she take it well.
At this point, I don’t feel like a member of my family. Rather than feeling like a dad (step-dad) and a husband, I feel like a babysitter and paycheck
James, I’m glad you discussed your experience with your wife. What happened to you could definitely explain the reasons for the temper problems and problems sleeping, nightmares, etc. Telling/explaining to your wife what happened to you is important, but continuing to have conversation with her and allowing her to share her thoughts and feelings is good for both of you. It’s important, though, that both of you feel safe to express your thoughts and feelings without fear of how the other will respond or think about what they’re being told. Of course it goes without saying that some emotions can be rather raw; so it’s important that both of you express yourselves in kind and respectful ways – rather than just “venting” what’s on your minds. Perhaps there will come a time when your counselor will suggest that your wife accompany you to some of the sessions, which would give her an opportunity to share how she feels with an objective person. Now is not the time for either of you to be pulling away from the other mentally, emotionally, etc. Coming to grips with the past is important, vital really, but work together as a couple to rebuild the intimacy between you slowly and gradually if necessary, but don’t let the past ruin the chances of a wonderful marriage. Keep up with the counseling, but also keep up with the mental and emotional connection between you two with kind gestures, hugs, genuine compliments and time spent together. Don’t let this destroy your marriage or your love for each other.
Dear James,
I am so sorry to hear that your wife is having such difficulty dealing with the your abuse and I know how very difficult it must have been to gather the COURAGE it took to share the devastation of having been sexually assaulted as a child. I too am a survivor of sexual abuse and know how painful loved ones’ reactions ———–can be… My experience of the healing process is that it is a long, winding and, at times, very painful road. But it is well worth the effort it takes and you have everything you need to do it, even if at times it might not feel that way. You are a very strong human being and already on your way. You deserve a life full of ALL of who you are. You are absolutely not a babysitter or a paycheck. You are a man that has what it takes to truly heal. This will be the greatest gift you could give to yourself and your children. Child abuse is only able to continue when we are silent…that person took something sacred from you…nothing will ever change that but you will change your life, and in so doing, your children’s lives. Continue to get the help you need through counseling. Find a support group where you will find the support you need and deserve with who have lived this as well..
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.!
I was sexually abused by my brother when i was younger i never told anyone because i fell as though no one would believe he would do something like that so i kept it to myself but i write on my computer about my experience and that helps me relieve some of that pain
Ariel,
Telling about your personal experience of being sexually abused is so important, in order to heal from the past. Kids don’t tell they were abused because of fear, just like you said. You thought no one would believe you, so you’ve kept it to yourself all this time. Fortunately, there are now books about sexual abuse on the market that not only help sexual abuse victims tell they were abused, but these books also help in the healing process. There is also an incredible website called Violence Unsilenced where abuse victims can tell their personal stories if they want to, and do so anonymously if that is their choice. Children who are or were being abused sexually need to tell their stories.
I told my husband about my sexual abuse and he used it against me to control me. He would make cruel snide remarks about it. He would invite my abusers (who were my family members) to our home and maintain a relationship with them – my abusers acted as if the horrific physical abuse was no big deal and the sexual abuse simply did not happen (the abuse had continued for the 20 years I was in my family home). I was frightened of my abusers and their presence in my home and in my life because of my husband, prolonged my trauma and delayed my recovery. I had to fight for many years with my husband to get these people out of my life because without that I had no safety and no way to heal from the trauma. I am divorced now but I still find it extremely shocking that my husband used my trauma against me and made it clear to my family that they had his support against me (repeatedly they would call him or meet him because they knew I did not want them in my life but Husband had made it clear with his behavior that he did not support me despite knowing about the abuse). I was subjected to horrific sadistic abuse and unfortunately because I come from a South Asian culture, where wat happens in the home stays in the home, I had nobody to turn to and the few times I revealed my situation to outsiders, I was told to just ignore as if it was not happenning and go on living with my family.
I am divorced now but I still find it extremely hard to believe that a man’s hunger to control a woman is so great that he doesnt think twice about retraumatizing somebody who is already severely traumatized. If any of you find yourself in a relationship where the terror u feel for your abusers is used to control you by a boyfriend or spouse, please please leave the situation as soon as you can. Nothing is worth putting yourself through that torture.
And if u reveal your abuse to your bf or husband, please brace yourself for the possibility that the man who the first time listens to you with empathy may also be the man who will soon make cruel remarks or otherwise use your abuse to hurt you – and if that does happen, please leave that person because people with such an utter lack of empathy can never be changed. My husband is still the same man he used to be and if I go back to him like he wants me to, I have no doubt that he will do such things again although he may be more subtle and cunning about it – to this day, despite my tears, anger and heartbeak, he has never once denounced my family in clear terms and never once expressed clear support for me against my family, he is just too passive agressive, too much of a control freak to let me have the assurance of knowing that the man who claims to love me and wants me back even after our divorce, actually will support me from people who have done worse things to me than anybody ever has or ever will. I am so terrified that the next time I get married, somebody will do this to me again. Please please dont let a abusive spouse use your trauma as a torture tactic. (my husband was also physically abusive, very controlling and withheld emotional intimacy and sex from me- the abuse seems to be just another weapon in his arsenal of many weapons used to hurt me).
I totally understand coming from south Asian community,we pretend that abuse does not exists in our community. We have no eduction about sexual abuse or teaching kids about sex. I my self abused as a kid decided not to marry in the community left my culture and family behind it now happily married with 3 kids my husband supports me a lot. There is always hope for us and not all men are same
I am also Indian (South Asian) and was sexually molested by my cousin. I was only 6 years old at the time and my cousin was 18 years old. I am now 34 years old and still suffer psychologically even though I haven’t seen him in years. My parents do not understand why I am not married yet and they pressure me to find someone to marry since I am regarded as “old and fat” in the Indian community. My parents do not know that I was sexually abused by their nephew and I’m afraid, even after all these years, that they will not believe me if I tell them about it. OR they will blame me for it occuring. I’m angry at my parents because they didn’t protect me. And now I’m protecting them from feeling guilty about not protecting their little girl.
I fear my cousin, who is now in his 40s, is continuing to molest children. I don’t know what to do.
