Abusive Marriage – How to Leave Abusive Marriages or Abusive Relationships

Deciding to leave an abusive marriage or relationship is never easy, and the decision to leave is very personal. Leaving abusive relationships can be downright dangerous, even life-threatening, especially during the first few months after leaving. The signs of abuse are all there, even if there are no visible bruises, wounds or scars from being physically abused. The mental and emotional turmoil experienced by victims of domestic violence may be unseen to those unaware of the pain abused husbands or wives have gone through.

But, the men and women who have been battered physically, mentally or emotionally abused and have had their self-esteem beaten down, feel the fear of leaving their abuser for many different reasons. Leaving an abusive husband or wife requires a plan of action, in order to safely and successfully leave the abusive partner or spouse. Statistics show that the chances the abuser will change, even with professional counseling, are slim to none. Men or women with an abusive personality do not change. A truly abusive person does not change, will not change, and victims must get out.
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Husband Abuse: Abused Husbands and Men in Abusive Relationships

Are you an abused husband? Teenage boys, is your girlfriend abusing you? Does your wife, partner or girlfriend physically, mentally, emotionally or financially abuse you? What should abused men do if they are married to an abusive wife who is verbally, mentally, emotionally or perhaps even physically abusing her husband? Parents, have you taught your sons and daughters to identify the warning signs of abusive relationships, so they know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships, in order to avoid becoming an abuse victim?

If you have sons or daughters who are dating or married, how would you react if you discovered they were being abused by the person who claims to love them? If you are a man who is dealing with an abusive spouse or partner, in or outside of the marriage covenant, the psychological damage of being an abused man by the woman you love must be heartbreaking for you.

Relationship Abuse by Abusive Women

Over the last several months, I have received numerous emails from men who say that their wife or girlfriend is not only verbally and emotionally abusive to them but also, in many cases, physically abusive. I am quite familiar with the reported statistics regarding abused men, just as I know the statistics about abused women. Unfortunately, those statistics do not tell the whole story because so many abused men and women do not report the abuse to the police, in order for there to be an accurate and updated database to go by.
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Abused Men: Battered and Emotionally Abused Male Victims of Domestic Violence

Abused men are men and teenage boys who are in physically, mentally and emotionally abusive relationships involving partners, girlfriends or wives. Men who are abused do not get the respect, understanding, encouragement or support from society as a whole and are often criticized and ridiculed unfairly, further victimizing men who are abused.

Victims of domestic violence are not just women, wives or girlfriends. Domestic violence occurs with men too, and it’s about time abused men and society in general wake up to the alarming statistics about women, girlfriends and wives who abuse men and stop turning a deaf ear to the abuse men are experiencing.

Boyfriend and husband abuse is a reality in society and men who are abused by women need help, encouragement and support just as much as abused women do. Domestic violence against men, and abusive relationships of all types, do not discriminate and abuse occurs in all ethnic, racial and socio-economic groups.

When you hear the words “domestic violence” and physical, mental and/or emotional abuse, do you tend to think about women or girls who has been slapped, hit, punched, kicked, bullied, ridiculed, degraded, criticized and humiliated by a man? Domestic violence against women by men who claim to love them has been a serious problem for a very long time, but what about the men? What about men who are abused by women? Why do abused men stay in abusive relationships if it’s so bad, you may wonder.
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Oprah Warns Rihanna: Oprah Warns Rihanna, Love Doesn’t Hurt

Oprah’s warning to Rihanna has been all over the internet, and I really hope Rihanna is paying attention to what Oprah warns WILL happen if Rihanna isn’t very careful about her relationship with “alleged-abuser” Chris Brown. Oprah knows what she’s talking about, and abused women all over the world need to take heed to Oprah’s warning that Love Doesn’t Hurt! Rihanna, are you listening to Oprah?!

We’ve all heard the news reports of the “alleged attack” by Chris Brown on his girlfriend Rihanna, and we’ve seen the pictures online “allegedly” showing a beaten, bruised and battered Rihanna. It’s enough to make Oprah and all women outraged that Chris Brown raised his hand to Rihanna at all, but also that Brown not only bit Rihanna, but “allegedly” punched her in the face multiple times.

To Rihanna, teenage girls and women who are being abused by angry, controlling, abusive men listen up! Abusive men do NOT change! Do NOT become a statistic like so many other Rihanna’s in the world. The truth is, Rihanna is a celebrity who has been battered and beaten, and I’m thrilled that Oprah is doing a show next week dedicated to abused women and teen girls.

