Are parents obligated to pay college tuition for their kids to attend college? Should parents pay for college or should college students be responsible for paying college related expenses including tuition, with or without their parents help? The question of who pays for college continues to be a controversial (sometimes heated) debate between kids planning to attend college, and their parents.
Parents, are you responsible for paying your kids college education or not? If parents are supposed to pay for college, how much should parents pay towards tuition, books, housing costs, transportation, gas, insurance, food, clothing, entertainment and miscellaneous expenses for college? Where do parents draw the line between helping kids attend college and not jeopardizing their savings and retirement accounts? To say that your retirement plans are more important than your children’s college funds is putting it mildly.
The all too common belief some people have that it is somehow a parents obligation to pay for college, as if parents “owe” their kids a paid-for college education, reeks of unrealistic expectations and a sense of entitlement in today’s society. Parents who cannot afford to pay for their kids to attend college, or choose not to pay some or all college expenses for their own personal or financial reasons, are almost made out to be bad parents.
These parents are accused of not loving their kids, not wanting their children to be successful in life, and not worthy of being called parents amongst other things. Loving your children has nothing to do with who is going to pay for college, or a parent’s desire for their kids to become successful, independent adults. In an article entitled “don’t pay your children’s college education”, the writer aptly points out that paying for college is not about love, sacrifice or devotion towards kids. There is much more to it than that.
So, parents have to pay for college if they have the money, right? Wrong. “How am I going to pay for my college education if my parents won’t pay, can’t afford to help, or refuse to fill out the FAFSA?” is a common question.
Who Pays For College?
Opinions on why parents should pay for college vs. parents who should not pay for college vary, as expected. Even “personal finance experts” can’t seem to agree. Words like should, must, have to, obligation, responsibility and similar terms used by college-aged kids expecting their parents to pay for all college expenses with little or no “skin in the game” themselves is ludicrous. I have yet to find a parenting manual that states parents must pay for their child’s college education, whether parents can afford the costs or not.
Don’t get me wrong, education is important. Many parents already do what they can to ensure their kids get a great education until high school graduation. But, parents do not owe their children a college education. Parents paying for college is not a kids “right” to a free ride through college, but is a parents choice to decide whether to pay or not pay for any part of their kids higher education, how much, and on what terms.
You can take loans for college but not for retirement. Even financial expert Suze Orman
How to Pay For College
Planning ahead towards college costs with money set aside in a 529 plan for your kids education is a smart option for parents, if they choose to and can afford it. Parents can also help their children look for scholarships, federal grants, student loans and sources of “free money” for college. For those in Canada, similar to a 529 plan is an RESP, or Registered Education Savings Plan. It’s a tax-free savings account you can open up for your child and contribute money to until he or she attends post-secondary. Anyone can contribute; the lifetime limit is $50,000 per beneficiary.
Do not allow your children, or society in general, to guilt-trip or demand that you pay for your child’s college education if you cannot afford to pay or choose not to pay for your kids to go to college. It is entirely up to you, the parents.
I couldn’t help but laugh when I read this article suggesting the “federal government and the schools consider it the family’s primary responsibility to pay for the child’s education”, wrongly implying that parents are legally required to pay for college. Let the whining and moaning commence. Parents who have college-aged kids have already fulfilled their responsibility to their kids education throughout elementary, middle/intermediate and high school. The article about the federal government even suggests kids who have Christian or religious parents should hurl scripture quotes from the Bible at parents in order to manipulate or coerce parents into paying for college.
Should parents pay for college or should parents make kids find a job and work through college to help themselves get a great education? A parents legal and moral obligation to care and provide for their children ends when kids reach the age of 18 and they are considered to be adults in the U.S. While parents have an obligation to care for minor children and provide them the best education possible, parents are not obligated or responsible for adult children. Unfortunately, many parents continue to pay for and enable their grown kids anyway.