My parents are good parents now that they are older/elderly and our relationship has gotten better now that I’m in my 30s. As a child, they gave me food, clothes, and thought they were protecting me by not allowing me to participate in sleepovers and participating in sports/activities as a child. They had their own issues and my dad, in particular, wasn’t very attentive when I was growing up. I still love him to death though.
I feel like my weight gain, mild depression, constant restlessness about my life and my future, and my constant troubles with not finding a good man to settle down and have a family of my own with ALL stems from my childhood sexual abuse. I harbor anger, especially at my mother, for not protecting me as a little girl. I’m not a parent, but I would think a mother’s instinct would kick in regarding her little girl crying and playing out sexual scenarios with her barbie dolls as major red flags.
On the flip side, my parents aren’t too emotionally healthy either. My dad has always dealt with depression and anixety for most of his life (he is on medication to control it) and my mom is a codependent and turns a blind eye (in my opinion) to things because it’s her self-defense mechanism kicking in. When it comes to ‘fight or flight’, she tends to do the latter.
The reason why I’m considering telling them NOW after all these years is because I feel like I need to give them a reason as to why their daughter is such a fat loser. I’m very sucessful in my professional life even though I don’t care for the work that I do. Yet, my personal life is a hot mess.
I just feel like if my parents finally saw a real/concrete reason why I am overweight and single, then perhaps they would say they are/were sorry for not being there for me as a child…and perhaps wouldn’t would ask me if I’ve lost any weight and/or if I’ve been exercising every single time that they call me up.
The stink of it is…they reason I’ve kept quiet all these years is because they aren’t emotionally strong enough to deal with the harsh reality. The parent is supposed to protect the child…not the other way around. I’ve been protecting them from having to deal with the guilt and anger of their daughter being sexually molested repeated under the roof of their own house by their nephew.
i been molested when i was 4 years old i remenber was one time , i dont remeber more than this but i forgive the made who molested me . i just want to found out how i can forget about it im 37 y old now
my parents have recently decided to foster our cousins after hearing about them getting taken by the cps. We didn’t want them to go somewhere other than family.anyways they are still with us but during the third month, we only had the eldest three 11(boy), 10(boy), and 7(girl), living with us, during that time the girl decided to tell my parents that she was sexually abused by her father which is why they were taken in the first place five months before but she didn’t tell because she said her dad would beat her as would he tell the rest of them.soon after she told the 11 and 10 year old decided to tell us that the dad would stick his finger and other things in their behind. so we told their social workers immedidalty but heres the deal, the kids social worker has known their mother since she was 16 so she is trying everything in her power to get these kids back for her.(isn’t that like a conflict of interest?, Can we complain?). then we had gotten the other two 5(boy) and 3 (boy) and we were advised to see if anything happened to them too. so we asked and it comes to find out, they to were molested by the mother. not only did the mom do that but let the molesting of the others go on as well. The mom and dad do drugs, hard drugs and never fed the kids, never had any water to shower with or soap or anything. these kids have suffered. the girl told and was taken to talk to the district attorney and they said that there is no doubt that this happened. but the boys have told about what the mother and father did but nothing is being done and not only that, none of the parents have did any time for any of this. now the social worker is saying the kids are losing the case and may have to go back. now isnt that something how could the judge not see that they are hurting. their moms just putting on an act. how could this happen, is their a limitation on how long you can wait to tell on someone for molestation? does our legal system have a site where i can learn more about how to help them stay here and not go and get hurt again? PLEASE HELP… i am not joking but these kids are so scared to go back that they tell me and my parents THEY ARE GOING TO GET KILLED BY THE MOM AND DAD FOR TELLING ON THEM.. can someone please give me advice. can someone please help us help them. they’ve been hurt enough.
George,
Please understand, I’m not an attorney. It does sound to me as though there is a conflict of interest with the social worker knowing the mother since the age of 16. Have you or your parents discussed this with the DA? I’m not sure about the statute of limitations, so you’d want to ask an attorney about that. There are sex abuse hotlines you or your parents can call, and the numbers can be found online by looking for sex abuse hotline, but here are some:
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is at 1-800-4-A-CHILD
Stop It Now! 888.PREVENT (888.773.8368)
National Center for Victims of Crime 800.FYI.CALL (800.394.2255)
National Children’s Alliance at http://www.nca-online.org or 1-800-239-9950.
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
Phone: 800.656.HOPE, Ext. 1 (800.656.4673, Ext. 1)
“If the legal system does not provide adequate protection for a child, call Justice for Children (713-225-4357) or http://www.jfcadvocacy.org.”
Hopefully your parents have a good attorney fighting for these kids rights. If not, they should get an attorney that will help ensure these children are protected. Hope this helps George.
Your concerns are ABSOLUTELY VALID!!!!! If it were me iI’d go to the D.A. It is his/her job to PROTECT those children. If that doesn’t work, just like we (I am a teacher) tell kids…tell and tell and tell until somone listens to you. If the judge and/or D.A. won’t advocate for those children, find someone who will. Finally, if no one in a position to DO something responds to you and after exhausting every avenue ( child abuse agencies / child advocates in the community etc.) I would go to the press. Sometimes you have to make a LOUD NOISE to get some action. Thank God those children have you!!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!
When I was 7, my brother molested me. I didn’t know it was wrong… I didn’t realize what was happening, so I didn’t stop it. I thought he thought I was special.. I feel like I let it happen. I’m scared it’s my fault. I know what happened was wrong, and it’s effecting me badly, even after 5 years. I want to tell my teacher, it hurts so much.. I feel so dirty, and guilty, but I want to protect my brother. I don’t know what to do… If I tell her what happened, but I don’t say it was my brother, she’ll still have to report it and the police will get involved and everything. If they find out.. Will my family hate me? I don’t want my brother to get hurt.. But I’m hurting so much. What should I do?
Hi,
What your brother did was wrong. Whether it is a family member, friend or random person, it is ALWAYS WRONG. I know from experience it is extremely hard to tell anyone, and possibly you may not be able to speak or tell anyone for years, however to be able to move on (if possible), deal and get help with what has happened and protect other people and show others how it can be done you need to report this peson to the authorities. If not you are jeopordising your own recovery and help. Not even mentioning others safety.
