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Need a Divorce Lawyer? Common Divorce Mistakes Women Make

Lin — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 22:33:53 +0000

Amy writes, “Do I need a divorce lawyer or can I represent myself?” After 30 years of marriage her husband wants a divorce, which begs the questions: Do you need a divorce lawyer to handle your divorce case? Why? When should you hire a divorce lawyer, and when is it okay to get a do-it-yourself divorce with or without the help of divorce books or online divorce forms? Divorce laws are different in each state, and while you can get a divorce without a lawyer, doing so can be very risky if you don’t know what you are doing.

One of the biggest mistakes women (and men) make in matters of divorce is deciding not to hire an attorney when needed, or opting to share the same lawyer in an understandable yet potentially dangerous effort to cut costs. If you are getting a divorce after 15, 20 or 30 years of marriage or less, hiring a good divorce lawyer can help you avoid the all-too common divorce mistakes that can lead you into personal and financial ruin.

Reasons to Hire a Divorce Lawyer

The old saying, a man (or woman) who acts as his own attorney has a fool for a client, couldn’t be more true in many divorce cases. Even though it is not required by law to hire a divorce lawyer, there are several reasons why hiring an attorney is recommended for divorcing couples, especially those with minor children.

If you have limited or no assets to divide, no children or dependents that require court administered decisions about child custody, child support, visitation, property division, spousal support or alimony, getting a do-it-yourself divorce (DIY) using self-help resources to file your divorce pro se may be an effective way of reducing the cost of getting divorced. But, if your spouse has hired an attorney or is planning to, get yourself your own lawyer a.s.a.p.

The divorce process can be very complicated, so if you don’t know your rights or how your state laws may affect the outcome of your divorce, you would be wise to find a good divorce lawyer to protect your interests and those of your children. Divorce is a time in your life when ignorance is not bliss, and if you don’t do what is necessary to protect yourself throughout the entire process, you’ll end up feeling as though you were taken advantage of and feeling like a victim of the court system.

Common Divorce Mistakes

Unfortunately, many divorce cases turn into a virtual war zone, with false accusations being thrown back and forth by using what is commonly referred to as dirty divorce tricks. Angry, controlling, vindictive men, women and mean divorce lawyers have been known to use dirty tactics, schemes and sneaky games in order to gain an unfair advantage over their soon-to-be ex with a “win at all costs” mindset.

Nasty, dirty tricks are especially used in divorce cases involving young children where child custody, child support and visitation are at stake. If your lawyer or someone you know recommends using any number of dirty tricks in your divorce proceedings, do not under any circumstances play along with such vicious and underhanded tactics. The mental and emotional damage done to children by these methods can last a lifetime, causing your children to grow up resenting you for putting them through such a hostile divorce.

If you have already filed for divorce or are planning to file for divorce from your husband (or wife), it’s important that you carefully and calmly prepare for divorce and that includes putting aside the anger, animosity, frustration or hatred for your spouse in order to think clearly and rationally.

Get your paperwork in order and do your homework by researching the divorce laws in your state. Make copies of all financial documents including debts and assets, bank accounts, property you own and any investments (pension plans, insurance and stock options). Also make a complete and detailed list of the reasons why your marriage is over and why you wish to be granted a divorce, and any special considerations you may want to request from the judge deciding on your case.

Parental Alienation

Parental Alienation, also known as Hostile Aggressive Parenting, is a serious and all-too-common mistake made in many divorces involving children, often with tragic consequences. Learn and know the signs of parental alienation and act quickly to resolve problematic issues that may arise, preferably with the help of a skilled divorce lawyer.

Avoid using any and all parental alienation tactics that family or friends may suggest to you, or suggested dirty tricks found online. When telling your children about your divorce, never say anything negative about your husband or wife, and don’t make up vicious lies about their father or mother in a sick and perverted attempt to “win” a bitter divorce case.

To your kids, the person you are talking about is their Mom or Dad, whom they love. Trying to alienate your children from their other parent by making false or unjustified accusations and derogatory comments is nothing short of child abuse, depriving children of their right to be loved and shown love by both parents equally.

