Telling It Like It Is

Are you stuck in a rut in your relationship with your husband or wife? Are you ready to get out of the rut you’re in and put some fire back into your marriage? Is your marriage lacking emotional intimacy, where you feel like your marriage to your spouse has become routine and boring? Are you in a sex starved marriage? Do you ever ask yourself “how do I get out of a rut in my relationship with my partner or spouse?”

If you’ve been feeling sad or depressed that your marriage seems to have become a boring, monotonous routine lifestyle that never changes, it probably means you are stuck in a rut. A relationship rut. It’s time you get out of the rut you’re in, spice things up a bit and reestablish intimacy, friendship, fun and sex in your marriage.
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Ever since I published the 30 Day Sex Challenge, I’ve heard from quite a few women who say they don’t want to have sex with their husbands, while offering a large number of reasons why they don’t want to have sex. I’ve also heard from a number of men who want more sex with their wife but can’t seem to figure out why the sex isn’t happening as frequently as these guys would like. “Is having sex once every 3-9 months normal?”, one husband asked.

“I don’t want to have sex” and “she doesn’t want to have sex” were the common subject titles from women and men who are reporting sexual dysfunction and low libido in their marriages. Most, if not all, were asking “is it normal” to not want to have sex very often (or at all), and what possible reasons there might be for their wives to not be interested in having sex. They also wanted to know how often married couples are “supposed to have sex” to keep the fire alive in their marriage, and some wives reported their husbands “weren’t doing it right”. Ouch.

It came as somewhat of a surprise to me that some women said their husbands don’t know how to please a woman in bed and can’t bring her to orgasm, but these same women admit to never (ever) telling or showing their husbands what they want or need in bed to be completely satisfied sexually. Really? Come on, ladies, it works both ways. Men aren’t mind readers and most men DO want to please their wives in bed, but if you have never talked with your husband about your personal desires or sexual needs, communication in your marriage is a problem to work on. Today.
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Are you an abused husband? Teenage boys, is your girlfriend abusing you? Does your wife, partner or girlfriend physically, mentally, emotionally or financially abuse you? What should abused men do if they are married to an abusive wife who is verbally, mentally, emotionally or perhaps even physically abusing her husband? Parents, have you taught your sons and daughters to identify the warning signs of abusive relationships, so they know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships, in order to avoid becoming an abuse victim?

If you have sons or daughters who are dating or married, how would you react if you discovered they were being abused by the person who claims to love them? If you are a man who is dealing with an abusive spouse or partner, in or outside of the marriage covenant, the psychological damage of being an abused man by the woman you love must be heartbreaking for you.

Relationship Abuse by Abusive Women

Over the last several months, I have received numerous emails from men who say that their wife or girlfriend is not only verbally and emotionally abusive to them but also, in many cases, physically abusive. I am quite familiar with the reported statistics regarding abused men, just as I know the statistics about abused women. Unfortunately, those statistics do not tell the whole story because so many abused men and women do not report the abuse to the police, in order for there to be an accurate and updated database to go by.
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Abused men are men and teenage boys who are in physically, mentally and emotionally abusive relationships involving partners, girlfriends or wives. Men who are abused do not get the respect, understanding, encouragement or support from society as a whole and are often criticized and ridiculed unfairly, further victimizing men who are abused.

Victims of domestic violence are not just women, wives or girlfriends. Domestic violence occurs with men too, and it’s about time abused men and society in general wake up to the alarming statistics about women, girlfriends and wives who abuse men and stop turning a deaf ear to the abuse men are experiencing.

Boyfriend and husband abuse is a reality in society and men who are abused by women need help, encouragement and support just as much as abused women do. Domestic violence against men, and abusive relationships of all types, do not discriminate and abuse occurs in all ethnic, racial and socio-economic groups.

When you hear the words “domestic violence” and physical, mental and/or emotional abuse, do you tend to think about women or girls who has been slapped, hit, punched, kicked, bullied, ridiculed, degraded, criticized and humiliated by a man? Domestic violence against women by men who claim to love them has been a serious problem for a very long time, but what about the men? What about men who are abused by women? Why do abused men stay in abusive relationships if it’s so bad, you may wonder.
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Are you a people pleaser? Do you care what people think about you? Should you care what other people think about you or not? Do you have the “disease to please” people in your life to the point where you feel like you have become someone’s personal doormat to wipe their dirty feet on? Do you have difficulty saying no to requests and then feel angry or resentful because you said yes, again? Who is pulling your strings?

By definition, people pleasers are people who have a disproportionate and unhealthy need in their personality to give in to the wants, whims and desires of others around them, to the point of sacrificing their own wants or needs. People pleasers, pushovers and doormats lack assertiveness skills and hold back from speaking up and saying what they really think or feel, and they hold back from asking for what they need or want because they’re worried someone will get upset about it.

Having a people pleasing personality is great…..until. Being considerate, thoughtful, gracious and willing to help others are admirable traits and characteristics, but suffering from doormat syndrome or being a people pleaser to your own detriment are not so admirable. People pleasers put other people’s needs before their own, rarely doing things for themselves and then feel guilty about it.
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Learning how to manipulate parents, and doing whatever is deemed necessary to get parents to do what kids, teens and adult children want, sometimes turns into a virtual war between kids and parents. Manipulating parents, often referred to as emotional extortion, means that there are kids of all ages who will do just about anything to get parents to say yes to something, even when saying yes puts parents in a precarious position.