I understand that it can be had, theefore maybe going to your GP and beginning a course of psychotherapy and talking it through with a professional without disclosing any information may be beneficial.
Please get in contact if you want to speak further
i was Sexually Abused a year ago from my sisters husband n i cant tell anyone because my other sister was sexually abused when she was little and no one be lived her. i feel like if i tell someone they will tell me the same thing. that it never happened and that its all in my head. i have two be around this person all the time. and i feel like i let him do it because I’m to scared to tell someone that it happened. and i feel like if i tell on him that my sister will not let me see her two kids. i don’t know what two do. if i tell everyone will tell me that it never happened and if i don’t it will eat at me for ever and i don’t want that. but i don’t want to hurt my family. I’m only 15 years old. and i’m so scared that no one will help me.
Stacie,
I understand all too well how hard it is to tell, but you must tell someone who you can trust to provide help. Your brother-in-law has molested you and your sister, and there’s no way of knowing who else he likely molested. Or….who he will molest at some time in the future. Telling you were molested is not only for yourself and your sister, but also for those yet-to-be victims who need protection from this guy. Molesters don’t just molest once or twice and then stop. They continue doing this to children UNTIL they are caught and the authorities act upon the information provided. If this guy and your sister don’t yet have children of their own (who he might also molest), telling the authorities about this guy abusing you and your other sister can help to prevent him from doing the same thing to his own kids if/when they have some. Perhaps you and your sister can tell the authorities together, which would not only be helpful to the authorities to know you’re not the only one accusing the guy, but it also would help you have someone who has been through it themselves as an emotional support for you.
It’s a darn shame when kids are not believed immediately by family members or parents etc, but their not believing the victims does not mean it didn’t happen and that it shouldn’t be stopped immediately, or that the perpetrator shouldn’t be arrested and charged with molesting children.
In a comment left previously shown above, a list of agencies and phone numbers are given. But also think of grown adults you know well that you trust and feel would believe you, then tell that person or people what he did to you and ask them to help you inform the police, CPS or social worker agency in your town. Even if you don’t know anyone you feel you can trust to help you, you can on your own tell the Child Protective Services agency near you, the Police, hospital officials, or call one of the hotlines listed above. This guy must be stopped now, before he hurts anyone else. Believe me, he WILL do this to other kids if he’s not stopped. People WILL help you Stacie, and will help your sister too, but you two have to take the important step of telling people who are in an authority position to act on the information you/your sister provides.
Stacie,
First, I’m very sorry about what has happened to you. It is a very difficult spot for someone of 15. If at all possible, please find someone to talk to; a school counselor, an adult friend, someone from your church, if you attend, someone who you can trust.
While telling can sometimes bring negative consequences, the consequences of telling no one are usually more serious and bottling it up will not make it go away. It only festers.
Good luck. I wish you peace, comfort and safety.
Hi, I’m 15 and a girl. I was repeatedly sexually abused from ages 5 to 11 by my sister who is 28 now. I really want to tell but knowing the kind of person my sister is, she’ll accuse me of lying. My mother would tell me to shut up. Why should I disclose something so important to me to people who I know will not care? I am also fearful of how I’ll be treated after telling them. My abuser got married recently and if the marriage gets sabotaged because of me, I will feel guilty and ashamed. I hope you and I some day get the courage to speak. Cheers
I am a 45 female, married for 24 years….I was molested at the age of 5…My molester was a well known Doctor and friend of the family…I never told anyone about this, (molester told me not to tell my parents as they would never believe me!) I never told my spouse or any family member…I think I pushed all my feeling some where else, and now as an adult I know this was very wrong….The problem is now I need to speak to someone about what I am feeling, and not sure what to do…Can anyone please help me.
Lynette,
I went through something similar and tired to forget it for years and years. I finally sought therapy and have seen several over about 5 1/2 years. I can’t say that I’m healed, but having someone to talk to is better than not talking about it at all.
I still have triggers that set me off and to this day can not walk into a doctors office without extreme anxiety. But having someone to talk to has helped.
I suggest finding someone who specializes in adult survivors and has a lot of experience. There are also several books out there that can help.
I’m looking into a couple different longer programs, one called The Journey, and one called The Hoffman Process, but since I haven’t been to either I can’t vouch for them, though I have heard good things.
If you’re like me, you’re willing to try just about anything to heal, so I’m looking into those things. The Journey is a 2 or 3 day session and the Hoffman is a week or something like that.
Good luck to you. It can be a very difficult and lonely road to travel alone.
I think these days child sexual abuse within the family is a very disclosed subject. It’s so incredibly unfair for the victim. They’ve been raised by their parents/guardians to always tell when they are suffering from any form of abuse but when it occurs in the family it’s a whole different story.
Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely not categorizing every single family – it’s different for all. But from what I’ve heard from a few psychologists, past victim stories and from my own personal experience is that the family become so in denial over the truth they deny it ever happened. They think you’re ‘crazy’ or ‘craving attention’. The one thing I hated was being called a liar. It was the most painful, horrible feeling I’ve ever felt, just by this one word said from my family.
Understandable it’s hard for them to deal with, but they have to realize that the situation isn’t about them, it’s about their child. Their child is trying to reach out to them, they don’t have the time to see how it affects them. I say help the child first then deal with your own problems. I know it’s judgmental to say but how they reacted, I thought was the most incredibly selfish thing.
Like I would do anything for my family and I’m guessing most other victims would agree. I definitely would go out of my way to help my children if it happened to them (which I desperately hope that it won’t). But this is being quite biased because I know what it’s like to go through it, I’ve experienced it, the parent hasn’t ever encountered anything like this before. But then again what does this say about the parent who lacks the empathy to try and see it from the their child’s perspective?
Also I know it’s hard to judge the offender whether it be the your husband, wife, sibling, cousin etc. I even felt sorry for my offender since they were someone I cared about. They look at it like: What is so wrong with them to actually do something like that? The act is so horrendously wrong that despise turns into pity that I guess is it why the victim’s feelings can get ignored and lead them into denial. But still they need to remember that it’s still unjustifiable regardless on who the person is. I’m necessarily saying to punish but help.
