Telling It Like It Is

What is the best way to flirt with a teenage girl you like, without coming on too strong, if you are a teenage boy? Sometimes teenage guys say stupid things to girls and end up regretting it, especially if the dumb thing said leads the girl to slap the guy in the face.

Young guys in the process of becoming a man sometimes learn valuable lessons the hard way, and learning what things not to say to a girl they like or have a crush should rank very high on the list of learning “how to talk to girls”.

A young, 17-year-old teenage guy contacted me the other day, telling me the story of meeting a teenage girl at a dance that he took a liking to. Unfortunately for him, this young lady didn’t appreciate his attempts to make conversation because of his comments about her “healthy body”.

In other words, this girl was “hot”. Classic hourglass figure, big bust, narrow waist and nice, shapely hips and legs. Get the full picture? He liked her body and wanted this girl to know he liked her (and her body). A lot.
Read the rest of this entry »

Are you an abused husband? Teenage boys, is your girlfriend abusing you? Does your wife, partner or girlfriend physically, mentally, emotionally or financially abuse you? What should abused men do if they are married to an abusive wife who is verbally, mentally, emotionally or perhaps even physically abusing her husband? Parents, have you taught your sons and daughters to identify the warning signs of abusive relationships, so they know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships, in order to avoid becoming an abuse victim?

If you have sons or daughters who are dating or married, how would you react if you discovered they were being abused by the person who claims to love them? If you are a man who is dealing with an abusive spouse or partner, in or outside of the marriage covenant, the psychological damage of being an abused man by the woman you love must be heartbreaking for you.

Relationship Abuse by Abusive Women

Over the last several months, I have received numerous emails from men who say that their wife or girlfriend is not only verbally and emotionally abusive to them but also, in many cases, physically abusive. I am quite familiar with the reported statistics regarding abused men, just as I know the statistics about abused women. Unfortunately, those statistics do not tell the whole story because so many abused men and women do not report the abuse to the police, in order for there to be an accurate and updated database to go by.
Read the rest of this entry »

Abused men are men and teenage boys who are in physically, mentally and emotionally abusive relationships involving partners, girlfriends or wives. Men who are abused do not get the respect, understanding, encouragement or support from society as a whole and are often criticized and ridiculed unfairly, further victimizing men who are abused.

Victims of domestic violence are not just women, wives or girlfriends. Domestic violence occurs with men too, and it’s about time abused men and society in general wake up to the alarming statistics about women, girlfriends and wives who abuse men and stop turning a deaf ear to the abuse men are experiencing.

Boyfriend and husband abuse is a reality in society and men who are abused by women need help, encouragement and support just as much as abused women do. Domestic violence against men, and abusive relationships of all types, do not discriminate and abuse occurs in all ethnic, racial and socio-economic groups.

When you hear the words “domestic violence” and physical, mental and/or emotional abuse, do you tend to think about women or girls who has been slapped, hit, punched, kicked, bullied, ridiculed, degraded, criticized and humiliated by a man? Domestic violence against women by men who claim to love them has been a serious problem for a very long time, but what about the men? What about men who are abused by women? Why do abused men stay in abusive relationships if it’s so bad, you may wonder.
Read the rest of this entry »

Are you a people pleaser? Do you care what people think about you? Should you care what other people think about you or not? Do you have the “disease to please” people in your life to the point where you feel like you have become someone’s personal doormat to wipe their dirty feet on? Do you have difficulty saying no to requests and then feel angry or resentful because you said yes, again? Who is pulling your strings?

By definition, people pleasers are people who have a disproportionate and unhealthy need in their personality to give in to the wants, whims and desires of others around them, to the point of sacrificing their own wants or needs. People pleasers, pushovers and doormats lack assertiveness skills and hold back from speaking up and saying what they really think or feel, and they hold back from asking for what they need or want because they’re worried someone will get upset about it.

Having a people pleasing personality is great…..until. Being considerate, thoughtful, gracious and willing to help others are admirable traits and characteristics, but suffering from doormat syndrome or being a people pleaser to your own detriment are not so admirable. People pleasers put other people’s needs before their own, rarely doing things for themselves and then feel guilty about it.
Read the rest of this entry »

Yes, this is MY blog and I will blog or write about whatever I want, thank you very much. I almost titled this post, “Telling It Like It Is is Not For the Faint of Heart”, which on some levels is very true.

