Yes, this is MY blog and I will blog or write about whatever I want, thank you very much. I almost titled this post, “Telling It Like It Is is Not For the Faint of Heart”, which on some levels is very true.

Over the last several months there have been an increasing number of what I refer to as lurkers, spammers, trolls, haters, naysayers and perverts emailing me and attempting to leave pathetic comments on posts.

Some of the worst offenders are those arriving from those pesky “DoFollow blog lists”, where newbie bloggers show up like a bat out of hell, dive-bombing this site in hopes of getting a link back to their site by leaving a pathetic “great blog, keep it up” sort of comment. If you have a blog of your own, you are likely well aware of these pests.

Telling It Like It Is has a comment policy and privacy policy like all/most other blogs and websites have, including a “mark as spam” button and a “delete” button, which I use quite frequently. If “DoFollow” dive bombers wish to continue wasting their time targeting this site for a backlink, knock yourselves out…but if you ever decide to check back to see if your “comment” was approved…you’ll be sadly mistaken.

Running a close second behind the dive bombers are those who are none too happy that I continue to write about child sexual abuse, especially the articles that tell kids and victims to tell they are being sexually abused now or were sexually abused by someone in the past.

I have received emails and attempted comments from people who are not happy at all that the Protect Our Children Act was passed. Now, readers, you tell me…what kind of person would NOT want me or anyone else having the “audacity” to be telling kids to tell someone they are or were sexually abused? Think about that for a minute, then come to your own conclusions.

Blog Post Ideas – Being Audacious

Blog post ideas for Telling It Like It Is come from a large number of sources, which I will get to in a minute. I rarely if ever experience writer’s block (so far), and I write blog posts with audacity and I’m proud of it. My blog is not a “feel good blog”, nor is it a “beat around the bush” blog, and it is certainly not a “tiptoe through the tulips” kind of blog.

I work hard at being an audacious blogger, and the articles about sexual abuse, abusive relationships and the numerous helping vs. enabling posts are emotionally difficult for me to write. I write them anyway and will continue to do so. I am passionate about the topics I write on this blog, even though there are thousands of bloggers who write better than I do, with perfect spelling, grammar, sentence structure and phrasing on every single blog post published.

“If you’re not afraid to be rejected, you keep putting your hand up. If you’re not afraid to be ignored, you keep putting yourself out there. If you’re not afraid to be criticized, you do exactly what you want. If you’re not afraid to make contact with someone more successful than you, you’ll create your own opportunities.”

I am not afraid. I will not be deterred.

I am not a social networking know-it-all, but I put myself out there anyway, meeting and making connections with fellow writers and bloggers in an out of my own “niche”. I am not a “Pro Blogger” by any stretch of the imagination, nor do I feel the need or pressure to become one. I make mistakes while writing and creating blog posts (especially when trying a new and unfamiliar html-type code thingamagig), such as I did on the how to plan a wedding article, turning it into a complete fiasco until I was able to fix it. Oh well…, live and learn as I go.

Okay, blog post ideas…, where I get mine. Aside from the fact that I read a lot, be it books, magazines, news articles online or offline etc, there are a variety of places I go to get my blog post ideas to avoid writer’s block. Here is a short list of those places, in no particular order.

Woopra – If you have a blog or are considering starting a blog, you MUST get Woopra. Woopra, by far, is the most comprehensive, information rich, easy to use, real-time, LIVE Web tracking and analysis application I have ever seen. Woopra provides so much unique information about visitors to your blog/website and how they arrive at your site, it will blow your mind. And it’s free! Woopra’s ability to track keywords/search terms (amongst other things) people have used to arrive at my blog or specific blog posts has already provided me MANY ideas for blog posts, and it’s only getting better by the day.

Google Alerts – Google Alerts are email updates received in your inbox of the latest relevant Google results (web, news, blogs, video, etc.) based on your interests or topics. Email updates from Google alerts can be received “as it happens”, “once a day” or “once a week”, whichever you prefer. I currently have two blogs and am in process of building a third, and receiving email alert messages based on my keywords of choice has brought about more blog post ideas than I could ever have imagined.

