Telling It Like It Is» differences between men and women

Sex Every Day for Married Couples – 30 Day Sex Challenge

Lin — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 11:00:20 +0000

Sex every day is most men’s fantasy, whereas most women dream of emotional intimacy in their marriage or relationship, as well as a satisfying sex life. The 30 Day Sex Challenge is a marriage enrichment program, developed by Tampa Florida’s Relevant Church Head Pastor Paul Wirth, for married couples to determine their personal and unique emotional needs in order to build upon and improve their marital relationship.

Cheating Spouse

Is he cheating? Is she cheating? Is your spouse cheating? Why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? Lack of intimacy in marriage or dating relationships. Men want and need intimacy too, despite the common and mistaken belief that all men have a fear of intimacy or that all men have commitment phobia.

The differences between men and women in communication styles often create marriage problems and marital conflict that can sometimes lead to an unhappy marriage, broken marriage, separation and divorce, sometimes due to a cheating husband (cheating boyfriend) or wives cheating (cheating girlfriends) as well as other relationship problems.

Relationship experts agree that the main reason why men cheat (or why women cheat) is because both of the individuals are not meeting each others deepest emotional needs and then wonder why they are not connecting on a sexual level and enjoying sexual fulfillment within the bounds of their own marriage or relationship.

Affair Proof Marriage

In order to have an affair-proof marriage, couples must take the time to learn how to communicate effectively and learn each others needs and desires, working together to ensure a strong, intimate, emotional connection to their spouse rather than looking outside the marriage to have emotional and sexual needs met.

Regardless of the excuses and so-called “reasons” why husbands cheat or why wives cheat, cheating is wrong and immoral, and there is no legitimate way to minimize the effects of marriage infidelity on marriages and children.

30 Day Sex Challenge

The 30 Day Sex Challenge is intended to help couples succeed in creating an affair proof marriage by breaking the sex challenge up into four mini-challenges: spiritual, emotional, sexual, and physical. Using a holistic approach, the Relevant Church developed an assortment of resources to help couples, such as an emotional needs questionnaire, a 30-day devotional guide for married couples, and a 30-day devotional guide for singles.

The sex challenge series is biblically and scripturally based, teaching singles that the Relevant Church (if not all churches) believe that God has reserved sex for married couples and if done God’s way, married sex can and should be the best sex of their lives.

***Also See: How to Please a Woman in Bed, Pleasure and Satisfy Her Completely***

To “have a stable relationship you need to be connecting spiritually, emotionally, and sexually and in that order”, says Paul Wirth. For the sex challenge, single men and women can’t have sex for 30 days, and married couples are urged to have sex every day.

The Sex Challenge:

Each person, whether single or married, take the emotional needs test, then daily begin to meet the needs of the other person without thinking of themselves

Each person fills out the daily journal after reading the questions and the scripture verses, and then write down his or her answers to the questions and thoughts about the verses

Then the couples exchange journals with their partners and discuss them.

Last the married couples are to be sexually intimate every day for 30 days (sex is more than just intercourse) and single couples are to abstain from sex for 30 days (any form of sex)

Couples participating in the sex challenge work through questions that deal with personal feelings, fears, uncertainties and joys that come up because of the sex challenge, helping couples build intimacy into the relationship and give the couple a fresh passion for each other. It makes for a win-win relationship.

Married couples can and need to take necessary steps to keep the fire alive in their marriage, not only with good communication but also with selfless giving in and out of the bedroom, which works well to affair proof your marriage.

Openly discussing emotional and sexual needs before getting married is vital for a healthy and happy marriage, and discussions of sex in marriage should never be a taboo subject after the wedding, otherwise how will your husband or wife know what you want or need emotionally or sexually in order to feel happy and fulfilled in your marriage?

Make the decision today to affair proof your marriage by taking the 30 Day Sex Challenge , discover each others emotional, sexual and spiritual needs, and take steps to fill those needs within your marriage. You just might discover that 30 Days of sex, sex every day with your husband or wife, makes for a very enjoyable habit to develop.

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
Questions Before Marriage – Questions to Ask Before Getting Married
Keeping the Fire Alive in Your Marriage
How to Spice Up Your Marriage
The Art of a Good Marriage
How to Fight Fair in Marriage
What Does it Mean to “Leave and Cleave?”

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How to Fight Fair in Marriage

Lin — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 20:27:34 +0000

What kind of fighter are you? Do you bring up past hurts and grievances and hurl them at your partner, or do you simply walk away from fights, refusing to engage at all? Are you a right-fighter, always having to “win” arguments with your spouse? Do arguments typically escalate into full blown, knock-down drag-out wars, or one where you end up giving in just to keep the peace? Do you know what you’re fighting about, or do arguments over money tend to drift into fighting about the in-laws too?

