Do men want to get married, or not? “Do Men Really Want to Get Married” is the question being discussed in a CNN article about whether the stereotypical belief that men are dragged off to the altar to get married kicking and screaming is true or not. CNN reporter, Alex Wallen, claims to have interviewed dozens of men on how they approached marriage, where these men admitted that they had “fantasized about popping the question, getting married, even having a wedding.”
Wallen reports that numerous men reported having a “light-switch” moment when they decided they should get married to their significant other. Examples given include a life-altering event, such as one man who suddenly realized his love for his girlfriend when she helped him deal with the death of his father; or it might be something as simple as having so much fun playing arcade games together that you can’t imagine yourself having this much fun with anyone else. One man decided it was time to get married when he became angry and balled-up his fists when another man made a pass at his then-girlfriend.
“Real men are perceived as committing “till death do us part” for the wrong reasons — they marry out of convenience or under duress, and they acquiesce, kicking and screaming all the way to the altar”, according to the article. If recent statistics are correct, men are choosing to marry later in life, with the average age being 28 before experiencing their “ah ha” moment, which is a good thing. Nevertheless, there are still many young men and women getting married too young, and far too many couples get married for the wrong reasons and end up regretting it later.
According to one survey claiming men DO want to get married, married men reported positive feelings about being married, with 94% saying they were happier married than single, and 73% reported their sex lives were better. Of the single men included in the study, 53 percent said they were not interested in getting married anytime soon, saying “at this stage in my life I want fun and freedom”, while 47 percent said they wouldn’t get married until they could afford to own a home.
“Of the 1,010 men aged 25-34 who were surveyed, 569 were married. Of that group, 81 percent said they got married “because it was the right time to settle down.” The desire to have children was a major factor for 35 percent; only 15 percent said they married sooner than they wished because of pressure from their partner.”
Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married
Another study was conducted by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University of 60 single, heterosexual men of different backgrounds, between the ages of 25-33. The project results revealed the top ten reasons why men won’t commit, or don’t want to get married.
- They can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past.
- They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabitating rather than marrying.
- They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
- They want to wait until they are older to have children.
- They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises.
- They are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn’t appeared yet.
- They face few social pressures to marry.
- They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.
- They want to own a house before they get a wife.
- They want to enjoy single life for as long as possible.
These findings may not be what women want to hear or believe, but relationship experts agree with the results of the study. Audrey Chapman, author of Getting Good Loving
- “All that stuff that grandma said about `Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’ is true. Women are making it too easy for men. They’re giving sex away.”
- “Now that there’s more competition, women think that sex is the ticket to get a man when in fact it’s a sure fire way not to get him at all,” Chapman reveals.
- “When men get lonely, all they have to do is call up one of their many women. And they call the one that they’re going to be able to spend the night with.”
- “She says that nowadays it is common for many men to have a variety of women to cater to their various needs, including sex, companionship, conversation and even meals. “Men can get all the comforts they need without making it legal.”
It’s interesting that Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, says much the same thing but it’s not what women interested in planning their wedding want to hear. It’s not about getting someone to marry you; love and marriage is not a game. It’s about finding the right person, at the right time and under the right circumstances so the marriage will be lifelong. Maybe some men don’t want to get married, now or ever. I would venture to say that there are women who also don’t want to get married and never will.
Wilmington, DE, psychologist Dr. Alvin L. Turner says, “As children, men don’t fantasize about being married–girls do. It takes a while for us to begin to appreciate that marriage is valuable for us and not just for women. It’s easy to see that marriage happens when you fall in love with someone, but even then many men will marry because they want to keep the woman from marrying someone else. So it becomes a way of protecting their investment basically rather than looking at it as something that’s valuable for themselves.”
William July II, author of “Understanding the Tin Man: Why So Many Men Avoid Intimacy
What about you? If you are a married man, what was your “ah ha” moment where you knew you wanted to get married to your girlfriend? If you are a single man, what are your thoughts on marriage? Ladies, what do you think about the idea that men really don’t want to get married but feel pressured in various ways to tie the knot?
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Wow.. Great article Lin! You have touched the classic subject here
I guess most men would not consider marriage till they have an easy go. Its only when they feel the pressure or threat that their women may not be ‘theirs’ forever do they decide to tie the knot
Thanks Janet. Some men want to get married at some point in their life, but some men don’t want to get married, now or ever. Women don’t want to accept the truth and reality of whether their boyfriend will propose or not, and why it seems to be “taking so long” to get engaged. Hopefully this post will shed some light on the subject for women.
Yeah.. Another thing that I noticed is that there is so much literature available on “tips & tricks” to keep your man/ attract a man/ make him say yes etc etc. And the irony is they sell too!! I wonder why women need to be (or considered so) so desperate for a man. After all, there are better things to concentrate upon like your self, career, friends, family and so on.
There are not many “How to make a women say YES” books written!!
Janet, women have been raised to grow up to become wives and mothers from the time they are very young girls. Think about all the cartoon movies that little girls gush over, like Cinderella dreaming and wishing her Prince Charming will come and rescue her off to a life of wedded bliss. There are tons of other movies for kids just like that, and girls grow up thinking/believing that it’s a reality for them, that they need to grow up and get married. In older generations there was the belief that if a woman didn’t get married by the time she was 30 years old, she was an “old maid”, where no man would want her and she’d likely never get married. Some people still believe in that nonsense, but fortunately the times have changed to where women are growing up with plans to go to college and establish herself in a career of her choosing, and then (if she wants to) get married and have children etc. Of course, there’s that thing about the “biological clock ticking” for women wanting to get married while she’s still young enough to bear children.
You have cited a very interesting point there Lin. The whole stereotypical idea about women wanting to grow up and get married and men growing up to earn bread for the family has been so deep rooted right from the childhood years. Even the cartoons, the stories are drafted on the same lines. For the society to change, there would have to be a complete revamp of the system!!!
A role reversal is not what is needed. The problem is when these norms pressurize women (and even men) to follow a certain expected way of life and if someone tries to deviate from them, the society accept it very easily.
Janet, last night I was reading a couple of online articles and one message board where women were saying “I want to get married” but their boyfriend doesn’t want to get married, where these women were asking questions to each other about how to get their man to propose. Yikes!
The advice given to the women were various “pressure” tactics and some rather underhanded ways of getting their boyfriend to marry them, including several suggesting that they get pregnant on purpose. *rolls eyes*
Some of the women gave their ages were clearly too young to even be thinking about getting married, and others came across as desperate. I guess they didn’t see my article “Don’t be that girl”, hehe
I can understand why a single man might not want to get married. But what I’m confused about is why my particular man has asked me to have his baby, but has said he doesn’t want to get married because he doesn’t believe in it as an institutional or societal arrangement, and doesn’t believe there’s any difference between just cohabitation and getting married.
I wasn’t particularly focused on getting married yet (I just moved into his place 5 months ago or so), and we’ve only been together about 1 year 8 months. I wasn’t even thinking about marriage yet. But now he’s entered a baby into the equation. Now that he’s mentioned this, I feel like we should get married first, like it’s the right thing to do.
The thing is, he has a nearly 4-year old daughter and he wants to give her a sibling before she turns 5, and he thinks it will help him get custody of her. He wasn’t married to the daughter’s mother. I asked him if he wanted a sibling for his daughter or another child, and he said another child, but I still feel scared and uneasy about it.
To tell you the truth, i feel a bit like an egg donor who just happened to be a nice prospective baby mama. I feel like having his baby without marriage means he doesn’t respect me. I don’t want to just be another “baby mama” and I want to be more important to him than his first baby mama. What do you think about this not-so-romantic proposal?
Hi Chamita,
I think you actually answered your own question. Your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married but he wants to have a baby with you. Not only that, but he’s even given you a deadline. You said yourself: He wants to give his daughter a sibling before she turns 5 years old, “and he thinks it will help him get custody of her”. Ding, ding, ding, red flag!
Your woman’s intuition is screaming at you right now. Don’t do it. There are right and wrong reasons to get married, and there are right and wrong reasons to get pregnant and bring a child into this world. Don’t do it. You feeling like you’re being used as an egg donor is your intuition telling you don’t do it, don’t fall for it, it’s a scam. It’s your brain telling you “something isn’t right here” and you have to listen to what it’s telling you. Don’t do it.