StumbleUpon – Wikipedia describes StumbleUpon as an “internet community that allows its users to discover and rate Web pages, photos, and videos”. Basically, StumbleUpon users choose to rate (or not rate) a web page, blog post, pictures or video by way of the “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” feature from the StumbleUpon toolbar, which can result in massive amounts of web traffic from online friends or peers. StumbleUpon is sort of like word-of-mouth advertising from referrals. Online friends and peers have sent me links to articles with messages suggesting I do a blog post on that subject, but in my own “Tell It Like It Is” writing style. One such post was the Miley Cyrus Going Topless “rant” that caught the attention of the New York Times and LA Times, because I was being audacious and bold!

Twitter, Facebook, Google Adwords Keyword Tool,  Google Trends and Blogs I’m subscribed to by RSS Feed or email have also brought numerous blog post ideas already found on this site, and still more to come. With the numerous categories and topics I can cover within my blog niche, I would be hard-pressed to run out of things to write about and I have no intention of ever doing so. That’s how I roll.

If you enjoyed this article, you can subscribe to Telling It Like It Is FREE updates by email or RSS Feed, comment or ask questions on posts of interest to you.

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If you or someone you know is being abused or has been a victim of abuse, domestic violence, rape or molestation, it’s vital that you do something right now. Tell someone.

The culture of silence, fear and shame for survivors of abuse must end. Children who have been sexually abused don’t tell because they’re afraid, and that fear of telling is what the abuser is counting on to keep you silent for the rest of your life. If you don’t speak up and tell someone you are being abused now, or were physically or sexually assaulted at some point in the past, your abuser maintains control over you and your life.

You may have been threatened with further violence if you dare tell anyone that you were sexually assaulted, raped or beaten. You may feel you are all alone with the secret you have been keeping, or that no one would understand or believe you.

You are not alone. Abuse survivors and advocates do understand, will believe you and can provide needed encouragement and support to help you find your voice and end the cycle of abuse. How do I know? Because I’ve been there myself. I was afraid to tell anyone I was sexually abused as a child, fearing no one would believe me or do anything about it, but I found my voice and told my story anyway.

Years later I got married and became a victim of domestic violence by the man who vowed to love and cherish me “till death do us part”, but I found the courage and strength to leave and got a divorce. I took my power back, and because of that I don’t see myself as a victim. No, I am a survivor.

How do you develop the courage and strength to tell your personal story of rape, sexual assault or domestic violence, so you can take your power back and begin the healing process? By reading real life personal survivor stories of those who have been victimized themselves, and realizing that if they can do it, so can you. If I can do it, so can you. If other abuse survivors can do it, so can you.

You must tell someone.

Where do you find these personal stories to help you find the courage to tell? Violence Unsilenced shares real life personal accounts of survivors who tell their experiences of domestic violence and sexual assault to real people who listen, regardless of age, race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender.

Story tellers receive encouragement and support in the comments section from others who understand and have empathy for the abuse survivor. You can also submit your own personal story to Violence Unsilenced if or when you are ready. You don’t have to use your “real name” if you don’t want to, and you can tell your story anonymously if that is your preference.

Reading books on sexual abuse also helps victims of all ages find the courage to tell someone they were sexually abused and begin the healing process. Those same books also help family members, parents and spouses better understand how sexual abuse affects victims survivors.

Just tell someone. Tell someone you can trust. Tell someone who will listen, but do tell your story. Tell Violence Unsilenced.

Similar Posts:

• Books on Sexual Abuse-Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse-Healing Sexual Abuse
• Why Don’t Kids Tell? Talking to Your Children About Sexual Abuse
• Should You Tell You Were Sexually Abused? What Happens When You Tell?
• Child Sexual Abuse – Facts VS. Myths
• Child Sexual Abuse: Blaming Mothers of Sexually Abused Children

“I was sexually abused, should I tell?”; “Should I tell my mother I was sexually abused?”; “Should you tell your spouse you were sexually abused?”; “What should you do if you were sexually abused and you can’t your mom?”; “How do I know if I’ve been sexually abused?”; “What happens if you tell you were sexually abused?”

These are some of the questions I’ve received from child sexual abuse victims over the last few weeks, from sexually abused children as young as 10 to older victims in their teens, and others that are married and have children of their own. They all wanted to know what they should do, who they can or should tell, if they should tell anyone about being sexually abused, and how to tell a parent they were sexually abused.

Yes, if someone is sexually abusing you or has sexually abused you in the past, you should tell a trustworthy adult about the abuse and as soon as possible. Why should you tell? Because keeping the abuse a secret is what your abuser wants, and you need help from adults to stop the abuse and stop the abuser from molesting or raping anyone else.

