Deciding to leave an abusive marriage or relationship is never easy, and the decision to leave is very personal. Leaving abusive relationships can be downright dangerous, even life-threatening, especially during the first few months after leaving. The signs of abuse are all there, even if there are no visible bruises, wounds or scars from being physically abused. The mental and emotional turmoil experienced by victims of domestic violence may be unseen to those unaware of the pain abused husbands or wives have gone through.

But, the men and women who have been battered physically, mentally or emotionally abused and have had their self-esteem beaten down, feel the fear of leaving their abuser for many different reasons. Leaving an abusive husband or wife requires a plan of action, in order to safely and successfully leave the abusive partner or spouse. Statistics show that the chances the abuser will change, even with professional counseling, are slim to none. Men or women with an abusive personality do not change. A truly abusive person does not change, will not change, and victims must get out.

Beware of well-meaning family and friends who say you should stay in hopes of a better relationship in time, perhaps with professional help from counselors, therapists, clergy etc. Getting away from or leaving the abusive woman or man for good is necessary. Spousal abuse, in any of its forms, frequently becomes more severe over time, leading some abusive husbands or wives to maim or murder their spouse in cold blood.

The same is true in abusive relationships where the man and woman are not married, but have either recently started dating or are in a long-term relationship. Keep that in mind when talking to your children or teens about teenage abusive relationships between boyfriends and girlfriends. Abusive husbands and wives often feel trapped in abusive marriages by intimidation, threats of various kinds, financial control, and fear for the children living in homes where spousal abuse is prevalent.

Being afraid to leave an abusive wife, husband, girlfriend or boyfriend is especially true for victims whose self-esteem is low. Even though leaving abusive relationships is not simple or easy, it is important for abuse victims to remember that thousands upon thousands of men and women before you have not only left, survived and gotten a divorce, but became happier, healthier men and women as a result.

Emotional, physical, psychological, financial, mental or verbal abuse does not create or maintain happy, healthy marriages or long-term relationships. Angry, controlling, abusive behaviors and attitudes destroy marriages every day. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, or being beaten and battered by a violent abuser who claims to love their significant other, developing a safe exit strategy for leaving the abusive marriage is vital for your safety and well-being before leaving the relationship.

A healthy, happy marriage between a husband and wife should always be one that promotes and encourages love, respect, honor, friendship, communication, intimacy, commitment, fidelity, support, sharing common goals and dreams, and much more. Some of these qualities and personality characteristics are even included in traditional marriage vows marrying couples make to each other, right before saying “I do”.

Unfortunately, according to Susan Murphy-Milano’s new book How to Escape Abusive and Stalking Relationships, there are more than five million women and their children living in a violent relationship today, and this number is increasing as new technology from tracking devices on cell phones to computer technology allow an abusive person to track his or her victim’s every move.

It can be intimidating, scary, stressful and overwhelming to consider leaving a marriage where you have continuously been receiving the message that you are inferior, worthless, crazy, and otherwise incapable. Change is never easy; especially if you’ve been mentally and physically beaten down, and victims may not believe they have the strength and courage to leave. But they must leave. For good.

“Domestic violence and stalking related crimes are being dismissed in a flurry of shuffled divorce documents and court orders of protection. You cannot plead with an abuser and walk away from potentially life threatening situations if you are unable to learn the steps necessary to protect yourself”, says veteran violence safety expert Susan Murphy Milano in her Time’s Up guidebook.

Spousal abuse victims desperately need the tools, advice, help and support provided in Susan’s new book, as abused men and women face the debilitating problems in their marriages and take steps to regain control of their lives. Victims of abusive marriages, those considering leaving their abusive spouse and getting a divorce, or victims going through divorce proceedings now are able to provide valuable, documented information about their case to their divorce lawyer and court judges about the fears, dangers and personal experiences they have had at the hands of their abuser.

Abusive personality types are clever like a fox and master manipulators. “Snake in the grass” seems like a good description to me. This book doesn’t merely discuss when you should leave or why you should leave, it tells you HOW you should leave. Included are step-by-step instructions how to covertly and secretly make a plan, set-up a safe escape, deal with financial issues, and the paperwork.