Gosh.. Someone ask them to go get a life!! There are actually women who waste precious time on forums to discuss how to nail a guy??? Din’t you leave a link to yout blog.. They would fare so much better in life if they become a regular here..
I have read that post of yours but haven’t read the book as of yet. But I’m sure you have illustrated the crux of the book very well.
Ladies, let’s be honest here… marriage is a good deal for women, but not men – via the legal system if a divorce occurs. If you think men are simply people to be manipulated, or pressured into marriage… your marriage will never last with that disingenous viewpoint. Men are considerably brighter than you think… they understand if a divorce occurs what they have to lose – they’ve seen it and heard about it from family to friends who have firsthand experience. If he won’t marry you, it’s not because he’s immature, or doesn’t love you… it’s because marriage is a legal contract and he knows full well he may end up losing his assets, children, money, pension, house, etc., via the current legal system. The problem is… the secret’s out ladies – too many divorced dad’s are talking/educating younger men.
Marriages can and do end in divorce in many cases, as the divorce rates indicate. The legal system definitely has its problems in regards to division of property and assets when a divorce occurs – but statistically speaking, there is still truth to the fact that divorced women often find themselves in a worse financial state then divorced men do. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of divorced fathers who don’t take their responsibility towards their children seriously enough and don’t pay child support and don’t show up for visitation etc. All in all, the children of divorcing parents are the ones who suffer the most.
Although I do respect your point of view I’ve also noted some flaws in your response.
1.” there is still truth to the fact that divorced women often find themselves in a worse financial state then divorced men do” – This isn’t the 1940′s anymore Many women have careers before getting married, and actually continue to work during the marriage, by default, women become primary caretakers of kids because anatomically speaking; women’s bodies were designed to bear children and care for them during early stages of life. Women who choose not to work after children are school age make those decisions upon themselves to rely on their spouse’s income, however upon divorce, those same women feel entitled too a fraction of their husband’s income in a vessel guised as spousal maintenance
2 “there are still a lot of divorced fathers who don’t take their responsibility towards their children seriously enough and don’t pay child support and don’t show up for visitation etc”
You biasedly assume that the woman will always receive custody of the children upon divorce.
Many men are alienated from their children from the court system reducing them from a daily positive influence in their daughter’s/son’s lives – to an every other weekend dad. In addition the term “visitation” is an outdated term. Do you visit your children when you are with them??
Child support is usually court ordered and withheld directly from Men and women who receive pay checks.
3# “statistically speaking, there is still truth to the fact that divorced women often find themselves in a worse financial state then divorced men do.”
That is false, women are now career oriented. Upon dissolution of marriage, women return to their career status. With child custody laws changing; men and women are both equally responsible for daycare etc. In addition, by the time you factor in spousal maintenance, child support, and any other financial assistance women receive, both of the net incomes of the divorced husband and the entitlement receiving divorced wife/woman are the same. So actually, the man is in a worse off financial and custodial position then the women
Just some food for thought.
BRAVO!………….You are damn right the secret is out! I have no intentions of marrying or ‘shacking-up’. I am 45 and like being single. The Femi-Nazi’s have brought this on themselves. Now let them sit in the middle and suck on it!
Guess I’m late getting to this topic, but I’m a 29 year old woman. I’ve been living together with my boyfriend for a year and he recently proposed. I said yes without thinking about it (why are these thins manufactured to be like a gameshow where you have to come up with an answer on the spot??). Now I am absolutely panicking. Let me tell you why:
1. As a single woman it is incredibly easy to get sex. Definitely don’t need a husband for that.
2. I can enjoy the benefits of being married by cohabitating. I get to sleep next to a warm body and make him take out the trash but I don’t have to share my income with him and I don’t have to do his laundry (ughh)
3. I definitely have no desire to go through a divorce or have him end up with rights to half my money (especially my retirement account!!)
4. Uh, I don’t really have an opinion about children. My sister was born when I was 13 and I feel like I’ve done my fair share of child raising in this world. I’m not against having a baby, but it’s definitely not a time sensitive thing. I’m a little worried about the biological clock thing but I guess if I decide later that I absolutely MUST have a baby then there are adoption options out there. I know several people who have adopted. A baby would be nice I guess. Definitely not excited about the 4am feeding thing, though. Yeah. Not excited. At. All.
5. Now, here’s the kicker – the compromise thing. The idea of thinking of myself as part of some marital unit is absolutely scaring the pants off me. Granted, since we live together now I can’t really be bringing home loose men, but I still have a degree of independence. And if he doesn’t like that I stay out late drinking with my friends he can kick it.
Having said all that, I enjoy spending time with him, sleeping with him, all of that. But now he’s asked me to marry him — what do I do?????? I don’t think I’m ready for this but I can’t imagine what he will think if I tell him I’m not ready. But the idea of giving up my freedom and independence has me absolutely paralyzed with fear. He’s basically asking me to jump off a cliff with love as some sort of lifeline. I don’t know, the odds are not looking good.
And here’s question number 2: Am I some sort of freak of nature? Why am I acting like a guy?? Is there some biological reason I’m not dreaming of Cinderella? I mean, Cinderella is great and all but what we’re talking about here is trading a big poofy dress for… for what? I don’t know. Seriously. I already live with him, what will marriage give me that I don’t already have other than uncertainty?
I think I need to sign off here as
Cold Feet Big time
Misa,
You are a perfect example of a woman who doesn’t want to get married, at least not now. Maybe one day you will want to get married and then again, maybe you are one of many women who have no interest in ever being married. There’s nothing wrong with that – it just is the way it is.
You’re right…, the moment a man pops the question, the girl is supposed to gush and cry and immediately say yes. There IS something wrong with that.
Both men and women are sometimes pressured into getting married. I’ve heard from men who have said their families/parents pressured them to propose to their girlfriend and got married, when neither of them felt they were ready for marriage.
Misa, don’t panic. You obviously know what you want and what you don’t want. Being together for a year as you two have really isn’t very long to know for sure within your heart and mind whether “this is the one” etc. No, you’re not a freak of nature.
There are many women who don’t want to get married. Ever. There are men who don’t want to get married. Ever.
You’re still young – there’s plenty of time for you to decide if you want to have kids at some point, so don’t let the whole biological clock thing get to you. Remember, there are right and wrong reasons for getting married. Don’t get married if you don’t want to get married. It will only lead you to regret it later on, and then there are a whole other set of problems to deal with then.
You just have to find a way of letting him know that you aren’t ready to start planning a wedding etc etc. Some couples decide to have a long engagement, and I mean a verrrry long engagement – some have been engaged for several years without actually getting legally married. Don’t get married for the wrong reasons Misa, it will only hurt you both later.
Misa,
Do this guy a favor and leave him now.
You want to know why?
Here is why:
1) You said, “As a single woman it is incredibly easy to get sex. Definitely don’t need a husband for that.”
And hopefully that “someone” that you hook up with doesn’t give you a disease. And if you say something like you can use condoms, well, that is like eating an ice cream cone with a sock on it. That isn’t great sex. That isn’t even good sex.
2).You said, “I can enjoy the benefits of being married by cohabitating. I get to sleep next to a warm body and make him take out the trash but I don’t have to share my income with him and I don’t have to do his laundry (ughh)”
Marriage isn’t about cohabitation, it’s about children and the family unit. Your comments show you that you are not ready for either.
3) You said, “I definitely have no desire to go through a divorce or have him end up with rights to half my money (especially my retirement account!!)”
You never go into a marriage with the idea of getting divorced. If you feel that way, don’t bother getting married. You already have the wrong attitude. Marriage is not about being selfish, which your comments show that you are.
If that is how you want to be, that is your business, but don’t drag this man into your world. Let him go.
4) You said, “Uh, I don’t really have an opinion about children. …”
Then don’t get married. You will only cause problems when he might want to have children and you don’t.
5) You said, “Now, here’s the kicker – the compromise thing. ”
This is a major reason you don’t need to marry him. Leave him alone and let him find someone that is willing to love him and not themselves.
6) You said, “Having said all that, I enjoy spending time with him, sleeping with him, all of that. But now he’s asked me to marry him — what do I do??????”
Really, you have to ask? Leave him and find someone else that doesn’t want to get married. This man is telling you that he loves you enough to leave his single life behind. He is telling you that you are the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. This is a growing old together thing.