I guess all in all it’s all about finding that balance. Parents just need to come to terms with it instead of ‘brushing it under the rug’ so to speak because the more they bottle it up the more worse it comes later on. Basically what I’m trying to say is that parents to do their f***ing job: take care of their children.
Correction: I’m NOT necessarily saying to punish but help **
I was molested by my uncle at the age of 12 and it continue till the age of 14…. im so confuse and i have so much anger in me, he was suppose to be a father figure to me and he always told me he was and continue to tell me that he was not hurting me. At the time i never told anyone because i was not sure how they were going to react and i still dont. The only person the knows is my boyfriend, i am now 20 and i still have not told my mother or my father. i know it would break my father heart, i just hate it went i am ask by my father how come u dont speak to your uncle anymore. I want to tell my father so bad but i know my uncle will never admit what he did and its going to destroy my dads relationship with the whole family.
and my mom i dont if i will ever be able to tell her i am not sure how she is going to react.
Camilla,
I understand how scary it is to even think about telling someone you were molested or raped by someone, whether by a relative in the family, family friend or complete stranger.
It’s very important that you tell your parents what happened to you by your uncle. He may or may not admit to doing anything, but that isn’t the point. Let him deny molesting you all he wants, but his denials don’t mean you aren’t telling the truth. You know the truth of what happened to you.
Telling you were molested is of course for your own benefit, but telling also helps protect other children who this guy has contact with, family or not. This man should not have the time, opportunity or ability to hurt any other children, perhaps some of your own relatives like cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. Think about the other kids this man could have already molested and those yet to become his victims. They deserve and need to be protected, not the man who did this to you.
Keeping the secret protects the perpetrator who hurt you, and it gives the guy “power” over you and makes it that much harder for you to move on with your life without the memory constantly going through your mind and heart. Being afraid to tell out of concern for how your parents would react is understandable, but you must tell them anyway so this man cannot inappropriately touch or molest anyone else.
I recently told my husband of being sexually abused as a child by a close friend of the family & he has been standoffish ever sense. I feel as if I should have kept it locked up forever as having faced his scorn has made me feel even worse than I already do. The pain I carry & constantly put myself thru daily is enough without having to now deal with this as well. Why can’t he understand how hard it was to tell him in the first place muchless coping with his negative reaction. Its almost as painful as the abuse I’d suffered as a child and is why I’ve never told anyone in over 20 years.
Lee, please go to him and talk to him, ask him what he’s thinking and feeling about what you told him. Not in a confrontational way of course, but where you gently draw him out and allow him to share his thoughts and feelings on the matter. I could guess all day long as to possible reasons why he’s reacting the way he is, but the real reason won’t be known until he expresses. Maybe he’s shocked and stunned by the revelation and hasn’t processed it in his mind enough yet to put words to his feelings. Maybe his love for you as his wife is causing him to feel anger and rage at the person who hurt his wife. Maybe, and it’s a BIG maybe, maybe…just maybe…he can relate. Maybe he doesn’t know what to say, what to think, how to respond or how to respond in the right way so as not to make you feel hurt even more, so he unfortunately says nothing and is standoffish and distant. You won’t know until you discuss it with him. Maybe he just doesn’t know how to verbalize his thoughts and feelings and doesn’t want to share any initial very RAW feelings of knowing the woman he loves was hurt this way. Talk to him Lee. Hugs to you and him.
Good Day,
My apologies if I might jump from one thing to the next, and if this becomes a difficult read.
This question has been hammering my thoughts and conscious every day for the last 13 years.
Me and my twin sister have been sexually abused since 2 (+ half) years old; my abusers took it further with me up to 8 years old. It started with a house / work friend and son of our dad hoes wife baby sit us, then our Nursery school teacher, her husband and eldest son + his best friend, and two of our friend’s dads. A few attempts by our nursery teacher’s sister and her husband whom assisted them with the children. Since then I have been sexually harassed by allot of men, up until recently.
I now suddenly got the urge and desire to let it all out… But don’t know how, when would be appropriate, especially if it is a good idea or not at all, and who to rely on. It seems that my parents can’t handle confrontations, etc. The most difficult part is that our father emotionally, physically and verbally abused us threw out our existence. He never had the patience, and blames us for “the loss of his youth”. Our mother on the other hand have manipulated and played on our emotions since – always, to her every woe. She actually robbed us from allot of opportunities, etc. And kept us / with held us from everything. She is the jealous type. Funny to hear how she brags and forces the idea that to keep us from everything and living in a bottled life, is the best move to make. But she allowed us to be molested and turned her head the other way.
We lived in fear of just about everything; the exhaustion of it is killing me. I had a few emotional breakdowns, anxiety attacks, the list goes on, but all left alone. Since meeting my first boyfriend, I now see that our basic understanding of things in life and mentality are totally in an imbalance, plus wrong. We have been so confused and mislead by so many people and there is just about nothing that my parents now can do or might have done that wouldn’t surprise, nor shock me – anymore. We have been led down and disappointed so many times.
My sister always wondered what was wrong with me, due to the HUGE fits, freak-outs, exploding anger, hate and disgust. I would have allot of ups and downs, trying to commit suicide from the age of 9 with a steak knife, etc., inappropriate outbursts / behaviours, ONLY nightmares, and so on. My mom ignores me and tends to talk over me when I make insinuations or give hints. We confessed to her about our molestation when we were 12. She just stood in the kitchen with her head down (I’m sure she did not know how to re-act or what to do), but it did seem that she was surprised with us remembering and now knew. She totally ignored it and went on as per normal for years and years. She lives in complete denial.
I have a vague memory of being tied to a caged bed at the age of 7, in a hospital after being subdued and being medicated. Have confronted my parents about this memory, which they confessed to – but later on made it to be the time when I drank a whole bottle of perfume and was rushed to the hospital at the age of 5. Now, they don’t recall and says there was no such event.
And almost getting raped twice by a group of boys in my primary school (ages between 10 – 14), a friends dad trying penetration forcefully at a sleep over (he was drunk). We were surrounded by my dad’s sick friends. It’s just weird, he knew exactly how and what they were, and still kept them as friends; however he never allowed any of them near us, especially if he wasn’t present. But he is an alchaholic, after-all. We are finally past being threatened with the guns, and killing us.