If you are going through a divorce or are considering divorce, do not use your children as pawns in your divorce proceedings. While children need to know some things about the divorce, kids don’t need to know all the details and they certainly should never be made to feel as though they have to choose between their parents. When discussing or fighting about the details of the divorce or decisions that are being made, keep them private and out of earshot from your children.

Keep in mind, the divorce lawyer is not the one getting divorced, you are. Know your rights under the law within your state. Your attorney works for you, and you own the responsibility of what ultimately happens in your divorce, good or bad. If you hire an attorney that you don’t feel is looking out for your best interests, or is giving you bad advice, fire your attorney and get another one. If you can’t afford a divorce lawyer, find local volunteer divorce lawyers in your area to help protect you, your kids and your financial future.

Divorce Support Groups

There are many online divorce support groups for women, men and children, and many can be found in your local area. DivorceCare is a separation and divorce recovery support group for women, men and children, with meetings throughout the U.S., Canada and other countries. Men and fathers can also search online for “mens divorce support groups” for expert help in the recovery process following divorce. Check your local listings for divorce support groups for children, such as Parents Without Partners, that hold meetings in your area.

Amy (not her real name), the woman getting divorced after 30 years of marriage mentioned at the outset of this article, ultimately decided to hire a divorce lawyer. She is also considering mediation, which can save a lot of money in attorney fees. Fortunately for her, there are no minor aged children from the marriage to fight over, but since her soon-to-be ex husband doesn’t appear to want to play nice and has been known to be quite abusive, she decided to consult with an attorney to ensure her rights are protected.

Disclaimer: I am not an attorney. This is article is provided for informational purposes only. This article is not offered as, nor is it to be construed as legal advice. To obtain specific legal advice pertaining to your case, consult an attorney licensed to practice law in your state.

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Childhood Obesity and Child Abuse: Is Child Obesity Child Abuse?

Lin — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 11:00:02 +0000

Is childhood obesity child abuse? Should parents of overweight or obese children be criminally charged with child abuse or neglect, where parents may be found guilty of child abuse and sentenced to jail time for having an overfed or obese child? When does parental indulgence become child abuse or neglect? Who is responsible when children are overweight or clinically obese, and should governmental agencies get involved?

A report by USA Today has attracted national attention to the case of a 555-pound teenage boy in South Carolina, whose mother was arrested in June and charged with criminal neglect because of her son’s weight. 14-year-old Alexander Draper is now in foster care, pending the outcome of charges against his mother, 49-year-old Jerri Gray.

“Jerri Gray was doing all she could to help her son lose weight, her attorney says. But something had gone terribly wrong for the boy to hit the 555-pound mark by age 14. Authorities in South Carolina say that what went wrong was Gray’s care and feeding of her son, Alexander Draper. Gray, 49, of Travelers Rest, S.C., was arrested in June and charged with criminal neglect.”

If your child or teenager is overweight or clinically obese, could your child be taken away from you, followed by you being charged with child abuse or neglect? Jerri Gray’s attorney, Grant Varner, says this case could open the door to criminal charges against parents whose children become dangerously overweight.

“If she’s found guilty on those criminal charges, you have set a precedent that opens Pandora’s box,” Grant Varner says. “Where do you go next?”

Childhood obesity is on the rise all across the U.S., according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and many states have begun to take legal action against parents. According to a 2008 report published by Child Welfare League of America, state courts in Texas, Pennsylvania, New York, New Mexico, Indiana and California have been trying to decide what to do about obesity in children.

In all of those cases, except the one in California, courts expanded their state’s legal definition of medical neglect to include morbid obesity and ruled that the children were victims of neglect, the report says. Criminal charges were filed only in the California and Indiana cases, but the parents weren’t sentenced to jail time in either.

Childhood Obesity – Child Abuse?