Susan’s book teaches abuse victims the techniques and strategies required to remain ten steps ahead of the abuser while in process of leaving and after leaving, and before a threat against your life can be carried out against you or your children. Susan’s book is like the “Bible” for anyone in an abusive relationship. Susan takes your hand and walks you step-by-step through what you need to do to safely leave and survive, all in one piece.

If you have a friend or family member in an abusive relationship, her book is the best gift you can give them as a way of helping someone you know leave an abusive relationship. Susan’s book also serves as a reality check for an abusive husband or wife, rather than a defensive resource for an abusive person to use against their victims. The pages that call out the different types of abuse, and the profile of an abuser, are excellent reading for anyone in a domestic relationship.

With the Evidentiary Abuse affidavit provided in the book, victims are able to provide legal documentation and answers that describe:

• Threats made against your life or well being,

• Incidents of past abuse that a victim had endured

• Admissions of how a threat will be carried out against a victim once they announce they are leaving or filing for a divorce

• Where evidence or weapons would or could be located

• Portray visible injuries or marks

• Determine how to begin and continue through the complex maze a victim faces with police and prosecutors

• How to leave a Perpetrator

• How to collect evidence “on the fly”

• How to begin and continue on the road to safety using a virtual toolbox of techniques

• How family and friends can be crucial in this process

Susan’s book gives victims the strength, courage, determination and tools needed to get a divorce from an abusive husband or wife safely. Victims are taken from the State of being controlled to the “State of Being in Control”. The denial stops now. The reality of the abusive marriage or relationship is clear. You may be an abused husband or an abused wife. Or you may be dating or living with an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend. Love doesn’t hurt. Love doesn’t abuse. If you are being abused mentally, emotionally or physically, the time has come for the abuse to end so you can move on with your life free of abuse. Now.

Rev. Jennifer Burns Lewis says of Susan’s book, “There is nothing like this out there. The reason this book is so valuable is that it’s the first book to provide step-by step procedures and structure to protect everyone from dangerous and abusive relationships.” Susan Murphy-Milano is also the author of “Defending Our Lives, Getting Away From Domestic Violence and Staying Safe” and the “Moving Out, Moving On, When a Relationship Goes Wrong” workbook.

Similar Posts:

• Ladies: Why You Need to Know How to Hide Money From Your Husband
• Abused Men: Battered and Emotionally Abused Male Victims of Domestic Violence
• Husband Abuse: Mentally, Physically and Emotionally Abused Men
• Inside the Minds of Angry, Controlling and Abusive Men
• Husband Abuse: Abused Husbands and Men in Abusive Relationships

Husband abuse is no different than wife abuse. Whether the abuse is in the form of physical, verbal, mental or emotional abuse, abuse is abuse is abuse and not to be tolerated. It is a myth that very few men experience domestic violence, and when we hear or read stories of spousal abuse victims, it is often thought that mental, emotional and/or physical abuse is only perpetrated by men against women.

It is a fact that men who are abused by the women they love are often silent victims of abuse at the hands of their wives, girlfriends or partners. Men typically don’t call the police or make a police report. Family members, close friends and even co-workers sometimes recognize the tell-tale signs of abuse, even without any visible bruises, scratches or marks on the male victim, but feel they don’t know how to help.

Emotionally abused men and husbands who are abused by wives are in an unhealthy relationship, hoping upon hope that their abusive spouse or partner will change and the bad relationship will become a healthy, happy marriage that will last a lifetime. The chances that women abusers will change their abusive behaviors and attitudes towards the men in their lives are slim to none. Just like abusive men or husbands who abuse their wives or girlfriends.

Men in abusive relationships need to realize and come to terms with the fact that abuse is a learned characteristic and is deeply ingrained in their wife or girlfriend’s personality, and you can’t just wish it away. Mentally and emotionally abused men, who haven’t yet experienced physical abuse or battery, must not downplay or minimize the abuse in their hearts and minds. Domestic violence or physical abuse towards men often go hand in hand with mental and emotional abuse.

