Do Men Want To Get Married? Top Ten Reasons Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married
Do men want to get married, or not? “Do Men Really Want to Get Married” is the question being discussed in a CNN article about whether the stereotypical belief that men are dragged off to the altar to get married kicking and screaming is true or not. CNN reporter, Alex Wallen, claims to have interviewed dozens of men on how they approached marriage, where these men admitted that they had “fantasized about popping the question, getting married, even having a wedding.”
Wallen reports that numerous men reported having a “light-switch” moment when they decided they should get married to their significant other. Examples given include a life-altering event, such as one man who suddenly realized his love for his girlfriend when she helped him deal with the death of his father; or it might be something as simple as having so much fun playing arcade games together that you can’t imagine yourself having this much fun with anyone else. One man decided it was time to get married when he became angry and balled-up his fists when another man made a pass at his then-girlfriend.
“Real men are perceived as committing “till death do us part” for the wrong reasons — they marry out of convenience or under duress, and they acquiesce, kicking and screaming all the way to the altar”, according to the article. If recent statistics are correct, men are choosing to marry later in life, with the average age being 28 before experiencing their “ah ha” moment, which is a good thing. Nevertheless, there are still many young men and women getting married too young, and far too many couples get married for the wrong reasons and end up regretting it later.
According to one survey claiming men DO want to get married, married men reported positive feelings about being married, with 94% saying they were happier married than single, and 73% reported their sex lives were better. Of the single men included in the study, 53 percent said they were not interested in getting married anytime soon, saying “at this stage in my life I want fun and freedom”, while 47 percent said they wouldn’t get married until they could afford to own a home.
“Of the 1,010 men aged 25-34 who were surveyed, 569 were married. Of that group, 81 percent said they got married “because it was the right time to settle down.” The desire to have children was a major factor for 35 percent; only 15 percent said they married sooner than they wished because of pressure from their partner.”
Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married
Another study was conducted by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University of 60 single, heterosexual men of different backgrounds, between the ages of 25-33. The project results revealed the top ten reasons why men won’t commit, or don’t want to get married.
- They can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past.
- They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabitating rather than marrying.
- They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
- They want to wait until they are older to have children.
- They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises.
- They are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn’t appeared yet.
- They face few social pressures to marry.
- They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.
- They want to own a house before they get a wife.
- They want to enjoy single life for as long as possible.
These findings may not be what women want to hear or believe, but relationship experts agree with the results of the study. Audrey Chapman, author of Getting Good Loving
- “All that stuff that grandma said about `Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’ is true. Women are making it too easy for men. They’re giving sex away.”
- “Now that there’s more competition, women think that sex is the ticket to get a man when in fact it’s a sure fire way not to get him at all,” Chapman reveals.
- “When men get lonely, all they have to do is call up one of their many women. And they call the one that they’re going to be able to spend the night with.”
- “She says that nowadays it is common for many men to have a variety of women to cater to their various needs, including sex, companionship, conversation and even meals. “Men can get all the comforts they need without making it legal.”
It’s interesting that Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, says much the same thing but it’s not what women interested in planning their wedding want to hear. It’s not about getting someone to marry you; love and marriage is not a game. It’s about finding the right person, at the right time and under the right circumstances so the marriage will be lifelong. Maybe some men don’t want to get married, now or ever. I would venture to say that there are women who also don’t want to get married and never will.
Wilmington, DE, psychologist Dr. Alvin L. Turner says, “As children, men don’t fantasize about being married–girls do. It takes a while for us to begin to appreciate that marriage is valuable for us and not just for women. It’s easy to see that marriage happens when you fall in love with someone, but even then many men will marry because they want to keep the woman from marrying someone else. So it becomes a way of protecting their investment basically rather than looking at it as something that’s valuable for themselves.”
William July II, author of “Understanding the Tin Man: Why So Many Men Avoid Intimacy
What about you? If you are a married man, what was your “ah ha” moment where you knew you wanted to get married to your girlfriend? If you are a single man, what are your thoughts on marriage? Ladies, what do you think about the idea that men really don’t want to get married but feel pressured in various ways to tie the knot?