If you are a parent researching information on the advantages and disadvantages of paying for all or some of your kids college education, carefully consider and bookmark these devil’s advocate articles on who should pay for college, and who should not pay and how helping pay for college can lead to trouble. The decision is ultimately yours, so choose wisely, unless you don’t mind eating cat food in your elderly years. The book The Best Way to Save for College-A Complete Guide to 529 Plans
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We paid for our oldest daughter, and partially for the second daughter. Both are college grads. The youngest is now paying her own way through grad school. Everything is relevant, but when our first started, tuition, room and board was less expensive. We did urge them to try to finish in 4 years, which they did. They both took winter intersession courses and summer courses – saving on room and board rather than having to go FT an extra semester.
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Hi Cindi,
Quite a few parents who have kids in college recommend paying for performance. Get good grades rather than being lazy and not showing up for class etc and the parents agree to pay the full amount for tuition and everything else. The number of college kids having a bad attitude towards their parents paying is ridiculous. They feel entitled to an extreme.
These kids are spending their time partying to various degrees and not doing what they need to do in college, on their parents money, and have no problem with “my parents are paying for me to be here” and don’t care at all to do their part.
Lots of parents feel their kids work harder in college to get good grades and a real education when the kids themselves have to work and contribute towards their own education.
Very true Lin. Some of the girls’ friends were 5 & 6 year students – and never did end up finishing. I think it also has a lot to do with how the kids were brought up. While we weren’t ‘helicopter parents’ we were actively involved in counseling them. Also, both my girls played varsity sports in college – one was Lacrosse, and the other was Cross Country.
I think that being active in sports; having to maintain a certain GPA to continue to play; and having a coach who made sure they didn’t fall through the cracks – was very important to assure they succeeded.
My girls knew we were paying, and did pay for certain of their own expenses. However, I always told them that if they ever cut a class for whatever reason, just remember if you broke it down, how much $$ it cost to cut that ONE class that day!
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#1 son received a scholarship. He worked and bought his books. We paid half of his summer semester classes which weren’t covered with the scholarship. That worked out well. There are multitudes of scholarships out there, so apply, apply, apply.
#2 son did his military service first, participated in the Montgomery GI bill contributions at the maximum amount, and is now a full-time college student living from GI bill as well as from his savings (military single guys should be able to save a lot of money in three to four years). He’ll graduate in December but still has enough GI bill left to pay for grad school. I highly recommend this plan. Older students typically perform much better and are more focused on a career goal.
Even if we would have had plenty of money to contribute, we would not have contributed any more than we did (aside from some special project money). We’ve witnessed many kids who were far too immature and did not perform well in college, wasting parents’ tuition payments. We also know exceptions to that rule, but even my kids (now 27 and 24) agree that having to pay for things themselves has given them a much better appreciation of what they have.
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Susan,
It’s unfortunate how so many kids waste their parents money for college partying, alcohol (drugs) and who knows what else. Kids have a much better appreciation for things they’ve have some responsibility paying for. From everything I’ve read and those I linked to in this article, real appreciation and genuine gratitude amongst kids these days is almost a rarity.
More often than not, “kids” expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter by their parents, with no personal effort put into it. Then parents hear stuff like “I didn’t ask you to pay for that” or, “I didn’t ask you to do that”. Then of course the parents who decide not to pay for college (or other things) are then looked down on because they chose not to pay or contribute. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
I know at least 50 students who have expressed that they’re grateful for the parents’ investment in their education. Don’t fool yourself with the “oh they’re not grateful anyway” routine.
agreed. no, many kids are not grateful and do waste their parents’ money, but for a lot of other kids, this couldn’t be further from the truth. i know of people on both sides of that fence.
Often times the learning experience is wasted on kids that get their college education completely paid for by mom and dad or whoever. If parents are going to pay for college, that’s ok, but some accountability has to be maintained. For example I pay for my child’s tuition, I also provide a budget for spending money but that is not provided if grades are not kept up. It has to be a give and take.
