RSS Feeds: Paying For College – Should Parents Pay For College Tuition?
Are parents obligated to pay college tuition for their kids to attend college? Should parents pay for college or should college students be responsible for paying college related expenses including tuition, with or without their parents help? The question of who pays for college continues to be a controversial (sometimes heated) debate between kids planning to attend college, and their parents.
Parents, are you responsible for paying your kids college education or not? If parents are supposed to pay for college, how much should parents pay towards tuition, books, housing costs, transportation, gas, insurance, food, clothing, entertainment and miscellaneous expenses for college? Where do parents draw the line between helping kids attend college and not jeopardizing their savings and retirement accounts? To say that your retirement plans are more important than your children’s college funds is putting it mildly.
The all too common belief some people have that it is somehow a parents obligation to pay for college, as if parents “owe” their kids a paid-for college education, reeks of unrealistic expectations and a sense of entitlement in today’s society. Parents who cannot afford to pay for their kids to attend college, or choose not to pay some or all college expenses for their own personal or financial reasons, are almost made out to be bad parents.
These parents are accused of not loving their kids, not wanting their children to be successful in life, and not worthy of being called parents amongst other things. Loving your children has nothing to do with who is going to pay for college, or a parent’s desire for their kids to become successful, independent adults. In an article entitled “don’t pay your children’s college education”, the writer aptly points out that paying for college is not about love, sacrifice or devotion towards kids. There is much more to it than that.
So, parents have to pay for college if they have the money, right? Wrong. “How am I going to pay for my college education if my parents won’t pay, can’t afford to help, or refuse to fill out the FAFSA?” is a common question.
Who Pays For College?
Opinions on why parents should pay for college vs. parents who should not pay for college vary, as expected. Even “personal finance experts” can’t seem to agree. Words like should, must, have to, obligation, responsibility and similar terms used by college-aged kids expecting their parents to pay for all college expenses with little or no “skin in the game” themselves is ludicrous. I have yet to find a parenting manual that states parents must pay for their child’s college education, whether parents can afford the costs or not.
Don’t get me wrong, education is important. Many parents already do what they can to ensure their kids get a great education until high school graduation. But, parents do not owe their children a college education. Parents paying for college is not a kids “right” to a free ride through college, but is a parents choice to decide whether to pay or not pay for any part of their kids higher education, how much, and on what terms.
You can take loans for college but not for retirement. Even financial expert Suze Orman
How to Pay For College
Planning ahead towards college costs with money set aside in a 529 plan for your kids education is a smart option for parents, if they choose to and can afford it. Parents can also help their children look for scholarships, federal grants, student loans and sources of “free money” for college. For those in Canada, similar to a 529 plan is an RESP, or Registered Education Savings Plan. It’s a tax-free savings account you can open up for your child and contribute money to until he or she attends post-secondary. Anyone can contribute; the lifetime limit is $50,000 per beneficiary.
Do not allow your children, or society in general, to guilt-trip or demand that you pay for your child’s college education if you cannot afford to pay or choose not to pay for your kids to go to college. It is entirely up to you, the parents.
I couldn’t help but laugh when I read this article suggesting the “federal government and the schools consider it the family’s primary responsibility to pay for the child’s education”, wrongly implying that parents are legally required to pay for college. Let the whining and moaning commence. Parents who have college-aged kids have already fulfilled their responsibility to their kids education throughout elementary, middle/intermediate and high school. The article about the federal government even suggests kids who have Christian or religious parents should hurl scripture quotes from the Bible at parents in order to manipulate or coerce parents into paying for college.
Should parents pay for college or should parents make kids find a job and work through college to help themselves get a great education? A parents legal and moral obligation to care and provide for their children ends when kids reach the age of 18 and they are considered to be adults in the U.S. While parents have an obligation to care for minor children and provide them the best education possible, parents are not obligated or responsible for adult children. Unfortunately, many parents continue to pay for and enable their grown kids anyway.
If you are a parent researching information on the advantages and disadvantages of paying for all or some of your kids college education, carefully consider and bookmark these devil’s advocate articles on who should pay for college, and who should not pay and how helping pay for college can lead to trouble. The decision is ultimately yours, so choose wisely, unless you don’t mind eating cat food in your elderly years. The book The Best Way to Save for College-A Complete Guide to 529 Plans
Similar Posts:
We paid for our oldest daughter, and partially for the second daughter. Both are college grads. The youngest is now paying her own way through grad school. Everything is relevant, but when our first started, tuition, room and board was less expensive. We did urge them to try to finish in 4 years, which they did. They both took winter intersession courses and summer courses – saving on room and board rather than having to go FT an extra semester.
Cindi @ Moomette’s Magnificents´s last blog ..Choose Your First Home: 2010 Homebuyer Tax Credits Available
Hi Cindi,
Quite a few parents who have kids in college recommend paying for performance. Get good grades rather than being lazy and not showing up for class etc and the parents agree to pay the full amount for tuition and everything else. The number of college kids having a bad attitude towards their parents paying is ridiculous. They feel entitled to an extreme.
