Do men want to get married, or not? “Do Men Really Want to Get Married” is the question being discussed in a CNN article about whether the stereotypical belief that men are dragged off to the altar to get married kicking and screaming is true or not. CNN reporter, Alex Wallen, claims to have interviewed dozens of men on how they approached marriage, where these men admitted that they had “fantasized about popping the question, getting married, even having a wedding.”

Wallen reports that numerous men reported having a “light-switch” moment when they decided they should get married to their significant other. Examples given include a life-altering event, such as one man who suddenly realized his love for his girlfriend when she helped him deal with the death of his father; or it might be something as simple as having so much fun playing arcade games together that you can’t imagine yourself having this much fun with anyone else. One man decided it was time to get married when he became angry and balled-up his fists when another man made a pass at his then-girlfriend.

“Real men are perceived as committing “till death do us part” for the wrong reasons — they marry out of convenience or under duress, and they acquiesce, kicking and screaming all the way to the altar”, according to the article. If recent statistics are correct, men are choosing to marry later in life, with the average age being 28 before experiencing their “ah ha” moment, which is a good thing. Nevertheless, there are still many young men and women getting married too young, and far too many couples get married for the wrong reasons and end up regretting it later.

According to one survey claiming men DO want to get married, married men reported positive feelings about being married, with 94% saying they were happier married than single, and 73% reported their sex lives were better. Of the single men included in the study, 53 percent said they were not interested in getting married anytime soon, saying “at this stage in my life I want fun and freedom”, while 47 percent said they wouldn’t get married until they could afford to own a home.

“Of the 1,010 men aged 25-34 who were surveyed, 569 were married. Of that group, 81 percent said they got married “because it was the right time to settle down.” The desire to have children was a major factor for 35 percent; only 15 percent said they married sooner than they wished because of pressure from their partner.”

Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married

Another study was conducted by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University of 60 single, heterosexual men of different backgrounds, between the ages of 25-33. The project results revealed the top ten reasons why men won’t commit, or don’t want to get married.

1. They can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past.
2. They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabitating rather than marrying.
3. They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
4. They want to wait until they are older to have children.
5. They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises.
6. They are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn’t appeared yet.
7. They face few social pressures to marry.
8. They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.
9. They want to own a house before they get a wife.
10. They want to enjoy single life for as long as possible.

These findings may not be what women want to hear or believe, but relationship experts agree with the results of the study. Audrey Chapman, author of Getting Good Loving and Man Sharing, agrees with the study’s detailed findings that the sexual revolution hasn’t exactly helped women wanting to get married in their search for finding a husband.

• “All that stuff that grandma said about `Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’ is true. Women are making it too easy for men. They’re giving sex away.”

• “Now that there’s more competition, women think that sex is the ticket to get a man when in fact it’s a sure fire way not to get him at all,” Chapman reveals.

• “When men get lonely, all they have to do is call up one of their many women. And they call the one that they’re going to be able to spend the night with.”

• “She says that nowadays it is common for many men to have a variety of women to cater to their various needs, including sex, companionship, conversation and even meals. “Men can get all the comforts they need without making it legal.”

It’s interesting that Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, says much the same thing but it’s not what women interested in planning their wedding want to hear. It’s not about getting someone to marry you; love and marriage is not a game. It’s about finding the right person, at the right time and under the right circumstances so the marriage will be lifelong. Maybe some men don’t want to get married, now or ever. I would venture to say that there are women who also don’t want to get married and never will.

Wilmington, DE, psychologist Dr. Alvin L. Turner says, “As children, men don’t fantasize about being married–girls do. It takes a while for us to begin to appreciate that marriage is valuable for us and not just for women. It’s easy to see that marriage happens when you fall in love with someone, but even then many men will marry because they want to keep the woman from marrying someone else. So it becomes a way of protecting their investment basically rather than looking at it as something that’s valuable for themselves.”

William July II, author of “Understanding the Tin Man: Why So Many Men Avoid Intimacy” says this to women: “I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for women to accept the point at which a man says he currently is in his life because that determines his entire outlook on everything. If he’s ready, marriage sounds great. If he’s not, it sounds like a prison sentence. It’s better to couple with a man who feels ready than to try to ‘make ready’ a man.”

