Do Men Want To Get Married? Top Ten Reasons Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married

Do men want to get married, or not? “Do Men Really Want to Get Married” is the question being discussed in a CNN article about whether the stereotypical belief that men are dragged off to the altar to get married kicking and screaming is true or not. CNN reporter, Alex Wallen, claims to have interviewed dozens of men on how they approached marriage, where these men admitted that they had “fantasized about popping the question, getting married, even having a wedding.”

Wallen reports that numerous men reported having a “light-switch” moment when they decided they should get married to their significant other. Examples given include a life-altering event, such as one man who suddenly realized his love for his girlfriend when she helped him deal with the death of his father; or it might be something as simple as having so much fun playing arcade games together that you can’t imagine yourself having this much fun with anyone else. One man decided it was time to get married when he became angry and balled-up his fists when another man made a pass at his then-girlfriend.

“Real men are perceived as committing “till death do us part” for the wrong reasons — they marry out of convenience or under duress, and they acquiesce, kicking and screaming all the way to the altar”, according to the article. If recent statistics are correct, men are choosing to marry later in life, with the average age being 28 before experiencing their “ah ha” moment, which is a good thing. Nevertheless, there are still many young men and women getting married too young, and far too many couples get married for the wrong reasons and end up regretting it later.

According to one survey claiming men DO want to get married, married men reported positive feelings about being married, with 94% saying they were happier married than single, and 73% reported their sex lives were better. Of the single men included in the study, 53 percent said they were not interested in getting married anytime soon, saying “at this stage in my life I want fun and freedom”, while 47 percent said they wouldn’t get married until they could afford to own a home.

“Of the 1,010 men aged 25-34 who were surveyed, 569 were married. Of that group, 81 percent said they got married “because it was the right time to settle down.” The desire to have children was a major factor for 35 percent; only 15 percent said they married sooner than they wished because of pressure from their partner.”

Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married

Another study was conducted by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University of 60 single, heterosexual men of different backgrounds, between the ages of 25-33. The project results revealed the top ten reasons why men won’t commit, or don’t want to get married.

  1. They can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past.
  2. They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabitating rather than marrying.
  3. They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
  4. They want to wait until they are older to have children.
  5. They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises.
  6. They are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn’t appeared yet.
  7. They face few social pressures to marry.
  8. They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.
  9. They want to own a house before they get a wife.
  10. They want to enjoy single life for as long as possible.

These findings may not be what women want to hear or believe, but relationship experts agree with the results of the study. Audrey Chapman, author of Getting Good Loving and Man Sharing, agrees with the study’s detailed findings that the sexual revolution hasn’t exactly helped women wanting to get married in their search for finding a husband.

  • “All that stuff that grandma said about `Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’ is true. Women are making it too easy for men. They’re giving sex away.”
  • “Now that there’s more competition, women think that sex is the ticket to get a man when in fact it’s a sure fire way not to get him at all,” Chapman reveals.
  • “When men get lonely, all they have to do is call up one of their many women. And they call the one that they’re going to be able to spend the night with.”
  • “She says that nowadays it is common for many men to have a variety of women to cater to their various needs, including sex, companionship, conversation and even meals. “Men can get all the comforts they need without making it legal.”

It’s interesting that Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, says much the same thing but it’s not what women interested in planning their wedding want to hear. It’s not about getting someone to marry you; love and marriage is not a game. It’s about finding the right person, at the right time and under the right circumstances so the marriage will be lifelong. Maybe some men don’t want to get married, now or ever. I would venture to say that there are women who also don’t want to get married and never will.

Wilmington, DE, psychologist Dr. Alvin L. Turner says, “As children, men don’t fantasize about being married–girls do. It takes a while for us to begin to appreciate that marriage is valuable for us and not just for women. It’s easy to see that marriage happens when you fall in love with someone, but even then many men will marry because they want to keep the woman from marrying someone else. So it becomes a way of protecting their investment basically rather than looking at it as something that’s valuable for themselves.”

