Telling It Like It IsAbuse »

This is My Blog and I Will Blog Whatever I Want

Lin — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 12:00:40 +0000

Yes, this is MY blog and I will blog or write about whatever I want, thank you very much. I almost titled this post, “Telling It Like It Is is Not For the Faint of Heart”, which on some levels is very true.

Over the last several months there have been an increasing number of what I refer to as lurkers, spammers, trolls, haters, naysayers and perverts emailing me and attempting to leave pathetic comments on posts.

Some of the worst offenders are those arriving from those pesky “DoFollow blog lists”, where newbie bloggers show up like a bat out of hell, dive-bombing this site in hopes of getting a link back to their site by leaving a pathetic “great blog, keep it up” sort of comment. If you have a blog of your own, you are likely well aware of these pests.

Telling It Like It Is has a comment policy and privacy policy like all/most other blogs and websites have, including a “mark as spam” button and a “delete” button, which I use quite frequently. If “DoFollow” dive bombers wish to continue wasting their time targeting this site for a backlink, knock yourselves out…but if you ever decide to check back to see if your “comment” was approved…you’ll be sadly mistaken.

Running a close second behind the dive bombers are those who are none too happy that I continue to write about child sexual abuse, especially the articles that tell kids and victims to tell they are being sexually abused now or were sexually abused by someone in the past.

I have received emails and attempted comments from people who are not happy at all that the Protect Our Children Act was passed. Now, readers, you tell me…what kind of person would NOT want me or anyone else having the “audacity” to be telling kids to tell someone they are or were sexually abused? Think about that for a minute, then come to your own conclusions.

Blog Post Ideas – Being Audacious

Blog post ideas for Telling It Like It Is come from a large number of sources, which I will get to in a minute. I rarely if ever experience writer’s block (so far), and I write blog posts with audacity and I’m proud of it. My blog is not a “feel good blog”, nor is it a “beat around the bush” blog, and it is certainly not a “tiptoe through the tulips” kind of blog.

I work hard at being an audacious blogger, and the articles about sexual abuse, abusive relationships and the numerous helping vs. enabling posts are emotionally difficult for me to write. I write them anyway and will continue to do so. I am passionate about the topics I write on this blog, even though there are thousands of bloggers who write better than I do, with perfect spelling, grammar, sentence structure and phrasing on every single blog post published.

“If you’re not afraid to be rejected, you keep putting your hand up. If you’re not afraid to be ignored, you keep putting yourself out there. If you’re not afraid to be criticized, you do exactly what you want. If you’re not afraid to make contact with someone more successful than you, you’ll create your own opportunities.”

I am not afraid. I will not be deterred.

I am not a social networking know-it-all, but I put myself out there anyway, meeting and making connections with fellow writers and bloggers in an out of my own “niche”. I am not a “Pro Blogger” by any stretch of the imagination, nor do I feel the need or pressure to become one. I make mistakes while writing and creating blog posts (especially when trying a new and unfamiliar html-type code thingamagig), such as I did on the how to plan a wedding article, turning it into a complete fiasco until I was able to fix it. Oh well…, live and learn as I go.

Okay, blog post ideas…, where I get mine. Aside from the fact that I read a lot, be it books, magazines, news articles online or offline etc, there are a variety of places I go to get my blog post ideas to avoid writer’s block. Here is a short list of those places, in no particular order.

Woopra – If you have a blog or are considering starting a blog, you MUST get Woopra. Woopra, by far, is the most comprehensive, information rich, easy to use, real-time, LIVE Web tracking and analysis application I have ever seen. Woopra provides so much unique information about visitors to your blog/website and how they arrive at your site, it will blow your mind. And it’s free! Woopra’s ability to track keywords/search terms (amongst other things) people have used to arrive at my blog or specific blog posts has already provided me MANY ideas for blog posts, and it’s only getting better by the day.

Google Alerts – Google Alerts are email updates received in your inbox of the latest relevant Google results (web, news, blogs, video, etc.) based on your interests or topics. Email updates from Google alerts can be received “as it happens”, “once a day” or “once a week”, whichever you prefer. I currently have two blogs and am in process of building a third, and receiving email alert messages based on my keywords of choice has brought about more blog post ideas than I could ever have imagined.

