How do you kick grown adult children out of the house when they refuse to find work, keep a job, pay their own bills/rent, constantly ask for money, won’t help around the house doing chores, won’t stick to the contract agreement rules, and are disrespectful and verbally abusive towards their parents? Parents, do you have “yuckies” living in your house? Kick ‘em out of the house with a steel toe boot. Enroll in Tough Love 101.
In the U.S., grown adult children living at home with their parents well into their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s are typically called “Millennials” or “boomerang kids” from the Boomerang Generation (also known as the Peter Pan Generation). Problem is, they’re not kids, but full grown adults fully capable of working and taking care of themselves and living on their own.
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Learning how to manipulate parents, and doing whatever is deemed necessary to get parents to do what kids, teens and adult children want, sometimes turns into a virtual war between kids and parents. Manipulating parents, often referred to as emotional extortion, means that there are kids of all ages who will do just about anything to get parents to say yes to something, even when saying yes puts parents in a precarious position.
Being a responsible parent is never an easy task, from the time our children first enter the world and well into adulthood, our job as parents to teach and train our children in all areas of life is often fraught with one obstacle after another, and parents need to know how to deal with the problems as they occur as well as prevent as many problems as possible.
If you are a parent of adult children still living at home, or children continuously asking for money or help in some way, you must read this book. You don’t have to a Baby Boomer to appreciate the problem parents have in dealing with children moving back home with mom and dad, and taking advantage of the situation and their parents desire to help their kids get on their feet financially or otherwise. The writer, Jane Adams, reassures parents that they’ve done their jobs and that they don’t have to spend the rest of their lives picking up the pieces for their grown children, emotionally, financially, or otherwise. With warmth, empathy, and perspective, Dr. Adams offers a positive, life-affirming message to parents who are still trying to “fix” their adult children — Stop! She shows us how to separate from their problems without separating from them, and how to be a positive force in their lives while getting on with our own.
Is there really a difference between helping and enabling? What is enabling? What are the causes and effects of this behavior on both the “enabler” and the person being “helped”? Helping is doing something for someone else that they are unable to do for themselves. Enabling is doing things for someone else that they can and should be doing for themselves. So, why is there so much confusion between the two?
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