Good for you Elizabeth for keeping your child accountable in college. Requiring kids to keep up their grades and attendance in order to receive money is very smart.
Kids have to do their part, whether it’s by having a part time job and paying for some of their own college expenses, or at least doing their part to show their parents that they take college seriously and aren’t there to party.
That’s what my parents are doing and I’m definitely holding that up. I feel I owe them stellar grades for their considerable investment. They have told me repeatedly that if I do not acheive accordingly, I will have to transfer to a cheaper college. Did any of you do the last bit with your kids?
I admit, my parents payed for my college, but I’m planning to repay them some day. And i wasn’t one of those people that just waste money away by not studying and getting your degree,so. It really depends on a person i think. In the end it’s up to you to decide whether you want to do your parents justice.
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Elena,
Congratulations for taking college seriously and focusing your time and attention on getting a degree and not wasting your parents money.
The statistics and news reports about college kids wasting their time and their parents money being lazy and not even showing up for class because of many nights of partying is alarming. Having college kids pay for at least some (or all) of their own college costs and expenses helps kids stay focused on the real reason they’re in college – their education.
“And I wasn’t one of those people that just waste money away by not studying and getting your degree.” Clearly their money was well spent from the exquisite way you formulated that sentence. Geez!! I’m a parent of a daughter who is about to reach that age, and if she wants a college education, she’s going to have to earn the money herself. I’m willing to let her live, past 18, with us and not have to worry about bills, but the schooling, books, etc., she’s going to have to pay for herself.
I am a college sophomore paying my own way through school. I’ve realized it was a bad idea to choose a private university and am struggling with all of the loans I have. I have a 3.8 GPA and have received a small scholarship but it isn’t enough. :-/ I work three jobs and go to school full time. I don’t think it is my parents responsibility or that I am entitled to anything but I do wish that my parents would help me out because I’m dying under the stress of all this work and knowing when I graduate I’ll have around $80,000 to pay off. Oh college. I hope you’re worth it.
Jenna,
Are you able to transfer from the private university to a college that isn’t so expensive for you? Have you looked into your options? College grants?
I know how this is going to feel. I’m 18 and my parents (combined total income around $150,000) feel that they have no obligation to help me out with my $10,000 public school. I’m already working on weekends when i don’t have sports and coming up with the money is going to be very difficult. It just seems very selfish that my parents want to see me stressed out about how i’m going to pay for this school. If a parent can afford to better their child’s life why not do so? If i was my parents i’d tell me that i’ll agree to pay for the school as long as i keep up my grades and graduate on time. BTW don’t tell me that i’m probably one of those kids that’s probably spoiled with tons of other things because i’m not (i’ve had the same cell phone for 2 1/2 years and I pay the bill on it)
Hi Mike,
I’ve read your message several times now, to allow me to really think carefully how to respond and how to best say what I’m thinking so as not to offend. You say your parents make a total, combined income of about $150.000 a year. How much of that income goes to pay the mortgage, property taxes, income taxes, monthly utilities, home maintenance, car payments, car insurance, gas, food, phones etc PLUS any debt they may be paying off (credit cards etc)??? How much of that income goes into their retirement account so they do not become a financial burden on their children (you and any siblings) when they are retired/elderly? How much of that income is put into savings or stock investments towards their retirement, medical bills, health issues that will come up?
Mike, the point is, kids may have a pretty good idea of what their parents make from their jobs, but kids rarely ever know how much of that income is actually available to spend on “extras”, “non essentials”, etc. Your parents are under NO obligation to help with even a penny towards your college education. Saying your parents are “very selfish” for supposedly wanting to see you stressed out about paying for college on your own merits is rather selfish of you Mike. You say “if a parent can afford to better their child’s life why not do so?” After all the other bills, expenses, debts etc mentioned above, how could you possibly know whether your parents “can afford” to pay for your college or even help you pay for college “to better” your life, or not?