StumbleUpon – Wikipedia describes StumbleUpon as an “internet community that allows its users to discover and rate Web pages, photos, and videos”. Basically, StumbleUpon users choose to rate (or not rate) a web page, blog post, pictures or video by way of the “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” feature from the StumbleUpon toolbar, which can result in massive amounts of web traffic from online friends or peers. StumbleUpon is sort of like word-of-mouth advertising from referrals. Online friends and peers have sent me links to articles with messages suggesting I do a blog post on that subject, but in my own “Tell It Like It Is” writing style. One such post was the Miley Cyrus Going Topless “rant” that caught the attention of the New York Times and LA Times, because I was being audacious and bold!

Twitter, Facebook, Google Adwords Keyword Tool, Google Trends and Blogs I’m subscribed to by RSS Feed or email have also brought numerous blog post ideas already found on this site, and still more to come. With the numerous categories and topics I can cover within my blog niche, I would be hard-pressed to run out of things to write about and I have no intention of ever doing so. That’s how I roll.

If you enjoyed this article, you can subscribe to Telling It Like It Is FREE updates by email or RSS Feed, comment or ask questions on posts of interest to you.

Similar Posts:

Violence Unsilenced – True Life Personal Survivor Stories of Abuse, Domestic Violence, Rape

Lin — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 22:32:29 +0000

If you or someone you know is being abused or has been a victim of abuse, domestic violence, rape or molestation, it’s vital that you do something right now. Tell someone.

The culture of silence, fear and shame for survivors of abuse must end. Children who have been sexually abused don’t tell because they’re afraid, and that fear of telling is what the abuser is counting on to keep you silent for the rest of your life. If you don’t speak up and tell someone you are being abused now, or were physically or sexually assaulted at some point in the past, your abuser maintains control over you and your life.

You may have been threatened with further violence if you dare tell anyone that you were sexually assaulted, raped or beaten. You may feel you are all alone with the secret you have been keeping, or that no one would understand or believe you.

You are not alone. Abuse survivors and advocates do understand, will believe you and can provide needed encouragement and support to help you find your voice and end the cycle of abuse. How do I know? Because I’ve been there myself. I was afraid to tell anyone I was sexually abused as a child, fearing no one would believe me or do anything about it, but I found my voice and told my story anyway.

Years later I got married and became a victim of domestic violence by the man who vowed to love and cherish me “till death do us part”, but I found the courage and strength to leave and got a divorce. I took my power back, and because of that I don’t see myself as a victim. No, I am a survivor.

How do you develop the courage and strength to tell your personal story of rape, sexual assault or domestic violence, so you can take your power back and begin the healing process? By reading real life personal survivor stories of those who have been victimized themselves, and realizing that if they can do it, so can you. If I can do it, so can you. If other abuse survivors can do it, so can you.

You must tell someone.

Where do you find these personal stories to help you find the courage to tell? Violence Unsilenced shares real life personal accounts of survivors who tell their experiences of domestic violence and sexual assault to real people who listen, regardless of age, race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender.

Story tellers receive encouragement and support in the comments section from others who understand and have empathy for the abuse survivor. You can also submit your own personal story to Violence Unsilenced if or when you are ready. You don’t have to use your “real name” if you don’t want to, and you can tell your story anonymously if that is your preference.

Reading books on sexual abuse also helps victims of all ages find the courage to tell someone they were sexually abused and begin the healing process. Those same books also help family members, parents and spouses better understand how sexual abuse affects victims survivors.

Just tell someone. Tell someone you can trust. Tell someone who will listen, but do tell your story. Tell Violence Unsilenced.

Similar Posts:

Childhood Obesity and Child Abuse: Is Child Obesity Child Abuse?

Lin — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 11:00:02 +0000

Is childhood obesity child abuse? Should parents of overweight or obese children be criminally charged with child abuse or neglect, where parents may be found guilty of child abuse and sentenced to jail time for having an overfed or obese child? When does parental indulgence become child abuse or neglect? Who is responsible when children are overweight or clinically obese, and should governmental agencies get involved?

