Getting a Divorce

How to Manipulate Parents and Get Parents to Do What You Want

Learning how to manipulate parents, and doing whatever is deemed necessary to get parents to do what kids, teens and adult children want, sometimes turns into a virtual war between kids and parents. Manipulating parents, often referred to as emotional extortion, means that there are kids of all ages who will do just about anything to get parents to say yes to something, even when saying yes puts parents in a precarious position.

Do children manipulate parents? Oh yes they do, and adult children are just as good at stooping to whatever level they see fit to get their parents to do what the kid wants, and it doesn’t matter what it is children are trying to convince parents to do. The reality of how parents are sometimes manipulated when planning a wedding became a shocking and disturbing reality for a mom I’ve heard from before, based on the email I received this morning.

Regular readers are likely familiar with the article I wrote about who pays for what when it comes time to determine how a wedding budget will be decided and how the wedding, reception and honeymoon will be paid for and by whom. Late last year, shortly before Christmas of 2008, I exchanged a few emails with a mom who was struggling with the decision of who would pay for her daughter’s wedding.
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Posted in Divorce, Family, Marriage, Men, Parenting, Relationships, Shopping, Teenagers, Women on October 29, 2009

Tags: Tags: bridezilla, difference between helping and enabling, Getting a Divorce, parenting adult children, planning a wedding, wedding budget

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Need a Divorce Lawyer? Common Divorce Mistakes Women Make

Amy writes, “Do I need a divorce lawyer or can I represent myself?” After 30 years of marriage her husband wants a divorce, which begs the questions: Do you need a divorce lawyer to handle your divorce case? Why? When should you hire a divorce lawyer, and when is it okay to get a do-it-yourself divorce with or without the help of divorce books or online divorce forms? Divorce laws are different in each state, and while you can get a divorce without a lawyer, doing so can be very risky if you don’t know what you are doing.

One of the biggest mistakes women (and men) make in matters of divorce is deciding not to hire an attorney when needed, or opting to share the same lawyer in an understandable yet potentially dangerous effort to cut costs. If you are getting a divorce after 15, 20 or 30 years of marriage or less, hiring a good divorce lawyer can help you avoid the all-too common divorce mistakes that can lead you into personal and financial ruin.

Reasons to Hire a Divorce Lawyer

The old saying, a man (or woman) who acts as his own attorney has a fool for a client, couldn’t be more true in many divorce cases. Even though it is not required by law to hire a divorce lawyer, there are several reasons why hiring an attorney is recommended for divorcing couples, especially those with minor children.
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Posted in Children, Divorce, Family, Marriage, Men, Parenting, Teenagers, Women on October 24, 2009

Tags: Tags: abusive relationships, child abuse, Divorce Books, divorce laws, divorce lawyer, divorce mistakes women make, divorce without a lawyer, Getting a Divorce, need a divorce lawyer, online divorce

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Pro Bono Volunteer Lawyers: Free or Low Cost Legal Services in Divorce, Child Custody, Visitation

Free or low cost legal services in matters of divorce, child custody, child support, separation, dissolution of marriage, alimony, visitation, dividing property and mediation are available in states all across the U.S. The cost of getting a divorce through an expensive lawyer has caused many couples to seek a “divorce for free” by going the do-it-yourself “Pro Se” route, usually with the help of online divorce kits, books and ebooks for uncontested, no-fault divorces.

Divorce software packages, commonly referred to as divorce kits, can save you a lot of money in attorney’s fees if your divorce is an amicable, uncontested divorce and there are no young children involved. If you’re wondering how to get a divorce on the cheap, it’s important that you spend some time doing your research and learning what your rights are, regardless if you hire a lawyer for your divorce or download divorce forms and do it yourself.

If you don’t understand your legal rights pertaining to getting a divorce from your husband or wife, or about child custody and visitation laws in your area, getting a “free divorce” by way of downloadable forms found online may end up costing you thousands upon thousands of dollars in lawyer fees that you may not be able to afford.

How Much Does a Divorce Cost?
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Posted in Divorce, Family, Men, Women on October 19, 2009

Tags: Tags: dissolution of marriage, divorce child custody, divorce forms, divorce kits, divorce lawyers, divorce software, domestic violence, free divorce, Getting a Divorce, legal aid services, no fault divorce, pro bono lawyers, uncontested divorce, volunteer lawyers

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Divorce Books: Divorce Children’s Books

Finding good quality divorce books can seem like looking for a needle in a haystack, including helpful and informative books on divorce for children and teens, while parents primarily deal with the divorce process and their own emotions over the breakup of the family.

Getting a divorce is not only a difficult process to go through, but it’s also a highly emotional time for anyone who has ever been through a divorce or been affected by divorce, especially the children. Parents who feel that divorce is their only alternative need to think less about how to get a divorce and more thought and planning to providing their children the love and support they need before, during and after the separation and divorce.

Divorce books for children play an important role in helping kids deal with the stress, anxiety, fear, emotional pain and turmoil so common amongst children of divorce. If possible, have divorce children’s books ready and available before telling children about your divorce, but if your kids already know about your plans to get a divorce, be quick about getting your children the best divorce books available for children, as well as divorce books for teens, as opposed to focusing on getting a quick divorce.

Children’s Divorce Books

Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way, by M. Gary Neuman – Kids tend to blame themselves when parents divorce. The Sandcastles workshop–now mandatory in over a dozen counties throughout the United States–is a half-day group session for children of divorce between the ages of 6 and 17. Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce details many of the workshop exercises, all designed to increase communication, understanding, and togetherness between parents and kids.

It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read-Together Book for Parents and Young Children During Divorce, by Vicki Lansky – It’s Not Your Fault is an illustrative picture book designed to be read by parents to their children, between the ages of 3 to 7, focusing on the emotions that children of divorce experience such as fear, anger and sadness. Parents can use it help their kids express their emotions and concerns in a delicate and sensitive manner. Children are reassured that their feelings are natural, that their parents still love and will care for them, and that the divorce is not their fault. Included are targeted points for parents, offering information and advice about what the kids are going through, and the best way to handle each issue as it arises.

Mama and Daddy Bear’s Divorce, by Cornelia Maude Spelman – This book provides reassurance for young preschool children in particular. With simple sentence structure and picture illustrations showing children that, as painful and confusing as divorce may be for them, it does not mean that both parents will no longer be part of the child’s life. The words used to describe the divorce and what divorce means are carefully chosen, with the overall message that although the family does not live together, everyone is loved. Families with a strong emphasis on co-parenting will likely prefer a different book.

Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide to Changing Families, by Marc Brown & Laurie Krasny Brown – The chapters in Dinosaurs Divorce address such concerns as why parents divorce, what will happen to the child following the divorce, how and where holidays will be celebrated, living in two homes and when parents begin dating. It is a guide and resource for young children and parents with simple, easy-to-understand sentences for children ages 4-8, along with illustrated pictures that help young children discuss the feelings about the divorce and problems they are experiencing. It would be best for parents to pick and choose which chapters to read to the child as needed.

There are many good books for parents to read about separation and divorce that both mother’s and father’s would be benefited by. Deal with your own emotions of anger, fear, sadness, loss etc without adding to the child’s problems.