Sexual abuse statistics show that child molesters don’t molest just one person and then suddenly stop. No, pedophiles and child molesters continue to sexually abuse victims until they are caught and arrested, and the authorities are able to bring charges against your abuser so he or she can no longer harm anyone else.

As I’ve said before, most sexually abused children don’t tell because they are afraid to tell, were threatened by their abuser or because victims feel guilty, embarrassed and ashamed. It’s important for sexually abused children, teens and even adult victims to know and understand that what has happened to you is not your fault, and the person who has sexually abused you must be stopped from repeating the abuse against you or anyone else.

Unfortunately, some parents don’t react to being told their child has been sexually abused in the right way, which only creates more problems and stress for the victim. Some mothers and fathers choose not to believe their own child’s disclosure of being sexually abused. Some parents have been known to blame the victim for the abuse, going so far as to claim their child “seduced” their abuser, and/or do nothing to stop the continued abuse of their own child.

If you are being sexually abused or have been abused in the past, ask yourself who you know that will help you. Choose an adult you trust that will help you and then tell that person what has happened to you. That person may be your mother or father, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, the school counselor, teacher, school nurse or even a police officer.

What happens when you tell? The adult you tell is required by law to tell the police or a social worker, because children of all ages have a right to be protected from sexual abuse, and the person who has abused you needs to be stopped. The social worker or police officer will need to ask you some questions about what happened to you, and if you were sexually abused in your own home, the authorities will want to talk to you somewhere else.

Read this excellent, printable, 13-page sexual abuse packet that victims of all ages and parents need to read, save to your computer and/or print off to read. The packet explains who to tell, how to tell, and what will happen when you tell in easy-to-read and easy-to-understand language even kids can understand. Kids, just click on these words —> Sexual Abuse Information Packet so you can read more on how to tell someone you were sexually abused and get the help you need.

Most children who have told about being sexually abused say it’s worth it because “telling freed them of the guilty secret”, and adults who are getting counseling after being sexually abused when they were children say “I only wish I could have told someone when I was a child.”

Should you tell a spouse you were sexually abused? Yes, you should. When you chose your husband or wife, you married him or her with life experiences that shapes who you are today, and the effects of having been sexually abused can take a long time to recover from, if ever.

Trusting your spouse to be there for you through “better or worse” includes those times when sharing painful memories of past experiences and abuse not only brings you closer together, but helps take away some of the negative self-esteem feelings many victims hold onto for many years and a loving, supportive spouse can make all the difference in the world.

Similar Posts:

• Why Don’t Kids Tell? Talking to Your Children About Sexual Abuse
• Books on Sexual Abuse-Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse-Healing Sexual Abuse
• Violence Unsilenced – True Life Personal Survivor Stories of Abuse, Domestic Violence, Rape
• Child Sexual Abuse: Blaming Mothers of Sexually Abused Children
• Child Sexual Abuse – Facts VS. Myths

Family Watch Dog: Find sex offenders in your area free! Are sex offenders living in your area? Did you know you can find sex offenders in your area, neighborhood and state in the U.S. for free? Yes you can, and you need to know where sex offenders, pedophiles and sexual predators live within your local area to help keep your children safe from becoming victims of molestation and/or rape, starting at Family Watch Dog.

FamilyWatchDog.us (NOT FamilyWatchDog.com or Family WatchDog.org) is a free online sex offender registry that tracks sex offenders and where they live, updated on a daily basis, including a Family Watchdog map showing where sex offenders are currently living.

Family Watch Dog provides sex offender information, offender updates, statistics, FDA information, product recalls and much more. How many sex offenders live in your area and surrounding neighborhoods right now?

Knowing how to find registered sex offenders living near you, your children and family, can do much to protect children from becoming a victim of strangers seeking to molest and harm children.

Family Watchdog is the most visited online sex offender resource on the Internet, averaging 5 million visitors every month, with visitors looking to find sex offenders living nearby their homes and businesses.

Protecting children from child molesters, understanding the signs and symptoms of child sexual abuse, goes beyond the mistaken assumption that pedophiles and child molesters are most often strangers (“Stranger Danger”), people you and/or your children don’t know and have never met.

Learn the facts about child molestation in order to know and understand the harsh reality that sex offenders and pedophiles are living much closer than you might think possible. Keeping watch over your children by regularly searching the www.FamilyWatchdog.us database is an absolute must for all parents and families, but don’t stop there.