A report by USA Today has attracted national attention to the case of a 555-pound teenage boy in South Carolina, whose mother was arrested in June and charged with criminal neglect because of her son’s weight. 14-year-old Alexander Draper is now in foster care, pending the outcome of charges against his mother, 49-year-old Jerri Gray.

“Jerri Gray was doing all she could to help her son lose weight, her attorney says. But something had gone terribly wrong for the boy to hit the 555-pound mark by age 14. Authorities in South Carolina say that what went wrong was Gray’s care and feeding of her son, Alexander Draper. Gray, 49, of Travelers Rest, S.C., was arrested in June and charged with criminal neglect.”

If your child or teenager is overweight or clinically obese, could your child be taken away from you, followed by you being charged with child abuse or neglect? Jerri Gray’s attorney, Grant Varner, says this case could open the door to criminal charges against parents whose children become dangerously overweight.

“If she’s found guilty on those criminal charges, you have set a precedent that opens Pandora’s box,” Grant Varner says. “Where do you go next?”

Childhood obesity is on the rise all across the U.S., according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and many states have begun to take legal action against parents. According to a 2008 report published by Child Welfare League of America, state courts in Texas, Pennsylvania, New York, New Mexico, Indiana and California have been trying to decide what to do about obesity in children.

In all of those cases, except the one in California, courts expanded their state’s legal definition of medical neglect to include morbid obesity and ruled that the children were victims of neglect, the report says. Criminal charges were filed only in the California and Indiana cases, but the parents weren’t sentenced to jail time in either.

Childhood Obesity – Child Abuse?

Linda Spears, vice president of policy and public affairs for the Child Welfare League of America says criminal charges should be a last resort. “I think I would draw the line at a place where there are serious health consequences for the child and efforts to work with the family have repeatedly failed,” she says. “What’s more often needed is a structured plan of action that’s accountable to a court. Most of the time, the health problems tied to childhood obesity don’t become chronic until adulthood, which makes it difficult to charge parents with child abuse”, Spears says.

Obesity in children is not just a problem in the U.S., with children of all ages developing health problems because of poor nutrition, over-consumption and inactivity, and many countries around the world are working hard to combat child obesity. In a 2007 New York case involving an adolescent girl who weighed 261 pounds, the court ordered nutritional counseling, cooking classes and gym workouts.

35-year-old Nicola McKeown, mother of 8-year-old Connor McCreaddie, almost lost custody of her 200-pound child in 2007 for feeding him too much. Authorities involved in the case called a “child protection conference” to consider removing him from his home, claiming “Child abuse is not just about hitting your children or sexually abusing them, it is also about neglect.” The meeting concluded with an agreement for health officials and a dietician to continue trying to help the family deal with Connor’s obesity, rather than removing him from the family home.

The USA Today article raises the question of a possible “Pandora’s Box” scenario. “What about the parents of every 16-year-old in Beverly Hills who’s too thin? Are they going to start arresting parents because their child is too thin?” Will parents of anorexic or bulimic kids be next on the list of the “fat police”?

As a parent, when was the last time you took close inventory of the foods, snacks and drinks found in your kitchen, to determine whether or not changes are needed in your family’s diet?

What personal eating habits are you teaching your children based on what you typically consume as the parent?

What grocery store aisles do you spend most of your time and money while grocery shopping? The outer aisles with fresh meats, dairy, fruits and vegetables etc, or the inner aisles with high calorie, high fat, low nutritional processed foods and snacks? Are you and your family “junk food junkies”?

Where governmental agencies and health officials will draw the line between childhood obesity and child abuse is still unclear, but what is clear is that parents are primarily responsible for what their children consume and in what amount. School cafeteria meals have improved over the years, but there is still a lot of room for improvement. When parents overfeed their child to the point of obesity, parents puts the child at risk for diabetes, heart disease, stroke etc, and are ignoring the health risks associated with overeating.

Characterizing child obesity as child abuse is stretching things a bit, but it appears the days of parents claiming their child is just a picky-eater and won’t eat healthy foods with proper portion control may be coming to an end. At least from a legal standpoint, because “Big Brother” is watching. According to the Institute of Medicine, NINE MILLION children in the United States over the age of six are considered obese, referring to obesity in children as “An Epidemic of Childhood Obesity”.