Just because your wife or girlfriend may not have hit, slapped, punched, kicked or stabbed you (yet) doesn’t mean the abuse won’t escalate to the point of physical violence. Abusive partners do not change. The abuse only gets worse as time goes by.

Are You In An Abusive Relationship?

Mental and emotional abuse destroys a person’s self-esteem and self-worth from the inside out, and the negative effects run so deep that it can take years to recover. Domestic violence and abuse of all kinds is an absolute deal breaker for marriages, and children who grow up in abusive homes learn what they live, increasing their chances of becoming abusers or abuse victims themselves.

Greg Enns and Jan Black, authors of the book entitled It’s Not Okay Anymore suggest abuse victims ask themselves the following questions to help identify the signs of abuse in their relationship. See if you can recognize potential problem areas in your relationship or marriage with your spouse or partner. Ask yourself:

• Does she criticize, embarrass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family?

• Does she insist that things you want for yourself are selfish and/or wrong?

• Does your wife, girlfriend or partner withhold affection or sex to “punish” you for violating her rules?

• Does she intimidate you or make you feel afraid in some way? How? Do you feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” around her to keep the peace?

• Does your wife threaten to harm you, threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you decide to leave and divorce her?

• Does she require or force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? How much access do you personally have to the checking account, savings account, bank statements and bills?

• Does your wife or partner control all of the family finances (financial abuse), where you don’t even know what money there is or how, when or where money is being spent?

• Has your wife prevented you from taking a job you want, or kept you from going to school/college? Has your wife forced you through manipulation, coercion or intimidation to quit a job you had?

• Does your wife minimize or deny her abusive treatment of you, or make “jokes” about how she treats you? Does she blame you for her abusive behaviors?

• Does your girlfriend, wife or partner treat you as if you are her personal servant or slave?

• Does she make you do things you feel are ethically or morally wrong or illegal?

• Does your wife or partner criticize or belittle your Christian/religious beliefs, or tell you that your faith or beliefs are wrong?

• Does your wife restrict or limit your contact with your family or friends, or make you leave social gatherings because she says so?

• If you have children together, does your girlfriend or wife threaten you’ll never be able to see your children if you leave or divorce her?

• Has your partner or spouse hit, slapped, punched, kicked, or threatened to cause you physical bodily harm?

Borderline Personality Disorder

Men, you have to decide for yourselves how many “yes” answers it takes to determine if you are in an abusive relationship. Men abused by women need help, support and encouragement from friends, family and society, to give husbands and abused men the strength and courage needed to get away from their abusers once and for all. Are you being battered or abused by your spouse?

Are you married to or in a relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder, also referred to as BPD? Stop Walking on Eggshells is a book written by Paul T Mason and Randi Kregor, with an extensive checklist for abuse victims to determine if they are (unfortunately) involved with or married to someone with BPD and advice on how to break free.

Another excellent resource for abused men and husbands is the book entitled Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence by Philip W. Cook. The authors shine a bright light on studies, statistics, actual percentages of abused men, along with personal stories of men who have been mentally, physically, verbally and/or emotionally abused by women.

There are a lot of battered and abused guys who are experiencing various types of domestic violence in their own homes and relationships, and it’s about time we as a society show our support for male victims and rally around them as they develop the courage and strength to seek help. Men, you are not alone. Read these books, seek out help from local support groups in your area or online, but reach out and get the help you need to live your life free of abuse.

Similar Posts:

• Abused Men: Battered and Emotionally Abused Male Victims of Domestic Violence
• How To Deal With Teenage Abusive Relationships
• Husband Abuse: Abused Husbands and Men in Abusive Relationships
• Ladies: Why You Need to Know How to Hide Money From Your Husband
• Abusive Marriage – How to Leave Abusive Marriages or Abusive Relationships

What is the best way to flirt with a teenage girl you like, without coming on too strong, if you are a teenage boy? Sometimes teenage guys say stupid things to girls and end up regretting it, especially if the dumb thing said leads the girl to slap the guy in the face.