Linda Spears, vice president of policy and public affairs for the Child Welfare League of America says criminal charges should be a last resort. “I think I would draw the line at a place where there are serious health consequences for the child and efforts to work with the family have repeatedly failed,” she says. “What’s more often needed is a structured plan of action that’s accountable to a court. Most of the time, the health problems tied to childhood obesity don’t become chronic until adulthood, which makes it difficult to charge parents with child abuse”, Spears says.

Obesity in children is not just a problem in the U.S., with children of all ages developing health problems because of poor nutrition, over-consumption and inactivity, and many countries around the world are working hard to combat child obesity. In a 2007 New York case involving an adolescent girl who weighed 261 pounds, the court ordered nutritional counseling, cooking classes and gym workouts.

35-year-old Nicola McKeown, mother of 8-year-old Connor McCreaddie, almost lost custody of her 200-pound child in 2007 for feeding him too much. Authorities involved in the case called a “child protection conference” to consider removing him from his home, claiming “Child abuse is not just about hitting your children or sexually abusing them, it is also about neglect.” The meeting concluded with an agreement for health officials and a dietician to continue trying to help the family deal with Connor’s obesity, rather than removing him from the family home.

The USA Today article raises the question of a possible “Pandora’s Box” scenario. “What about the parents of every 16-year-old in Beverly Hills who’s too thin? Are they going to start arresting parents because their child is too thin?” Will parents of anorexic or bulimic kids be next on the list of the “fat police”?

As a parent, when was the last time you took close inventory of the foods, snacks and drinks found in your kitchen, to determine whether or not changes are needed in your family’s diet?

What personal eating habits are you teaching your children based on what you typically consume as the parent?

What grocery store aisles do you spend most of your time and money while grocery shopping? The outer aisles with fresh meats, dairy, fruits and vegetables etc, or the inner aisles with high calorie, high fat, low nutritional processed foods and snacks? Are you and your family “junk food junkies”?

Where governmental agencies and health officials will draw the line between childhood obesity and child abuse is still unclear, but what is clear is that parents are primarily responsible for what their children consume and in what amount. School cafeteria meals have improved over the years, but there is still a lot of room for improvement. When parents overfeed their child to the point of obesity, parents puts the child at risk for diabetes, heart disease, stroke etc, and are ignoring the health risks associated with overeating.

Characterizing child obesity as child abuse is stretching things a bit, but it appears the days of parents claiming their child is just a picky-eater and won’t eat healthy foods with proper portion control may be coming to an end. At least from a legal standpoint, because “Big Brother” is watching. According to the Institute of Medicine, NINE MILLION children in the United States over the age of six are considered obese, referring to obesity in children as “An Epidemic of Childhood Obesity”.

“The increasing number of obese children and youth throughout the United States has led policy makers to rank it as a critical public health threat. Since the 1970s, the prevalence (or percentage) of obesity has more than doubled for preschool children aged 2-5 years and adolescents aged 12-19 years, and it has more than tripled for children aged 6-11 years. At present, approximately nine million children over six years of age are obese.”

Children learn what they live. Parents have to educate themselves about the importance of eating healthy themselves, be good role models for their kids, in order to teach their children good eating habits, nutritional food choices, portion control and exercise to live healthy lifestyles. Children and teenagers spend a lot of time sitting – watching television, playing video games and browsing the internet, rather than getting natural exercise on a regular basis.

Leading a sedentary lifestyle, while also eating the wrong foods and in the wrong proportions, leads to obesity and health problems. Many parents have wisely chosen to buy Wii Fit for themselves and their children, and when combined with healthy food choices, the results of losing weight and improving their overall health is a benefit the whole family can enjoy. We really don’t need governmental agencies to tell us this, do we?

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Family Watch Dog: Find Sex Offenders in Your Area at Family Watch Dog

Lin — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 04:14:35 +0000

Family Watch Dog: Find sex offenders in your area free! Are sex offenders living in your area? Did you know you can find sex offenders in your area, neighborhood and state in the U.S. for free? Yes you can, and you need to know where sex offenders, pedophiles and sexual predators live within your local area to help keep your children safe from becoming victims of molestation and/or rape, starting at Family Watch Dog.