“The increasing number of obese children and youth throughout the United States has led policy makers to rank it as a critical public health threat. Since the 1970s, the prevalence (or percentage) of obesity has more than doubled for preschool children aged 2-5 years and adolescents aged 12-19 years, and it has more than tripled for children aged 6-11 years. At present, approximately nine million children over six years of age are obese.”

Children learn what they live. Parents have to educate themselves about the importance of eating healthy themselves, be good role models for their kids, in order to teach their children good eating habits, nutritional food choices, portion control and exercise to live healthy lifestyles. Children and teenagers spend a lot of time sitting – watching television, playing video games and browsing the internet, rather than getting natural exercise on a regular basis.

Leading a sedentary lifestyle, while also eating the wrong foods and in the wrong proportions, leads to obesity and health problems. Many parents have wisely chosen to buy Wii Fit for themselves and their children, and when combined with healthy food choices, the results of losing weight and improving their overall health is a benefit the whole family can enjoy. We really don’t need governmental agencies to tell us this, do we?

Similar Posts:

Deaths in Threes – Do Deaths Come in 3 or Do Celebrity Deaths Come in Threes

Lin — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:40:33 +0000

“Deaths occur in threes. If one person in your family dies, two more will within a short period of time.” Do deaths come in threes or is it just an old wives tale? There’s been a lot of discussion in the last few days that deaths always happen in threes or celebrity deaths come in threes, and questions about where the “deaths come in 3” tale came from.

My understanding is that the origin of the old wives tale or legend about deaths occurring in threes came from the first world war. When the men would light their cigarettes they knew not to use 3 on a match because the enemy could pinpoint them and shoot them from the light of the match being lit so long.

The myth about deaths in threes is often used as proof regarding “notable”, famous celebrities, but people tend to forget about the deaths of celebrities who may not be quite as famous and well known around the world as others who have died.

Some people also claim that the deaths in threes rule applies to deaths occurring within 3 days of each other, while others claim the myth applies to deaths happening “within a short period of time” according to the legend.

The Wall Street Journal listed some “deaths in threes” examples like this:

• Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the “Big Bopper” all died together in a plane crash in 1959
• Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison all died in close succession in 1970-71
• In 2003, Johnny Cash, John Ritter, and Warren Zevon all died within the same week
• In 2005, King Fahd, Peter Jennings and Robin Cook died within a week of each other
• The following year brought the closely timed deaths of Don Knotts, Darren McGavin and Dennis Weaver
• Heath Ledger, Suzanne Pleshette and Brad Renfro all died within a week of each other in January 2008

2009 Celebrity Deaths

If famous celebrity deaths really occur in threes, then who is next?

1. David Carradine
2. Ed McMahon
3. Farrah Fawcett

Then

1. Michael Jackson
2. Billy Mays
3. ????

“If you are at a graveside and for some reason the there is a delay in the burial, it is a sign that the deceased person does not wish to leave this earth alone and want to travel with someone. One of the mourners present will die soon.” Oh pa-leeeze.

Out of all the recent celebrity deaths in 2009, Michael Jackson’s death has hit me the hardest. Perhaps it comes from the deep and profound connection I feel having been born into the same controlling religion (or cult) as Michael, or maybe it’s because of the abuse Michael himself reported in the “Living with Michael Jackson” documentary interview with Martin Basher as having experienced as a child at the hand of his father Joe Jackson, and the aftereffects of such abuse. Maybe it’s all of that plus his incredible music career throughout all these years, and watching the Jackson Five on television years ago, but I’m a huge fan of Michael Jackson and always will be.

Losing Michael Jackson far too soon, at the age of just 50 years old, came as a huge shock to all Jackson fans. I can’t even imagine what the Jackson family must be going through right now, and seeing devastated Janet Jackson at the BET Awards show and Jermaine Jackson’s tearful interview with Matt Lauer on the Today Show shook us all to the core of our being.

Don’t even get me started talking about Joe Jackson’s behavior before the BET Awards show, where he chose that time to promote and hype a stupid record company in the wake of his son’s death. I have no sympathy for Joe Jackson whatsoever, but my heart breaks for the rest of the Jackson family and Michael Jackson’s children, who are suffering deeply and are apparently about to be thrown into a child custody battle involving Debbie Rowe, according to recent news reports.