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Wow.. Great article Lin! You have touched the classic subject here
I guess most men would not consider marriage till they have an easy go. Its only when they feel the pressure or threat that their women may not be ‘theirs’ forever do they decide to tie the knot
Thanks Janet. Some men want to get married at some point in their life, but some men don’t want to get married, now or ever. Women don’t want to accept the truth and reality of whether their boyfriend will propose or not, and why it seems to be “taking so long” to get engaged. Hopefully this post will shed some light on the subject for women.
Yeah.. Another thing that I noticed is that there is so much literature available on “tips & tricks” to keep your man/ attract a man/ make him say yes etc etc. And the irony is they sell too!! I wonder why women need to be (or considered so) so desperate for a man. After all, there are better things to concentrate upon like your self, career, friends, family and so on.
There are not many “How to make a women say YES” books written!!
Janet, women have been raised to grow up to become wives and mothers from the time they are very young girls. Think about all the cartoon movies that little girls gush over, like Cinderella dreaming and wishing her Prince Charming will come and rescue her off to a life of wedded bliss. There are tons of other movies for kids just like that, and girls grow up thinking/believing that it’s a reality for them, that they need to grow up and get married. In older generations there was the belief that if a woman didn’t get married by the time she was 30 years old, she was an “old maid”, where no man would want her and she’d likely never get married. Some people still believe in that nonsense, but fortunately the times have changed to where women are growing up with plans to go to college and establish herself in a career of her choosing, and then (if she wants to) get married and have children etc. Of course, there’s that thing about the “biological clock ticking” for women wanting to get married while she’s still young enough to bear children.
You have cited a very interesting point there Lin. The whole stereotypical idea about women wanting to grow up and get married and men growing up to earn bread for the family has been so deep rooted right from the childhood years. Even the cartoons, the stories are drafted on the same lines. For the society to change, there would have to be a complete revamp of the system!!!
A role reversal is not what is needed. The problem is when these norms pressurize women (and even men) to follow a certain expected way of life and if someone tries to deviate from them, the society accept it very easily.
Janet, last night I was reading a couple of online articles and one message board where women were saying “I want to get married” but their boyfriend doesn’t want to get married, where these women were asking questions to each other about how to get their man to propose. Yikes!
The advice given to the women were various “pressure” tactics and some rather underhanded ways of getting their boyfriend to marry them, including several suggesting that they get pregnant on purpose. *rolls eyes*
Some of the women gave their ages were clearly too young to even be thinking about getting married, and others came across as desperate. I guess they didn’t see my article “Don’t be that girl”, hehe
Gosh.. Someone ask them to go get a life!! There are actually women who waste precious time on forums to discuss how to nail a guy??? Din’t you leave a link to yout blog.. They would fare so much better in life if they become a regular here..
I have read that post of yours but haven’t read the book as of yet. But I’m sure you have illustrated the crux of the book very well.
Ladies, let’s be honest here… marriage is a good deal for women, but not men – via the legal system if a divorce occurs. If you think men are simply people to be manipulated, or pressured into marriage… your marriage will never last with that disingenous viewpoint. Men are considerably brighter than you think… they understand if a divorce occurs what they have to lose – they’ve seen it and heard about it from family to friends who have firsthand experience. If he won’t marry you, it’s not because he’s immature, or doesn’t love you… it’s because marriage is a legal contract and he knows full well he may end up losing his assets, children, money, pension, house, etc., via the current legal system. The problem is… the secret’s out ladies – too many divorced dad’s are talking/educating younger men.
Marriages can and do end in divorce in many cases, as the divorce rates indicate. The legal system definitely has its problems in regards to division of property and assets when a divorce occurs – but statistically speaking, there is still truth to the fact that divorced women often find themselves in a worse financial state then divorced men do. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of divorced fathers who don’t take their responsibility towards their children seriously enough and don’t pay child support and don’t show up for visitation etc. All in all, the children of divorcing parents are the ones who suffer the most.