Common reasons why couples fight include money, in-laws, sex, children, housework, jobs and friends. Conflict and arguments are inevitable in all marriages, but how you fight and how you end an argument can determine the long-term success or failure of your marriage. If done correctly, dealing with conflicts in your marriage by understanding how to fight fair in marriage can actually help and strengthen your relationship.

The differences between men and women in personalities, and the differences in upbringing, is reason enough for conflicts and arguments to occur in marriage. Conflicts signal that something is wrong in the relationship and it needs to be addressed, adjusted or corrected, in a way that both the husband and wife leave the argument feeling heard, understood, accepted and respected.

A primary requirement for any fight is to maintain control. Having an argument with your spouse does not give you license to be childish, abusive or immature. Disagreements are going to occur, and you are entitled to give constructive and reasonable voice to legitimate feelings and concerns, but you don’t have the right to be self-righteous, vindictive, controlling or selfish in how you fight.

How to Fight Fair:

Take it private and keep it private. Fighting in front of your children is nothing short of child abuse. Not keeping in control of your emotions will scar your children emotionally, and does not provide them the proper role model of how to fight fair as they mature. Resist the urge to discuss relationship problems with friends, family or in-laws, as this will be seen as a betrayal of trust and makes getting along with in-laws more difficult.

Venting your spouse’s negative behaviors to parents, family members or friends is not only immature, but it creates a building resentment toward your spouse since friends and family are not around when you’ve made up and resolved the issue, and it doesn’t make you look very good either.

Keep it relevant. Don’t bring up past hurts and grievances that happened months or even years ago. Put boundaries around the subject to be discussed so that the fight doesn’t deteriorate into a free-for-all. If you are angry about something, say so in an assertive and respectful manner using “I” statements to convey your feelings.

If the argument becomes heated, or if your spouse is unwilling to discuss the problem at that moment, schedule an agreed upon time within 24-hours to have your fair fight. Pick your battles; if you are angry about something but haven’t discussed it with your spouse within 48-hours, let it go and move on.

No name-calling. Fighting fair leaves no room for character assassination, using endearing terms and pet names with a sarcastic and demeaning tone only adds fuel to the fire and is very hurtful to your spouse. Don’t use words like “always” and “never” during arguments, as these sweeping statements to condemn your husband or wife will only aggravate the disagreement into a full-blown explosion.

Don’t threaten your spouse or condescend with statements like, “Just try it and see what happens!” or “You shouldn’t feel that way”, as using such deadly weapons in your marriage is a sure sign of immaturity and leaves your mate feeling ridiculed and insecure. Treat the problem as “our problem” rather than his or her problem, so that neither is left feeling attacked or blamed for every fight that occurs in the marriage.

Listen and learn. Discuss various options and ideas that both have contributed to the discussion, choosing and trying one or more ideas that both can accept. Don’t be a dirty fighter by sitting in wait for the idea your spouse recommended to fail, just so you can say “See, I told you so”.

Evaluate and adjust the options as needed by asking, “How are we doing in our effort to save money for vacation? How close are we to being able to buy the new car? Do you have any new ideas of how we can…?” Just as you want your spouse to see things from your point of view, be willing to see things from his or her perspective as well, thereby developing greater teamwork and accountability together.

Fighting about money. One way to avoid financial arguments is to agree on one joint household account for dealing with monthly bills, vacations and family-related expenditures. Both should also have separate bank and credit accounts, as women commonly have a love-hate relationship with money, but need to know how to achieve long-term financial security should the unthinkable occur and her husband dies or there is a divorce.

If one of you is better at paying the bills and saving money, then agree on that partner assuming the primary role. Regardless of who manages the bills, both husband and wife need to know and regularly discuss bank accounts and balances, bills and debts, investments and retirement plans, etc. (A friend of mine unexpectedly lost her husband last year, never knowing anything about their financial situation or having credit in her own name, and she is now dealing with the aftermath of enormous debt).

Make it a win-win fight. Even if you think you are right and your spouse is wrong, allow your partner to retreat from the fight with their dignity intact. How an argument ends is crucial to the health and longevity of the marriage, perhaps coming in the form of a sincere apology and hug. Give your spouse the reassurance that despite the fact that you will disagree from time to time, you are in this marriage for the long haul and you love him or her, and that you will not give up and leave the marriage before you’ve really tried to make it work.

What further ways would you recommend and suggest on how to fight fair in marriage?

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