Young guys in the process of becoming a man sometimes learn valuable lessons the hard way, and learning what things not to say to a girl they like or have a crush should rank very high on the list of learning “how to talk to girls”.

A young, 17-year-old teenage guy contacted me the other day, telling me the story of meeting a teenage girl at a dance that he took a liking to. Unfortunately for him, this young lady didn’t appreciate his attempts to make conversation because of his comments about her “healthy body”.

In other words, this girl was “hot”. Classic hourglass figure, big bust, narrow waist and nice, shapely hips and legs. Get the full picture? He liked her body and wanted this girl to know he liked her (and her body). A lot.

Here is the context of the email message I received:

“Dear Lin,

My name is [removed] and I’m 17 years old.  I discovered your website and thought you might have some good insight on an experience I had involving a girl’s image of her body. She was a girl I had just met at a dance a few weeks ago.  We talked for a good half hour and seemed to be hitting it off.  We even exchanged email addresses.

Then, things suddenly went downhill.  I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended.  I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only made things worse when I used the term “healthy”. With a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed.

She had a classic hourglass figure – large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. Why can’t girls embrace their curves?”

Now, I must admit to having a good laugh when I first read this email message, but we also shared some laughs together with subsequent email exchanges. Poor guy said something stupid to this teenage girl that he thought would be taken as a compliment, but quickly learned the hard way to think before he speaks.

This young man had read the article about girls and female body image and the pressure to be thin in society, and felt the girl he had just met had issues with her own body image. To be clear, I certainly do NOT advocate the fact that this young lady slapped this guy across the face, because of the numerous articles I’ve done about abusive relationships – including teenage abusive relationships.

Abuse of any or all kinds is wrong, unacceptable and should never be tolerated. Capiche?

Here’s my response:

“Hi [name removed],

No, no, no. You’re thinking of the situation with this girl from the perspective of a guy, not of a girl. I don’t know a single girl/woman who feels flattered by a guy she’d just met telling her how hot her body looks, hourglass etc. Especially since she just met you. Any time a guy mentions to a girl or woman about her body and how good she looks, she immediately (and I mean immediately) realizes the guy is checking out her assets. Girls/women know that guys are visual beings, but we don’t like or appreciate it when men/guys make a point of telling us about it. It’s not that she has a poor body image, nope. It’s that she doesn’t want her “healthy body” scanned and critiqued by guys…

There’s a reason for the old saying, “My eyes are up HERE not down there” because of guys constantly checking out a girl’s chest, butt, hourglass figure etc. Girls don’t like that. Guys at dance clubs or nightclubs (stereotypical construction workers) that are staring…and ogling at women’s “assets” are typically thought of as sleeze balls, disgusting pigs and ignored. Slapped sometimes, lol. Plus, chances are this girl already knows she looks good, fit and healthy. There’s no way out of it, no damage control, because she already has it figured that you’re all into her body (and how her body likely turns you on) and she’s not the least bit interested in continuing a conversation with someone like that.

Here’s an example: Say you were at the same dance and some girl you were dancing with and barely knew at all tells you “you’ve got a great looking package from what I can tell with those pants you’re wearing”. I mean, seriously, how awkward would that be?! You would immediately know that she’s checking you out like that and coming on (really) strong with a sexual connotation. Someone you just met. Girls hate that.

Guys are going to check out girls bodies and how “healthy” they look and how fit they are. Girls don’t typically mention things like what you said to her. Women/girls notice a guy’s body too, but we usually keep it to ourselves, so as not to make the guy feel uncomfortable (like being put under a magnifying glass). Don’t ever put yourself in the situation of [being like] typical sleeze balls who act stupid with their guy friends, ogling and pointing out girls “assets” and making an a$$ of themselves trying to look cool and hip. You’ll get thrown into the sleeze ball category, and perhaps slapped. Again. Guys that say those sorts of things are believed to be “interested in one thing only” and you know what I mean by that. Girls don’t like it. Lesson learned?”

