Hallmark Maxine – Maxine Quotes, Jokes, Cards, Cartoons, Calendars, Funny Sayings

I love Maxine. Everything and anything Maxine. Books, cups, cards and ecards, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s Crabby Lady Maxine with an attitude, who really knows how to tell it like it is. Hallmark Maxine to be specific, the old crusty, sarcastic Maxine and all her funny cartoons, jokes, quotes and sayings that make Maxine fans laugh out loud.

With Thanksgiving coming in a matter of days, and Christmas not far behind, I’ve been getting my fill of Thanksgiving Maxine cartoons while planning and preparing for the holidays. To all my subscribed readers on Telling It Like It Is, I want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. “May your stuffing be tasty; May your turkey plump; May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!” – Unknown

To Know Me Is to….Well, is to Know Me.

You know that nice older lady who lives down the street and you see tending her cats or maybe cooling a pie on the windowsill?  That’s not me.  Not even close.  I don’t live on anybody’s street-they live on mine.  I don’t work well in groups, and I don’t work at all if I can get away with it.  I tell it like it is, I tell it like it ought to be.  And I’m my own biggest fan.  But you’re free to join in the hard-fought fight for second place. – Maxine

I’ve been a fan of Hallmark Maxine quotes and her sarcastic humor for many years now, and my Birthday and Christmas Amazon wish lists always includes a variety of Maxine products to add to my growing collection. If you love Maxine as much as I do, you’ll likely want to get a 2011 Maxine calendar to hang on your wall, or perhaps the boxed Maxine calendar for your desk.

“Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish, and the old buzzard won’t be hanging around, underfoot, all weekend.” – Maxine

Having the latest Maxine pocket planner to carry in my purse at all times is a must, to help me stay organized and up-to-date on all the birthdays, anniversaries, appointments and other goings on with friends and family I might otherwise forget. I have every Maxine mug available for drinking coffee in the morning, but I’ve seen quite a few Maxine collectibles and figurines that have been added to my wish list of wants.

Even if I don’t receive the Maxine dolls I saw online the other day for Christmas this year, it’s no big deal because I could always buy the dolls as a Christmas present to myself after the holidays are over, or I could mention the Maxine stuff I’ve been finding as wedding anniversary gift ideas to my better half and see what happens.

“My favorite birthday game is Pin the Cleanup on the guests.” – Maxine

Pretty soon we’ll be pulling out the Christmas holiday decorations and opening last year’s boxes of Christmas tree ornaments, but as far as I’m concerned, Christmas tree decorating wouldn’t be complete without some Maxine Christmas ornaments to bring some humorous fun to the seasonal festivities and family gatherings.

Out of all the funny Maxine quotes and sayings that make me laugh, Maxine’s quotes on aging and birthday quotes are on the top of my list of favorites. By the time I have all the Maxine merchandise I want, Hallmark will come out with more Maxine, which will make my home office look exactly how I want it to. Enjoy these Maxine aging quotes and 25 of my favorite Maxine quotes. Gobble Gobble!

12 Maxine Quotes on Aging

  1. “I’m agin’ and ragin’!! I’m sassy, classy, and still kickin’ assy!”
  2. “I’ve still got IT, but NOBODY wants to see it.”
  3. “Real women don’t have hot flashes, they have POWER SURGES!!”
  4. “Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita”.
  5. “Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet; what should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger than anything else on the buffet!”
  6. “Don’t go gray without bitchin’ all the way!”
  7. “After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.”
  8. “The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age is urinate and attend funerals.”
  9. “The good news is that even as we get older, guys still like looking at our boobs. The bad news is, they have to squat down first.”
  10. “It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.”
  11. “My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be”
  12. “Aging, like fine wine, means spending a lot of your time on your side, lying down.”

25 Maxine Quotes

1. To stay relaxed in today’s frantic, stressful world, you have to force yourself to stop & put your feet up. I put mine up just high enough to kick the butt of whoever’s annoying me.

2. The secret to leading a tranquil life is to ignore petty annoyances & save your anger for really serious matters. Like if somebody looks at you funny.

3. I don’t see the glass as half-empty or half-full. I see it as a glass somebody else has already put their lousy germs on.

4. Home computers are the perfect thing for women who don’t feel that men provide them with enough frustration.

5. Sometimes it helps to count to 10 on your fingers. Or just one, if you know what I’m saying.

6. I’ll carpool when I can find three people who don’t talk, sweat, whistle, or use cologne.

7. I enjoy wallpapering, it gives me a chance to brush up on the swear words I haven’t used in a while.

8. I have a one-step program for dealing with stress. Well, one step and a kick to be exact.

9. Caffeine is for people who feel they aren’t irritable enough on their own.

10. The greatest thing about cordless phones is instead of hanging them up on people, you can just throw them.

11. Sometimes the days just fly by–except for the day when you have to wait for the cable guy.

12. My idea of a high-stress job is any job where you have to work with other people.

13. Found something at the swimsuit shop I was really comfortable in. The dressing room.

14. I like to give advice to young parents: but “Muzzle that screamin’ brat!” isn’t very well received.

15. Experts say you can relieve stress by petting a cat. ‘Course, it doesn’t work if the cat’s the one making you nuts in the first place.

16. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve misplaced my keys, there’d be a jarful of money that I’d also have to look for.

17. Forgive me if I snap at you. I’m myself today.

18. Just saw a three-hankie movie. That’s how many I stuffed into the mouth of the talker behind me.

19. Sometimes work can be stressful. Especially for people that work with me.

20. I’m thinking of renewing my vow…to never get married again.

21. I work out every day. Mostly frustrations & anger.

22. Yelling really loud can sometimes ease tension…and sometimes it makes everyone else in the library jump out of their skin.

23. I hate getting behind people who can’t drive. It’s so hard for them to see my finger in their rearview mirror.

24. If your life is an endless series of ups and downs, consider a more supportive bra.

25. It’s important to vent your frustrations. But you have to recognize the appropriate time and place to vent and blow off steam. For me it’s anytime, anyplace.

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One Response to “Hallmark Maxine – Maxine Quotes, Jokes, Cards, Cartoons, Calendars, Funny Sayings”

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  1. Josefa Torres says:

    Ilove maxine she is adorable and so true to everything she writes.