You seem to see your parents gross or net income as proof of their ability to pay for your college, but you’re not thinking about all the things that the money is used to pay for, and there very well may not be the kind of money left over that you’re assuming there is. Kids don’t have to be spoiled, entitled etc to not understand the basic fact that kids even at your age have no idea whatsoever what they’re parents are actually able to afford or not.
It’s ridiculous to say your parents “want” to see you stressed out about college. Your parents obviously want you to learn that money doesn’t just pop out of an ATM machine magically just by pushing a few buttons, and they just might want you to learn the benefits of working very hard at getting through college yourself so that you’ll appreciate it more than if they paid for college with little or no contribution from you. Take a look at this brief article by financial expert Dave Ramsey and see what he says about just how much money people have to save up just to retire at the age of 65 and not be a burden on their kids, living on just $60,000 a year. Take a look at Dave Ramsey’s article here. You may not see it now, but the day will come when you will look back and be glad you’re parents didn’t pay for your college and required you to work hard to make your life better, on your own merits. Not theirs.
Ahem….He might know his parents have discretionary income, because he watches them spend it on other discretionary items. In my parents’ case it’s antique cars and designer clothing; in my boyfriend’s parents’ case, it was a remodeled $10K kitchen. I know I’m not entitled to anything. But when you watch your parents spend on other things, it starts to show their real priorities. I feel like my parents love Vera Wang more than me. That hurts.
RE: Mike and Ashley’s comments to Mike’s post.
Ashley, as a late 40′s married parent with two college aged children, I resent your implications. My husband and I have worked very hard to provide a good upbringing for our daughters. One daughter is done with her BA in Psychology and another will be graduating in May with her BA in Speech Pathology and Audiology. Neither has had to pay for tuition, books, parking, etc. We have provided for them. My oldest daughter graduated in 2008, spent 2 semesters on academic probation and worked briefly for about 9 months total. She now lives back home with us and has no motivation to get a job, move out or any thing else. The younger daughter has maintained an excellent GPA in a very challenging major. She will graduate with highest honors and should start grad school in the Fall. She works harder then anyone else I know her age, is married and cannot wait to be in the work force. She appreciates all we have done and thanks us regularly. This last spring, we purchased a travel trailer. We have creatively financed it and will have it payed off soon. Our older daughter thinks we should subsidize her life since we can buy things for ourselves. We drive 10 year old cars (20 year old truck) and live in a modest home. Soon I hope to remodel my tiny kitchen and replace the carpeting in our 15 year old home. I shouldn’t have to spend the rest of my life making my daughter’s more comfortable than mine. One is so entitled, yet the other is so grateful. We paid for her college education, now I should get to enjoy my life.
No, you’re not spoiled, oh gee, you’ve had the same cell phone for 2 1/2 years, wow, you’ve lived a hard life. Please, if you want something, you’re going to find a way to get it. Your parents are not obligated to help you in any way, ESPECIALLY after you’re a legal adult. They aren’t doing it to see you suffer, I don’t think, I’m sure it’s more about things being worth more valuable when you earn them yourself instead of having someone else foot the bill.
Ivan, what’s a legal adult? Guess what, for loan purposes, it’s 24. Learn the laws.
I have raised my own grown children and helped those who were interested with as much as I could. Even helping to pay for a few thousand dollars cuts down the costs and interests rates that they would be subject to paying back for years when getting their own student loans.
Now that I am assisting in the raising of grandchildren, I feel that it is still in my best interest to put away $20 here and there for their future. The cost of education is on the rise. Who is to say that a course that only costs $5,000 now, might not end up costing almost $20,000 ten or 15 years from now. If we can help prepare our children and grandchildren for that, than we are protecting our children’s future.
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I see the argument for teaching your child fiscal responsibility, but here’s another issue for you. I’m sandwich generation @ 36 yrs old. I had to pay my own way through university mainly because I couldn’t handle the stress of my parents trying to manipulate me (who I could date, lecturing about my sleep habits, etc. etc.) and using my tuition as a bargaining chip.