FamilyWatchDog.us (NOT FamilyWatchDog.com or Family WatchDog.org) is a free online sex offender registry that tracks sex offenders and where they live, updated on a daily basis, including a Family Watchdog map showing where sex offenders are currently living.

Family Watch Dog provides sex offender information, offender updates, statistics, FDA information, product recalls and much more. How many sex offenders live in your area and surrounding neighborhoods right now?

Knowing how to find registered sex offenders living near you, your children and family, can do much to protect children from becoming a victim of strangers seeking to molest and harm children.

Family Watchdog is the most visited online sex offender resource on the Internet, averaging 5 million visitors every month, with visitors looking to find sex offenders living nearby their homes and businesses.

Protecting children from child molesters, understanding the signs and symptoms of child sexual abuse, goes beyond the mistaken assumption that pedophiles and child molesters are most often strangers (“Stranger Danger”), people you and/or your children don’t know and have never met.

Learn the facts about child molestation in order to know and understand the harsh reality that sex offenders and pedophiles are living much closer than you might think possible. Keeping watch over your children by regularly searching the www.FamilyWatchdog.us database is an absolute must for all parents and families, but don’t stop there.

Sex offenders, child molesters, sexual predators and pedophiles come from all walks of life and unfortunately…, many sex offenders haven’t been caught and put in jail yet because their victims don’t tell on their abusers because they are too afraid to tell or have been threatened in some way.

The effects of child molestation and/or rape are enormous for victims, survivors and families. Adult survivors of child sex abuse, molestation or rape often continue to feel those effects throughout their lives in their relationships, marriage and families, while desperately working towards finding some sense of healing from the past.

Find sex offenders in your area at FamilyWatchDog.us, but don’t assume complete strangers are the ones you should be most concerned about.

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Understanding Assertiveness: Getting The Respect You Deserve

Lin — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 11:00:47 +0000

Have you ever felt as though you were a human doormat? Has your self-esteem and self-confidence ever been so low that you began to believe the negative things people would say to you or about you? Are you a People Pleaser? Does fear of hurting someone’s feelings keep you from communicating in a way that ensures your rights, needs and personal boundaries are respected?

Were you abused as a child in some way? Did fear of physical abuse cause you to grow up without the ability to express your true feelings and needs to those you come in contact with? Have you ever been in an abusive relationship or been married to an abuser?

If you answer Yes to any of the above questions, it’s time we have a chat about learning how to be assertive, how to change your negative self-talk, understanding assertiveness and developing the communication skills needed in order to be shown the respect you rightly deserve.

A Bit of Background First

Anyone who has followed this blog from its inception knows that I was brought up in a controlling and abusive home, where various forms of “punishment” often left me and my brothers battered and bruised, feeling as though no one in the world really cared about me, especially my own family. Ironically, I also grew up in a “religion” that added weight to the controlling and abusive tendencies I suffered as a child, with religious teachings being used as a weapon to keep me and other members of the church organization feeling threatened and afraid of leaving the religion or my marriage. But not anymore.

I got married for the first time at the ripe old age of seventeen, thinking and believing that Mr. Wonderful had come to rescue me into a life of marital bliss free of abuse, only to become a victim of domestic abuse after only six months of marriage. Children that are abused often grow up to marry an abuser no matter how hard they try to avoid it, unable to see the signs of abusive relationships until it is too late. Add to it the religious pressures to conform, and you have yourself a very serious situation on your hands, just as I did. But not anymore.

For me to say that I understand what it means to have low self-esteem, feeling as though your thoughts, feelings, wishes, dreams and desires don’t matter one little bit to anyone, is because I DO understand. I used to that person. But I’m not anymore. I’m here to explain to you how I changed my negative self-talk to become an assertive, self-confident (not aggressive) person, and how you too can and need to learn how to be assertive, and how being assertive greatly improves your personal and professional relationships.