If the deaths in threes old wives tale were true, then I’d be worried. Having just attended the funeral for my husband’s 84-year-old aunt yesterday along with other family members and friends, if deaths really do happen in threes then all I can say is Uh-Oh, who is next?

R.I.P. Michael Jackson – you will be dearly missed.

Similar Posts:

How to Divorce Your Parents, Minors Emancipation, Can You Divorce Your Parents?

Lin — Mon, 18 May 2009 11:00:14 +0000

Can you divorce your parents? How do you divorce your parents if you are an adult child dealing with controlling parents or in-laws, or a teenager seeking legal minor emancipation or “divorce” from your parents? Are you dealing with a toxic, abusive and/or controlling parent and want to know how to “divorce” your parents?

I’ve received several “divorce your parents” email questions in recent weeks, from adult children dealing with over-involved, controlling parents who don’t know how to parent adult children, and from teens who think that getting pregnant on purpose or getting married too young is the way to qualify for emancipation from parents in order to get out from underneath their parents thumb. I’ll first respond to the adult children, then the teens.

If you are an adult child who has been researching “parents controlling adult children” or “controlling parents”, you likely came across my articles about parents helping vs. enabling adult children and didn’t think those apply to your specific situation (or they do apply, but that’s not what you want to hear and you don’t want to admit it).

How To Divorce Your Parents

Based on some of the emails I’ve received, I’d venture to say that there is a strong possibility that you may have a sense of entitlement that makes you want to “have your cake and eat it too”, but you can’t have it both ways.

If you really are dealing with “controlling parents” or in-laws that don’t understand what parenting adult children means or the need for respectful boundaries, these articles will help explain that “divorcing” controlling, toxic parents as grown, adult children may be the only viable option left to protect your physical, emotional, mental health and well-being.

Allow yourself the personal right to disengage, disassociate, and detach.

Reasons given for adult children divorcing their parents include:

Parents who hit and/or verbally abuse their adult children despite being grown, married with children and living independently of parents.
Parents who don’t show even the slightest measure of respect to their grown children, or anyone else.
Parents who habitually lie and steal money from their own children.
Parents who purposely attempt to drive a wedge between their married son/daughter and spouse, in an effort to cause a divorce because of not “liking” their son-in-law or daughter-in-law.

I could go on and on with this list of “divorce your parents” reasons, but you get the idea.

Part of being an adult is having the backbone or assertiveness to stand up for yourself and say NO. You can say NO by not answering phone calls or responding to emails or letters, not attending or participating in family functions, and not allowing yourself to get drawn into the insidious, toxic family drama that you find so upsetting.

An “emotional divorce” from parents may be temporary or long-term. You may discover, after a period of time goes by, that you begin to feel the desire to gradually reconnect with your parents, where new rules and boundaries are assertively negotiated and respectfully followed on both sides.

Or, you may find that the time spent not talking to or visiting with your parents over a period of time brings you the peace and tranquility you’ve needed, where you now have no desire whatsoever of ever reestablishing a relationship with your parents. Whether or not you ever decide to reconnect with your parents is a personal decision you have to live with, along with whatever consequences come from your personal choice or decision on the matter.

Emancipation of Minors

What are your reasons to get emancipated? Saying “I want to get emancipated” isn’t good enough. A minor may seek minor emancipation (often referred to as teen emancipation or child emancipation) for reasons such as abuse, neglect, marriage, teen pregnancy, joining the military or just to be an independent adult.

Unfortunately, some teens throw around the “abuse” and “neglect” words quite freely and undeservedly towards their parents rules and guidelines, and think that emancipation of minors is their personal “get-out-of-jail” free card to do whatever they want without any parental oversight or control.

Reality Check: Emancipation decrees are rarely granted and the court reserves the right to rescind the right and place the minor into the care of the state at any time, for any reason, before the minor reaches the age of majority.