At this point, there is no way my parents can cover costs for long-term care if they need it in the future (predicting next five years). I’ll be either caring for them personally, or having to pay for the expense. But I want a family of my own, and I’m STILL PAYING for my education.
So, while I see your argument one could also argue that by helping your child get a debt-free education is ultiamtely an investment in your own (the parent’s) future.
And anecdotally – all of my friends who had help paying their tuition a) did better in school because they weren’t worrying about where the tuition money was coming and the didn’t have to work part-time so they could concentrate on more demanding degrees like medicine and engineering b) went on to higher levels of education and c) are doing much better financially/socially than anyone I know who had to put themselves through school. They are in a MUCH BETTER position to assist their parents when the time comes and will happily do so.
In terms of the “lessons” of doing it on your own – those friends who had to pull it off on their own dime also seem to have more struggles with mental health issues (like depression and low self esteem.) That would make an interesting study.
As for my sources – I’m looking comparitvely at a network of 200 peers.
I’m definitely not against parents HELPING their kids pay for college, or even paying for college entirely if and/or when the parents are financially able to, if that is their choice. Helping kids pay for college is a great thing to do if the parents can financially handle it. Having their kids have some “skin in the game” themselves even when parents are paying for part or most of the expenses should be required in my opinion.
while i agree 100% that people should take responsibility for themselves long before they even turn 18, i think it is irresponsible a huge disservice to the kid (and ultimately to society) if capable parents don’t help their kids one iota beyond high school. this does not mean they have to pay for the kid’s college education should they choose not to but there does need to be a back-up plan in place (i.e. the parents helping the kid navigate financial aid/grants/scholarships, etc, if the kid is really determined to go to college and is serious about it, or helping the teen explore other avenues for a successful career if college is not a viable option). with all due respect, to imply that parents should not feel the need to support their kids one iota after they turn 18 is not realistic. please note that by supporting, i do not mean them paying for everything, or even anything, but rather doing what they are capable of to enable the kid to become successful and independent on their own (moral support, etc).
paying for everything for a kid and giving them everything they want, doing everything for them, etc. of course enables them to mooch off of their parents, which is obviously not good. however, giving a kid no support whatsoever (financial or emotional) while belittling them, , telling them you have the money to pay for a college education but they’re not worth it while simultaneously telling them to not even bother looking for a job because “no one will ever want to hire you” and actively chipping away at their self-confidence is even worse. (if someone cannot find a way to get into and pay for college and cannot find a job, what then?)
I am currently a freshman student who is paying her way through college with loans and grants. I attend a cheap public school so I don’t have a lot of debt (tuition and board cost about 6500 a semester). My parents are extremely poor (they make about 20K total and have four other children to feed) so they cannot afford to give me any money. While I do wish they may parents would give me I think its helping me to become a better adult. I applied for a renewable scholarship that I will use in the fall and it covers my entire tuition because I have good grades (my unweighted GPA is a 3.9). I have about 6K in debt but now I realize that I am doing much better than a lot of students attending private school. Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.
I applaud you for doing it on your own and having such a good GPA. All one has to do it apply themselves. Good job!
There are pros and cons to both approaches. On one hand if parents pay for the tuition fees then their children can focus on getting the best out of the education. However, they may lose an opportunity to be independent and self sustaining.
If their children earns and pays for their own college fees, they will know that earning money ain’t easy and may therefore appreciate that they are given a chance to study in a college.
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then how do yu expect for the child to pay for college, yu must for get the comin out of high school students dont really have the best payin job in the world
especially in today’s job market- high school students and recent high school grads are lucky these days if they can find a job at all, and the ones that do find work are not likely to be making more than minimum wage. with all due respect to the author, this article does not entirely reflect reality.