Your comments show that you are not ready for marriage or even a relationship.
Have some respect for yourself and stop sleeping around. These men that will sleep with you don’t care about you. They don’t care about anything except their next conquest.
And if all of these comments make you feel bad, I hope the do. You need to wake up and have respect for yourself.
I really hope that you do the right thing and let this man leave and find someone that will love and care for him.
Albert,
1. You seem incredibly ignorant to the fact marriage doesn’t equal children or the ‘family’ unit to ALL. Perhaps to YOU, but marriage to many just means a solid commitment or whatever they would like it to be. It doesn’t not mean you must have children. Heck, I know married couples who will never have kids and they are happier than some that do have kids.
2. Misa never once mentioned she was sleeping around. She just stated a fact. That it’s obviously easier to get sex when you are single. You have options. That goes for you or any man or woman. Stop being entitled and telling her what to do. You didn’t read her comment through and your fatherly advice comes across as entitled and creepy.
3. Stop telling her to ‘have respect for herself.’ She does. She is voicing her own emotions with getting engaged and possibly not being ready for that. Who are you to tell her how to feel? How about having respect for others, hm?
4. You’re whole rant screams raging misogynist.
I am 27 year old guy. There was a friend of mine and we used to talk, share and hang out. It was sheer friendship. She always asked me to stay as friends only and I agreed. I never thought otherwise for her. Now she was attached before I knew and later proposed me. I was all devastated by this act of hers. I am an emotionally weak guy who fail to prioritize his own happiness thinking of it hurting someone. I agreed and now we are engaged. She is all excited but I never wanted to get married. I do not have anyone to speak so I am venting it out here. Everyone calls me fool or something that you should have said no to her. Yes, could have been done but I just could not.
I am not that strong. Another thing that itches me is that she always knew that I do not want to get married, why did she do that to me. I feel like a dead man. I have lost my enthusiasm about everything in life since the day I agreed. I know I am responsible for my state so I am not looking for any sympathy. Just wanted to vomit my frustration.
My entire zeal for life has gone and nothing makes sense now. Why people do that when I acted the way they wanted??
I feel so betrayed and I feel so bad about all this. I feel my life all finished and I am mere a zombie now. I just want to cry and I just feel so useless that I want to die.
Nothing personal to anyone but to myself.
What is with you people?
Dude, don’t marry her. If you don’t love her enough to want to be with her till death do you part, end it now.
If you love her as a friend the way you say that you do, end it now.
She might be happy now, but after she starts seeing how you act after you get married, it will suck for her and you will end up getting a divorce.
Are you already having sex with her? If so, this is part of the problem. Why are you having sex with someone that is just a friend? If you’re not having sex, disregard that last question.
But wake up man, and don’t do something that makes you want to vomit. That is just dumb. If she hates you afterwards, she will get over it. Will that mean you wont be friends afterwards? Possibly and more than likely. But she will get over it and find someone that wants to marry her. She isn’t even looking for someone else because you are leading her on.
Let her go.
You really shouldn’t be posting on this blog. Your comments are parallel to trolling and your advice is incredibly moot and narrow-minded. Do you think people will actually listen to your ‘advice’ by judging them and insulting them? Sounds like someone is unhappy with their own life. Oh and P.S. we don’t live in 1950 anymore. Sexism doesn’t play well with most these days.
Caballita, it is really you who is acting like a troll. The guy has some good advice, and you are simply following all his comments to vent out your frustrations.
Sinha, No problem here. Caballita doesn’t scare me. I’m sure this person has a good head on her/his shoulders that at some point they will want to share with us her/his wisdom.
Lets encourage the input that we so desperately need, shall we?
Not even close to being unhappy with my life, thank you very much.
I have a wonderful and beautiful wife, who happens to be the mother of my 3 wonderful kids that I love with all my heart. I intend to be with them til death does us part. Happy, happy happy. How about you?
Sexism? What did I say that would be considered sexist?
What kind of advice do you have to offer Tapap?
If I’m trolling, then it wouldn’t it have been wise of you to ignore what I said and just give Tapap your advice since that is what he is asking for?
Please enlighten us with your 21st century advice for Tapap and lets see what you have to offer to the conversation.
You need to sit her down and have a talk. Tell her that you want to call off the engagement. You shouldn’t have agreed to something you didn’t want in the first place. Just “going along with” other people’s desires is a bad way to live. You won’t avoid conflict by doing that.
@Skeptic: Thanks a lot for your reply.
Tell me the way to live with it than to avoid it. My context is such that I will end up hurting a lot many people if I go by my wish. I do not want to hurt all those loved ones. I want to be happy and need a way to cope up with the trade off happened. I hope you’ll understand it.
OMG, I know this is late, but…
Dude, I’m a female (a very emotional, compassionate, caring, wanting to get married to the love of my life, I want my friends married, I want every female who wants to get married get her dream-type female), and my thoughts: I hope you’ve called it off by now, and if you have, you’re probably in a much more happy place. Congratulations-Back to blissfully living the life you want to live!
If not:
I hope you take to heart what I’m about to say: Look out for YOURSELF and your own happiness before others. You were up here talking about feelings of dying. You don’t think that your pity-’fiance’ will pick up on that negativity after a while? I mean, as much as I love my ex (God knows I love him, and still dream of working it out sometimes), BUT he was not a happy person (not happy with himself, our situation, whatever), and it got annoying. We eventually broke up and I was terribly upset, but after a while, I just realized he wasn’t good for me. His misery crossed over to being my misery, and I became less and less happy. The kid dulled my shine. So we both lost on that one.
You also don’t want to harbor resentment against anyone, which you will, and you risk subconsciously treating her badly because deep down you feel like she set you up. All very avoidable situations. Loved ones, shmuved ones, who cares, if you’re not happy, you and only you have the responsibility of that, You MUST take control over the one thing in life you have control over: YOU …and the situations You put Yourself in. Don’t complain about it because you’re doing it on yourself. And don’t try to play secret hero either, “giving everyone else what you think they want. I’m prety sure all they really want is for her to be happy. They are Not thinking about you, obviously (talkin about dying, clearly they don’t care). For goodness sake, you only live once. Why not live for the sake of what YOU want. No one else BUT you knows what will truly make you happy.
It’ll be best for you and her. I’m sure she just wants someone to love her FOR-EV-ER, so don’t sell her a lemon, let her find the real thing. Dang, I really hope you’re not still engaged to this woman. I’m sure if you don’t waste her time anymore (by regrettably going along with her fantasy) she’ll pick herself up, learn from her and your actions and find someone who will share a mutual love with her. And it’ll probably, suprisingly free you up to a wonderful female who just might tug and pull at your marriage strings naturally (no force necessary). Please don’t marry this woman (haha, thought I’d NEVER say something like that to a man…learn something new about myself every day)
Good freakin’ luck! SMH.
You will hurt them in the end if you are not honest with them now. Don’t allow this to happen if you are not wanting to be in the relationship. You will ruin any chance of keeping a friend if you don’t let her know how you feel.
She will only hurt for a while. But if you marry her and then she finds out, you will lose her as a friend and anything else forever. That will hurt more then being honest with her now.
“If he won’t marry you, it’s not because he’s immature, or doesn’t love you… it’s because marriage is a legal contract and he knows full well he may end up losing his assets, children, money, pension, house, etc., via the current legal system. ”
——————————–
This is exactly why men shouldn’t marry, and because at least half of marriages end in divorce and 75% are initiated exclusively by the woman it is truly a ridiculous institution for men to get involved in. Women like weddings but that’s all.
Misa, your concerns are valid, you are not marriage material and never will be, there is nothing wring with that.
Me and the guy that I’m dating are thinking about marriage. But the reason that he is concerned about getting married is that he is not fully established yet. What I want to know is if we were to still get married will he recent me for it?
Dump his butt. If his position in life is more important then you now, it always will be. Find someone that wants to be with you. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Till death do you part.
It’s a commitment, not a contract.
I’ve been proposed to six times by men and believe me, I didn’t instigate their proposal. Women have got to understand that the more pressure you put on a man to get married the more chance he will run away. If you are not particularly bothered or act as if you’re not, he will be more interested and feel free to propose. My advice girls: be a sexy friend.
You should start the relationship with the attitude that you are looking to get married. If he is not wanting to even entertain the idea, tell him to move on so he doesn’t waste your time and his.