Sure, there are some new “rights” after becoming emancipated, but there are other adult “rights” you will be responsible for as well. Such as:

Support yourself financially. A judge will not grant your emancipation if you are unable to totally support yourself.
Paying for your own food, clothing and shelter. Getting and paying for your own medical, dental, and automobile insurance.
Pay all of your own bills. Your income must be from a legal source.
You must go to school. Emancipation and education laws require minors stay in school, finish high school until they graduate or reach the age of 18.
Child labor laws still apply, which means you can’t work as many hours as you may want.
As a minor, you can’t have sex, drink alcohol or vote until you are of legal age. Forget the idea of becoming a teenage pregnancy statistic just to become emancipated. The laws governing unlawful sexual intercourse (“statutory rape”) means it is illegal for a minor to engage in sex with anyone (even if it’s with another minor), unless the teen is married and having intercourse with his or her spouse.

Running away from home and/or having sex anyway could very well show the judge that you are a troubled, rebellious teenager in need of counseling rather than emancipation. Having sex anyway could mean your “significant other” will find themselves on the list of convicted sex offenders; and it will not work to your advantage when trying to convince a court judge that you are “mature” or deserving of emancipation.

Teens, do you know the legal age to move out of the house without parent consent or permission in your state? If you commit a crime (ie. unlawful sexual intercourse) you may be tried as an adult in a court of law. Whether or not you become emancipated has nothing to do with being tried as an adult. (Age of Consent)

There is a big difference between emancipation and divorcing a parent, but far too often, teens don’t take the time to become knowledgeable about minor emancipation laws or ask the necessary questions regarding becoming emancipated, such as:

What is minor emancipation? Legal emancipation from parents is a process that gives a teen legal independence from his or her parent or guardian before the “age of majority” (18 years old in most states), whereby a minor may petition the courts to be legally responsible for him or herself and no longer under the custody and control of parents.
How old do you have to be to get emancipated? Emancipation laws vary from state to state. If the state you live in has an emancipation law, (only about half of them do) it usually requires the minor to be at least 16.
How do you get emancipated? In the United States, there are three main ways to become emancipated.

1. Get married - Getting married too young and marrying for the wrong reasons will put you on the fast track towards divorce so quick it would make your head spin. (See Marriageable Age)

2. Join the military – you must meet the military’s minimal educational requirements and provide a valid high school diploma or GED. The military must still be willing to accept you.

3. Go to court and have the judge declare you emancipated by “judicial declaration”

In order to get a judge to grant an emancipation judicial declaration, you must prove the following:

You are at least 14 years old (emancipation age varies by state)
You don’t want to live with your parents and your parents will consent
You must prove you are mature. How? Do an online search for “signs of maturity” and “signs of immaturity” and see how your maturity level pans out. Witness accounts from friends, teachers, counselors, YOU, employers, and other responsible adults who will provide testimony of various signs of maturity as proof for the court.
You can financially and legally support yourself
You must show that emancipation would be in your best interests.

Court cost of emancipation – To get emancipated, legal forms commonly known as “emancipation papers” or “emancipation forms” will need to be filed with the court. The average filing and court fee is about $250.00, plus the cost of your legally required attorney. Attorney fees for emancipation average between $800-$1000, if the petition is not contested by your parents, otherwise the costs could be much higher if parental permission is not granted. Can you afford emancipation?

Do I need my parents’ consent (permission) to get emancipated? Yes. Minors need parental consent (and consent by the courts) to get married and parental permission to join the military. Plus, the armed forces is under no obligation to accept you. To become emancipated, a minor must give his/her parents notice of the court hearing, and the parents may go to court to contest the emancipation.

Parents: You can do an online search for “Prevent your child from becoming emancipated” for more information on that.

Teens, emancipation is a very heavy responsibility and must be taken very seriously. There are alternatives to emancipation as well, such as your parents consenting to you living with another relative or family friend. Otherwise, you will just have to suck it up and deal with your parents like the rest of us until you are automatically emancipated when you turn 18 and can legally move out of the house and be on your own.

Similar Posts:

Should You Tell You Were Sexually Abused? What Happens When You Tell?

Lin — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 10:00:21 +0000

“I was sexually abused, should I tell?”; “Should I tell my mother I was sexually abused?”; “Should you tell your spouse you were sexually abused?”; “What should you do if you were sexually abused and you can’t your mom?”; “How do I know if I’ve been sexually abused?”; “What happens if you tell you were sexually abused?”