Sex offenders, child molesters, sexual predators and pedophiles come from all walks of life and unfortunately…, many sex offenders haven’t been caught and put in jail yet because their victims don’t tell on their abusers because they are too afraid to tell or have been threatened in some way.

The effects of child molestation and/or rape are enormous for victims, survivors and families. Adult survivors of child sex abuse, molestation or rape often continue to feel those effects throughout their lives in their relationships, marriage and families, while desperately working towards finding some sense of healing from the past.

Find sex offenders in your area at FamilyWatchDog.us, but don’t assume complete strangers are the ones you should be most concerned about.

Similar Posts:

• Protect Your Children With Family Watchdog!
• Books on Sexual Abuse-Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse-Healing Sexual Abuse
• Silence Of The Lambs
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• Why Don’t Kids Tell? Talking to Your Children About Sexual Abuse

“Not talking about sexual abuse for twenty years”. “I was sexually abused as a child but didn’t tell anyone”. “Sexually abused by my father”. “Personal stories of sexual abuse”. “Sexual abuse survivor stories”. “Adult survivors of child sexual abuse”. “Signs of sexual abuse in children”. These are just some of the terms people have used to search for information about child sexual abuse, and have been brought to this site for help and answers.

Being an adult survivor of sexual abuse, having been a victim as a young child, I understand why kids don’t tell and why sexual abuse is most often not disclosed until well into adulthood. There are many reasons why children don’t tell anyone that they were sexually abused. The most common reason why kids don’t tell is due to FEAR.

Why Don’t Kids Tell?

Children are afraid no one will believe them, because that is what many abusers brainwash and groom their victims to believe. Children may be threatened by the offender, or the child molester tells the victim that the parents or family members will be physically harmed or killed if the child tells anyone about the abuse. Threatening the lives of parents and family members was how my son’s abuser (a church minister and close friend of the family) kept him from disclosing abuse until many years later.

My son was sexually abused in the church we attended at that time. How many churchgoing families trust that their children will be safe while attending Sunday School classes, where children are often in another area of the church, while parents are in the main auditorium or seated in another classroom? If you were being sexually abused and were told your parents would be murdered right in front of you, would you tell?

Children also don’t tell because they feel guilty, embarrassed and ashamed, having been “groomed” by the offender over a period of time to believe they are just as guilty as the offender. Pedophiles use a variety of “grooming methods” to befriend and get close to families with children in order to molest a child. Children may feel guilty if they get an abuser “in trouble”, or are afraid they themselves will “get in trouble” for telling.

Fear of getting in trouble was the basis of my personal story of sexual abuse, and I kept the abuse secret until I became a full-grown adult, thus becoming a part of the statistics of nondisclosure. Children often feel they are somehow responsible for their abuse, and are often told by the abusers that they will be taken away from their home and family and will never see them again.

The victim of child sexual abuse is almost always told not to tell, and children tend to believe what adults say. If you thought no one would believe you if you told, and you knew that your offender would be extremely angry at you and threatened harsh punishment, would you have the courage to tell? What if your offender told you that you would go to jail because you were just as guilty as he or she is? The child who tells is incredibly brave and very rare. Most sexually abused children do not tell anyone they were abused, even when directly asked by parents or other authority figures.

Talking to Your Children About Sexual Abuse:

• Educate your child about their own body and about their “private parts” (body parts that are covered up with a modest bathing suit).

• Use the correct terminology (penis, scrotum, testicles, vagina, breasts, labia.) when talking about these parts of their body.

• Talk about the difference between “good touch vs. bad touch” with words and phrases your child can understand, including the term “sexual abuse”. If children are not taught about “sexual abuse”, how will they know how to tell you they were sexually abused?!

• Teach your children to say “NO!” very loudly to anyone who wants or tries to touch their private parts in a way that makes the child feel confused or uncomfortable, or if asked to touch an offender in an inappropriate manner.

• If your child does not want to hug or kiss grandma or grandpa, don’t force them to hug or kiss people they don’t want to. It’s sending the wrong message to children, and teaches kids to ignore their confusing or uncomfortable feelings to the point where they do it anyway.

• Teach your children to tell you or an adult they trust if anybody touches their private parts or if they are touched in any way that makes them uncomfortable. (However, most children will not tell anyway). Don’t leave your child where you wouldn’t leave a bag with a million dollars in cash.