I think it’s great if parents are able to help their children pay for thier college expenses. However, as one of your commenters already mentioned, it is important that they hold their kids responsible for maintaining their end of the bargain (i.e. having good grades, etc.) If after the first year, the student isn’t meeting teh parent’s requirements, then maybe the parents should consider making the student take out a loan to cover their own expenses or even evaluate if they truly want to attend a traditional college. Sometimes, parents agree to pay for their kids, just to get them to go to college. There are other options available (i.e. trade schools, etc.)
Wow…please don’t be ignorant, anyone. Are you familiar with federal laws regarding a student taking out loans for college beyond the allotted $2500 – $3500 a semester? Please research them, but here’s a brief summary: you must be 24, married, pregnant, or a military veteran to borrow enough federal $ to attend the school I went to. I am a capable young woman and I’ve been trapped by these laws. I got into a top 30 school and had to transfer because of a combination of these laws and my parents’ separation. I had over a 3.5 and worked and made money. By federal law, the burden falls on the parents. This is the most frustrating painful position — to be smart and hardworking enough to succeed at an excellent university, but to be paralyzed because of apathetic parents and restrictive laws. No I’m not entitled to it, but it would be nice if my mom gave me an I’m sorry, or the government changed the law. My kids will have it different.
My parents married in their teens and were given everything by their parents for more than 10 years to get them going. They were given a house and college educations paid for and food for the table and babysitting, etc. As one of three children, I received three outfits, two pair of shoes and a coat. I have terrible eyesight and I did not get eyeglasses until I was 10 years old. I was constantly told that all my things were not mine – they were just allowing me borrow them. I had to sleep with my bedroom door open and it had to remain open at all times. I did have a bed. When I started working as a waitress at age 14, and worked until 1 am on school nights, I had to provide for all my needs plus buy clothing and other items for a sister seven years younger than me, though my father drove a Lincoln Continental and my parents went on trips and to parties and had a good time in general. When I graduated high school 7th in a class of 530, I won a scholarship for tuition and books from an Ivy league school, but my parents refused to provide financial aid information (not financial aid from them to me but information about their financial situation so I could get loans), because it was “no one’s business.” So I ended up with a scholarship for tuition at a state university and worked three jobs to support myself. My parents are now very wealthy. I have a chronic illness that makes it difficult for me to find work. My mother said I could stay in their main home, but I would have to leave when they turned off the water when they went to their winter home, so it’s not a good idea. As the parent of a 22 year old whom I raised by myself from the time she was three, I don’t understand how they could be so selfish their whole lives when they were given so much by their parents. And neither me nor my siblings will receive an inheritance because they have made it very clear that they intend to spend it all, and they are doing an excellent job of it.. But all in all, what has hurt the most is the lack of emotional support and caring – love I have experienced for more than 40 years. My daughter is not spoiled. I could not afford it, but I made sure I did everything I could to make sure she got a 4-year college education. And when she was laid off her first job after graduating at 21. I made sure she had a roof over her head and food to eat. She knows she is loved. But I have to say that if parents have wealth and don’t provide even the basic material needs to their children, then it feels like rejection. Sometimes providing materials things, when possible and not in excess, is a act of love that is very appreciated.
I can’t say I agree with most of this article, due to my personal experiences. I’m a serious, hard worker (i was a serious and well-behaved student in high school) who has always bent over backwards to try to help my parents. i was prohibited from doing anything aside from schoolwork and studying in my teen years because there was an expectation for everyone to go to college (my siblings and myself). it wasn’t until after i graduated high school that my parents decided they didn’t want to send me to college because they didn’t think i would succeed (as i said, i’m a hard worker -extremely so. but i also struggled tremendously due to a severe learning disability. thus, in spite of toiling away on homework for hours each night, my grades were less than stellar in high school).