Never send mixed signals. If you want to get mRried in the near future, the guy needs to know.
These days in the U.S. marriage is not in the man’s best interest socially or financially and most men are aware of this. If things go “south” the woman gets everything in the divorce decree (kids, house, tax breaks, child support, etc). Divorce is very costly financially and thus emotionally for men. also if there is something wrong in the marriage, the man always gets blamed even before people understand what even happened. marriage is the key for control for a woman and singlehood is the key for control for a man. besides most married guys i know age into bitter, anal, overweight fingerpointers, while single/divorced guys are out enjoying their freedom. its only on in the media where they try to present unmarried men as inept, unhappy losers.
Let me guess, you’re divorced?
WhT happened? Why did she leave?
I am 45,MBA and a self-made millionaire.Getting married is the last thing I want.I don’t need the bull**** or the legal bills or the alimony payments! The best advice I ever had about women was …”anything that bleeds for 7 days and does not die cannot be trusted”
…”and a self-made millionaire.” Congrats! You just exposed yourself as a gigantic douchebag to both men and women. On top of being a complete misogynist. Sounds like you’re overcompensating through comments for something else. Your grammar is also horrendous for someone so old.
No sense buying the cow when I can get the milk for free! No Femi-Nazi dominated Family Court….no alimony payments..etc..etc. Money is useful to me…..women are a pain in the ass!
the purpose of getting married is to satisfy everyone but you: the government, the clergy, the diamond industry, the wedding industry (i.e. caterers, food & beverage, etc.), and the wife-to-be (who will take 1/2 of your money and assets once she divorces you).
Why don’t I want to get married? Because I don’t want to know what a divorce is like, nor do I want to live in squalor while paying child support. Women really don’t need men…they just need their baby seed. That and someone to take out the trash.
I’m a woman who has been married for 5 years, and I have 3 children. I recently asked my husband why men generally get married. He said for companionship and for regular sex. Needless to say I asked him this, because I was feeling a little jaded by the differences in men and women. Recently, for some reason, sparingly, he’ll tell me a story about something related to pretty girls from the past. Since it’s so sparingly, what I don’t think he realizes is I really don’t want to hear about it if it’s about a pretty girl. I’m a woman and I’m sensitive to that sort of thing because I want to be the only woman in his universe, and sometimes the truth about how men are visual is a hard reality for a wife to swallow. Now, my husband clings close to me, carresses me in public and makes me feel desired and is respectful (he doesn’t gawk at other women). It’s just hard for me to know underneath even the most respectful guy is the basis of his body’s biology in the truth that visual stimulation attract him even if he is already married. So when someone states that woman have the good deal in a marriage, it makes me want to let them know my perspective even if its pointless to type. Pointless because these things won’t change. Women are women and men are men. Woman are intristicly good with 1 man to 1 woman ratio, even visually- at least for me I know this is true, and men will glance at any woman when they get the chance as long as it is within respectful boundaries. And, it may also be the woman’s movement’s fault as well in that just because nowdays i have the right to bear my cleavage and show my long legs, um maybe I shouldn’t because all it does is fuel other men to glance at me, therefore making other wives feel like I sometimes do, and my husband to feel bad. All we can do is be respectful of our gender differences I guess.
Just a quick comment here….
I read this article and I thought it was good!!! However there is a growing portion of men in our society (of which I am one myself) that this article, and others like it, seem to ignore. And that is that there are many men out there who simply do not wish to ever get married or have children. I am a single, 33 year old male who has never had a wish nor a desire to get married or have children. I am not sexually active, have no wish to be and I couldn’t be happeir!! I do not have commitment issues, social phobias, fear of women nor fear of sexual intimacy. I have many friends and an active social life. Yet I feel that society still does not fully accept people like myself. I am viewed as secretly hiding something a commitment phobe or secretly gay. I feel that society needs to realise that the societal norm of dating, marriage and kids does not fit everyone anymore and there is nothing wrong with that!!
Anyway………..Just my two cents!! For whatever it’s worth!!!
Take Care and catch you on the web!!!
Steve Timm
I agree with you Cindy!!!!!
But I have a quick comment/rant about the nature of your comment……
You have my utmost respect for your marriage and your children!! Your husband seems to be a good guy!!! I like the way he shows his affection to you in public etc, and I could not respect that more!!! Anyway, on to my rant on gender differences……
I find women to be very peculiar creatures. I personally have no wish to be married or have kids, but I have always been curious, why do women always gripe and complain that they cannot find a nice guy when those same women, when they find a nice guy, get bored with him and eventually leave him? I cannot tell you how many women I have talked to that were with men that treated them horribly and then complained that they were with a nice guy before being with the horrible guy, but he was too boring for them!?!?!?!?!?!? That knocks me sideways!!! I am what you call a nice guy. I do not drink, smoke, do drugs, gamble, swear or have illicit sex. ( Boy, I bet you’re wondering how I release all the pressure that builds up!!!!!)
:) When I dated in my early twenties, I dated a couple of women that preferred a mean guy to a nice guy. Nowadays they are standing nipple deep in cauldrons of $%^&!! Needless to say, I was not the guy for them!! I personally have never understood this concept in the least and think that a woman would be happier with a guy that treats them like your husband treats you!!! Humph!!!! (I hope that’s how you spell HUMPH!!!) Sorry!!! It was not a quick rant after all………………
Thanks and God Bless!!!!
Take Care and catch you on the web!!!
Steve Timm
Marriage these days is a bad deal for the PASSIVE type of guys or beta/omega types. Women still respect alpha type men but are increasingly taking advantage of men who show vulnerability. They respect strength and control, but not abusive though. Many men are struggling these days with the changing gender roles in american society. some men (betas) are being emasculated in the process. The american court system is absolutely vicious toward men (criminally and civil) compared to women. this is especially true for poor and beta/omega type men. alpha types know how to gain the system like many women have learned to do. most smart decisions are made by gut feel. if your gut tells you to wait or vacate, then listen to it! just some cheap advice from an old baldheaded fool~
Hi Steve Timm,
I like that you are a fellow non cusser. That is me as well. Also a non drinker a non gambler, etc. It’s a shame that you don’t have an innate desire for marriage since you are a nice guy and would probably be good at it! I guess I’ve always wanted to be a mother and be married in the traditional ideal so that’s why I am married.
In response to your curiosity and gripe about why women prefer the mean type of men or bad- boy type, I guess I have a little insight since I’ve been attracted to both types of men (the typical nice good for you guy, and the bad-boy not good for you type). I think what it is is a little illusion of the mind type of thing. For me, if I’m attracted to a bad boy persona, it’s usually because he thinks highly of himself and just because of this, I’ll believe it for awhile too. For me, he’ll also usually give off some traits that I think are nice such as a fun personality, and deliver a lot of complimentary words (a sweet talker) that I’ll believe for a time . Couple those few things with the fact that he’ll also want to (get into your pants), and he’ll do a few, sometimes a lot of, nice things for you, for a time or only when it’s convienient for him. To be honest, I fell for this more than once, but with the same guy. I ended up having my first child with him and later marrying him, only to find out he had an internet babe in a different country about 5 months after we got married. And yes I filed for divorce. And no, I did not financially gain anything from this marriage and I did not and have not thus pushed for child support. He got a 0 order for child support since he was a recipient of ssi dissability, and I have not checked if this could change this order and my oldest daughter is 9 years old now. This was my experience with a “bad boy.” After this marriage dissolved, and about 4 years later, I met my former husband’s replacement (ie my new husband.) He is a nice guy good for you type of guy and I am attracted to him because of how he treats me. I wasn’t looking for a relationship or a new boyfriend or husband at the time or even indefinetly, but because he persistently treated me well and would bend over backwards for me, I knew his love and caring for me wouldn’t just stop as it would with someone who is conceded and thinks they are too cool to treat others well for the long term. So that’s why I prefer the nice guy type, because they aren’t conceded and they are capable of true love. ( I know I must sound mushy and totally sound like a girl here. Sorry guys.) But my new husband of 5 years even has taken care of my 9 year old financially and emotionally as a father since she was 3 years old, and now we have 2 more children that we have made to complete our family. So, longevity and friendship in a good relationship is the best reason I can give as to why nice guys are best. And I would have to disagree that all nice guys are passive guys. When my guy and I were “courting” yes he would do many nice things for me and bend over backwards to do so, but now that we are married it has naturally lessened in gusto. We joke about how he spends less money on me now and that I’m a cheap date nowadays. And he doesn’t give up his ideals because my ideals may sometimes clash with his. I also don’t boss him around, and he naturally cares about me enough to ask what things I am needing (as I don’t take a job so we don’t have to pay for daycare) since his job supports all in our family. Also I agree with baldheaded fool in that above all, you should just do what your gut tells you to do as he said (wait or vacate). Some things are just a little more interpersonal than generalisations even though we all look to them a little bit sometimes.