What about you? If you are a married man, what was your “ah ha” moment where you knew you wanted to get married to your girlfriend? If you are a single man, what are your thoughts on marriage? Ladies, what do you think about the idea that men really don’t want to get married but feel pressured in various ways to tie the knot?

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I’ve gotten pretty far behind in responding to various meme’s that I’ve been tagged with, so I wanted to be sure to get busy with this Archive Posts Meme that Hungry Mother tagged me and others with recently.

Archive Meme Instructions: Go back through your archives and post the links to your five favorite blog posts that you’ve written. … but there is a catch:

• Link 1 must be about family.

• Link 2 must be about friends.

• Link 3 must be about yourself, who you are… what you’re all about.

• Link 4 must be about something you love.

• Link 5 can be anything you choose.

I think this is a great way to circulate some of the great older posts everyone had written, return to a few great places in our memories and also learn a little something about ourselves and each other that we may not know. Post your five links and then tag five other people. At least TWO of the people you tag must be newer acquaintances so that you get to know each other better….and don’t forget to read the archive posts and leave comments!

My Favorite Family Post- “Taking A Bite Out Of The Sandwich Generation“, where I discuss the trials and tribulations of having had my elderly father in-law living with us.

My Favorite Friends Post- “Don’t Be That Girl” where I mention a friend of mine who has evolved over time into a that girl.

My Favorite About Me Post- “Sometimes Kids Can Drive Parents Nuts” not only shows that I practice what I preach on my blog, but I’m also a Tough Love advocate. Oh heck, I can’t leave out my “Too Young To Be This D*** Old” post, it was just too fun to do.

Favorite Something I Love Post- “Social Networking For You Whiners” because I love giving helpful tips about things I’ve learned along the way.

Lastly, Favorite My Choice Post- “Are Parents Helping or Enabling Their Adult Children?” because far too many people in society don’t understand that there is a difference between helping vs. enabling our children. I get a lot of search engine traffic to this post as well as continued questions and comments from parents struggling with their personal situations at home.

Now, who to tag for this one? Hmm…

• Meg at Dipping Into The Blogpond

• Kevin at Change Your Tree

• John at John Is Fit

• Linda at Exceptional Dental Practice Management

• Sephy at Sephyroth

• Snos at Snoskred-Life In The Country

• Daisy the Curly Cat

• Kacie at Cents To Save

• Mandy at Texas Medical Freak

• Ben at The Ben Spark

What?! Something wrong? Oh, you’re noticing that I linked to 10 blogs instead of just the five indicated in the meme rules, eh? Well…not to worry. Sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

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I’ve been tagged again, this time by Lightening with a Media Week Meme, asking what my media consumption has been like this past week.

*Books- The last book I read was a month ago called Don’t Be That Girl, and I have yet to go find another book to lull away boredom hours. I have my wonderful collection of Harry Potter books that I could always read again, but that might make me start pining for a new addition to the now-defunct series.

*TV- With the ongoing Writer’s Strike, I can’t say I have watched much TV at all lately. My husband really enjoys watching The Apprentice, so occasionally I’ll walk by and take a glimpse of yucky Gene Simmons in action. I’ve had my fill of Omarosa watching a previous season of The Apprentice, so learning she was going to be on the show again I instantly lost interest.

I love Dr. Phil, and I do watch his evening shows as often as possible. I’m a big fan of shows like CSI, Law and Order, all those who-dunnit type shows, but the writer’s strike has really affected my TV viewing habits since I have no interest in watching a steady flow of rerun after rerun. Yawn.

*Music- I am definitely a music lover with a wide variety of music interests. I grew up listening to everyone and anyone associated with MoTown; Glady’s Knight and The Pips, Marvin Gaye, and so many others it would take hours to include all the names.

I’m a Classic Rock lover as well, and I instantly crank up the stereo at home or radio in my truck as soon as Black Sabbath or Aerosmith start doing their thing. Oh my gosh, I cannot get enough of Stevie Ray Vaughn’s music and guitar solo’s, and I play my CD’s of Stevie’s music quite often while driving.