Over the last several months there have been an increasing number of what I refer to as lurkers, spammers, trolls, haters, naysayers and perverts emailing me and attempting to leave pathetic comments on posts.

Some of the worst offenders are those arriving from those pesky “DoFollow blog lists”, where newbie bloggers show up like a bat out of hell, dive-bombing this site in hopes of getting a link back to their site by leaving a pathetic “great blog, keep it up” sort of comment. If you have a blog of your own, you are likely well aware of these pests.

Telling It Like It Is has a comment policy and privacy policy like all/most other blogs and websites have, including a “mark as spam” button and a “delete” button, which I use quite frequently. If “DoFollow” dive bombers wish to continue wasting their time targeting this site for a backlink, knock yourselves out…but if you ever decide to check back to see if your “comment” was approved…you’ll be sadly mistaken.

Running a close second behind the dive bombers are those who are none too happy that I continue to write about child sexual abuse, especially the articles that tell kids and victims to tell they are being sexually abused now or were sexually abused by someone in the past.

I have received emails and attempted comments from people who are not happy at all that the Protect Our Children Act was passed. Now, readers, you tell me…what kind of person would NOT want me or anyone else having the “audacity” to be telling kids to tell someone they are or were sexually abused? Think about that for a minute, then come to your own conclusions.
Read the rest of this entry »

If you or someone you know is being abused or has been a victim of abuse, domestic violence, rape or molestation, it’s vital that you do something right now. Tell someone.

The culture of silence, fear and shame for survivors of abuse must end. Children who have been sexually abused don’t tell because they’re afraid, and that fear of telling is what the abuser is counting on to keep you silent for the rest of your life. If you don’t speak up and tell someone you are being abused now, or were physically or sexually assaulted at some point in the past, your abuser maintains control over you and your life.

You may have been threatened with further violence if you dare tell anyone that you were sexually assaulted, raped or beaten. You may feel you are all alone with the secret you have been keeping, or that no one would understand or believe you.

You are not alone. Abuse survivors and advocates do understand, will believe you and can provide needed encouragement and support to help you find your voice and end the cycle of abuse. How do I know? Because I’ve been there myself. I was afraid to tell anyone I was sexually abused as a child, fearing no one would believe me or do anything about it, but I found my voice and told my story anyway.

Years later I got married and became a victim of domestic violence by the man who vowed to love and cherish me “till death do us part”, but I found the courage and strength to leave and got a divorce. I took my power back, and because of that I don’t see myself as a victim. No, I am a survivor.
Read the rest of this entry »

Is childhood obesity child abuse? Should parents of overweight or obese children be criminally charged with child abuse or neglect, where parents may be found guilty of child abuse and sentenced to jail time for having an overfed or obese child? When does parental indulgence become child abuse or neglect? Who is responsible when children are overweight or clinically obese, and should governmental agencies get involved?

A report by USA Today has attracted national attention to the case of a 555-pound teenage boy in South Carolina, whose mother was arrested in June and charged with criminal neglect because of her son’s weight. 14-year-old Alexander Draper is now in foster care, pending the outcome of charges against his mother, 49-year-old Jerri Gray.

“Jerri Gray was doing all she could to help her son lose weight, her attorney says. But something had gone terribly wrong for the boy to hit the 555-pound mark by age 14. Authorities in South Carolina say that what went wrong was Gray’s care and feeding of her son, Alexander Draper. Gray, 49, of Travelers Rest, S.C., was arrested in June and charged with criminal neglect.”

If your child or teenager is overweight or clinically obese, could your child be taken away from you, followed by you being charged with child abuse or neglect? Jerri Gray’s attorney, Grant Varner, says this case could open the door to criminal charges against parents whose children become dangerously overweight.

“If she’s found guilty on those criminal charges, you have set a precedent that opens Pandora’s box,” Grant Varner says. “Where do you go next?”