Happy Blogging!
Cindy, Just curious, was your first boyfriend a bad boy? We have in us all something called imprinting. For men, it’s tied closely to sex. If a mans first sexual experience is a “dirty” one, he continually gravitates towards that and is always looking to reenact that experience. Women do someone the same thing.
But, again, this is a generalization and it isn’t always true for all people. Some people don’t imprint as much as others and it isn’t as big of a deal.
If your first boyfriend was a bad boy, it’s possible that you would pull into that more and then over time, you learned that it wasn’t the best thing for you.
I’m so glad that you have found a man that is caring for you. That is an important thing.
To me, marriage is a commitment, not a contract. You can’t love someone if you rely on your emotions. You gut feelings can tell you somethings and will most definitely keep you from bad boys, but it can not keep you on the right track when your nice boy husband and you are fighting. That is where the commitment comes in.
All marriages are hard. That’s just a fact of life. But with the commitment from both parties, you get something that will last the test of time. Why? Because it’s not a selfish endeavor.
All marriages, and I mean all marriages that end in divorce is because one or both of the couple were bring selfish.
Hi, Cindy!!
Thank you for your kind words and shedding some light on the subject of women!!
You have cleared up some of my confusion about why women seem to prefer bad guys versus the good guys when it comes to marriage and relationships.
I have gathered from your posts that you and your husband seem to respect each other. This is good in a marriage!! I seem to see so often that some married couiples do not respect each other with regards to who they are as individuals. It seems that so often when two people get married, either party seems to think that it is thier duty to change the other into what they want them to be!! (Another rub with marriage for me!!) Again, gathering from what I have seen in your posts, you and your husband don’t seem to do that!! This is good!!
Anyway, thank you again for clearing up some of the mysteries of women!!!
Catch you on the web!!
Steve Timm
BINGO Baldheaded fool!!!!
I couldn’t agree more with your posts!!! Single men are definitely stigmatized in our society!!
Your posts are excellent!! Ahhhhh the splendor of truth!!
Take Care!!
Steve Timm
Hi Albert,
I’m not so sure of the imprinting idea/theory relates to why I was attracted to and married a bad boy the first time around. He was my first serious relationship, and I was 18. Briefly before that I dated a nice guy that I had known from high school, but it was not a serious relationship or a sexual one at that. And before that, for example, for my prom I chose a nice guy. And before that, I was always attracted to nice guys as far as all my high school and grade school crushes-guys I could really sit and talk with and not be fearful or intimidated of. However, I never really analyzed what type of guy I was attracted to at that point. So when my first bad boy came into my world I was inexperienced and I guess i wasn’t really prepared for the whirlwind he was gonna take me on. I just remember thinking he was a nice guy to begin with, but it was all an illusion until I had made a too few mistakes on him, and then because I was pregnant, then married, then with his baby, I kept trying to hold on. Typical inexperienced nice girl mentality stuff. So all I know, is when I got out of this relationship, and ran out of more chances to make things work with him, I definetely didn’t imprint the bad boy persona to any future men. For me, it was a one person time deal and a lesson learned. But that’s not to say that I don’t think imprinting happens for some. And I also think there is some truth to the alpha male persona getting a lot of women because they are typically the initiators, and a lot of women like this trait in men (myself included.) But that’s not to say all alpha omega men are bad boys, I don’t think, unless I misunderstand. My guy that’s good to me was the initiator in our relationship, so wouldn’t that be considered the alpha male. And he stands up for me to be supportive, and he has no problem telling others if they got something wrong, if he’s upset with someone (all uncomfortable situations I’d say he acts unscaved). Alpha male?
~Cindy
Cindy, Thanks for answering.
You’re right that it’s not always the same for everyone. But imprinting does happen at some level. Sometimes not strong enough to made a difference.
Sometimes it’s just us making bad choices.
As far as Alpha males, they are normally someone that is a leader. People gravitate towards them. Pretty easy to spot. But men that are confident in who they are don’t always have to be the alpha. They could be comfortable sitting right where they are and not need followers.
Again, this is all generalizations. Your husband could not be alpha and still know exactly who he is. So he’s not a push over. He stands his ground when he has to and is easy going when it’s not important. That’s like me. Why cause waves if I don’t have to.
Marriage only benefits women and this is even truer of divorce. Until the playing field is leveled to the point where no gender bias exists, I’ll never get married again.
Women squawk about wanting equal rights, there are multiple examples of women that are extremely successful in their careers (Carly Fiorina ad infinitum), yet women have ZERO problem with making excuses for themselves as “mothers,” “victims,” yet touting your self sufficiency and equality EXCEPT when you’re busy having family court take what are his children too and HIS money.
You ought to be ashamed of yourselves, but of course you’re not and until you are and until things are equal, I’ll forego marriage. It just isn’t worth it.
ps. Many of you will say that women don’t make out any better from a divorce than a man does, but we all know better. I see it everyday at work. I don’t know how many men have come back from deployment to find out that she is having sex with someone else, filed for divorce, took the kids and half, and now she wants alimony too. Pathetic….
D,
So you say that women are the only ones that benefit in marriage and yet you don’t define how the benefit. You go straight to divorce. Could you help me understand what you mean by benefit?
You speak about it being equal before you would even consider getting married. What is it that you would consider equal for you to choose to get married down the road?
What would make marriage worth it to you?
It is unfortunate that marriages end in divorce because one spouse cheated on the other. But could I ask you if you have looked into those relationships to see if it is only the woman’s fault? Is there something that the guy might have been doing that could have contributed to the issue? More than likely it wasn’t a one sided issue. Though I would agree that it can be on sided.
One last question. If you did get married, and then for some reason ended up getting divorced. If the courts granted you all rights to the kids and you also get half since she also gets half, would you want to also get alimony?
My boyfriend is on his 50′s and I am in my 30′s. Both divorced with kids living with us. We have been living together for 10 months. At the beginning he said that we will be getting married during the summer. Summer is gone and now he said to wait till next year to revise the posibility of getting married. It is really important for me I love him and I am committed, but I guess he is not. He said that I am pressuring him. I think that if he really loves me and if he is committed, why wait? Whats the difference?
Muneca,
First things first, If you’re not married you shouldn’t be living with each other. Especially because you both have kids not from the other person. This is just asking for conflict.
Secondly, If you know he is not committed and you are, then why are you still with him? If you are looking to be married and he doesn’t want to be, then find a man that does want to marry you.
The way you are living is showing your children a bad example. You are showing them that it’s okay to live with someone that you have no commitment from. If you aren’t liking it, what makes you think you would be okay for them to live like that?
My suggestion is to get him by himself when you are both in a very good mood. Go to a public place and have a cup of coffee or something. Then tell him that you love him and you want to be married to him. And that you want to do that soon as if you don’t, you will be leaving.
Let him know that it’s not that you don’t love him but that you have the conviction to be married and if he isn’t willing, then you need to find someone that is willing to be married.
Being around 20 years difference in age can mean that you both have a different outlook on life. That’s okay, but you should be looking out for what is best for you and your children. As he should be looking out for what is best for him and his kids.
Life is too hard to be settling for something you are not comfortable with. You might start off saying that, it’s okay to be waiting for him to come around. But you already know that you are wanting to be married. So at some point, you will start to get upset that he won’t come around to your way of thinking and you will start holding it against him. Now that love that you have for him will be clouded by this feeling of him not committing to you. Arguments about it will start and they will become more frequent. Then at some point, your “give a damn” will get busted and you will no longer care. Then the next thing that happens is you leave mad and angry.
Or, he will understand what you are asking him for, he will marry you and you will hopefully both be happy about the choice and live a very long time together. I’m hoping this is the case.