Like my sister said tonight, she is terrified of finding out more, because we both have a gut feeling of there being more and far worst. I mentioned of wanting to go under hypnosis, but not sure whether it might be a good thing after all. I just want to be done with this weight, and a world of wonder…
I have so much anger, resentment and disgust towards my parents. Today, they are much better after I left home at 19. I sort of forgave the culprits, but the fact that our parents were so disappointing and unreliable, sears my heart. I love them so very much, and we do have some good memories, but unfortunately there are more bad than good. We were close as a family (mom, dad, sister & me), but not open and honest. We never could talk to ANYONE about this. Everyone always tried to run from the truth or hearing it. We got close to getting kidnapped 4 times at school and after care. My town were full of pedophiles and kidnappers (in those times, never got prosecuted). There weren’t much urgency or caring for those things. Everyone rather tried avoiding the issues…
I know allot of other girls whom had been molested too.
I realize that my parents always kept things at a low key, to keep a good front for the family. Maybe they are afraid of facing the truth and seeing how much they had failed as parents.
Today, I struggle constantly with communicating, concentration, behavior, feelings, ETC. I feel too uncomfortable to walk a certain way, talk and be a certain way. Each day is such a struggle. It used to be much worst. I had twitches and would start sweating if I tried to look up. The constant thoughts of fearing people might see what was really going on; find out my embarrassing and disgusting secret and the feeling of being responsible and at fault, threw the way I use to worry and start panicking if I breathed a certain way, looking too nervous, etc. It was just how people would react to the truth, and how awkward it would be for everyone. I use to have SO MUCH HATE within me, and sometimes still do. Luckily not as much, anymore. Me and my sister still have this feeling of disgust and grossed out by ourselves, sometimes. It is a sudden, unexpected thing. I use to be so disgusted with myself, hating myself that I could not bear the feeling of my skin, and so on.
I cannot stop reminding myself Oh’ I’m a damaged person. It keeps popping up.
There hasn’t been a day in my life that I couldn’t stop thinking of this secret. I could never be happy for more than one hour. This is also how I have came to realize that this is why I am so weird and awkward as a child.
Always wondered and asked myself after happily running around with other children, then suddenly stopped in my tracks with the same feeling of utter disgust, thoughts running threw my head: Why am I feeling this way; Why can’t I be or feel as normal as those kids; Why am I so different; Why do I hate myself so much that I wanted to scratch off my skin every time I accidentally touched myself or someone else. It felt like bacteria or germs had gotten onto my fingertips, then my hand would suddenly go numb and get irritated, then I would freak out jumping up and down. Use to have a few obsessions. Only 2 / 3 now.
Put 1 and 1 together. If my mother and father start telling me off (insulting) and denying when we confess, I will then approach them with “wasn’t it obvious?” My sister saw ALL of the signs – figured it out after questioning it.
How would you suppose I handle this?
PLEASE HELP!
Kind Regards,
Broken
My stepfather molested me from the time I was eight until half a year ago. I told my parents, and my mom kicked him out of the house and is in the process of divorcing the bastard. However, both of my parents have been adamant in the request that I don’t tell anyone else. They say that it wouldn’t help anything, and it would just make life more complicated. They’re traditional and think that things like this should be taken care of, but quietly. Also, my stepfather comes from a wealthy family and could definitely afford a really good lawyer. My whole family went to my stepfather’s family’s shrink (who’s been employed by this family for ages), and she says that he’s not a threat to anyone. She basically said that he’s too weak to pursue a child, so as long as he’s kept under a watchful eye, everything is fine. Of course, this is the same shrink that didn’t report the years of abuse that my stepfather and his siblings received from their father. It’s so sick. This psychologist is pretty well know and even has books out! I really want to tell the authorities, but I don’t know if it would be worth it. I don’t want to cause trouble, but I’m terrified that he’ll hurt someone else! What should I do!?
I’m 17 i was 13 when my stepdad sexually abused me, luckily i got away before he did anything too drastic, its now came to the time where i need to ttell someone but i am so terrified of whats going to happen i dont want my family to hate me, i dont want to lose thhem im so scared its unreal..
I was sexually aboused when I was 9 years old by a family’s friend. It was a one time thing. I kept this secrete to myself my whole life. I recently got married and I feel like I need to tell my husband. I’m so afraid of his reaction! I don’t know what can happen between us. I just feel like I have to tell someone.
Hi all… I was hoping someone could provide some insight. I just found out this past weekend from my girl friend that she had been sexually abused by a teacher when she was in highschool. I don’t really know the extent of it, though I know she wasn’t raped. Also, she tells me this guy is no longer teaching. She’s now 23 and I am the first person she has ever told about this.
My question is, aside from just being there for her … does this need to be reported? Is it too late as it happened about 10 years ago? And then finally… what if she doesn’t want to … is it my duty to report this?
Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.
I was raped and sexually abused from a baby until age 13. I have been seeing a counsellor for two years to try and deal with what happened. However, although my counsellor is very patient and gentle I find that Ian unable to really tell her any details, making everything still so secret. I’m embarrassed to use words (body parts, sexual acts ) etc, even too embarrassed to write or draw them. I just can’t get the words out!! Please help me..
I was Sexually abused by my cousin megan when i was 6 years old. i’m 16 now and i can’t tell my mom because she wouldn’t believe me. i got close to telling my dad, but then started feeling sick of the memory. i have told my closet friend but i’m not sure if i should tell anyone else or not. and how would i go about telling someone else if i get afraid they may think i’m lying or just don’t listen.
I was 13 when it all started with my stepdad molesting me after 3 years my best friend was there to help me tell my mom. She didn’t believe me and blamed me for it, it continued until my 18th birthday when he tried to rape me. I freaked out a man that was supposed to be my “father” that’s been there since I was 2 was trying to take my innocence.
I refused to go anywhere near him I was a wreck. He called my mom and told her everything but I am now 23 with a 2 year old of my own. My mother chose to stay with this man and since I am a single mom as I was in a highly abusive marriage I’m back with my parents have been off and on for the last two and a half years. I had a horrible confrontation with him today and he ended up physically assaulting me shoving me while I had my daughter and my mom keeps guilt tripping my over that child molesting prick excuse my choice of words. I don’t know if its too late to press charges about everything that he did to me I refuse to let my child go through what I went through any help?