These are some of the questions I’ve received from child sexual abuse victims over the last few weeks, from sexually abused children as young as 10 to older victims in their teens, and others that are married and have children of their own. They all wanted to know what they should do, who they can or should tell, if they should tell anyone about being sexually abused, and how to tell a parent they were sexually abused.

Yes, if someone is sexually abusing you or has sexually abused you in the past, you should tell a trustworthy adult about the abuse and as soon as possible. Why should you tell? Because keeping the abuse a secret is what your abuser wants, and you need help from adults to stop the abuse and stop the abuser from molesting or raping anyone else.

Sexual abuse statistics show that child molesters don’t molest just one person and then suddenly stop. No, pedophiles and child molesters continue to sexually abuse victims until they are caught and arrested, and the authorities are able to bring charges against your abuser so he or she can no longer harm anyone else.

As I’ve said before, most sexually abused children don’t tell because they are afraid to tell, were threatened by their abuser or because victims feel guilty, embarrassed and ashamed. It’s important for sexually abused children, teens and even adult victims to know and understand that what has happened to you is not your fault, and the person who has sexually abused you must be stopped from repeating the abuse against you or anyone else.

Unfortunately, some parents don’t react to being told their child has been sexually abused in the right way, which only creates more problems and stress for the victim. Some mothers and fathers choose not to believe their own child’s disclosure of being sexually abused. Some parents have been known to blame the victim for the abuse, going so far as to claim their child “seduced” their abuser, and/or do nothing to stop the continued abuse of their own child.

If you are being sexually abused or have been abused in the past, ask yourself who you know that will help you. Choose an adult you trust that will help you and then tell that person what has happened to you. That person may be your mother or father, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, the school counselor, teacher, school nurse or even a police officer.

What happens when you tell? The adult you tell is required by law to tell the police or a social worker, because children of all ages have a right to be protected from sexual abuse, and the person who has abused you needs to be stopped. The social worker or police officer will need to ask you some questions about what happened to you, and if you were sexually abused in your own home, the authorities will want to talk to you somewhere else.

Read this excellent, printable, 13-page sexual abuse packet that victims of all ages and parents need to read, save to your computer and/or print off to read. The packet explains who to tell, how to tell, and what will happen when you tell in easy-to-read and easy-to-understand language even kids can understand. Kids, just click on these words —> Sexual Abuse Information Packet so you can read more on how to tell someone you were sexually abused and get the help you need.

Most children who have told about being sexually abused say it’s worth it because “telling freed them of the guilty secret”, and adults who are getting counseling after being sexually abused when they were children say “I only wish I could have told someone when I was a child.”

Should you tell a spouse you were sexually abused? Yes, you should. When you chose your husband or wife, you married him or her with life experiences that shapes who you are today, and the effects of having been sexually abused can take a long time to recover from, if ever.

Trusting your spouse to be there for you through “better or worse” includes those times when sharing painful memories of past experiences and abuse not only brings you closer together, but helps take away some of the negative self-esteem feelings many victims hold onto for many years and a loving, supportive spouse can make all the difference in the world.

Similar Posts:

Oprah Warns Rihanna: Oprah Warns Rihanna, Love Doesn’t Hurt

Lin — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 00:49:52 +0000

Oprah’s warning to Rihanna has been all over the internet, and I really hope Rihanna is paying attention to what Oprah warns WILL happen if Rihanna isn’t very careful about her relationship with “alleged-abuser” Chris Brown. Oprah knows what she’s talking about, and abused women all over the world need to take heed to Oprah’s warning that Love Doesn’t Hurt! Rihanna, are you listening to Oprah?!

We’ve all heard the news reports of the “alleged attack” by Chris Brown on his girlfriend Rihanna, and we’ve seen the pictures online “allegedly” showing a beaten, bruised and battered Rihanna. It’s enough to make Oprah and all women outraged that Chris Brown raised his hand to Rihanna at all, but also that Brown not only bit Rihanna, but “allegedly” punched her in the face multiple times.

To Rihanna, teenage girls and women who are being abused by angry, controlling, abusive men listen up! Abusive men do NOT change! Do NOT become a statistic like so many other Rihanna’s in the world. The truth is, Rihanna is a celebrity who has been battered and beaten, and I’m thrilled that Oprah is doing a show next week dedicated to abused women and teen girls.