i was determined to go to college to get my degree in psychology and education so i started searching for a job and seeking out loans/financial aid to pay for it myself, and also researching colleges that my parents might be willing to pay for or that i would be able to pay for myself. however, i was deemed ineligible for any loans or financial aid because my parents made too much money. i was also unsuccessful in finding a job for more than two years, and riding the bus all over the county filling out countless applications, without a single response (whether this was just really bad luck, not appearing confident enough, not having a car, or something else, i’ll never know). i should also add that my parents discouraged me from looking for work during this time too, stating that no one would want to hire me. needless to say my confidence and self-esteem went from zero to sub-zero during this time.
my parents did finally come around two years later, when i came across a college they approved of. while in college, i did not take my parents’ wallet for granted one iota, was very careful about what i spent money on and was serious about my studies. i now have my hard-earned bachelor’s degree and have a job in my field of interest that i’m doing well in. my parents’ faith in me has grown a lot now since i’ve proven to them what i can do when given a chance.
my point basically is that no, parents don’t “owe” their grown children a college education. yes theoretically everyone can go out and get a job, get a loan, get a scholarship, etc and pay for college themselves. in reality, however, all those things are easier said than done, as my above story shows. loans and financial aid are often dependent on how much money the parents make. if the parents make too much money, you’re out of luck, no matter what your personal circumstances are (when trying to get loans for my own education, i tried explaining my extenuating situation to a lot of people and the best response i got was, “sorry, we can’t help you. you have to work it out with your parents”).
as far as finding a job goes, in an ideal world, all a teenager or college-aged person would need to do is go out and fill out an application and they’d be behind a cash register, making lattes, serving fast food, waiting tables, monitoring a dressing room, etc. the next day. in this day and age, however, it takes a LOT of persistence and no matter how great a fit they may be with a certain workplace, no matter how strong their willingness to work is, etc., there may still be no one around them hiring (or they simply cannot get in anywhere in spite of their efforts). this is especially true in today’s fiercely competitive job market.
may i also add that, like elena, i plan on repaying my parents for my college education and for other expenses as soon as i possibly can.
These comments are a load of tripe written by imbeciles who either have no children or have no regard for the ones they do. First things first: OF COURSE parents have an obligation to help their children with college tuition. Indeed, this is not only a moral obligation but also, in many cases, a legal obligation. In fact, many courts routinely order divorced parents to contribute to the child’s college education because they believe that the child has a right to enjoy a lifestyle commensurate with his parents’ station in life. I can’t help but laugh at how many of you dopes are seduced by the disingenuous tough-talk bull$hit spewed by people who probably got help from their own parents or are mad because they didn’t. Further, there’s this idea out there that forcing your kid to struggle in life is somehow honorable or constructive. It’s neither. Take a gander at how the most successful American families handle their kids. Rest assured, their kids aren’t paying for any tuition. In fact, the rich often continue throwing money at their kids into their 30s and even 40s in an effort to help. Look at George W. Bush. He was handed life on a silver platter but was still a loser into his 30s. Did HW and Babs cut him off? Never. To the contrary, they used all their connections to get him job after job, hoping and praying that he’d straighten out. And lo and behold, he did. And for good or ill, he became president of the United States. As Jackie Kennedy said, “If you mess up your children, nothing else you do really matters.” The Kennedys and the Bushes know a thing or two about success. I think I’d put more stock in their child-rearing lessons than in those supplied by the have-nothing, do-nothing morons on this message board.
I do agree with this–parents shouldn’t have to pay for their children’s college fees. BUT–we, the children, should not have to put down our parents income on forms for scholarships and grants.
I work 40+ hours a week at minimum wage, and barely scrape by paying bills (rent, electricity, etc.) for the apartment I share with a roommate, and my community college costs. I was forced to move out of my parents house because they lived in a rural area, not close enough to where I work and go to school, and they were unable to drive me into town every day and pick me up because of the rising gas costs. But even if I do live away from them, and they no longer claim me as a dependent on their tax forms, I’m still required to put their information on my FAFSA until I am married, or turn 26.