Who am I gonna tag this time? Hmm

Frank at Optempo

Maurice at CaymanHost

Lynnae at BeingFrugal

Greg and Sheena at MommyDaddyBlog

Todd at Success With Todd

Heidi at VirusHead

RT at Untwisted Vortex

Jodi at My Life as Mama Jodi

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If you haven’t yet heard about the book “Don’t Be That Girl”, authored by Travis L. Stark, M.D., you’re in for a real treat. You may remember the handsome and charismatic Travis, from his appearance on the hit reality show The Bachelor: Paris, where he dated 25 beautiful and intelligent women in hopes of finding true love. Dr. Stark has since written the book “Don’t Be That Girl”, and recently appeared on the Dr. Phil Show discussing the self-defeating behaviors many women use that prevents them from fulfilling their personal dreams and goals, or finding and marrying Mr. Right.

On a fluke, I decided to buy the book and see for myself if Dr. Stark knew anything at all about women, and what he felt constituted a woman to be called that girl, and I must admit the good doctor has published a very good read. Before buying the book, I read a great number of customer reviews, and wasn’t surprised to find there are mixed opinions, with most comments being very positive. I laughed out loud reading some of the women’s reviews online, who took great exception to the possibility that an E.R doctor might have the slightest clue about what makes women do the things many women do that sends off red flags in a man’s mind while dating, causing her to be labeled a that girl. I thought about replying to those women, to tell them to Lighten Up, but I decided it wasn’t worth the trouble. Are you a that girl?

Don’t Be That Girl is a book that most women will likely find they can relate to on many levels, whether your single and looking, or already married. You probably know at least one that girl in your life right now, and if you haven’t yet read the book, I highly recommend you do. I know two that girls personally, and they will be receiving their copies of the book within the next day or two, and I’ll be very interested to hear what they thought of the book after reading it. One of the things that I liked most about Dr. Stark’s book is the self-deprecating humor he uses in describing some of his previous relationship foibles, and how he came up with the humorous phrase, “try to limit your baggage to a carry-on”, when talking about the nutty things some women do when trying to find love.

Editorial Review Excerpt-

“Don’t Be That Girl cuts to the heart of what makes a woman cross into that girl territory and the red flags that tip guys off to the possibility that, yikes, they may be dating that girl. So who is that girl, exactly? She defies a simple definition. She may be the chameleon who turns into a completely different person the second a guy walks into the room. She could be the girl with the ironclad agenda (Agenda Girl) that she’s held to dearly since her first encounter with Modern Bride (and she’ll do anything to make sure her plan materializes). Or she’s the consummate “yes” girl who is always going along with his every wish. If she’s not saying yes, she might very well be a “drama queen” who is always saying no because she can’t seem to live without conflict. Then again, she might not be dramatic at all, just miserable inside, wearing her anger and bitterness as a badge of honor. In short, she’s the girl who’s trying fruitlessly to be someone she’s not—who’s falling victim to the common pitfalls and patterns that lead to that girl behavior—rather than believing in herself, following her passions, and maintaining healthy priorities.”

Fortunately, Dr. Stark’s book is not about slamming women’s odd behaviors, but offers helpful solutions for women to make needed changes in their that girl attitudes and behaviors that will allow them to better their chances of seeing their dreams become realizations. Men are not stupid, and who better than a man to explain to women the very things men find most irritating while dating women, that often causes a man to run in the other direction as soon as possible, never to be seen or heard from again.

One friend of mine in particular, that I’ve known for most of my life, has evolved into a that girl over a period of many years. She just hasn’t realized it yet, and can’t seem to understand why she’s not having much luck in the dating world. I’ve written about my dear friend a couple of times, as she has had some real hard knocks to contend with over the years, which has nearly rendered her a broken soul. Hopefully she will soon find herself again, who she really is inside, and let go of the pain and heartache that has gradually created a that girl within.

Regardless of age, race or marital status, Don’t Be That Girl is an excellent book, written by an educated doctor, who really knows how to “tell it like it is” regarding women’s ill-fated tendencies that work against their goals and dreams. I couldn’t possibly recommend this book for all women any more than this.

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