But, If he doesn’t want to commit, you need to leave now. Don’t waste your life on someone that isn’t willing to commit. It’s a bad example for your kids and it’s not health for you either.
I hope you listen to what I have said and either find a new place to live, for the sake of you and your kids, or get married to him real soon. Heck, make it the justice of the peace and do it quick. Take him somewhere for the weekend after it’s done and make him realize he made the right choice.
I wish you all the best.
Been married once, never going down that road again unless they overhaul the entire family court system. Not making that mistake again.
J,
Or get married with the commitment to never get divorced. You know, the whole till death due you part, thing.
Hi I have been with my fiance for 12 years, now and we are geting married next year, but he told me that he likes another woman,
but he wants to make ago with me 
he said to me he will do the marriage think for me need help on this one dont know what to do !?
I say end it.. If he is already straying? It isnt gonna change..
Melanie, I agree 100%. It’s not worth even considering marrying this guy. It’s not doing anything for you Gemma. He’s a selfish no good two timing rat.
He needs to be let go and you need to find someone that is willing to be committed to you, and you alone. For life, not “have a go at it”.
If you marry him, you are just enabling him to act badly. Let him go act badly with someone else. It’s obvious he doesn’t respect you.
thanks for your comments it means a lot
You’re welcome. But what are you going to do? That is what needs to be said more than just thanking me.
My words mean nothing unless you do them.
I think men actually stereotype women.. not all women want the man for his “seed”, warm body in bed, half his money after the divorce.. some women simply want to be a wife to the man they love. Why is it that men think that once you are married, things go down hill from there? I for one, simply want to complete the picture, get married. I dont want his money, we dont want children, I simply want to live my life with him, as his wife. I have decided I will not live with him until we are engaged. While we spend some evenings and some weekends together, we have our own homes. I do not bother him with engagement ring ads.. I want it to be HIS idea.. but I am starting to worry.. 2.5 years later and nada. How long do I wait? When I have friends that are engaged within 3 months – 9 months of meeting some guy. VERY FRUSTRATING…
My uncle and his girlfriend have been together for almost 25 years. No wedding, no contract, nothing. Yet they manage to keep their love going strong. They act and live just like a married couple.
If you really think about it, marriage is not necessary.
Bottom line is that men only get married for the sake of women. Most women will not stay with a man for very long unless he gives off hints that he wants to get married down the road. Generally, if the man does not comply, she will leave, and he will find himself alone.
Mark,
You said, “Bottom line is that men only get married for the sake of women.”
I don’t agree. I know that there are a lot of men out there that do that, but that isn’t the right reason to get married. In fact, it’s the worst reason to get married. If the man does not want to be married, he should never get married. Marriage is a commitment, not a ‘I will stay with you until I find something better or get bored.’ It’s for life.
The reason most women want to get married is because it is a public expression of the man’s commitment to her and only her. Those types of women desire security and stability.
The other reason marriage is something that most women want is because of the religious reasons. Most religions define marriage as a union between a man and a woman for the sake of doing the right thing before their god so that they are not living in “sin”.
Your uncle, if he follows a religion that believes that living with a woman outside of marriage is a sin, then he would be committing adultery and would have some sort of consequence for that in the after life. This would be considered a very bad thing to do religious wise.
If your uncle does not believe in God or doesn’t follow any particular religious belief, then there isn’t much else that could be said about his situation other than that he should be commended for keeping to one women. That shows that he respects her enough to stay with her. Though, I think getting married to her, would be a great expression that she is the only one he would ever want to be with. And if he has been with her for 25 years, why not get married? You have done life together this long, why not make that public expression so that everyone can see that he loves her enough to say, “I want to be with her only!”
And lastly, if a woman is wanting to get married, any one she is dating should from the start, be a possible husband down the road or she is wasting her time. If a man doesn’t ever want to get married, he should be letting the women he dates know this up front so as to not waste their time. Plus, by being honest up front, you keep yourself from getting physically attached to someone only to have to deal with a hard breakup later. It’s better to make your intentions known up front.
I got married because I love my wife and want to spend the rest of my life with only her. I wanted to have children with her, we now have 3 beautiful kids that we can enjoy together. I wanted someone to be next to me each morning when I wake up. I wanted to have that commitment to one person until death to us part. I believe we have a better sex life then most because there is security there in knowing that she only will give herself to me and me to her. We have gone through a lot of hard times getting to know each other better, but now, after almost 12 years, we have gotten used to how each other is and have grown to know how to deal with each other better. We don’t have major fights anymore. We have our tough times, don’t get me wrong. But the great times more then out weigh the bad times. And I believe that our commitment to each other, in marriage is what makes it happen.
I never once got married because if I didn’t she would leave me.
If your uncle wanted to leave his girlfriend of 25 years, she would be very upset, and rightly so. The problem is she has settled to stay with him without the commitment.
Is 25 years a commitment? Sure it is. And that is great that they have loved each other for that long. I commend your uncle for staying the course. But there really isn’t a commitment there, is there? Unless they have done something on their own that each one told the other that they would never leave the other the commitment is a silent one. And even in business, it’s not good to have silent commitments.
Just my two cents. Plus a nickel.
“If your uncle wanted to leave his girlfriend of 25 years, she would be very upset, and rightly so. The problem is she has settled to stay with him without the commitment.”
Of course she would be upset if her left. She would be equally upset if they were married and he chose to divorce her. Thanks to no fault divorce laws, anyone can get divorced if they have a few hundred dollars in their bank account. Even though filing for divorce is more difficult than breaking up, it is clear according to divorce statistics that it is obviously not that much more difficult than breaking up. Also, how is not being married a lack of commitment? Just because they are not married does not mean he is on the verge of leaving her. They have been together longer than your average married couple. If anything, that gives my argument validity.
“If a man doesn’t ever want to get married, he should be letting the women he dates know this up front so as to not waste their time.”
Men tell their dates this all the time, yet most of them get married down the line. I doubt it was because the man changed his mind. More than likely, the man felt the pressure from his girlfriend and caved-in due to the fact that most women will end the relationship if they cannot get married. In other words, women end a committed relationship because their boyfriends will not enter into another form of a committed relationship. Makes sense to me, lol.
“And if he has been with her for 25 years, why not get married? You have done life together this long, why not make that public expression so that everyone can see that he loves her enough to say, I want to be with her only!”
Why not is not a good enough reason. If all your friends jumped off a bridge…well, you know the rest. Their relationship *is* a public expression. All of their friends and family are quite aware that they are a couple, and have been together for 25 years. The fact that he has already expressed his desire to be with her forever –coupled with the fact that they have been together for 25 years– is more than enough. I also take issue with your implication that unless one is married, somehow committment is absent. He has been with her longer than most married couples. If anything, he makes a good case against marriage.
in closing, unless you are bound to marriage or the prospect of marriage by religious law, then there is really no reason for marriage. If you need a wedding and marriage certificate in order to love someone, I truly feel sorry for you.
Mark, you have made some very good points. And yes, I do agree that you can have a committed relationship without getting married. I never meant to imply that you couldn’t.
And I concede that marriage is not necessary to love someone or even to have an outward public expression of their commitment together.
My contention was mainly with your original comment that marriage is for the sake of women.
I see that as not accurate.
I tried to explain why and really missed the mark. Your rebuttal to my comment shows that very well.
I think marriage is for both certain men and certain women but not for all men and women. It is shown to be a level of commitment above just dating or being in a relationship.
There is a value put towards the union of marriage that isn’t towards a relationship without the rings. It’s a tie that binds the two people together like nothing else can. And because of that, marriage is seen as more than just a commitment to most people.
I does not invalidate your points that people can live together for years, such as your uncle has shown, but I think when most people think about marriage they see it as the ultimate commitment.
And again, I agree that it does have a religious tie to it that some people would not adhere to. But even atheists will get married.
The purposes of my comments are to educate men to some facts about today’s western women and maybe, just maybe, some women will take heed of what MANY men are discussing today. Gents today’s western woman will literally suck the life from you so get ready, men young and old listen up; if you are pondering marriage or living with a woman better give these FACTS some thought.
• Did you know that should your marriage/relationship break up and its 50/50 if you’re lucky, that it will, she will 80% of the time be the one to initiate it?
• You are going to spend $5,000-$10,000 on a ring or you’re considered cheap!
• You will spend your next 3 years salary on HER ideal wedding!