Abusive relationships affect teenage girls and women all over the world, and teenage abusive relationships are on the increase. Regardless of Rihanna’s celebrity status, Rihanna is no different than any other women who has been abused either physically, mentally or emotionally. Rihanna could be your sister, mother, cousin, niece or even your own daughter, and it’s about time abused teenage girls and women finally realize that abusive men will promise you “it will never happen again”, but don’t you believe it! Love Doesn’t Hurt! Oprah was right when she said, “If a man hits you once, he WILL hit you again“!

Oprah Warns Rihanna Video

I sure hope Rihanna will watch Oprah’s show, and that Rihanna will do some serious soul-searching about the abuse she suffered. I also hope Rihanna will take some time to herself, read everything she can get her hands on about abusive men and how statistics prove that if a man hits you once, he WILL hit you again! Are YOU in an abusive relationship? Do you know the signs of an abusive relationship and the steps you must take to protect yourself from your abuser?

Ladies: Why You Need to Know How to Hide Money From Your Husband

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you may be thinking I must have lost my mind to suggest that women should hide money from their husbands. Give me a few minutes to explain my reasoning on wives hiding money from their husbands, and I’m sure you’ll understand and agree with my reasons for doing this post.

For happy and healthy marriages, free of any kind of emotional, mental or physical abuse, I certainly do not advocate hiding money from your husband. But, based on the kind of web traffic this blog receives from women in abusive relationships and marriages, abused women want and need to know how to hide money from an abusive husband, and I am just the person to tell them exactly how to do it so they can get a divorce from these jerks.

Listed here are the various articles I’ve written that are getting a lot of attention from women doing keyword searches on topics relating to being in abusive relationships or marriage, and based on the feedback and emails I receive on a regular basis, I believe these women have a right to know how to hide money from abusive husbands.

I have now written, “How to Hide Money from an Abusive Husband”, and it is my sincere hope and wish that women suffering emotional, physical and mental abuse will take active steps to leave their abusive relationship, saving themselves as well as their children from further abuse.

Can abusive men be cured? No! So get out now while you still can, before he inflicts more bodily harm to you and/or your children! Children that are raised in abusive homes are more likely to grow up to become abusers themselves (or end up in abusive relationships themselves as adults), so protect yourself and your children from these behaviors before it is too late.

Your additional comments and suggestions on how abused women can hide money from their abusive husbands are welcome, and you can do so by leaving a comment below.

Inside the Minds of Angry, Controlling and Abusive Men

If you have ever been the victim of angry, controlling and abusive men, you understand the depths of despair many women in society experience at the hands of men claiming to love them. Domestic violence against women occurs every day, with victims of violence often too afraid to report the abuse to the police, and is often kept secret from close family members and friends.

Getting inside the minds of men exhibiting controlling and abusive behavior is no easy task, and if current statistics are correct, there isn’t much hope in clinical studies nor positive data as to whether or not they can ever be cured. That is not good news for women that are married to an abuser or involved in abusive relationships, making it that much more important for women to become educated as to the early warning signs of abusive behaviors in order to protect themselves and their children.

Statistics of Abuse Reports

(Photo By: Giina Caliente)

Abusive men are often very charismatic, living in virtual denial, quick to blame and manipulate others into thinking and believing they are Mr. Wonderful. These manipulative tendencies often create doubt in a woman’s mind over a period of time as to whether she herself is at fault for the abuse, where she then begins to try and make changes in herself in hopes it will end the domestic abuse in the home.

Anger Management Programs and Couples Counseling for abusers haven’t brought much change in these men, as abusive men have the unique and disturbing ability to manipulate and persuade even their counselors that they themselves are simply misunderstood and not at all to blame for the problems at home. One of the most prevalent features of an angry and controlling partner is how he frequently tells women how they should think and tries to get women to doubt their own perceptions and beliefs.

Each year in the United States, two to four million women are assaulted by their partners or husbands, and one out of three women will become a victim of violence by their husband or boyfriend at some point in her life. Children of abusive men, especially the boys, are more likely to grow up to become abusers themselves in their own relationships.

Children learn what they live

Intimate partner violence against women is steadily increasing, crossing all racial and ethnic boundaries, involving women and teenage girls by their husbands or boyfriends. Founded in 1977, Emerge is the first abuser education program established in the United States, counseling abusive men on an individual basis rather than in group settings, and is working hard to increase public awareness that domestic violence is a learned behavior not a disease, with the goal of helping men stop their abusive behaviors and become better men, husbands and fathers.

Identifying the early warning signs of abusive and controlling men, understanding the four types of abusive behaviors, and recognizing the characteristics of men who batter women can save women’s lives.

“Why Does He Do That?” is an essential resource for women of all ages, for victims of domestic violence, women’s shelters, therapists and counselors. Detailed explanations of the nine types of abusers; manipulative tactics abusive men use; early warnings signs of abusive relationships; dispelling common myths about men who abuse women; the effect such abuse has on children; and getting needed help for abused women.