Roulette, I’m very sorry you had to go through this and the best I can tell you is to check with your local authorities about whether or not the time has past already for pressing charges on your abuser. Each state has its own laws in that regard so I really don’t know the answer to that.
I was molested from about ages 8 to 10(1948 to about 1950) by an adult male in our neighborhood. We had just moved into the neighborhood and a kid my age said that I had to meet “Jack,” he was a really neat guy. So we went over to Jack’s house. Jack was in the garage with a couple of other boys my age. He acted friendly toward me, promised to take me fishing, and, given our family situation at the time (our parents were having problems and anything like affection our caring was or interest in us was very much lacking), somebody taking interest in me was very welcome. We did go fishing, I went for rides in whatever fancy car he happened to have at the time, and he even took me flying in a Piper Cub once. However, early in the relationship, he started being sexual with me. It never went past his playing with my penis, having me hold his, and french-kissing me a few times. I have no independent memory of the initial incident and how I reacted, whether I cried or fought, I do remember very well, however, another incident where my parents and Jack were sitting in our landlord’s living room, and Jack suddenly grabbed me and put me on his lap. I tried to get away but he was too strong. Then I started to cry and he let me go. My parents just sat there like a couple of stumps. I believe it was shortly after this that the molestation started. I put up with it because it turned out to be a small price to pay for some much-needed attention. But the shame was there and has never gone away. By the way, he molested at least two other boys that I know of, one of whom spent most of his adolescence and adulthood in and out of the New Jersey prison system. As for me, I never married, found it difficult to open up to anyone or develop any kind of close relationships, put in a 23-year career in the Navy, and live quietly (but not happily) in my now old age. The answer? Your kids are absolutely your responsibility. Look at them; listen to them; care about them; and love them.
Lin, I am a 30 year old disabled female,schizophrenia and depression. I was in a relationship for 3 years. Throughout the relationship my disability made it hard to communicate. Also throughout the relationship I feel I have been molested and abused by other males. I have really tried to study my disability and have read many things saying that my disability can cause me to not be able to make decisions for myself. This has happened to me 3 times . All 3 times I feel like I had no control over the situation and its sad because all 3 men knew I was disabled. My mind goes into oblivian and all shuts down to where I am not even controlling my mind or body kind of like I feel manipulated and forced to do things I didnt want to. I guess in reality I am ashamed and embarrassed that this happened to me. My partner the one I trusted doesnt understand the schizophrenia or that this happened to me. He believes I just let it happen. I was looking for advice on what I should say or what I can do.. I feel like I was eaten alive by 3 men all who knew I was disabled and even though now I know they sensed I didnt want them near me they still acted on my weakness. Any advice
Im a 16 year old and i dont know what to do. There is a close family friend who buys me things that u want and he forces me to do things. I cant do anything because my family loves him and they dont see anything wring with a 27 yr old sleeping in the same bed with a 16 yr he has been doing this for the past 3 yrs i am very scared to talk to my parents about it.
hi im kai im 23 my boy frend recently told me the other day hes was raped as a boy by a family friend he wanted me to ask him lots of questions about it but i dident have the heart to be so blunt with questions in a txt as he wouldent speak on the phone or to me about it, iv not yet told him i was raped and abused aswell when i was 11 iv never told anyone before puting it here im the only persone hes told.
My head is such a mess right now a few days ago he phoned to tell me he cheated on me it smashed my hear to pices he told me how it happoned a frend offerd him a masage he got naked his frend saw him he changes his mind and got dresed again then his friend kissed him and put his hand down it trousers then he said i was shouting no in his head but he was frozen i know why it happond like that it brought back a terrible memory for him i can so relate to it anyway i forgave him and were trying to move on but now its all i can think about and for 2 nights iv not slept because it brought all my shit back
ill relate my experence too i think the others who have are so brave to share i think if i do this i could maybe open up a little to him and tell him but i feel like he will hate me like im tainted and want nothing more to do with me im so afraid to loose him or something anyway heres my memory
i was 10 or 11 we lived in plymoth my mums boyfriend had been living with us since he had a bad spill on his motorbike not sure how long but i remember he would make me sit on his lap and hed put his hand on my leg and squeeze it then the next thing i remember is he would make me go to the shed he built in our garden that he used as a workshop and made me watch him work on things then he would make me sit on his lap and feel me as he made me feel him i dont know how long he did this for i have little memory of liveing there except the bad bits but it got worse he would put stuff in me and say thing like you like that dont you i was just so scared i hate myself and hate my body like its allways unclean like people will see im a freak i was also scared of upseting him by telling anyone he worked with guns and such befor the ban and i thought he would kill my family if i told i dont know when we moved but a few weeks befor we did he raped me at this point him and mum were in a rough patch and he wasnt moveing with us that was the last time i saw him even now im afraid to tell anyone so i thought if my BF is so dam brave he can tell me the least i can do is try to be as strong im so pathetic i cant even tell him right now he the first person iv relly ever loved befor him i would just have sex with anyone because i dont feel like i can be further fucked up or made dirtyer then i am i have a terrable memory i barly remember anything in my life as i think i shut it all out i dont remember school but when i see pics of myself i remember bits like i would be quiet and keep to myself i think i had friends as iv met perople who said they used to hang out with me and stuff but i just dont know them moste of the ppl i know now i dont consider friends even if they consider me one i lie left right and center so people can never relly know me only to chris hes the only one iv ever been so hounest with no one has ever know me before him like he dose i think i knew hed been abused befor he told me i even knew who did it though he never told me anyway thats that if this helps anyone (Inot likely) im glad right now looking at this poorly spelt bitch fest i wrote i feel kinda releved thanks
Kai
I just after 25 plus years (Im 36 now) of holding it all in and confused of my childhood, told my big sister what had happened to me and if it had happened to her. She was honest with me and said she was hoping she would die with this secret and that she knew nothing of what was happening to me. She said she was sorry she could not protect me and that she wishs she would have said something about what was happening to her so that it might have protected me. See we share the same abuser. She is very scared now that this is all out again, for me it has been a battle for years of not knowing for sure, I blocked so much out from the age of 12 and earlier and every year it came out more and more in my head, it is all very unclear and fuzzy still, but there is enough there to be something. We both fear telling our mother and father, me because I am unsure if my mom can take it physically ans mentally after all these years, my sister because she feels she will lose her family. I told her we NEED to do this together and that We will make it through this….I just need help to know what is the right direction as an adult to tell your family about the abuse after 25 plus years and what to say or do next.