• Abuse is a 50/50 statistic, in other words she is just as likely as a man to abuse you but the difference is you are suppose to take it and she is FAR more likely to use a weapon!
• Western women today are just as likely to have extra marital affairs as men! And should this happen it is FAR more likely that it is you, the man, that will pay for her indiscretions. She is 75% more likely to keep the children, house and furniture and the MAN will continue to make the mortgage payments while she continues life as if nothing happened! If the man fools around he still pays the price. The courts have become so slanted that western men are avoiding marriage in droves!
• It takes a man an average of 5 years to recover financially and emotionally from a divorce where a woman is a matter of months.
• Your ex can, at a whim, deny visitation of your children even though you have been paying ¾ of your income to her without missing a payment and there is NOTHING you can do!
• There is ONE man EVERY day that commits suicide in Canada because divorce devastates him financially and emotionally. I am 6’1” and weighed 220 lbs, my first marriage I lost 60 lbs in 3 months because of the stress. My second I lost 50.
• Sex becomes a reward/punishment tool that women exercise at every possible turn.
I have been married twice, both ex’s had affairs, I spent MILLIONS of dollars trying to keep them happy but in the end it was for not. I am well educated, good looking; have many talents, keeping a woman happy I thought would be feasible. Not a western woman, through my experience and discussions with MANY other men, a western woman is virtually impossible to please.
She wants to be taken care of but cares for nothing but herself, she wants her girls night out but lookout if you go out with the boys, she wants you to watch her romance movies with her (training on how a man should behave) but forget about watching a hockey or football game, ask her if she would mind buying you a $10,000 watch or a new sports car after all that’s the equivalent of what you are going to spend on her ring and the wedding. And if you think it’s because you make more money than her that she will not buy you these things, thing again. There are more women in middle & upper management today than there are men; they are better educated than men. There are FAR more women in university than men.
I am close to 50 now, I workout and I still look pretty good, I have girls in their early 30s interested (helps to be a singer) however I am FAR more selective of who I date. So men of all ages DO NOT MARRY!!!!!!!!!! And if you do, good luck because that’s all you have is luck.
Today’s western woman is fickle, spoiled, lazy and has a DEEP sense of entitlement! Look at the commercials and TV shows, men are always portrayed as stupid klutzes that need a woman around to straighten him out. Women on TV can indiscriminately smash a man with her fist or any weapon in reach and it’s funny. She can burn or throw his cloths out the window in a commercial and its justified even funny. And let me tell you, women buy into what’s on TV far more than men do! To them its reality!
Gents, never date, only sleep with woman that claim their marriage broke up because “it just didn’t work out”. That’s code for ‘he didn’t do what I told him”!
Men are portrayed as useless, without feeling entities to be dumped upon. So gentlemen as you read this, is that what you think of yourself?
Western woman as you read this you are saying to yourself, “he’s just bitter cause she left him”. Nope I am bitter because I spent 30 years and $2,000,000 doing all I could trying to please 2 women. I bought them horses, new cars, watched those ridiculous romance movies, distanced my good friends and family and I am left with very little, having to start all over again while the 2 of them have homes paid for! And society ignores men as if they are garbage. Girls the movies are not real; TV is not reality and if you want men to behave like the ACTORS in a FICTIONAL romance then you better behave like a porn star in the bedroom!
I no longer believe western woman are capable of love. There may be VERY rare cases where this is not true but gentlemen; would you bet all you have and all you’re going to have on odds that are 95% against you?
Men in closing DO NOT MARRY A WESTERN WOMAN! It will more than likely be the BIGGEST mistake of your life! You have a VERY slim chance of being successful and it is almost entirely up to her whether or not your relationship will succeed!
“”Gents today’s western woman will literally suck the life from you so get ready”"
“”DO NOT MARRY A WESTERN WOMAN! It will more than likely be the BIGGEST mistake of your life!”"
Awesome post!….Thank-You!…You are a genius! I have seen this first hand with so many guys that I know and it is sickening! I wish every single man in North America could read your post……Keep up the good work and keep warning men to stay away from these women!
Jason,
As the writer of this article about whether men want to get married or not, and owner/moderator of this blog, I respectfully ask that you comment without curse words and vulgarity. One of your comments, in reply to “Baldheaded Fool” has been deleted due to the language used in your comment.
Commentors: I’ve been quite generous and understanding in allowing everyone to comment their views, whether positive or negative, and differing opinions on the subject of getting married. However, I reserve the right to edit or delete comments that include words, phrases or terminology that is offensive or vulgar.
Thank you……….my apologies!
Just wondering. Sometimes when I try to post I get the following message, “Hmmm, your comment seems a bit spammy. We’re not real big on spam around here.”
I’m not putting anything in my text that I would think is spam. It’s just text. Can you help me out here?
Albert, I’m not really sure what’s causing that. I know it’ll do that when or if people try to put true spam links within their comments to help in reducing the ridiculous amount of spam attempted on this site.
There are also certain words or phrases that can be flagged by the system, so depending on what your comment said, a phrase may have kicked it out. If it continues to happen, please let me know and I’ll have it looked into. Thanks for letting me know.
I’m a western woman and I’m just as frustrated as you are except it’s vice versa….I hold the same views about western men. Good luck I hope we both get lucky… .
Boy, Dan you sound bitter and miserable. There are two sides to every story so, until your ex’s decide to come on this site and give their side of the stories on why the marriages crumbled, I have to paint you as one bitter ole man.
Good luck with the 30 somethings you claim to bed.
Bitter?….No……..A Canuck?……Yes!…….same here!……..and very much a …….’realist’!
I am a 36 yr old “successful” American guy. I realistically believe I bring some good things to the table. I have had a few monongomous relationships over the last 10 years, some long term, with the expectation that the “light” will go off for me – that sustained passion for marraige and the family. I have been fortunate to date quality women who would seem to journey well in that regard, and yet I stumble on, assuming I am in some way defective or selfish for not having that marraige epiphany. What it has taken me this long to learn is that it is not fair for me to be serial dater of hopeful MRSs to be and accept there is nothing defective or peculiar in who I am. I am cynical in a sense that I feel that Western marraige has evolved into an institution to primarily cater towards woman’s security and social expectations/norms. I have witnessed many of my male buds either married and emasculated ,or divorced and devastated, with the exception of two buddies who are, by all appearances, happily married. And really, none of these guys are jerks (keeping it clean here). When I have been in longer term relationships, as I am now, it is ALWAYS without fail the females (co-workers, family, friends) in my life that are constantly quizzing me on when I am going to propose. Not ONE guy friend has done such. To be honest, it feels like it is set up to follow this role and be here at this time and attend this family function and to provide grandchildren for legacy purposes and….etc. As far as kids go, there are certiain “traits” within that I’m not sure I want passed on to begin with. Am I making any sense here? Marraige does seem to be more about the woman than the man. No?
I think a lot of people are commenting on this post because they are a bit jaded or cynical by nature in some way. When I commented on this post, I actually went looking for the subject, because I as a woman waswondering what reasons men have to want and ‘desire’ to get married.
As a married woman, I honestly have a little bit of pride and I don’t want to be in an institution that will make me feel that it is just for me. I want men to have that desire as well for them, but if they don’t I can’t change that for them obviously. Some of the men and women who have commented here that don’t desire marriage, makes me feel a bit sad because it makes me feel like these people would be more than happy to be alone. For women, I’m assuming be alone raising their kids, because that’s what her guy left her with. And for a man, being alone visiting their past array of girlfriends with what their “baby seed” made where ever they left it. I don’t think I’m a selfish woman, and I just would hope that men who decide marriage is not for them would decide also not to be selfish either. I think our people would be a highly selfish race if we thought of ourselves without any need for personal relationships. And, I think some jaded and cynical by nature persons forget that it is a good thing to share ourselves with a partner where two people make some sacrifices for each other in order to gain the benefits of marriage. Shared Desired Commitment (not one sided), Connectivity, Love, Sex, Children, In my situation Best & Most Caring Child Care provider to my Children, And Bread Winner’s Financial Sacrifice to support our Children from my Husband. I think if a man doesn’t want to be married that’s fine. But to carry on like men and women do nowadays, just having sex with each other once they’ve reached bf/ girlfriend status is stupid. That may be a strong stance in today’s society but that’s the way I feel. It is not fair for men and women to carry on like they are married if they are not. I’m not saying I have never been guilty of this, but I just think it messes things up. I’m even saying this about 2 people who co-habitate together. If they are too shy to tell the world they are in love with each other and proclaim a commitment to each other. If they are too afraid of the rammifications of a divorce before they are even married, that’s a bad sign and these 2 people shouldn’t get married in the first place. I love what Baldheadedfool said. “Listen to your gut.” It can sometimes just tell you what you need to hear in your own situation. Bottom line: In my opinion, sure it’s okay not to get married if you don’t want, but I don’t think marriage itself should be to blamed. Some men desire marriage as well as women. It can be individual. We are not drones based on our gender.