The good news is that abuse is a learned behavior and can be solved. The bad news is that the abuser must commit to following every step of a quality program in order to solve the problem. Only a small percentage of those who join a quality program actually follow all the necessary steps towards change, and those men who deny having a problem at all have a prognosis of change amounting to ZERO. What if it were to happen to someone you loved? What if it were your sister, mother, niece that were being abused? Or, perhaps your own daughter? Would it still be “someone else’s problem?”

Further Reading:

People Pleasers and Doormats Care What People Think
Abused Men: Battered and Emotionally Abused Male Victims of Domestic Violence
Toxic Relationships – Toxic Family Members
How To Hide Money From An Abusive Husband
Identifying the Early Warning Signs of Abusive Men
International Women’s Day Say No to Violence Against Women
The Sociopath Next Door-The Ruthless Versus Us

The Sociopath Next Door – The Ruthless Versus Us

Characteristics and Identifying Signs of a SociopathThe Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus The Rest Of Us Martha Stout, Ph.D., advises that sociopaths are more common than most people realize. In fact, Stout says that sociopaths comprise four percent of the population, which essentially is one out of every twenty-five people. While the prison population has its fair share of sociopaths, many if not most are currently on the streets because their “crimes” are not recognized by the criminal justice system.

As a result, the remaining ninety-six percent of us encounter sociopaths on a regular basis even though we are typically not aware of it. Unfortunately, sociopaths can devastate and damage lives of people because sociopaths essentially lack a conscience.

Sociopaths are conscienceless individuals who lack the ability to feel emotions such as love, caring, regret, social and familial responsibility, and perhaps most importantly, remorse. Sociopaths view the world as their playground, and they target people who they can swindle, dominate and control, and they do so to achieve their personal goals.

The goal of Stout’s book is to educate the general public about sociopaths, and The Sociopath Next Door serves as a guide to understand how sociopaths work, how to identify them, and how to avoid them and not be affected by their ruthless behavior. Stout has her own clinical practice, in addition to being an instructor at Harvard, and she specializes in providing therapy for individuals who have been “damaged” by others or certain experiences, and her patients include those who have been victimized by sociopaths.

Stout explains how a person must have certain characteristics to be classified as a sociopath. However, she explains that sociopaths are often charming, gregarious (social, sociable) individuals. People tend to be drawn to sociopaths and therefore are often unaware that they are at risk.

Many describe sociopaths as having certain “energy” to them that the rest of us do not possess or that they are simply incredibly nice and caring people, when in reality sociopaths are emotionally “ice cold” and do not care about anyone except themselves. Sociopaths come from all walks of life and easily can be a family member, a coworker, a business partner, a “friend,” and even a spouse or partner.

Most people are unaware that a sociopath has victimized them until it is too late. Their bank accounts may be drained due to acquiescence to the sociopath’s enticing but risky “business venture,” they may be permanently discredited at work due to a sociopath’s lies about them, they may find themselves in an empty relationship without love, and so on.

The possibilities are almost endless depending on the type of sociopath, as their personalities differ, but they all have the same driving force: to achieve their own personal agenda without thought or care to whom they take advantage of and damage in the process. Stout’s goal is to help us prevent this from happening to us by being able to identify a sociopath in our daily life.

It is difficult for most of us to envision what a sociopath really is because we cannot relate to a person who does not have a conscience. Therefore, Stout provides three examples of sociopaths.

  • Skip is a rich, highly successful businessman who has a marriage that he keeps for “appearances,” and his ability to be cruel is unfettered, beginning from his childhood “play” of blowing up frogs to his breaking a secretary’s arm as an adult.
  • Doreen lied about her education and credentials and paved her way to being a top administrator at a psychiatric institute, and part of her daily agenda is to damage coworkers whom she views as professional threats to her.
  • Finally, Luke has a lower-key personality but is nonetheless a sociopath who marries a woman he does not love and almost immediately quits working, claiming “depression” so he can avail himself of his wife’s home and swimming pool for relaxation while she works and raises their son alone.

Clearly, Stout has a firm grasp and understanding of sociopaths and how they can damage innocent people. The Sociopath Next Door is an extremely valuable tool to help us stay out of the clutches of a sociopath, and the book is informative without being sensational. The book is well-organized and has an index at the back, although I found this book interesting enough to from beginning to end. Stout wants to educate us, not scare us, and I highly recommend this fascinating, informative book to all readers.

After reading this book I realized that I am acquainted with people who are most definitely sociopaths. I feel more comfortable after reading this book because I now “understand” the behavior of these individuals – and I plan to give them an even wider berth.