I realize there are exceptions to what I replied to this young guy. Some girls/women don’t mind at all when their ass-sets are ogled, stared at and “admired”. Some teenage girls and grown women even encourage such exchanges with guys they meet. Some women/girls accept these things as compliments and aren’t bothered by them at all. Obviously, this young girl was very upset by the things he said to her and she let him know that his “compliments” were inappropriate and he made her feel uncomfortable.

In his follow-up email, this teenage boy admitted to being “guilty of staring at her chest, further agitating her” in response to the quote “my eyes are up here, not down there”. He now understands that there is an art to flirting with girls and getting a girls attention, without coming across as crass or rude.

Teenage boys need to learn how to talk to teenage girls appropriately, so I suggested he search online for articles about conversation starters; what to say to girls and things NOT to say to girls; how to approach girls; how to flirt with girls (without using stupid pickup lines) like what is discussed in this article at Men’s Health on dating tips for guys.

Guys? Do you have a similar story you would like to share with this man, so he doesn’t feel like he’s the the only one who has ever gone through this? Ladies? What suggestions or tips would you add to help enlighten this young teenage guy for the future? Besides don’t get slapped again. He already knows. Make your suggestions or leave your comments for him below.

Similar Posts:

• Female Body Image in the Media – The Pressure to Be Thin in Society
• Don’t Be That Girl
• Oprah Warns Rihanna: Oprah Warns Rihanna, Love Doesn’t Hurt
• He’s Just Not That Into You: Not That Into You Quotes, Movie Soundtrack Video
• Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific Shampoo and Conditioner For Sale

Are you an abused husband? Teenage boys, is your girlfriend abusing you? Does your wife, partner or girlfriend physically, mentally, emotionally or financially abuse you? What should abused men do if they are married to an abusive wife who is verbally, mentally, emotionally or perhaps even physically abusing her husband? Parents, have you taught your sons and daughters to identify the warning signs of abusive relationships, so they know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships, in order to avoid becoming an abuse victim?

If you have sons or daughters who are dating or married, how would you react if you discovered they were being abused by the person who claims to love them? If you are a man who is dealing with an abusive spouse or partner, in or outside of the marriage covenant, the psychological damage of being an abused man by the woman you love must be heartbreaking for you.

Relationship Abuse by Abusive Women

Over the last several months, I have received numerous emails from men who say that their wife or girlfriend is not only verbally and emotionally abusive to them but also, in many cases, physically abusive. I am quite familiar with the reported statistics regarding abused men, just as I know the statistics about abused women. Unfortunately, those statistics do not tell the whole story because so many abused men and women do not report the abuse to the police, in order for there to be an accurate and updated database to go by.

Men who are abused by wives, girlfriends or significant others are much less likely to report the abuse to the police than women are, because society in general has not recognized, supported or provided the help, advice and assistance abused men want, need and deserve. Grown men and teenage boys are often left to suffer relationship abuse in silence while the emotional, mental and physical abuse by abusive women and girlfriends takes its toll on their victims.

Emotionally Abused Men

Emotionally abused men, even if not physically battered or beaten, are having their self-esteem and sense of “manhood” and masculinity destroyed from the inside out. There are no visible scars, wounds or bruises to use as evidence to prove to the police or anyone else that these men are being abused by their wives or girlfriends. But make no mistake, the wounds, bruises and scars of being verbally and mentally abused are obvious and constantly felt by the victim.

The shame, embarrassment and fear abused husbands and men feel about being laughed at, criticized and ridiculed by society, police and the court system must feel unbearable. Mentally and emotionally abused men are routinely put down, criticized and ridiculed by their own wives and girlfriends, only to be victimized again by society and those in uniform whose job it is to serve and protect law-abiding citizens.

Even when abused men or husbands choose to leave the relationship and get a divorce, they must face the uphill battle in divorce court to not lose everything they have worked so hard to achieve in life; fight the devastating child custody and visitation battles; deal with false accusations and threats from their abusive spouse, and the dirty tricks shoddy divorce lawyers use to win court cases for their clients. Men, what is on your list of non-negotiable deal breakers for the protection of your health and well-being?

