Stuck In A Rut? How To Break Out Of A Relationship Rut

Are you stuck in a rut in your relationship with your husband or wife? Are you ready to get out of the rut you’re in and put some fire back into your marriage? Is your marriage lacking emotional intimacy, where you feel like your marriage to your spouse has become routine and boring? Are you in a sex starved marriage? Do you ever ask yourself “how do I get out of a rut in my relationship with my partner or spouse?”

If you’ve been feeling sad or depressed that your marriage seems to have become a boring, monotonous routine lifestyle that never changes, it probably means you are stuck in a rut. A relationship rut. It’s time you get out of the rut you’re in, spice things up a bit and reestablish intimacy, friendship, fun and sex in your marriage.

Angela says there is no intimacy in her marriage with her husband of 25 years anymore, virtually no sex at all and the emotional connection or excitement that brought them together is now gone. “Can this marriage be saved?” was her question in a recent email. Angela says she has considered telling their children that she wants a divorce from their father so she can “find someone new, exciting and fun” to be with. Problem is, she isn’t 100% percent sure she actually wants a divorce and wonders if it’s possible to bring back the spark that has been missing from their marriage before it’s too late.

Rodney says “my marriage is boring”, to the point where his marriage to his wife of 18 years has become a sexless marriage. No sex at all for more than three years. Zip, zero, nada. Rodney says he knows for sure his wife is not cheating on him, but the lack of intimacy and sex in their marriage is causing him to think he should just “give up” on the marriage and get a divorce. He says he realizes that “sex in marriage isn’t the most important thing about being married”, but the marriage is nothing more than a day-to-day routine where he feels like he and his wife have become mere “roommates” instead of friends and lovers.

How to Save a Marriage by Breaking Out of the Marriage Routine

Is your marriage boring and dull? A bit too “comfortable” perhaps? If you feel the romance has died in your marriage, or teetering on the edge of the abyss that too often leads to divorce, it’s time you step out of your comfort zone and work towards reestablishing the excitement and fun experienced during the beginning of your relationship. In marriage and life, routine or habit is common and normal. Until those routines and habits turn your marriage into a rut.

“The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions” – Ellen Glasgow

There is no avoiding the fact that couples get married, have children, deal with work and family responsibilities that quickly become part of the routine of living day to day. Understand that there is a difference between routine and being in a rut. When marriage becomes routine, boring and dull, the husband and wife must work together and find ways to fire up their marriage and sex life to bring back the spark that’s been missing in their lives.

Face it, you can never go back to that first kiss moment… that incredible feeling of newly found love. Don’t look back at those times with sadness…look forward to the relationship you would like to have with your spouse and start building on that. Think about the things that initially attracted you to your wife or husband and make it a point to reconnect on that level.

Try new things to get out of the rut. Add some spice to your marriage relationship (and bedroom), and before long you’ll discover that the romance is back in your marriage, and you won’t have those nagging thoughts about separation or divorce anymore.

A boring marriage is not a deal breaker in my opinion. Boredom in marriage is not a legitimate reason to throw away a marriage. Rather than trying to decide if you should stay in a boring marriage or leave your marriage in hopes of finding someone new to fill the void, make the necessary adjustments as a couple to recreate the kind of loving, committed, happy marriage you both want.

If your marriage is stuck in a rut, get your marriage unstuck and on the road to recovery. Spicing up a marriage isn’t that hard. It does take effort, work and time, but the rewards are well worth it. Below are articles that provide ideas, advice, tips and clues into how you as a couple can get out of your relationship rut and get those home fires burning all over again. Are you willing to do what it takes to save your marriage?

Can a boring marriage be saved? Yes, of course it can. If you are willing to do the work. “It takes two to tango” and each partner in the marriage is expected to participate fully. Happy marriages don’t just “happen” to us. Both husband and wife are equally responsible for putting forth the effort and WORK into the marriage, and that includes breaking through a relationship rut and improving the marriage for both the husband and the wife.

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5 Responses to “Stuck In A Rut? How To Break Out Of A Relationship Rut”

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  1. Janet Fox says:


    I just love the way you write about relationships. I’ve seen couples breaking up and even getting divorced just because they feel they have fallen out of love. What they dont realize is that just a little effort can actually bring the fire back in the relationship. All it takes it a little will and effort.

    I personally believe that its not easy to be high on love for ever. One needs to constantly kindle the fire to keep the romance alive.

    • Lin says:

      You’re right Janet. From the kinds of email messages I get regularly from newly married people already disillusioned with being married, far too many people don’t seriously consider the work that is required to keep the home fires burning. Whether a couple has been married for six months, two years, 40 years or 5 minutes…, relationships require a lot of work by both the husband and wife to keep it strong and vibrant.

  2. jenn says:

    I agree with you Janet. It does take effort to keep the fire and romance alive in a relationship. My husband and I are always looking for ways to keep things spiced up. One thing I have done is sign up for a monthly teleplayshop with Sherri Nickols, life coach, called How to Find & Own Your Playful Sexy Self. She has great, fun ideas on how to tap in to your feminism and spice up your life. It was wonderful. To check it out see her website at Great article Lin!

  3. Great advice. Good relationships take work and they go through ups and downs. You can’t always have everything be wonderful and exciting you just have to work at things to stay in it for the long haul. People who are willing to work and fight for what is important to them will always benefit – the same is true for relationships.

  4. monica says:

    hi i was wondering how often should married people have sex my husband and i have been married12 years in may we have sex once a week once every other no more then a month is that normal? we have 2 children and i work and home and my husband works alot we do date once a month sometimes things are so good and i feel we really like each other and sometimes i just have mixed emotions and dont wanna be bothered how do i change?