My parents live paycheck to paycheck. I know if they could help me out, they would. My mom works in fast food and my dad drives a semi. But according to the government, they make too much money (they’re not incorporating the cost of living and healthcare debt into my parents income, I guess) and should be able to pay for my college.
I work my ass off to be able to go to school, and every time the new semester rolls around, I wonder if I’m going to be able to keep going. And that’s with the 50+ scholarships/grants I apply for every year.
The point is, they shouldn’t have to pay–but I shouldn’t have to give them my parent’s information, either.
This is a fascinating topic. I posed a question about why parents are expected to pay for their children’s college education…and why does Dave Ramsey have College Funding as Baby Step #5 before paying on your Home (Baby Step #6). I had some very interesting responses. Most of which pointed out that it’s my perception that parents pay for their children’s education.
I do really resonate with this paragraph written by the author…”The all too common belief some people have that it is somehow a parents obligation to pay for college, as if parents “owe” their kids a paid-for college education, reeks of unrealistic expectations and a sense of entitlement in today’s society. Parents who cannot afford to pay for their kids to attend college, or choose not to pay some or all college expenses for their own personal or financial reasons, are almost made out to be bad parents.”
I don’t even have kids and I’m worried about this… ha ha Looks like I need to work on my expectations of myself!
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My parents paid for up to 3 years, we had to pay the rest. They could afford it, but felt we should have accountability and responsibility. We were all fine with that and it taught me a lot about budgeting and hard work.
I think it’s a fine line. As a soon-to-be parent, I want to help my daughter go to college if that’s her choice. But I don’t want to pay for her to have one, long, continuous party at a glorified educational country club where grades aren’t a priority.
My cousin pays for her kids’ tuition if they maintain B’s. Otherwise they have to pay for a class the following semester per C and below received. She also will pay for C’s if the kids are actively being tutored and attending study sessions for challenging courses where they might be working hard just to get that C.
My thought is parents should help, not enable.
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“Parents who have college-aged kids have already fulfilled their responsibility to their kids’ education throughout elementary, middle/intermediate and high school.” What is the author talking about? Most parents do not pay for this part of their children’s education. The public does. The parents feed, clothe, and provide shelter (as well as emotional support) for their kids at this time. But that is nothing we can pat ourselves on the back for if we accomplish it. It was not the child who asked to be born. The parents brought the into this world and they owe them.
We have two children and we have been saving for their future college education for years. They don’t get as many toys as their friends. They don’t get as big of a house as their friends. They don’t get a lot of STUFF. What we value is for our kids to have a good start in life when they set out in this world. And every parent in the middle class sector can afford to help their child with at least some of the expense if they will be smart about saving–starting when the child is young. Perhaps we won’t have enough saved to send them to an Ivy League school. But we are definitely going to provide enough for them to pay tuition for the large state university that is here in town–we already have enough for our first son for 4 years and our daughter for 2. They oldest is not even 10 yet. We only set aside a couple of hundred dollars for each of them monthly. We are not rich by any means. We have an average family income (it was less than average until a year ago), but we choose to see their future education as a priority–more so than a bigger house, fancier car, fashionable clothes, etc. Every dollar a parent spends is a choice…and it shows your priorities. Going out for dinner twice a week but saying you won’t help your child with college? That’s selfish.
We live in the same town as the our state’s largest university, so we are planning on spending the amount that they ask for tuition. If our kids can get scholarships elsewhere (or for room and board here), we can still give them the amount we have saved to help with the cost of that university or even use it for their graduate studies…if that’s what they want to pursue. If they do decide to go to the local school, they are free to live with us while they are enrolled. If they cannot get accepted to a regular university, then we can pay for them to go to the community college for 2 years and the other 2 years at a university. If they get a scholarship for room and board, wonderful! If they want to work for it or to pay for a car, that’s fine with us. The only stipulation we have for paying their tuition is that they must work hard. Good grades or at least proof of a solid effort.