The sexualization of children is an excellent topic for a school assignment, and there is so much information about how the media and marketers have been sexualizing young girls and boys that I’m sure your school report will turn out great! I hope you get an A+! If you’d like, you may contact me through my contact link at the top of the page and I’ll respond to your specific questions.

Wow, wow, wow. Is your fiance’ around at the time his parents start talking about going over to their house, or is this when you are with the parents alone? I’m assuming that it most likely happens when the two of you are together. What does Jeff say about it? Does he just ignore it, tune it out and/or try to change the subject? Anything? Since these are his parents, it’s really important to try to come to an understanding about this between you and Jeff, so that HE can talk to his folks and kindly explain that as much as you both understand and respect how they feel about the separation from their other kids – BOTH of you would appreciate it if they would leave you and him out of the discussions. If you have explained to Jeff how you feel when this happens and Jeff understands/agrees that it’s stressful and upsetting – then Jeff needs to step up and talk to his parents about this. He can explain to his parents that as much as he realizes the pain they are going through with this situation, there isn’t anything you/Jeff can do about it to remedy the problems, and that the continuous discussions about it with you is placing undue burden on both of you. Jeff needs to respectfully ask his parents in a very kind, respectful and understanding manner (considering the fact this situation must truly break their hearts) to please resist talking about this with you two, and perhaps consider speaking to a minister or counselor if they feel they need someone to talk to/vent to etc. If his parents keep doing it, after Jeff has explicitly explained it to them, then you and Jeff may need to decide together as a couple to set some boundaries on how often you will or won’t get together with his folks – until you find the situation has improved to what is comfortable for both of you. It’s for your own health, the health of your upcoming marriage etc that you and Jeff need to take necessary steps to put a stop to this, while at the same time understanding that these folks feel like they’re hearts are being ripped apart. Good luck!

I’m sorry you’re having some trouble with your future father-in-law, but I’m thrilled you’re getting along well with your future mother-in-law. The fact that the family is close is wonderful! However, sometimes relationships can get a bit too close and even overbearing, to the point of intrusion.

There’s an old saying (although I don’t recall who came up with this quote) that goes: “The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior”, and I believe it’s very true. Which is why I’m glad you recognize and are talking about what you feel is a problem in the relationship/boundaries with the inlaws.

She’s an only child and the family is very close. But, your fiance’s father calls umpteen times a day to talk to his daughter, but it often interrupts the plans you and your fiance’ have with each other. That’s not good and it’s not fair that your time together is interrupted like that.

I can’t help but wonder if the father has concerns about the relationship and/or upcoming marriage, and perhaps wants to make sure his daughter is being taken care of properly and that she’s really happy etc. I get the feeling that you and your fiance’ are both pretty young, am I right?

Of course her father loves her, and she may fall into the category of being a “daddy’s girl”, and he would do just about anything for his little girl to ensure her happiness. But there are limits and boundaries when kids grow up and decide to get married and move on with their lives, separate and apart from their parents.

I would suggest that you have a nice long conversation with your fiance’ again. This time though, you need to approach the subject with your fiance’ in a way that does not create an argument, and do everything within your power to not allow the conversation to become heated. Both of you should be able to discuss your feelings with each other in a way where you both feel heard, both feel respected, valued etc. You’re trying to find an amicable solution to the problem that both of you will be happy about and can fully support each other once decisions have been made. Compromises are verrrry important, on both sides.

If your fiance’ doesn’t mind her father’s calling during the day while you’re at work or not around, I see no harm in that. There should be an agreement that during the time you two are spending your private time together, that there is a limit of how many times you two will allow interruptions of any kind. Turn the phones off; turn off the ringer on the home phone; don’t take your phones when you go out together, turn them off or just agree NOT to answer the phone. If it comes down to having to say something about this directly to the father-in-law in order to create boundaries, it would be best to leave it to your fiance’ to do that since it’s her father/her family.

The biggest issue I see personally is the father’s wanting to know or asking what you’re doing. That may possibly be innocent and no big deal, but your private life with your fiance/wife is just that….private. No one should be privy to any information about going’s on unless you both are in agreement with such people knowing your personal business. I really really hope you can help your fiance’ understand how you feel about this and can come to some resolution you both can agree on. This can become a huge problem after the wedding if it’s not dealt with now, and newly married couples need as little conflict as possible starting out. Let me know how your conversation with your fiance’ goes. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it goes well.

I agree, the best thing to do would be to approach my son, although somewhat carefully. My other son and I will do that because it’s also affecting his own son.

It seems so strange she should treat both myself and my grandson in the same manner. We are both loving people and try our best to please.

We have all welcomed his fiancee with open arms so I’m mystified why she would feel like an outsider after 3 years. She is treated no differently to my other d-in-law and we are a very close family. Perhaps that’s the problem.

Judy