I grew up in a VERY dysfunctional household, usually filled with my brothers drunk,becoming violent and being hauled off by the police. My Mom pretty much slept through my childhood. Apparently she was depressed over my Dad leaving and NEVER to this day has overcome it.

I left home at 17 and never looked back. I have a BEAUTIFUL life, I am VERY fortunate and grateful for where I am today. I took some wrong turns along the way in my life and have not always made the wisest choices but they got me to where I am today.Believe me my Mom and brothers are always there to remind me of some of my choices. I have a wonderful husband and 3 great stepchildren. I never had children of my own because of my own childhood.

Recently, brothers moved in together and as you can imagine two violent alcoholics living together is never a good thing. So many phone calls about being in jail, the fighting, the bitching, the whining, the negativity. The other morning was THE LAST STRAW for me when I awoke to find a nasty, horrible, hate filled voicemail from one of my brothers who was wasted. It really hurt me to the core because I have done so many things for them over the years and yet I get attacked! I realize it is jealousy and they hate their own lives and envy what I have but why must they do that?

My Mom isn’t much better! It has always been and still is today, “poor pitiful me” I am on food stamps, I can’t afford anything, blah blah blah. She made money on Ebay years ago while claiming she had absolutely no money. Yet, I found her bank receipt by accident and needless to say I was shocked at the amount of money she had. Let’s just say she wasn’t exactly as destitute as she led me to believe, not even close. She quit selling on ebay, because she said they were charging too much in fees! For the past 5 years she has done absolutely nothing to help herself. She has ALWAYS chastised me, told me numerous times that I am nothing but a stuck up B***H. That I got by in life because of nothing more than my looks. Yet I still make the hour drive to see her every week. I make sure that she has everything she needs. Cat food for the cats, paper items because food stamps don’t cover those things, I paid for her $450 car repair a month ago and my husband has no idea I did that! I give her money for gas, I buy lunch every visit, etc. When she seems ungrateful I point out ALL that I do for her and her response is, “I didn’t ask you to do these things for me”. No Mom you didn’t “ask” per se you GUILTED me into it. She is in very bad health, never dated nor remarried after my Dad left .She is miserable, negative, and wants to take me down with her and make me feel guilty because I have a nice home and nice things. She CHOOSES to live in an awful, cold, run down house that she rents. I have BEGGED her to move but she refuses and I swear it is because she absolutely enjoys wallowing in her own self pity. She has always blamed everyone else for her problems and also for my alcoholic brothers’ problems.She has enabled them their entire lives and I will never understand it. With one brother it is a sick codependency relationship, he lived with my Mother until almost 40 years old! He has never had a bank account and still does not to this day!

My Mom has never, not ONCE said she was proud of me. She never hugged me as a child nor did she instill any confidence in my whatsoever. In fact she would constantly humiliate me in front of friends and family while enjoying doing so.I finally found my self esteem when I was 30 years old and I am still working on it. I have a COMPLETELY different life than my family. I made a choice to become happy with the help of my spirituality. Like I said I didn’t always make the greatest choices but here I am today….so incredibly blessed and happy. As the saying goes, you can pick your friends but not your family. I now realize how toxic and insane they really are. Looking back I now understand why over the years many people have said to me they cannot believe how normal I am and how much I have overcome.

I am living my life to the fullest and the happiest. I am truly blessed.
Thank you for letting me vent and it brings me so much comfort to know I am not alone with my toxic family!

As you pointed out, it all comes down to common sense and, more importantly, treating one another decently as human beings. Recognising the potential for stress is a good way to avoid it, and it helps to consciously step back when things get a little heated. My own technique is to never, ever raise my voice. It forces people to keep relatively calm, and doesn’t add any tension they can build upon.

I’m lucky we don’t live together as its stressful for us and affects how our husbands are around us too, as I guess they feel in the middle.

Regarding branded gifts, maybe say to your MIL one day that your trying to save money and need hubby to cut downin spending things that we don’t need, and then ask for her advice. That way she may think its nice you asked her and might even take the hint!!! Good luck!!

Life’s too short so we have to do what makes us happy!