Gentlemen research the FACTS, the STATISTICS! That is the best advice I can provide, would you bet all you have and all you are going to have on odds that are clearly against you? THESE ARE FACTS, would you buy a house that had a poor foundation for 1000 times what it was worth? I am not against marriage; I am warning men about marrying western woman. Google “Never Marry/Date western women” or alike and see what is out there. I am not the only one; there are countless men who are living the nightmare EVERYDAY! And believe me, it is a nightmare.
Someone posted that I am a self-made millionaire, thank you for proving my point. Not anywhere in my post did I write I was a self-made millionaire. To clarify, I wrote I spent 2,000,000 dollars over 30 years trying to please 2 western women. Without them I would have been! I will address the obvious western women that commented here with just a few words…I neither care for nor consider your comments beyond what I have written in response, you are exactly the type of women that men are beginning to avoid at all costs. If you had any belief in true equality, my and similar arguments would not be dismissed so readily.
Men especially avoid women that are divorced!!!!! That is a dead give away, for she is more than likely to be the one that has initiated the divorce and clearly she is the one with commitment issues. There are only 2 instances where I believe in divorce, abuse and substance abuse. Remember women are just as likely to abuse men as men are to abuse women! It’s a 50/50 stat, look it up. Remember the standard vows….”In sickness and in health, richer or poorer”….etc. Those words appear to mean nothing to the western woman….
Good luck guys and before you commit ask some men friends that have been around the block for their “honest opinion”, see what they say. It appears from post all over the internet that some women are getting concerned that men are discussing this. Those that are immediately opposed to this notion are clearly the ones with to most to lose. In other words they are on the hunt for another meal ticket.
I am in favour of complete equality but today’s western woman is threatened by that idea. Men and woman are equal but we are different and thank goodness for that.
Gents we are not wallets, meal tickets, garbage, stupid, emotionless morons that the western woman has tried to paint us to be. Really start to note the shows on TV that portray men as idiots, the western woman saves the day with her steadfast logic. For your own self-worth and dignity, just decide what is BEST for you as a man.
It sickens me to watch what is going on in the Middle East, woman beaten, raped, treated as less than human. This culture is headed to our shores by simple numbers; they are out breading our society by as much as 8:1. The degradation of the family unit in western society will be our own demise! Sharia Law will inevitably be here in the west. But me as a man will gladly die so the rights of my sisters, daughters and mother will not be threatened. But I will never date or marry a western woman for she by her actions, sees ME as less than human.
hi dan, just a quick question, western being? american i assume? my partners exs treated him like a wallet, and tried to pressure him into marriage and kids and living together. i dont want that, we share cinema tickets, restaurant bills etc and share the load of buying in chinese or treats. i can see your point, i would love to spend the rest of my life with this man, unconditionally, and it is those sorts of women that put men off. im sorry for your experiences, but just to reassure you, there are a few of us that arent like that… although maybe i am not in the same class as the western girls that you refer to, material things arent for me, as long as im happy, even if i am poor, i dont care.
not married now and to be frank i really dont see the overall benefit of it. Dealing with the mother inlaw or the father inlaw who you know you have no chance of winning the arugument, At my age most women have children and grandchildren so i already know im going to be second banana so why would I want that. Moreover american women are too materialistic. The first question they as is about your job, car and were you live. I was married once and really only did it because she was pregnant with my child and now that my child has expired i feel i am off the hook and dont want to be back on again. dont have the vigor for that back and forth now. I never forget when she asked my opinion about the wedding and i said what difference does it make what i say you going to do what you want anyways. in closing with all frankness, I would rather spend money on a stroked out chevy engine for my car than any wedding ceremony at least with my car when i step on the pedal something happens and the only yapping i hear is the sound of 8 cylinders rumbling to the response of my foot. . if a women is willing to submit then maybe but in america i doubt that very much.
hi, im 22, im not considering getting married any time soon, but i feel that in a few years, i think i might like to. my partner has a notion in his head that all girls just want to get married so they can have a massive wedding, and own half of their things. now, thats not how i invisage marriage at all.. me and my partner are also awesome friends, we have been together 14months, never argued, we have good sex, and he treats my own daughter, who is 2and a half like she is his own. i think marriage came up when we were watching the kardashians, and he just out of the blue said, im never getting married by the way. i was a bit gobsmacked, i didnt gob off or get stroppy, but ive just been thinking, does this mean hes not that in to me? or is it maybe he hasnt met that girl that he wants to marry? i just dont wanna get to 30 and have him turn round and say , but i told you 8yrs ago i dont wanna get married kate!! because eventually, i do want to spend my life with this man, hes not as young as me either, he has his own house and he is financially stable. not that it bothers me about that, but that seems to be the main reason popping up about men wanting to own a house. or should i just forget about it? i know his exs have bugged him about having a family and getting married, and im not like that, and i dont want to push him away with this. we are not ready for moving in together or marriage yet, but i would like for it to happen in a few years, and i can see myself with him. help?
Katie, the only way you’re going to know for sure if your boyfriend will ever want to get married is by sitting down and asking him. Both men and women make comments such as what your boyfriend said during or after watching a TV show or movie of some kind, reacting to what they’ve watched, but it doesn’t stick, they forget about it or change their minds. Reactionary comments aren’t necessarily the same thing as when two people sit down and discuss their goals for the future, whether or not that includes getting married, having children, etc etc. IF your boyfriend is adamant that he never intends to get married, you’ll have to decide for yourself what all means to you. Only you can decide for yourself if what his plans and goals are match up enough with your own. Good luck!
Lin, Great answer!
Katie,
I’m not sure if you are a Christian or not, but if you are, please stop having sex. You should only be doing that in marriage. You don’t want to hurt your walk because of a guy. If you’re not, well, it’s a good idea not to have sex anyway as you are getting yourself deeply connected to a man that might not share the same goals that you do. It will only be harder to leave if you really do want to get married and he doesn’t. You will end up staying with him and ignoring your true feelings of wanting to get married.
My key suggestion to you is this: If you are wanting to get married, you tell him straight up that if marriage is not something in his future then you are going to leave. The reason being is you should be searching for someone that is wanting the same things as you.
Good luck in your choice.
thanks albert thanks lin, both comments taken into account. i am infact an agnostic believer, ive never had a reason to believe in god, as when i have needed him the most, no one was there for me. however albert, i know my partner loves me, he has never wanted children before, but raises mine like his own, and does a very good job doing that, and actually says, having kids isnt actually that bad is it? i am also, the first girlfriend of his that has trusted him, and given him the freedom to do what he wants, and in essence, just lately, what he has wanted to do, is spend more time with me and my little girl. my partner is a free spirit, and actually so am i, and after speaking throughly with him, his reasoning behind not wanting to marry is because his previous partners have almost pressured him into it, before knowing whether or not he actually wants to marry them, and have a life with someone constantly nagging at him or using him for money. and he pointed out to me that i do neither, nor do i say oh weve been together a year and a half, time to get married!! and he says, it brings him closer to wanting to with me. like you told me lin, i sat down with him and asked where this was going to go, and the comment when watching the kardashians went straight over his head, and he thought nothing of it, so thanks lin, i know i am doing something right afterall, thanks albert and lin for your advice.
xx
Someone I would like to recommend you listen to, if you have a chance, is Mark Gungor. His radio show can be found at markgungorshow.com.
He is a pastor, but his focus for the show is marriage. And he is hilarious! I think he gives great advice and is spot on for life in general. You don’t have to be a believer to listen to him as he keeps religion separate. He does, however, jump on Christians for behaving badly because they should be following what the bible says.
So anyway, perhaps you might want to give him a listen. I think you and your boyfriend would enjoy it.