Are you an abused husband? Teenage boys, is your girlfriend abusing you? Does your wife, partner or girlfriend physically, mentally, emotionally or financially abuse you? What should abused men do if they are married to an abusive wife who is verbally, mentally, emotionally or perhaps even physically abusing her husband? Parents, have you taught your sons and daughters to identify the warning signs of abusive relationships, so they know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships, in order to avoid becoming an abuse victim?
If you have sons or daughters who are dating or married, how would you react if you discovered they were being abused by the person who claims to love them? If you are a man who is dealing with an abusive spouse or partner, in or outside of the marriage covenant, the psychological damage of being an abused man by the woman you love must be heartbreaking for you.
Relationship Abuse by Abusive Women
Over the last several months, I have received numerous emails from men who say that their wife or girlfriend is not only verbally and emotionally abusive to them but also, in many cases, physically abusive. I am quite familiar with the reported statistics regarding abused men, just as I know the statistics about abused women. Unfortunately, those statistics do not tell the whole story because so many abused men and women do not report the abuse to the police, in order for there to be an accurate and updated database to go by.
Men who are abused by wives, girlfriends or significant others are much less likely to report the abuse to the police than women are, because society in general has not recognized, supported or provided the help, advice and assistance abused men want, need and deserve. Grown men and teenage boys are often left to suffer relationship abuse in silence while the emotional, mental and physical abuse by abusive women and girlfriends takes its toll on their victims.
Emotionally Abused Men
Emotionally abused men, even if not physically battered or beaten, are having their self-esteem and sense of “manhood” and masculinity destroyed from the inside out. There are no visible scars, wounds or bruises to use as evidence to prove to the police or anyone else that these men are being abused by their wives or girlfriends. But make no mistake, the wounds, bruises and scars of being verbally and mentally abused are obvious and constantly felt by the victim.
The shame, embarrassment and fear abused husbands and men feel about being laughed at, criticized and ridiculed by society, police and the court system must feel unbearable. Mentally and emotionally abused men are routinely put down, criticized and ridiculed by their own wives and girlfriends, only to be victimized again by society and those in uniform whose job it is to serve and protect law-abiding citizens.
Even when abused men or husbands choose to leave the relationship and get a divorce, they must face the uphill battle in divorce court to not lose everything they have worked so hard to achieve in life; fight the devastating child custody and visitation battles; deal with false accusations and threats from their abusive spouse, and the dirty tricks shoddy divorce lawyers use to win court cases for their clients. Men, what is on your list of non-negotiable deal breakers for the protection of your health and well-being?
Physically Abused Men
Single and married men are also physically abused and battered by the women in their lives. There is no difference between the kind of abuse women suffer from abusive men and the abuse men suffer at the hands of angry, controlling and abusive women. Abuse is abuse is abuse. Mentally and emotionally abusive relationships often lead to physical abuse at some point, so if you are man or teenage boy in a relationship where nothing physical has occurred yet, don’t be too quick to assume physical abuse won’t happen. It’s important to understand the four types of abusive behaviors that abusers inflict on those they claim to love, because one often accompanies the others, eventually.
A physically abusive relationship often begins with a “one-time” slap, kick or punch during a fight or argument, followed by the promise that “it will never happen again”, but it happens again the next time the couple has a fight. Thus begins the cycle of abuse. The “honeymoon phase” of the cycle includes plenty of good times together for the couple, where everything is peachy-keen (or seems to be), until the pendulum swings the other way and the next argument erupts and is worse than the last one.
If she will hit you once, she WILL hit you again. And again.
Abused men or teen boys know they are being abused by their spouse or girlfriend, but feel shame and helpless about what to do. Boys are often raised by parents to “never hit a girl”, even when circumstances require him to defend themselves against a violent attack in some way. When a man tries to defend himself while he is being battered, beaten, kicked or even stabbed by his wife or girlfriend, the men I’ve heard from say they are the ones who are arrested and hauled off to jail on battery charges. What happened to the women who viciously attacked these men? Nothing. Not a darn thing.
Unmarried, single men or teenage boys in abusive relationships should absolutely leave the relationship, walk away and never look back. What should abused husbands do? Leave and get a divorce lawyer and file for divorce, just like that? How do men, who have been mentally, verbally, physically and/or emotionally abused by their heartless wives, win child custody battles in divorce court without stooping to dirty lawyer tactics? What about the children of these marriages and relationships?
These are just some of the questions abused men have asked, and I will do my best to answer these questions and more in coming articles. Having had personal experience with an abusive marriage relationship many years ago, I get it. I get why these abused men stay and why they haven’t packed up and left their abusers saying “Eat My Dust!”. Yet. These men are filled with fear, but they are making needed changes in their attitudes towards the abuse and their abusers, and I’m betting that this year will be their year to break free from the abuse.
Do you have any suggestions, advice or tips for abused men you would like to share? Are you a man who is or was in an abusive relationship with a story to tell? Share your comments and thoughts below.