Childhood obesity is on the rise all across the U.S., according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and many states have begun to take legal action against parents. According to a 2008 report published by Child Welfare League of America, state courts in Texas, Pennsylvania, New York, New Mexico, Indiana and California have been trying to decide what to do about obesity in children.
Read the rest of this entry »

“Deaths occur in threes. If one person in your family dies, two more will within a short period of time.” Do deaths come in threes or is it just an old wives tale? There’s been a lot of discussion in the last few days that deaths always happen in threes or celebrity deaths come in threes, and questions about where the “deaths come in 3” tale came from.

My understanding is that the origin of the old wives tale or legend about deaths occurring in threes came from the first world war. When the men would light their cigarettes they knew not to use 3 on a match because the enemy could pinpoint them and shoot them from the light of the match being lit so long.

The myth about deaths in threes is often used as proof regarding “notable”, famous celebrities, but people tend to forget about the deaths of celebrities who may not be quite as famous and well known around the world as others who have died.

Some people also claim that the deaths in threes rule applies to deaths occurring within 3 days of each other, while others claim the myth applies to deaths happening “within a short period of time” according to the legend.

The Wall Street Journal listed some “deaths in threes” examples like this:

• Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the “Big Bopper” all died together in a plane crash in 1959
• Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison all died in close succession in 1970-71
• In 2003, Johnny Cash, John Ritter, and Warren Zevon all died within the same week
• In 2005, King Fahd, Peter Jennings and Robin Cook died within a week of each other
• The following year brought the closely timed deaths of Don Knotts, Darren McGavin and Dennis Weaver
• Heath Ledger, Suzanne Pleshette and Brad Renfro all died within a week of each other in January 2008

Read the rest of this entry »

Can you divorce your parents? How do you divorce your parents if you are an adult child dealing with controlling parents or in-laws, or a teenager seeking legal minor emancipation or “divorce” from your parents? Are you dealing with a toxic, abusive and/or controlling parent and want to know how to “divorce” your parents?

I’ve received several “divorce your parents” email questions in recent weeks, from adult children dealing with over-involved, controlling parents who don’t know how to parent adult children, and from teens who think that getting pregnant on purpose or getting married too young is the way to qualify for emancipation from parents in order to get out from underneath their parents thumb. I’ll first respond to the adult children, then the teens.

If you are an adult child who has been researching “parents controlling adult children” or “controlling parents”, you likely came across my articles about parents helping vs. enabling adult children and didn’t think those apply to your specific situation (or they do apply, but that’s not what you want to hear and you don’t want to admit it).

How To Divorce Your Parents

Based on some of the emails I’ve received, I’d venture to say that there is a strong possibility that you may have a sense of entitlement that makes you want to “have your cake and eat it too”, but you can’t have it both ways.

If you really are dealing with “controlling parents” or in-laws that don’t understand what parenting adult children means or the need for respectful boundaries, these articles will help explain that “divorcing” controlling, toxic parents as grown, adult children may be the only viable option left to protect your physical, emotional, mental health and well-being.

Read the rest of this entry »

“I was sexually abused, should I tell?”; “Should I tell my mother I was sexually abused?”; “Should you tell your spouse you were sexually abused?”; “What should you do if you were sexually abused and you can’t your mom?”; “How do I know if I’ve been sexually abused?”; “What happens if you tell you were sexually abused?”

These are some of the questions I’ve received from child sexual abuse victims over the last few weeks, from sexually abused children as young as 10 to older victims in their teens, and others that are married and have children of their own. They all wanted to know what they should do, who they can or should tell, if they should tell anyone about being sexually abused, and how to tell a parent they were sexually abused.

Yes, if someone is sexually abusing you or has sexually abused you in the past, you should tell a trustworthy adult about the abuse and as soon as possible. Why should you tell? Because keeping the abuse a secret is what your abuser wants, and you need help from adults to stop the abuse and stop the abuser from molesting or raping anyone else.

Sexual abuse statistics show that child molesters don’t molest just one person and then suddenly stop. No, pedophiles and child molesters continue to sexually abuse victims until they are caught and arrested, and the authorities are able to bring charges against your abuser so he or she can no longer harm anyone else.
Read the rest of this entry »