William July II, author of “Understanding the Tin Man: Why So Many Men Avoid Intimacy” says this to women: “I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for women to accept the point at which a man says he currently is in his life because that determines his entire outlook on everything. If he’s ready, marriage sounds great. If he’s not, it sounds like a prison sentence. It’s better to couple with a man who feels ready than to try to ‘make ready’ a man.”

What about you? If you are a married man, what was your “ah ha” moment where you knew you wanted to get married to your girlfriend? If you are a single man, what are your thoughts on marriage? Ladies, what do you think about the idea that men really don’t want to get married but feel pressured in various ways to tie the knot?

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86 Responses to “Do Men Want To Get Married? Top Ten Reasons Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married”

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  1. KurtisP says:

    I am a 36 yr old “successful” American guy. I realistically believe I bring some good things to the table. I have had a few monongomous relationships over the last 10 years, some long term, with the expectation that the “light” will go off for me – that sustained passion for marraige and the family. I have been fortunate to date quality women who would seem to journey well in that regard, and yet I stumble on, assuming I am in some way defective or selfish for not having that marraige epiphany. What it has taken me this long to learn is that it is not fair for me to be serial dater of hopeful MRSs to be and accept there is nothing defective or peculiar in who I am. I am cynical in a sense that I feel that Western marraige has evolved into an institution to primarily cater towards woman’s security and social expectations/norms. I have witnessed many of my male buds either married and emasculated ,or divorced and devastated, with the exception of two buddies who are, by all appearances, happily married. And really, none of these guys are jerks (keeping it clean here). When I have been in longer term relationships, as I am now, it is ALWAYS without fail the females (co-workers, family, friends) in my life that are constantly quizzing me on when I am going to propose. Not ONE guy friend has done such. To be honest, it feels like it is set up to follow this role and be here at this time and attend this family function and to provide grandchildren for legacy purposes and….etc. As far as kids go, there are certiain “traits” within that I’m not sure I want passed on to begin with. Am I making any sense here? Marraige does seem to be more about the woman than the man. No?

  2. Cynthia Brooks says:

    I think a lot of people are commenting on this post because they are a bit jaded or cynical by nature in some way. When I commented on this post, I actually went looking for the subject, because I as a woman waswondering what reasons men have to want and ‘desire’ to get married.
    As a married woman, I honestly have a little bit of pride and I don’t want to be in an institution that will make me feel that it is just for me. I want men to have that desire as well for them, but if they don’t I can’t change that for them obviously. Some of the men and women who have commented here that don’t desire marriage, makes me feel a bit sad because it makes me feel like these people would be more than happy to be alone. For women, I’m assuming be alone raising their kids, because that’s what her guy left her with. And for a man, being alone visiting their past array of girlfriends with what their “baby seed” made where ever they left it. I don’t think I’m a selfish woman, and I just would hope that men who decide marriage is not for them would decide also not to be selfish either. I think our people would be a highly selfish race if we thought of ourselves without any need for personal relationships. And, I think some jaded and cynical by nature persons forget that it is a good thing to share ourselves with a partner where two people make some sacrifices for each other in order to gain the benefits of marriage. Shared Desired Commitment (not one sided), Connectivity, Love, Sex, Children, In my situation Best & Most Caring Child Care provider to my Children, And Bread Winner’s Financial Sacrifice to support our Children from my Husband. I think if a man doesn’t want to be married that’s fine. But to carry on like men and women do nowadays, just having sex with each other once they’ve reached bf/ girlfriend status is stupid. That may be a strong stance in today’s society but that’s the way I feel. It is not fair for men and women to carry on like they are married if they are not. I’m not saying I have never been guilty of this, but I just think it messes things up. I’m even saying this about 2 people who co-habitate together. If they are too shy to tell the world they are in love with each other and proclaim a commitment to each other. If they are too afraid of the rammifications of a divorce before they are even married, that’s a bad sign and these 2 people shouldn’t get married in the first place. I love what Baldheadedfool said. “Listen to your gut.” It can sometimes just tell you what you need to hear in your own situation. Bottom line: In my opinion, sure it’s okay not to get married if you don’t want, but I don’t think marriage itself should be to blamed. Some men desire marriage as well as women. It can be individual. We are not drones based on our gender.