Physically Abused Men

Single and married men are also physically abused and battered by the women in their lives. There is no difference between the kind of abuse women suffer from abusive men and the abuse men suffer at the hands of angry, controlling and abusive women. Abuse is abuse is abuse. Mentally and emotionally abusive relationships often lead to physical abuse at some point, so if you are man or teenage boy in a relationship where nothing physical has occurred yet, don’t be too quick to assume physical abuse won’t happen. It’s important to understand the four types of abusive behaviors that abusers inflict on those they claim to love, because one often accompanies the others, eventually.

A physically abusive relationship often begins with a “one-time” slap, kick or punch during a fight or argument, followed by the promise that “it will never happen again”, but it happens again the next time the couple has a fight. Thus begins the cycle of abuse. The “honeymoon phase” of the cycle includes plenty of good times together for the couple, where everything is peachy-keen (or seems to be), until the pendulum swings the other way and the next argument erupts and is worse than the last one.

If she will hit you once, she WILL hit you again. And again.

Abused men or teen boys know they are being abused by their spouse or girlfriend, but feel shame and helpless about what to do. Boys are often raised by parents to “never hit a girl”, even when circumstances require him to defend themselves against a violent attack in some way. When a man tries to defend himself while he is being battered, beaten, kicked or even stabbed by his wife or girlfriend, the men I’ve heard from say they are the ones who are arrested and hauled off to jail on battery charges. What happened to the women who viciously attacked these men? Nothing. Not a darn thing.

Unmarried, single men or teenage boys in abusive relationships should absolutely leave the relationship, walk away and never look back. What should abused husbands do? Leave and get a divorce lawyer and file for divorce, just like that? How do men, who have been mentally, verbally, physically and/or emotionally abused by their heartless wives, win child custody battles in divorce court without stooping to dirty lawyer tactics? What about the children of these marriages and relationships?

These are just some of the questions abused men have asked, and I will do my best to answer these questions and more in coming articles. Having had personal experience with an abusive marriage relationship many years ago, I get it. I get why these abused men stay and why they haven’t packed up and left their abusers saying “Eat My Dust!”. Yet. These men are filled with fear, but they are making needed changes in their attitudes towards the abuse and their abusers, and I’m betting that this year will be their year to break free from the abuse.

Do you have any suggestions, advice or tips for abused men you would like to share? Are you a man who is or was in an abusive relationship with a story to tell? Share your comments and thoughts below.

Similar Posts:

• Abused Men: Battered and Emotionally Abused Male Victims of Domestic Violence
• Husband Abuse: Mentally, Physically and Emotionally Abused Men
• Oprah Warns Rihanna: Oprah Warns Rihanna, Love Doesn’t Hurt
• How To Deal With Teenage Abusive Relationships
• Abusive Marriage – How to Leave Abusive Marriages or Abusive Relationships

Abused men are men and teenage boys who are in physically, mentally and emotionally abusive relationships involving partners, girlfriends or wives. Men who are abused do not get the respect, understanding, encouragement or support from society as a whole and are often criticized and ridiculed unfairly, further victimizing men who are abused.

Victims of domestic violence are not just women, wives or girlfriends. Domestic violence occurs with men too, and it’s about time abused men and society in general wake up to the alarming statistics about women, girlfriends and wives who abuse men and stop turning a deaf ear to the abuse men are experiencing.

Boyfriend and husband abuse is a reality in society and men who are abused by women need help, encouragement and support just as much as abused women do. Domestic violence against men, and abusive relationships of all types, do not discriminate and abuse occurs in all ethnic, racial and socio-economic groups.

When you hear the words “domestic violence” and physical, mental and/or emotional abuse, do you tend to think about women or girls who has been slapped, hit, punched, kicked, bullied, ridiculed, degraded, criticized and humiliated by a man? Domestic violence against women by men who claim to love them has been a serious problem for a very long time, but what about the men? What about men who are abused by women? Why do abused men stay in abusive relationships if it’s so bad, you may wonder.

Some women, girlfriends and wives are physically, mentally and emotionally aggressive in relationships with their boyfriends, partners or husbands. Abused men rarely come forward to share their experiences as domestic abuse victims because of fear. Abused men stay in abusive relationships and marriages for much the same reasons abused woman stay, with fear being the primary reason.