These kids are spending their time partying to various degrees and not doing what they need to do in college, on their parents money, and have no problem with “my parents are paying for me to be here” and don’t care at all to do their part.
Lots of parents feel their kids work harder in college to get good grades and a real education when the kids themselves have to work and contribute towards their own education.
Very true Lin. Some of the girls’ friends were 5 & 6 year students – and never did end up finishing. I think it also has a lot to do with how the kids were brought up. While we weren’t ‘helicopter parents’ we were actively involved in counseling them. Also, both my girls played varsity sports in college – one was Lacrosse, and the other was Cross Country.
I think that being active in sports; having to maintain a certain GPA to continue to play; and having a coach who made sure they didn’t fall through the cracks – was very important to assure they succeeded.
My girls knew we were paying, and did pay for certain of their own expenses. However, I always told them that if they ever cut a class for whatever reason, just remember if you broke it down, how much $$ it cost to cut that ONE class that day!
Cindi @ Moomette’s Magnificents´s last blog ..4 WordPress Plugins to Make Your Blog a Fast Mean Machine
#1 son received a scholarship. He worked and bought his books. We paid half of his summer semester classes which weren’t covered with the scholarship. That worked out well. There are multitudes of scholarships out there, so apply, apply, apply.
#2 son did his military service first, participated in the Montgomery GI bill contributions at the maximum amount, and is now a full-time college student living from GI bill as well as from his savings (military single guys should be able to save a lot of money in three to four years). He’ll graduate in December but still has enough GI bill left to pay for grad school. I highly recommend this plan. Older students typically perform much better and are more focused on a career goal.
Even if we would have had plenty of money to contribute, we would not have contributed any more than we did (aside from some special project money). We’ve witnessed many kids who were far too immature and did not perform well in college, wasting parents’ tuition payments. We also know exceptions to that rule, but even my kids (now 27 and 24) agree that having to pay for things themselves has given them a much better appreciation of what they have.
Susan52´s last blog ..Should You Own Your Own Blog? Join the Debate
Susan,
It’s unfortunate how so many kids waste their parents money for college partying, alcohol (drugs) and who knows what else. Kids have a much better appreciation for things they’ve have some responsibility paying for. From everything I’ve read and those I linked to in this article, real appreciation and genuine gratitude amongst kids these days is almost a rarity.
More often than not, “kids” expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter by their parents, with no personal effort put into it. Then parents hear stuff like “I didn’t ask you to pay for that” or, “I didn’t ask you to do that”. Then of course the parents who decide not to pay for college (or other things) are then looked down on because they chose not to pay or contribute. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Often times the learning experience is wasted on kids that get their college education completely paid for by mom and dad or whoever. If parents are going to pay for college, that’s ok, but some accountability has to be maintained. For example I pay for my child’s tuition, I also provide a budget for spending money but that is not provided if grades are not kept up. It has to be a give and take.
Good for you Elizabeth for keeping your child accountable in college. Requiring kids to keep up their grades and attendance in order to receive money is very smart.
Kids have to do their part, whether it’s by having a part time job and paying for some of their own college expenses, or at least doing their part to show their parents that they take college seriously and aren’t there to party.
I admit, my parents payed for my college, but I’m planning to repay them some day. And i wasn’t one of those people that just waste money away by not studying and getting your degree,so. It really depends on a person i think. In the end it’s up to you to decide whether you want to do your parents justice.
Elena´s last blog ..Kremlin Pill Promises Eternal Youth By Zapping Your Guts
Elena,
Congratulations for taking college seriously and focusing your time and attention on getting a degree and not wasting your parents money.
The statistics and news reports about college kids wasting their time and their parents money being lazy and not even showing up for class because of many nights of partying is alarming. Having college kids pay for at least some (or all) of their own college costs and expenses helps kids stay focused on the real reason they’re in college – their education.
I am a college sophomore paying my own way through school. I’ve realized it was a bad idea to choose a private university and am struggling with all of the loans I have. I have a 3.8 GPA and have received a small scholarship but it isn’t enough. :-/ I work three jobs and go to school full time. I don’t think it is my parents responsibility or that I am entitled to anything but I do wish that my parents would help me out because I’m dying under the stress of all this work and knowing when I graduate I’ll have around $80,000 to pay off. Oh college. I hope you’re worth it.
Jenna,
Are you able to transfer from the private university to a college that isn’t so expensive for you? Have you looked into your options? College grants?