  3. Dan Williams says:

    Gentlemen research the FACTS, the STATISTICS! That is the best advice I can provide, would you bet all you have and all you are going to have on odds that are clearly against you? THESE ARE FACTS, would you buy a house that had a poor foundation for 1000 times what it was worth? I am not against marriage; I am warning men about marrying western woman. Google “Never Marry/Date western women” or alike and see what is out there. I am not the only one; there are countless men who are living the nightmare EVERYDAY! And believe me, it is a nightmare.

    Someone posted that I am a self-made millionaire, thank you for proving my point. Not anywhere in my post did I write I was a self-made millionaire. To clarify, I wrote I spent 2,000,000 dollars over 30 years trying to please 2 western women. Without them I would have been! I will address the obvious western women that commented here with just a few words…I neither care for nor consider your comments beyond what I have written in response, you are exactly the type of women that men are beginning to avoid at all costs. If you had any belief in true equality, my and similar arguments would not be dismissed so readily.

    Men especially avoid women that are divorced!!!!! That is a dead give away, for she is more than likely to be the one that has initiated the divorce and clearly she is the one with commitment issues. There are only 2 instances where I believe in divorce, abuse and substance abuse. Remember women are just as likely to abuse men as men are to abuse women! It’s a 50/50 stat, look it up. Remember the standard vows….”In sickness and in health, richer or poorer”….etc. Those words appear to mean nothing to the western woman….

    Good luck guys and before you commit ask some men friends that have been around the block for their “honest opinion”, see what they say. It appears from post all over the internet that some women are getting concerned that men are discussing this. Those that are immediately opposed to this notion are clearly the ones with to most to lose. In other words they are on the hunt for another meal ticket.

    I am in favour of complete equality but today’s western woman is threatened by that idea. Men and woman are equal but we are different and thank goodness for that.

    Gents we are not wallets, meal tickets, garbage, stupid, emotionless morons that the western woman has tried to paint us to be. Really start to note the shows on TV that portray men as idiots, the western woman saves the day with her steadfast logic. For your own self-worth and dignity, just decide what is BEST for you as a man.

    It sickens me to watch what is going on in the Middle East, woman beaten, raped, treated as less than human. This culture is headed to our shores by simple numbers; they are out breading our society by as much as 8:1. The degradation of the family unit in western society will be our own demise! Sharia Law will inevitably be here in the west. But me as a man will gladly die so the rights of my sisters, daughters and mother will not be threatened. But I will never date or marry a western woman for she by her actions, sees ME as less than human.

    • Katie says:

      hi dan, just a quick question, western being? american i assume? my partners exs treated him like a wallet, and tried to pressure him into marriage and kids and living together. i dont want that, we share cinema tickets, restaurant bills etc and share the load of buying in chinese or treats. i can see your point, i would love to spend the rest of my life with this man, unconditionally, and it is those sorts of women that put men off. im sorry for your experiences, but just to reassure you, there are a few of us that arent like that… although maybe i am not in the same class as the western girls that you refer to, material things arent for me, as long as im happy, even if i am poor, i dont care.

  4. Michael Rae says:

    not married now and to be frank i really dont see the overall benefit of it. Dealing with the mother inlaw or the father inlaw who you know you have no chance of winning the arugument, At my age most women have children and grandchildren so i already know im going to be second banana so why would I want that. Moreover american women are too materialistic. The first question they as is about your job, car and were you live. I was married once and really only did it because she was pregnant with my child and now that my child has expired i feel i am off the hook and dont want to be back on again. dont have the vigor for that back and forth now. I never forget when she asked my opinion about the wedding and i said what difference does it make what i say you going to do what you want anyways. in closing with all frankness, I would rather spend money on a stroked out chevy engine for my car than any wedding ceremony at least with my car when i step on the pedal something happens and the only yapping i hear is the sound of 8 cylinders rumbling to the response of my foot. . if a women is willing to submit then maybe but in america i doubt that very much.

