Husband abuse is no different than wife abuse. Whether the abuse is in the form of physical, verbal, mental or emotional abuse, abuse is abuse is abuse and not to be tolerated. It is a myth that very few men experience domestic violence, and when we hear or read stories of spousal abuse victims, it is often thought that mental, emotional and/or physical abuse is only perpetrated by men against women.

It is a fact that men who are abused by the women they love are often silent victims of abuse at the hands of their wives, girlfriends or partners. Men typically don’t call the police or make a police report. Family members, close friends and even co-workers sometimes recognize the tell-tale signs of abuse, even without any visible bruises, scratches or marks on the male victim, but feel they don’t know how to help.

Emotionally abused men and husbands who are abused by wives are in an unhealthy relationship, hoping upon hope that their abusive spouse or partner will change and the bad relationship will become a healthy, happy marriage that will last a lifetime. The chances that women abusers will change their abusive behaviors and attitudes towards the men in their lives are slim to none. Just like abusive men or husbands who abuse their wives or girlfriends.

Men in abusive relationships need to realize and come to terms with the fact that abuse is a learned characteristic and is deeply ingrained in their wife or girlfriend’s personality, and you can’t just wish it away. Mentally and emotionally abused men, who haven’t yet experienced physical abuse or battery, must not downplay or minimize the abuse in their hearts and minds. Domestic violence or physical abuse towards men often go hand in hand with mental and emotional abuse.

Just because your wife or girlfriend may not have hit, slapped, punched, kicked or stabbed you (yet) doesn’t mean the abuse won’t escalate to the point of physical violence. Abusive partners do not change. The abuse only gets worse as time goes by.

Are You In An Abusive Relationship?

Mental and emotional abuse destroys a person’s self-esteem and self-worth from the inside out, and the negative effects run so deep that it can take years to recover. Domestic violence and abuse of all kinds is an absolute deal breaker for marriages, and children who grow up in abusive homes learn what they live, increasing their chances of becoming abusers or abuse victims themselves.

Greg Enns and Jan Black, authors of the book entitled It’s Not Okay Anymore suggest abuse victims ask themselves the following questions to help identify the signs of abuse in their relationship. See if you can recognize potential problem areas in your relationship or marriage with your spouse or partner. Ask yourself:

• Does she criticize, embarrass or humiliate you in front of other people, including your friends or family?

• Does she insist that things you want for yourself are selfish and/or wrong?

• Does your wife, girlfriend or partner withhold affection or sex to “punish” you for violating her rules?

• Does she intimidate you or make you feel afraid in some way? How? Do you feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” around her to keep the peace?

• Does your wife threaten to harm you, threaten to harm herself or anyone else, if/when you decide to leave and divorce her?

• Does she require or force you to ask her for money, or take your money away from you? How much access do you personally have to the checking account, savings account, bank statements and bills?

• Does your wife or partner control all of the family finances (financial abuse), where you don’t even know what money there is or how, when or where money is being spent?

• Has your wife prevented you from taking a job you want, or kept you from going to school/college? Has your wife forced you through manipulation, coercion or intimidation to quit a job you had?

• Does your wife minimize or deny her abusive treatment of you, or make “jokes” about how she treats you? Does she blame you for her abusive behaviors?

• Does your girlfriend, wife or partner treat you as if you are her personal servant or slave?

• Does she make you do things you feel are ethically or morally wrong or illegal?

• Does your wife or partner criticize or belittle your Christian/religious beliefs, or tell you that your faith or beliefs are wrong?

• Does your wife restrict or limit your contact with your family or friends, or make you leave social gatherings because she says so?

• If you have children together, does your girlfriend or wife threaten you’ll never be able to see your children if you leave or divorce her?

• Has your partner or spouse hit, slapped, punched, kicked, or threatened to cause you physical bodily harm?

Borderline Personality Disorder

Men, you have to decide for yourselves how many “yes” answers it takes to determine if you are in an abusive relationship. Men abused by women need help, support and encouragement from friends, family and society, to give husbands and abused men the strength and courage needed to get away from their abusers once and for all. Are you being battered or abused by your spouse?

Are you married to or in a relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder, also referred to as BPD? Stop Walking on Eggshells is a book written by Paul T Mason and Randi Kregor, with an extensive checklist for abuse victims to determine if they are (unfortunately) involved with or married to someone with BPD and advice on how to break free.

Another excellent resource for abused men and husbands is the book entitled Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence by Philip W. Cook. The authors shine a bright light on studies, statistics, actual percentages of abused men, along with personal stories of men who have been mentally, physically, verbally and/or emotionally abused by women.