Abusive relationships affect teenage girls and women all over the world, and teenage abusive relationships are on the increase. Regardless of Rihanna’s celebrity status, Rihanna is no different than any other women who has been abused either physically, mentally or emotionally. Rihanna could be your sister, mother, cousin, niece or even your own daughter, and it’s about time abused teenage girls and women finally realize that abusive men will promise you “it will never happen again”, but don’t you believe it! Love Doesn’t Hurt! Oprah was right when she said, “If a man hits you once, he WILL hit you again“!

Oprah Warns Rihanna Video

I sure hope Rihanna will watch Oprah’s show, and that Rihanna will do some serious soul-searching about the abuse she suffered. I also hope Rihanna will take some time to herself, read everything she can get her hands on about abusive men and how statistics prove that if a man hits you once, he WILL hit you again! Are YOU in an abusive relationship? Do you know the signs of an abusive relationship and the steps you must take to protect yourself from your abuser?

Similar Posts:

International Women’s Day 2009 Cards March 8th

Lin — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 16:51:03 +0000

Today is March 8th, 2009, and on this day women celebrate International Women’s Day 2009 (IWD) around the world. Advances have been made since International Women’s Day began in 1911, celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women of past, present and future generations. Even though some women (and men) would say “we’ve come a long way baby”, we’ve got a long way to go before women as individuals and as a group are treated with respect and dignity.

Women and women’s groups around the world are commemorating March 8th by sending International Women’s Day cards to all their female friends and family, as women consider how far we’ve come and what women’s rights are still needed for all women.

Women and teen girls are physically, mentally and emotionally abused by husbands and boyfriends every single day, so today I unite with all women in the ongoing effort to bring better understanding, respect and appreciation of phenomenal women, and girls who are still growing to become the women they are meant to be.

PHENOMENAL WOMAN

(Author Maya Angelou)

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman.

Similar Posts:

Family Watch Dog: Find Sex Offenders in Your Area at Family Watch Dog

Lin — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 04:14:35 +0000

Family Watch Dog: Find sex offenders in your area free! Are sex offenders living in your area? Did you know you can find sex offenders in your area, neighborhood and state in the U.S. for free? Yes you can, and you need to know where sex offenders, pedophiles and sexual predators live within your local area to help keep your children safe from becoming victims of molestation and/or rape, starting at Family Watch Dog.

FamilyWatchDog.us (NOT FamilyWatchDog.com or Family WatchDog.org) is a free online sex offender registry that tracks sex offenders and where they live, updated on a daily basis, including a Family Watchdog map showing where sex offenders are currently living.

Family Watch Dog provides sex offender information, offender updates, statistics, FDA information, product recalls and much more. How many sex offenders live in your area and surrounding neighborhoods right now?

Knowing how to find registered sex offenders living near you, your children and family, can do much to protect children from becoming a victim of strangers seeking to molest and harm children.

Family Watchdog is the most visited online sex offender resource on the Internet, averaging 5 million visitors every month, with visitors looking to find sex offenders living nearby their homes and businesses.

Protecting children from child molesters, understanding the signs and symptoms of child sexual abuse, goes beyond the mistaken assumption that pedophiles and child molesters are most often strangers (“Stranger Danger”), people you and/or your children don’t know and have never met.

Learn the facts about child molestation in order to know and understand the harsh reality that sex offenders and pedophiles are living much closer than you might think possible. Keeping watch over your children by regularly searching the www.FamilyWatchdog.us database is an absolute must for all parents and families, but don’t stop there.

Sex offenders, child molesters, sexual predators and pedophiles come from all walks of life and unfortunately…, many sex offenders haven’t been caught and put in jail yet because their victims don’t tell on their abusers because they are too afraid to tell or have been threatened in some way.

The effects of child molestation and/or rape are enormous for victims, survivors and families. Adult survivors of child sex abuse, molestation or rape often continue to feel those effects throughout their lives in their relationships, marriage and families, while desperately working towards finding some sense of healing from the past.

Find sex offenders in your area at FamilyWatchDog.us, but don’t assume complete strangers are the ones you should be most concerned about.

Similar Posts:

Most Popular Blog Posts 2008 at Telling It Like It Is

Lin — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 07:00:13 +0000