  5. Katie says:

    hi, im 22, im not considering getting married any time soon, but i feel that in a few years, i think i might like to. my partner has a notion in his head that all girls just want to get married so they can have a massive wedding, and own half of their things. now, thats not how i invisage marriage at all.. me and my partner are also awesome friends, we have been together 14months, never argued, we have good sex, and he treats my own daughter, who is 2and a half like she is his own. i think marriage came up when we were watching the kardashians, and he just out of the blue said, im never getting married by the way. i was a bit gobsmacked, i didnt gob off or get stroppy, but ive just been thinking, does this mean hes not that in to me? or is it maybe he hasnt met that girl that he wants to marry? i just dont wanna get to 30 and have him turn round and say , but i told you 8yrs ago i dont wanna get married kate!! because eventually, i do want to spend my life with this man, hes not as young as me either, he has his own house and he is financially stable. not that it bothers me about that, but that seems to be the main reason popping up about men wanting to own a house. or should i just forget about it? i know his exs have bugged him about having a family and getting married, and im not like that, and i dont want to push him away with this. we are not ready for moving in together or marriage yet, but i would like for it to happen in a few years, and i can see myself with him. help?

    • Lin says:

      Katie, the only way you’re going to know for sure if your boyfriend will ever want to get married is by sitting down and asking him. Both men and women make comments such as what your boyfriend said during or after watching a TV show or movie of some kind, reacting to what they’ve watched, but it doesn’t stick, they forget about it or change their minds. Reactionary comments aren’t necessarily the same thing as when two people sit down and discuss their goals for the future, whether or not that includes getting married, having children, etc etc. IF your boyfriend is adamant that he never intends to get married, you’ll have to decide for yourself what all means to you. Only you can decide for yourself if what his plans and goals are match up enough with your own. Good luck!

      • Albert says:

        Lin, Great answer!

        I’m not sure if you are a Christian or not, but if you are, please stop having sex. You should only be doing that in marriage. You don’t want to hurt your walk because of a guy. If you’re not, well, it’s a good idea not to have sex anyway as you are getting yourself deeply connected to a man that might not share the same goals that you do. It will only be harder to leave if you really do want to get married and he doesn’t. You will end up staying with him and ignoring your true feelings of wanting to get married.

        My key suggestion to you is this: If you are wanting to get married, you tell him straight up that if marriage is not something in his future then you are going to leave. The reason being is you should be searching for someone that is wanting the same things as you.

        Good luck in your choice.

        • katie says:

          thanks albert thanks lin, both comments taken into account. i am infact an agnostic believer, ive never had a reason to believe in god, as when i have needed him the most, no one was there for me. however albert, i know my partner loves me, he has never wanted children before, but raises mine like his own, and does a very good job doing that, and actually says, having kids isnt actually that bad is it? i am also, the first girlfriend of his that has trusted him, and given him the freedom to do what he wants, and in essence, just lately, what he has wanted to do, is spend more time with me and my little girl. my partner is a free spirit, and actually so am i, and after speaking throughly with him, his reasoning behind not wanting to marry is because his previous partners have almost pressured him into it, before knowing whether or not he actually wants to marry them, and have a life with someone constantly nagging at him or using him for money. and he pointed out to me that i do neither, nor do i say oh weve been together a year and a half, time to get married!! and he says, it brings him closer to wanting to with me. like you told me lin, i sat down with him and asked where this was going to go, and the comment when watching the kardashians went straight over his head, and he thought nothing of it, so thanks lin, i know i am doing something right afterall, thanks albert and lin for your advice.

          • Albert says:

            Someone I would like to recommend you listen to, if you have a chance, is Mark Gungor. His radio show can be found at

            He is a pastor, but his focus for the show is marriage. And he is hilarious! I think he gives great advice and is spot on for life in general. You don’t have to be a believer to listen to him as he keeps religion separate. He does, however, jump on Christians for behaving badly because they should be following what the bible says.

            So anyway, perhaps you might want to give him a listen. I think you and your boyfriend would enjoy it.