There are a lot of battered and abused guys who are experiencing various types of domestic violence in their own homes and relationships, and it’s about time we as a society show our support for male victims and rally around them as they develop the courage and strength to seek help. Men, you are not alone. Read these books, seek out help from local support groups in your area or online, but reach out and get the help you need to live your life free of abuse.

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Abused men are men and teenage boys who are in physically, mentally and emotionally abusive relationships involving partners, girlfriends or wives. Men who are abused do not get the respect, understanding, encouragement or support from society as a whole and are often criticized and ridiculed unfairly, further victimizing men who are abused.

Victims of domestic violence are not just women, wives or girlfriends. Domestic violence occurs with men too, and it’s about time abused men and society in general wake up to the alarming statistics about women, girlfriends and wives who abuse men and stop turning a deaf ear to the abuse men are experiencing.

Boyfriend and husband abuse is a reality in society and men who are abused by women need help, encouragement and support just as much as abused women do. Domestic violence against men, and abusive relationships of all types, do not discriminate and abuse occurs in all ethnic, racial and socio-economic groups.

When you hear the words “domestic violence” and physical, mental and/or emotional abuse, do you tend to think about women or girls who has been slapped, hit, punched, kicked, bullied, ridiculed, degraded, criticized and humiliated by a man? Domestic violence against women by men who claim to love them has been a serious problem for a very long time, but what about the men? What about men who are abused by women? Why do abused men stay in abusive relationships if it’s so bad, you may wonder.

Some women, girlfriends and wives are physically, mentally and emotionally aggressive in relationships with their boyfriends, partners or husbands. Abused men rarely come forward to share their experiences as domestic abuse victims because of fear. Abused men stay in abusive relationships and marriages for much the same reasons abused woman stay, with fear being the primary reason.

Men who are abused are often afraid of being stigmatized by others with fear of being labeled a dependent, spineless doormat, passive-aggressive “wimp” or “whipped” man with low self-worth. Men who are abused are often too afraid to tell or admit to others that they are being mentally or emotionally abused, if not physically, and view telling as a loss of their manhood.

The statistics for abused men who are beaten or battered by the women who claim to love them say that men are abused more than women are abused, battered, beaten and bruised by men. Unfortunately, physically abused and battered men tend not to call the police or report the abuse they have suffered at the hands of girlfriends or wives, and even when these men do call the police to report the violence, they’re pleas for help are often ignored.

The myths about abused men are astounding. Teen boys and men who are abused need to identify and recognize the warning signs of abusive relationships and take action. Love Doesn’t Hurt. Teenage girls, women or wives who are physical, emotional or psychological abusers gradually chip away at a man’s feelings of self-worth and independence in the same way angry, controlling, abusive men act towards women.

Emotionally Abused Men

Male victims of emotional abuse may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or marriage, often ignoring the symptoms that they are in an emotionally abusive relationship that can so quickly become physically abusive. Emotional abuse includes verbal attacks such as yelling, blaming, ridiculing, name-calling, intimidation, controlling behaviors, isolation from family or friends, shaming, threats of physical violence and more. Abuse of any kind – physical, mental or emotional abuse is an absolute deal breaker in my book and should be for anyone who experiences domestic violence in some form or fashion.

The scars of having been emotionally abused are very real and run very, very deep. Emotional abuse often escalates to the point of physical abuse and battery. Even death. Abusers do not change. Let me repeat that: Abusers do not change, and if you are a man or teenage boy who feels he must “walk on eggshells” around his partner, girlfriend or wife in order to “keep the peace” and try to prevent her from having a conniption fit about everything or anything – you are very likely in an unhealthy, controlling, abusive relationship and need to get out now.

See Toxic Relationships-Toxic Family Members for help figuring out if your girlfriend or wife is toxic or not.

There are many signs of an emotionally abusive relationship, and they are much the same as those that apply to women who are abused by men. Physically or emotionally abused men must not be allow abusive women to control them any longer. Not for one more minute, not for one more hour, and definitely not for one more day of their lives.

Having heard from several men who felt they were pressured into marriage by emotionally abusive girlfriends, plus having written articles about women abused by men, I feel a responsibility and desire to address the issues involving abused men.

Just as I recommended to these men that they read the book, Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence authored by Phillip W. Cook, I implore and strongly suggest that men who feel they are being physically, mentally or emotionally abused by a partner, girlfriend or wife to not only read the abused men book but also seek help now. Your very life may depend on it.

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