Thank you so much
Scott
I was molested between the ages of 14 – 18 by my sister’s boyfriend. I never told anyone in the family. The only person whom I confided in was a priest. He helped by coming home whenever I called him to say that the beast has arrived.He tried his best to be there for me but often he wasnt free.
I carried on life – found healing through God and church and have even forgive him but I did one stupid mistake. 3 weeks ago, I confessed to my husband of 15 years. We’ve known each other for more than 20yrs but we’ve been married for 15yrs . . .and things are sooo bad. He is sooooo angry with me for hiding it from him, for not telling him. He says that I have leading a fake life, that everything that happened between us is a lie, that I made him a fool.
I dont know what made me confess to him, I dont know why I told him – Our lives are miserable now.
I wish I had read this website before I opened my bloody mouth to him. For all you out there – dont re-open old wounds. I did and I am suffering. I pray God bring healing to us both.
Judith,
i am so sorry to hear about your situation. It is obviously very painful and may be very lonely for you.
I have a similar situation though my wife’s feelings are more resentment than anger. She knew what happened to me but things didn’t surface as much until I started addressing things more deeply. She has gotten to the point where she is not supportive, but also, she is not standing in the way. Her attitude is basically, “let me know when you’re over it.”
One of the books that I have found most useful is Dan Allender’s “The Wounded Heart.” It has helped with understanding and growth, though the scars remain.
With my wife, I’ve tried to focus on the small things – helping out more around the house, doing pick up and drop off at school, helping with homework, putting the kids to bed, etc. Physical affection is very slowly, basically good night and good bye kisses for starters.
It’s a long path and I’m not sure where it will lead. I’m sure you’ve thought of seeing a therapist to help you through this, or asking your husband if he would come with you. My wife did come to one session, which helped.
Best of luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Michael
I tried to commit suicide bye cop 14 days ago. I hurt so bad and I really don’t want to talk about what happend to me as a child. I’ve tried taking my life over 15 times and I don’t mean bullshit attempts. I’ve died many times but the doctors keep bringing me back. Dose the hurt ever go away or should my next attempt be out of a building from 100 floors up. Sorry just going through anxiety, depression, PTSD . I don’t know how to go on! I’ve asked for help but nobody wants to listen except for my wife. She stays bye my side but she don’t understand. From the last day this happend I have been waiting to get revenge but I now know it would not help. This has been one of only a handfuls of times I’ve cryed. I feel like I have no soul. I feel pain for my kids. Help!
keep living. Live for your kids. Be there for them even if no one was there for you. Please don’t give up. You’ve made it this far you can do anything. If nothing else seek help from a therapist. They aren’t bad people and it will help you by releasing the build up of all the years of secrecy. Be the best father you can be.
Hi, I was sexually abuse when I was 9 years old. I never told my parents finally I decided to tell my husband about what happens to try to help me heal from this pain that I have had for 19 years. At first it seemed like my hubby was their to support me but he is has so much anger for the person that molested me that he doesn’t want see him cause if he does he doesn’t know what would be his first reaction of hitting him or killing him. Hubby has been insisting for me to tell my parents I really don’t now how to tell them cause I never had a close relationship with them until now that I have been married. I’m scared but at the same time I know that I’m just going to cause more drama and I just want to forget about it. I told my hubby cause I felt we shouldnt have secrets and that I would have his support and love to help me heal and forget about it.
Hello I just want to ask how I should tell my parents about being molested as a child. I was molested by an uncle I was (maybe) around 7 years old I really dont remember I am now 24 I have a son and my husband wants me to tell my parents about it since I never told them about it. I feel like there is no need for me to tell since it happened long ago and I dont want to mess up my family and break my mothers heart since its her brother.
I did have a hard time as a teen when I would think about the incidents and felt that no one would love me like that, and I was very sexual I though of very sexual things that I shouldnt of been thinking about at that age. I was always very shy, quiet and serious to this day I feel very mature but childish in some ways, I felt very different from my friends growing up and I think it has somewhat affected my self esteem (but I also blame other things for that) but Im thankful that growing up I had a friend who I think helped me through this without even knowing she was helping me. I could of ended up doing drugs or sleeping around but thanks to her and the morals that were instilled in me got me to good place although emotionally I think it affected me. I always though about things a lot the what if’s and the why’s.
I dont hate my uncle, Im not scared of him but sometimes do feel uncomfortable around him, I dont see him often. I feel like I have forgiven him for what he did and maybe even feel pity for him he has had a hard life dealing with alcohol and drug abuse. His wife and children, my grandma and grandpa have suffered a lot because of his illness sometimes I feel sad for him eventhough he has brought it on to himself. This is how I think and let me know if its bad to feel like this but I think he is not a bad person I think he has done wrong very bad choices Im not justifing what he did to me, I dont blame myself because I didnt do anything to make him do this.
My husband wants me to tell my parents before he comes over to visit from out of state he told me why its good to tell and let this secret out but I just cant even imagine myself telling my mother, I know it will break her and my whole family and his too. SOmetimes I feel like God will judge him and he will receive what he deserves and I think hes already paying for the things he did but I see no point in telling now, its been so long.
Is it best if I see a proffesional about it?
Once in a while I’ll think of this If I see a story about it but I feel that im not affected by it every single day anymore, like I used to be.