I know how this is going to feel. I’m 18 and my parents (combined total income around $150,000) feel that they have no obligation to help me out with my $10,000 public school. I’m already working on weekends when i don’t have sports and coming up with the money is going to be very difficult. It just seems very selfish that my parents want to see me stressed out about how i’m going to pay for this school. If a parent can afford to better their child’s life why not do so? If i was my parents i’d tell me that i’ll agree to pay for the school as long as i keep up my grades and graduate on time. BTW don’t tell me that i’m probably one of those kids that’s probably spoiled with tons of other things because i’m not (i’ve had the same cell phone for 2 1/2 years and I pay the bill on it)
Hi Mike,
I’ve read your message several times now, to allow me to really think carefully how to respond and how to best say what I’m thinking so as not to offend. You say your parents make a total, combined income of about $150.000 a year. How much of that income goes to pay the mortgage, property taxes, income taxes, monthly utilities, home maintenance, car payments, car insurance, gas, food, phones etc PLUS any debt they may be paying off (credit cards etc)??? How much of that income goes into their retirement account so they do not become a financial burden on their children (you and any siblings) when they are retired/elderly? How much of that income is put into savings or stock investments towards their retirement, medical bills, health issues that will come up?
Mike, the point is, kids may have a pretty good idea of what their parents make from their jobs, but kids rarely ever know how much of that income is actually available to spend on “extras”, “non essentials”, etc. Your parents are under NO obligation to help with even a penny towards your college education. Saying your parents are “very selfish” for supposedly wanting to see you stressed out about paying for college on your own merits is rather selfish of you Mike. You say “if a parent can afford to better their child’s life why not do so?” After all the other bills, expenses, debts etc mentioned above, how could you possibly know whether your parents “can afford” to pay for your college or even help you pay for college “to better” your life, or not?
You seem to see your parents gross or net income as proof of their ability to pay for your college, but you’re not thinking about all the things that the money is used to pay for, and there very well may not be the kind of money left over that you’re assuming there is. Kids don’t have to be spoiled, entitled etc to not understand the basic fact that kids even at your age have no idea whatsoever what they’re parents are actually able to afford or not.
It’s ridiculous to say your parents “want” to see you stressed out about college. Your parents obviously want you to learn that money doesn’t just pop out of an ATM machine magically just by pushing a few buttons, and they just might want you to learn the benefits of working very hard at getting through college yourself so that you’ll appreciate it more than if they paid for college with little or no contribution from you. Take a look at this brief article by financial expert Dave Ramsey and see what he says about just how much money people have to save up just to retire at the age of 65 and not be a burden on their kids, living on just $60,000 a year. Take a look at Dave Ramsey’s article here. You may not see it now, but the day will come when you will look back and be glad you’re parents didn’t pay for your college and required you to work hard to make your life better, on your own merits. Not theirs.
I have raised my own grown children and helped those who were interested with as much as I could. Even helping to pay for a few thousand dollars cuts down the costs and interests rates that they would be subject to paying back for years when getting their own student loans.
Now that I am assisting in the raising of grandchildren, I feel that it is still in my best interest to put away $20 here and there for their future. The cost of education is on the rise. Who is to say that a course that only costs $5,000 now, might not end up costing almost $20,000 ten or 15 years from now. If we can help prepare our children and grandchildren for that, than we are protecting our children’s future.
Jacquelyn Dunn´s last blog ..Grandparents As Parents Share~Mindful Parenting Tip: Children Need To Feel That They Belong
I see the argument for teaching your child fiscal responsibility, but here’s another issue for you. I’m sandwich generation @ 36 yrs old. I had to pay my own way through university mainly because I couldn’t handle the stress of my parents trying to manipulate me (who I could date, lecturing about my sleep habits, etc. etc.) and using my tuition as a bargaining chip.
At this point, there is no way my parents can cover costs for long-term care if they need it in the future (predicting next five years). I’ll be either caring for them personally, or having to pay for the expense. But I want a family of my own, and I’m STILL PAYING for my education.
So, while I see your argument one could also argue that by helping your child get a debt-free education is ultiamtely an investment in your own (the parent’s) future.
And anecdotally – all of my friends who had help paying their tuition a) did better in school because they weren’t worrying about where the tuition money was coming and the didn’t have to work part-time so they could concentrate on more demanding degrees like medicine and engineering b) went on to higher levels of education and c) are doing much better financially/socially than anyone I know who had to put themselves through school. They are in a MUCH BETTER position to assist their parents when the time comes and will happily do so.
In terms of the “lessons” of doing it on your own – those friends who had to pull it off on their own dime also seem to have more struggles with mental health issues (like depression and low self esteem.) That would make an interesting study.
As for my sources – I’m looking comparitvely at a network of 200 peers.
I’m definitely not against parents HELPING their kids pay for college, or even paying for college entirely if and/or when the parents are financially able to, if that is their choice. Helping kids pay for college is a great thing to do if the parents can financially handle it. Having their kids have some “skin in the game” themselves even when parents are paying for part or most of the expenses should be required in my opinion.
I am currently a freshman student who is paying her way through college with loans and grants. I attend a cheap public school so I don’t have a lot of debt (tuition and board cost about 6500 a semester). My parents are extremely poor (they make about 20K total and have four other children to feed) so they cannot afford to give me any money. While I do wish they may parents would give me I think its helping me to become a better adult. I applied for a renewable scholarship that I will use in the fall and it covers my entire tuition because I have good grades (my unweighted GPA is a 3.9). I have about 6K in debt but now I realize that I am doing much better than a lot of students attending private school. Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.