Men who are abused are often afraid of being stigmatized by others with fear of being labeled a dependent, spineless doormat, passive-aggressive “wimp” or “whipped” man with low self-worth. Men who are abused are often too afraid to tell or admit to others that they are being mentally or emotionally abused, if not physically, and view telling as a loss of their manhood.

The statistics for abused men who are beaten or battered by the women who claim to love them say that men are abused more than women are abused, battered, beaten and bruised by men. Unfortunately, physically abused and battered men tend not to call the police or report the abuse they have suffered at the hands of girlfriends or wives, and even when these men do call the police to report the violence, they’re pleas for help are often ignored.

The myths about abused men are astounding. Teen boys and men who are abused need to identify and recognize the warning signs of abusive relationships and take action. Love Doesn’t Hurt. Teenage girls, women or wives who are physical, emotional or psychological abusers gradually chip away at a man’s feelings of self-worth and independence in the same way angry, controlling, abusive men act towards women.

Emotionally Abused Men

Male victims of emotional abuse may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or marriage, often ignoring the symptoms that they are in an emotionally abusive relationship that can so quickly become physically abusive. Emotional abuse includes verbal attacks such as yelling, blaming, ridiculing, name-calling, intimidation, controlling behaviors, isolation from family or friends, shaming, threats of physical violence and more. Abuse of any kind – physical, mental or emotional abuse is an absolute deal breaker in my book and should be for anyone who experiences domestic violence in some form or fashion.

The scars of having been emotionally abused are very real and run very, very deep. Emotional abuse often escalates to the point of physical abuse and battery. Even death. Abusers do not change. Let me repeat that: Abusers do not change, and if you are a man or teenage boy who feels he must “walk on eggshells” around his partner, girlfriend or wife in order to “keep the peace” and try to prevent her from having a conniption fit about everything or anything – you are very likely in an unhealthy, controlling, abusive relationship and need to get out now.

See Toxic Relationships-Toxic Family Members for help figuring out if your girlfriend or wife is toxic or not.

There are many signs of an emotionally abusive relationship, and they are much the same as those that apply to women who are abused by men. Physically or emotionally abused men must not be allow abusive women to control them any longer. Not for one more minute, not for one more hour, and definitely not for one more day of their lives.

Having heard from several men who felt they were pressured into marriage by emotionally abusive girlfriends, plus having written articles about women abused by men, I feel a responsibility and desire to address the issues involving abused men.

Just as I recommended to these men that they read the book, Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence authored by Phillip W. Cook, I implore and strongly suggest that men who feel they are being physically, mentally or emotionally abused by a partner, girlfriend or wife to not only read the abused men book but also seek help now. Your very life may depend on it.

Similar Posts:

• Husband Abuse: Abused Husbands and Men in Abusive Relationships
• Husband Abuse: Mentally, Physically and Emotionally Abused Men
• How To Deal With Teenage Abusive Relationships
• Ladies: Why You Need to Know How to Hide Money From Your Husband
• Oprah Warns Rihanna: Oprah Warns Rihanna, Love Doesn’t Hurt

Are you a people pleaser? Do you care what people think about you? Should you care what other people think about you or not? Do you have the “disease to please” people in your life to the point where you feel like you have become someone’s personal doormat to wipe their dirty feet on? Do you have difficulty saying no to requests and then feel angry or resentful because you said yes, again? Who is pulling your strings?

By definition, people pleasers are people who have a disproportionate and unhealthy need in their personality to give in to the wants, whims and desires of others around them, to the point of sacrificing their own wants or needs. People pleasers, pushovers and doormats lack assertiveness skills and hold back from speaking up and saying what they really think or feel, and they hold back from asking for what they need or want because they’re worried someone will get upset about it.

Having a people pleasing personality is great…..until. Being considerate, thoughtful, gracious and willing to help others are admirable traits and characteristics, but suffering from doormat syndrome or being a people pleaser to your own detriment are not so admirable. People pleasers put other people’s needs before their own, rarely doing things for themselves and then feel guilty about it.