I’m sorry but I’m 14 and I have to say this: I was “hurt” a couple of months ago….. so isn’t this EXACTLY why we DON’t tell at my age? Because then the police have to know and social-workers and pretty soon your whole neighborhood knows. All your friends, your parents, and its sticks. I’ve know some adults who went through this and (one) when he told it stuck with him for life. I personally think that you should have a right to your secrets, does it not hurt us just as much when people we don’t know (nor care to know) poke around in our stuff? And someone is bound to tell anyway and then he would get caught. I’m just saying; its not as easy as you say. ESPECIALLY when you (like I am) are being pressured into telling your dad/mom/family! And excuse my nickname…. I just don’t want to tell anyone my real name.
it isn’t easy and you dont have to tell your parents. just tell someone. write a diary. Do anything but keep it in. Tell a parent is hard. I’ve never told a parent. But if anything telling your parents can keep you from being in that situation ever again. It doesn’t have to cause a big scene. Good Luck and Stay Strong.
i am 19 now. I started being molested at 12. I never told anyone until i was 17. i didn’t tell anyone because my molestor is my mom’s boyfriend of 15 years. At a yoiung age i was told he had molested someone elses daughter and i was told that my mom had choose him over my brother and me. My mom got custody of us when i was 5. to this day my mom or dad do not know. My mom has repeatedly asked me and i always said no. i thought she could see through the lies because she has caught him playing with himself in their bedroom door and you could see straight into my room from there. after the age 15 i slept with my door shut and locked. I wanted to scream “thats a sign mom, something not right” but instead she would yell at me and tell me not to shut and lock my door. After a while she gave up. My boyfriend knows a little about my story but he doesn’t know much. No one does. I live with my abuser for 5 years while it was going on and there is so much to say but no one ever asks. I find tell someone, a friend, better that keeping it in and making life a bigger hell than it already is.
im 13 i had only one person to tell about what happened to me and it was my couzin because it happened to her too. it started when my father cheated on my mother and we moved away to live beside my uncles house and i was little 6 or so anyway i give my uncle massages because he worked so hard and he pay me then he started to touch and kiss me and i thought it was my fault. and i still kinda feel it is i dont know and im afraid to know if i wanted for it to happen or not i dont want to remember any of it.i feel dirty bad but im getting better at least i think.i didnt tell anyone because he said everybody would be mad at me so does that mean i was sexually abused.he also showed me and my couz some porn videos could i have stopped it?im worried about me and her we see my uncle everyday he acts as it never happened.i cant tell my family because i wont tear it apart no one will ever believe me or be on my side except my couz and my mom .i was so scared that my mom would hate me because it was her brother(my uncle) and she new him since she was little. BUT and thats a big one this website gave me the courage to speak up and she believed me she told me you will never stop knowing how a person truly is even if you grew up with him.now i feel better than i did but not completely you see its my couzin stepfather and she cant tell her mom because i know for a fact that that she will not understand and i think shes scared to be alone im worried that my couzin will suffer but i promised her i will always believe her.my family means so much to me i will not break it unless my couzin agrees to tell the truth with me and my mom understands and loves me so much that she agreed to do what i said but it was hard for her too. i just wish i could do something without harming my family because they mean a lot to me.and they always will.
I was abused when I had barely started going to school. Thatwhy the memory is bleak, but I know 1 thing for sure. I had been sexually abused though the realisation was very late. It happened thrice or so because after that I started distancing myself from that person or making sure that whenever we met we were not alone.
I haven’t told anyone about this, not even my parents. I don’t know how to broach this topic with them. It was so long ago that I don’t even remember the name or face. What do I tell my mum, that I had been abused but I don’t remember who did it. What good would do it now ?
But it’s bad affects still continue. I find it difficult to trust new people & that coupled with the fact that we never stay in the place for more than three years hasn’t got me close friend or confidantes. I’ve become reticient. My parents often scold me for being a sissy, coward or a social oddity for being like this. I get extremely nervous when talking to people, end up stuttering, end up embarassing myself. So, I keep conversations as minimal as possible & avoid socialising.
I find myself losing out on many things because of this.
Should I still tell after all these years ?
Okay! I’m 14! I feel so depressed! don’t know what to
do! I feel like there is nobody there… I’m hurting so
bad…:( my dad hates me and verbally and mentally
abuses me! Sometimes physical! He’s a lunatic! my
mom’s there but she doesent really care! Like she
will ignore or pretends like she doesent care! I told someone i trust alot! (i girl cuz imma girl and its
easier for me to confide in someone thats a girl
also).. I have 2 other ladies i trust.. But anyway (the
other 2 ladies don’t know my whole story)… And i
have siblings but i feel like i cant confind anything in
them! idk what to do i feel so stuck! I love this lady alot but i tell her alot and she doesent seem to mind
but i tell her alot do u think it annoys her? I HATE MY DAD! its hard for me to describe how much i do! i
despise him so much! I Never wanna talk to him!..
But like i told this lady almost everything… one thing i
didnt and im not sure if i should! lemme explain… Okay so one of the time when we were talking she
asked if i had ever gotten sexually abused by my
dad.. (never have by my dad)… But i have been
assulted and NOBODY knows about this! Should i tell her? and how should i tell her? when we talked
about it i tried to wipe it away as fast i could… please help me should i tell her that i was assulted or no? im so scared to tell! what will happen???? My dad was not the one that assulted me… But in so scared to tell! how do i tell? I tried to tell her not to long ago and i freaked out and said I’ll tell you some other time! so scared i don’t want her to do anything! please! And NOBODY at all knows! please give me advice in how i should start the converstaion? and some tips on what i should say… please help! its scary… Thanks!
My husband was abused sexually as a child but refuses to talk to anyone about it. All I know is that happened — I don’t know how old he was, how many times it has happened, who did it, anything.
We’ve been having a lot of trust & intimacy issues in our relationship. Although he doesn’t say it relates to his abuse, I suspect it.
I’ve been trying to convince him to talk to me about what happened or at least talk to a professional. He gets very angry & detached when i ask. I was also raped as a teen & I’ve told him all the details. I find it helps me to talk about it. I wish he would talk to me. I feel like he doesn’t trust me. Am I wrong to insist? We have been married for 13 years & am afraid we won’t be married much longer if our intimacy doesn’t improve.
I was abused as a young child by a respected doctor who was well known to my parents. I didn’t tell anyone until many years later and have had years of therapy.
It hasn’t gone particularly well. Even though my wife knew of the abuse, it has gotten harder for me as I’ve been going through therapy. She doesn’t understand and feels that I should “just get over it.”
I’ve told only four other people other than therapists. They have been very supportive.
I do believe that you must deal with the issue, but so far for me, it’s been harder than when no one knew. I’m still hoping to see significant improvement but working through things is much more painful than locking things away.