What To Do If Your Child Has Been Sexually Abused

• Remember, the person who abuses a child is to blame for the abuse, not the child! The prognosis for healing after being molested is better for children who are supported and believed when they do disclose.

• If your child tells you or even hints that he or she has been touched inappropriately, stay calm. Your reaction may make your child feel more guilty or afraid, and they might have a harder time talking about it.

• Some things you can say that will help your child: I believe you. I know it’s not your fault. I will take care of you. You did nothing wrong. Tell your child that you are glad they told you about it.

• Tell your child that you will take care of things, and that you will need to talk to someone to figure out what to do next. The biggest mistake a parent can make is not reporting sexual abuse to the authorities.

• Don’t allow any further contact between your child and the alleged offender. Don’t confront the offender yourself.

• Call your local child abuse hotline or local police department and report the abuse. Failing to report the abuse may mean that other children might get abused, too. Don’t try to handle the situation yourself.

• The child has the opportunity to get justice. It gives them satisfaction. Prosecution helps make sure that the abuser cannot strike again.

• Seek support and comfort for yourself where the child can’t see or hear what you say. In order to avoid confusion, anxiety or guilt, children should not overhear conversations about their disclosure. Too much information or discussion can also interfere with the police investigation or prosecution.

Further Reading:

Signs and Symptoms of Child Sexual Abuse
Identifying Characteristics and Behaviors of Child Molesters
Child Sexual Abuse: Facts vs. Myths
Launching the Child Safety and Child Sexual Abuse Series
Sexual Abuse Books-Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse-Healing Sexual Abuse

Were you a victim of sexual abuse, and have not yet disclosed that the abuse occurred? You are not alone. If you would like to share your personal story of abuse, you may do so by leaving a comment below. Finding the courage to speak out, telling perhaps for the very first time, is the first step towards healing the wounds. Even if you personally have not been sexually abused, but wish to convey your support and encouragement to victims and family members, please do leave a comment below.

Similar Posts:

• Should You Tell You Were Sexually Abused? What Happens When You Tell?
• Child Sexual Abuse – Facts VS. Myths
• Child Sexual Abuse: Blaming Mothers of Sexually Abused Children
• Books on Sexual Abuse-Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse-Healing Sexual Abuse
• Violence Unsilenced – True Life Personal Survivor Stories of Abuse, Domestic Violence, Rape

It’s been an extremely busy week around here and I haven’t had much time to prepare new articles, so I wanted to point you towards some articles I’ve read that I believe you’ll find very interesting. I’ve been dealing with an odd little bump that suddenly appeared on my hand two weeks ago, and have been told by the doctor that it’s due to “overuse”, but he wouldn’t give me a doctor’s note that said I had to quit my job on “doctor’s orders”. Darn.

One little side note. I’ve contacted a well-known expert in the area of child sexual abuse, and have suggested to him that he consider doing a Blog Tour to bring greater awareness to the prevalence of sexual abuse on children, the misunderstood subject of “mother blame” and things parents need to know to help protect their children. I’m happy to report that he is very interested, so stay tuned for more on that, as some people may have the idea that what I write regarding child sexual abuse is simply my personal opinion. Nope.

Weekend Roundup:

Be Wise With Your Economic Stimulus Tax Rebate What will you be doing with your tax rebate? We’re just putting ours in the savings account rather than spending it.

What Moms Really Think is a 5-part series that I really enjoyed reading. Be sure to check out each part of the series, as the ladies who participated are awesome!

14 Timeless Ways to Live a Happy Life gives some wonderful reminders for everyone about living a happy and fulfilled life, whether you are a parent or not.

12 Reasons to Turn Off the Television gives excellent advice on many ways our lives will be improved by switching off that little black box.

When Normal Child Sexual Development Becomes Abnormal is something everyone must read, and be sure to check out the links provided there.

Oh Well, Then, Allow Me to Retort is an explosive response to another blogger’s slam on stay-at-home dads. You can click on the links Joe provides in his article to read the “anonymous” dad post on Penelope Trunk’s blog, as I’m not going to give that shameful post any linky love.

Writing Better Blog Post Titles is a Must Read for all bloggers and writers, as this is an area so many bloggers get wrong. Your post titles are one of the most important things to consider in order to pull subscribed readers into your articles, or to increase search engine traffic. Do not miss Lorelle’s article on how to write better titles for your posts.

Thanks to all you for your exceptional blog posts, I really enjoyed all of them.

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