People pleasers spend time with difficult people who don’t care about or consider other people’s wants or needs above their own- not even a little bit. People pleasers will jump through hoops, so to speak, to make unhappy, insensitive, selfish, ungrateful, controlling, mentally and emotionally abusive people feel better about themselves, to their own detriment. If you are tolerating problematic family relationships out of a sense of duty, obligation or a sense of Christian responsibility, your personal concept and belief system of what family is or isn’t needs to be reexamined and analyzed closely.

People Pleasers and Doormat Syndrome

Are you dealing with extremely difficult people in your life? What does the term “toxic people” mean to you? Do you find yourself in personal or professional relationships where you feel used, abused, battered and beaten down mentally, emotionally, or perhaps even financially? Do you habitually give in to people because the mere thought of displeasing or upsetting them is too much for you to deal with? Do you spend too much of your time, energies or money trying to keep other people happy because of fear of what they will think of you if you stopped? Why do you care what others think about you?

If you routinely put your own needs aside because of wanting to make other people happy, perhaps discovering that he or she is not the least bit grateful or genuinely appreciative for the things you do, you are a classic people pleaser. Here’s some advice: Stop being a martyr, victim, people pleaser or doormat stressing out and worrying about what other people may or may not think of you.

Stop caring what people think about you and start living your life free of the stress, worry and anxiety about what others think or want from you. The cost of caring what your boss, coworkers, subordinates, friends, family members, spouse, grown adult children, parents, inlaws, siblings or other difficult relatives think about you needs to stop. Allowing the opinions of others in your life to control, manipulate and trample on your self-worth is too high a price to pay to feel accepted, liked, loved or validated.

Who is the puppet master in your life? Can you afford the high cost of people pleasing? If you suffer from people pleaser “excess niceness” syndrome, consider the following list of costs typically associated with being a people pleaser or doormat.

Loss of identity, self-respect, self-esteem and personal integrity. Burnout. Nagging doubt about being “good enough” for others. A debilitating sense of guilt, shame, insecurity and inability creating and maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships. Difficulty or problems managing, leading or supervising others at home and/or work; inability or difficulty trusting others, accepting kindness, positive feedback or heartfelt compliments from others. Difficulty making decisions, sticking with and accomplishing personal goals, because people pleasers inherently make others a priority over themselves.

People pleasing personality types find it virtually impossible to deny any or all requests made upon them even when doing so creates stress, chaos, financial burden, anxiety attacks, depression and even bankruptcy. The need for the approval and acceptance of others becomes debilitating for people pleasers, where fear of saying no and the intense aversion to confrontations or angry reprisals causes people pleasers to give in time after time after time.

Stop caring what people think about you. Relying on the opinions of others for approval, acceptance and validation is a self-sabotaging behavior and is detrimental to your health, happiness and wellbeing. Harriet B. Braikder, Ph.D writes in her book The Disease To Please, “As a people-pleaser, you feel controlled by your need to please others and addicted to their approval. At the same time, you feel out of control over the pressures and demands on your life that these needs have created”. Does that sound rational to you?

Not caring how other people think or feel towards you doesn’t mean that you should become selfish or egotistical, or that you should make your personal wants, preferences and needs the only priority in your life. Not at all. I’m suggesting that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s; that you should avoid seeking acceptance or approval from people who have their own selfish agenda.

Do things for others because you really care about them and want to, rather than out of fear that they won’t like you or will abandon you if you don’t do what they want. Stop allowing other people’s opinions, needs or wants to control or dictate who or what you are as a person.

If someone doesn’t like you or stops liking you because you don’t do what they want, then you’re being used by them and they are not someone you need in your life anyway. Take your power back. Learn to let go of the disease to please other people and remind yourself that you ARE good enough!

Similar Posts:

• Toxic Relationships – Toxic Family Members
• Color Blind Love-A Look At Interracial Relationships
• Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind
• Empty Nest Syndrome-Children Leaving Home, What Do I Do Now?
• How to Be a Good Son-In-Law: Building a Great Son-In-Law Relationship With Your In-Laws