Do children manipulate parents? Oh yes they do, and adult children are just as good at stooping to whatever level they see fit to get their parents to do what the kid wants, and it doesn’t matter what it is children are trying to convince parents to do. The reality of how parents are sometimes manipulated when planning a wedding became a shocking and disturbing reality for a mom I’ve heard from before, based on the email I received this morning.

Regular readers are likely familiar with the article I wrote about who pays for what when it comes time to determine how a wedding budget will be decided and how the wedding, reception and honeymoon will be paid for and by whom. Late last year, shortly before Christmas of 2008, I exchanged a few emails with a mom who was struggling with the decision of who would pay for her daughter’s wedding.
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Genealogy research and tracing my family tree history has been an interest and hobby of mine for several years. October is Family History Month and there is no better way to celebrate but to begin creating a family tree of your own with names, stories, photos, vital records, birth dates, marriages, divorces, deaths etc for a complete family history of your ancestry and roots.

Genealogy or ancestry research can seem rather daunting for a beginner, especially when you consider the time it takes collecting family documents and records kept in old Bibles, going to libraries checking through large volumes of books and files, family history databases, charts and vital records reports.

Then there are the newspapers, obituaries, cemeteries, tombstones, census records, church records, land and property records, deeds of ownership and much more. It would be great if diaries, personal letters, Bible notes and photos were all we needed to build a family tree, and it would make the process of building a family tree pretty easy.

Free Family Tree Makers

When I first started searching for information on relatives and ancestors to create a family tree online to pass onto my children and grandchildren, I wanted to collect as many details as I could for free. There are genealogy search engines and websites that provide information about family records and data for little or no cost at all (Geni.com), to get help in finding your family tree history and create a family tree online, or you can use family tree software on your computer.
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Amy writes, “Do I need a divorce lawyer or can I represent myself?” After 30 years of marriage her husband wants a divorce, which begs the questions: Do you need a divorce lawyer to handle your divorce case? Why? When should you hire a divorce lawyer, and when is it okay to get a do-it-yourself divorce with or without the help of divorce books or online divorce forms? Divorce laws are different in each state, and while you can get a divorce without a lawyer, doing so can be very risky if you don’t know what you are doing.

One of the biggest mistakes women (and men) make in matters of divorce is deciding not to hire an attorney when needed, or opting to share the same lawyer in an understandable yet potentially dangerous effort to cut costs. If you are getting a divorce after 15, 20 or 30 years of marriage or less, hiring a good divorce lawyer can help you avoid the all-too common divorce mistakes that can lead you into personal and financial ruin.

Reasons to Hire a Divorce Lawyer

The old saying, a man (or woman) who acts as his own attorney has a fool for a client, couldn’t be more true in many divorce cases. Even though it is not required by law to hire a divorce lawyer, there are several reasons why hiring an attorney is recommended for divorcing couples, especially those with minor children.
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Free or low cost legal services in matters of divorce, child custody, child support, separation, dissolution of marriage, alimony, visitation, dividing property and mediation are available in states all across the U.S. The cost of getting a divorce through an expensive lawyer has caused many couples to seek a “divorce for free” by going the do-it-yourself “Pro Se” route, usually with the help of online divorce kits, books and ebooks for uncontested, no-fault divorces.

Divorce software packages, commonly referred to as divorce kits, can save you a lot of money in attorney’s fees if your divorce is an amicable, uncontested divorce and there are no young children involved. If you’re wondering how to get a divorce on the cheap, it’s important that you spend some time doing your research and learning what your rights are, regardless if you hire a lawyer for your divorce or download divorce forms and do it yourself.

If you don’t understand your legal rights pertaining to getting a divorce from your husband or wife, or about child custody and visitation laws in your area, getting a “free divorce” by way of downloadable forms found online may end up costing you thousands upon thousands of dollars in lawyer fees that you may not be able to afford.

How Much Does a Divorce Cost?
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I’ve been tagged with the “I’ve Come To Realize” meme on Facebook, which originated as the I’ve Come Realize MySpace Survey from bzoink.com. Colloquium and Ukok’s Place have already done their “I’ve Come To Realize” meme posts, and Judd has a weekly Sunday Stealing series where he “steals” memes from around the blogosphere, including the ‘come to realize’ MySpace survey.

RULES: “Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note completing the 36 “I’ve come to realize” statements. At the end, choose the friends you want to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you or I knew you way back when and am interested in what life has taught you!”

1. I’ve come to realize that my chest-size. . . is a gift bestowed upon me by my mother, although less would have been fine too.

2. I’ve come to realize that my job. . . is a field I got into quite by accident nearly twenty years ago and it pays the bills. I like it most days, but other days…not so much.

3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving. . . is a time for peace and quiet as I listen to my favorite music cd’s or radio stations, blocking out the usual stresses and problems I have no control over.

4. I’ve come to realize that I need. . . peace, quiet, love, acceptance, family, friends, structure, cleanliness, order, organization and my adoring husband to flourish in life. He recently told some people that I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him and that he couldn’t imagine life without me. Awww, he’s so sweet and I feel the same way about him.

5. I’ve come to realize that I have lost. . . the ability to accept or tolerate any “B.S.” involvement with my father and one of my grown sons, who were the basis for my article about toxic family members. I haven’t seen, spoken to, or heard from my father for fourteen years now, nor my son for three or four years, and I’m all the better for it.
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