Your Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence Matters

Regardless of how you developed such a low level of self-esteem, that you are often too afraid to speak up for yourself, you have the power within you to change it. I’m not going to suggest that it’s an easy thing to do, because it takes a lot of effort and determination to put aside the negative self-image, but it is doable. I’m living proof. If I can do it, so can you!

One of the most important, and possibly one of the most difficult things to do in changing your negative self-talk and developing assertive communication, is the need to let go of the past. Hanging onto the past, as opposed to letting go of built-up resentments and pain, staying in a victim state of mind, does nothing but keep you spinning in never-ending circles.

Assertive Communication Skills

After many years spent researching different forms of communication styles, it would be pretty easy for me to discuss the three basic forms of communication:

Assertive
Passive
Aggressive

However, I prefer to leave discussions about passive and aggressive communication styles to those with the college degree and experience in mental health to handle. It’s important to understand that assertiveness and aggressiveness are NOT the same thing but are often referred to as being one and the same.

Understanding Assertiveness and You

Assertive communication is the ability to speak and interact in a manner that considers and respects the rights and opinions of others while also standing up for your own rights, needs and personal boundaries.

To be assertive, you must learn to use “I” phrases to express your feelings and beliefs in a straight-forward and respectful manner with those you communicate with, while also respecting the right of others to have a different opinion or viewpoint.

“I” feel we need to… x,y,z.
“I” need you to… x,y,z.
“I” want to… x,y,z.
“I” feel hurt when you… x,y,z

Dealing with difficult people professionally or personally (or even with those we meet online), can often be challenging. Many people believe they have the right to be downright blunt and harsh in how they communicate with others, but by using assertive communication techniques when dealing with such people, we can maintain our personal boundaries in how we will or will not be treated by others, and at the same time show respect towards others (even if their behavior may not seem so deserving).

Do you have a personal experience with learning how to be assertive to share? Are you struggling to find your own voice in speaking up for yourself? Do you have suggestions for people still battling with self-esteem issues? Please consider sharing your thoughts by leaving a relevant comment below for our readers. With all due respect that is.

Further Reading-

How To Hide Money From An Abusive Husband

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It’s All About Increasing Exposure

Lin — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 02:45:24 +0000

Having this blog gives me tremendous opportunities of reaching a lot of people around the world with discussions and tips relating to relationships, marriage, parenting, blended families, caring for elderly parents, child abuse and many others. Raising six children to adulthood in a single parent home, post-divorce, and keeping my sanity at the same time is a feat most parents couldn’t fathom.

Needless to say, having personal experience with these various topics, I have very strong opinions about parenting and relationships, what works and what does not, and I have the necessary audacity to shine a bright light on such things.

It’s been a real privilege for me to write articles on topics that mean so much to me, even submitting some of them to various blog carnivals and article submission sites such as Ezine Articles and Associated Content. There’s an immense feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction when discovering that people are not only Google searching for information and advice on topics I write about, but that they read and enjoyed my articles to the point of emailing them onto others.

Not only has it helped spread awareness about raising children to become independent, self-sufficient adults, it has also helped to increase exposure to my blog, as many people have clicked through embedded links in the articles bringing them to my blog and they have decided to stick around.

Welcome to all of my new subscribers!

While some submitted articles may be similar to those found on my blog, I’m not at all embarrassed or ashamed about it. I have often done online research on various topics and found exact duplicates of articles on various submission sites, and it didn’t bother me a bit. Some articles I’ve submitted are not found on my blog or any other site, as they are 100% exclusive to the site I’ve submitted it to. One exclusive article, “When children refuse to grow up”, was given very nice compliments by the on-staff editor. Although the topic itself is similar to those I’ve written about on my blog, the text is not duplicated within my blog or anywhere else.

Now that my blog is on Wordpress, I’m looking forward to offering other moms and dads opportunities to guest post here, as well as finding opportunities where I can guest post within my niche. In the meantime, I’ve been busy researching and preparing an upcoming post on the pressures and struggles of raising teenagers.

Oh Lord, I can feel more gray hair sprouting just thinking about it!

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