Are parents obligated to pay college tuition for their kids to attend college? Should parents pay for college or should college students be responsible for paying college related expenses including tuition, with or without their parents help? The question of who pays for college continues to be a controversial (sometimes heated) debate between kids planning to attend college, and their parents.

Parents, are you responsible for paying your kids college education or not? If parents are supposed to pay for college, how much should parents pay towards tuition, books, housing costs, transportation, gas, insurance, food, clothing, entertainment and miscellaneous expenses for college? Where do parents draw the line between helping kids attend college and not jeopardizing their savings and retirement accounts? To say that your retirement plans are more important than your children’s college funds is putting it mildly.

The all too common belief some people have that it is somehow a parents obligation to pay for college, as if parents “owe” their kids a paid-for college education, reeks of unrealistic expectations and a sense of entitlement in today’s society. Parents who cannot afford to pay for their kids to attend college, or choose not to pay some or all college expenses for their own personal or financial reasons, are almost made out to be bad parents.

These parents are accused of not loving their kids, not wanting their children to be successful in life, and not worthy of being called parents amongst other things. Loving your children has nothing to do with who is going to pay for college, or a parent’s desire for their kids to become successful, independent adults. In an article entitled “don’t pay your children’s college education”, the writer aptly points out that paying for college is not about love, sacrifice or devotion towards kids. There is much more to it than that.

So, parents have to pay for college if they have the money, right? Wrong. “How am I going to pay for my college education if my parents won’t pay, can’t afford to help, or refuse to fill out the FAFSA?” is a common question.

Who Pays For College?

Opinions on why parents should pay for college vs. parents who should not pay for college vary, as expected. Even “personal finance experts” can’t seem to agree. Words like should, must, have to, obligation, responsibility and similar terms used by college-aged kids expecting their parents to pay for all college expenses with little or no “skin in the game” themselves is ludicrous. I have yet to find a parenting manual that states parents must pay for their child’s college education, whether parents can afford the costs or not.

Don’t get me wrong, education is important. Many parents already do what they can to ensure their kids get a great education until high school graduation. But, parents do not owe their children a college education. Parents paying for college is not a kids “right” to a free ride through college, but is a parents choice to decide whether to pay or not pay for any part of their kids higher education, how much, and on what terms.

You can take loans for college but not for retirement. Even financial expert Suze Orman says it is financially irresponsible and downright dangerous for parents to basically write a blank check from the bank of mom and dad to pay for their kids college education, or take out a second mortgage to pay for college. IF parents can afford to pay for college and choose to do so, then by all means pay for your child to go to college to whatever degree you are financially able to do so, without sacrificing your savings account or retirement account.

How to Pay For College

Planning ahead towards college costs with money set aside in a 529 plan for your kids education is a smart option for parents, if they choose to and can afford it. Parents can also help their children look for scholarships, federal grants, student loans and sources of “free money” for college. For those in Canada, similar to a 529 plan is an RESP, or Registered Education Savings Plan. It’s a tax-free savings account you can open up for your child and contribute money to until he or she attends post-secondary. Anyone can contribute; the lifetime limit is $50,000 per beneficiary.

Do not allow your children, or society in general, to guilt-trip or demand that you pay for your child’s college education if you cannot afford to pay or choose not to pay for your kids to go to college. It is entirely up to you, the parents.

I couldn’t help but laugh when I read this article suggesting the “federal government and the schools consider it the family’s primary responsibility to pay for the child’s education”, wrongly implying that parents are legally required to pay for college. Let the whining and moaning commence. Parents who have college-aged kids have already fulfilled their responsibility to their kids education throughout elementary, middle/intermediate and high school. The article about the federal government even suggests kids who have Christian or religious parents should hurl scripture quotes from the Bible at parents in order to manipulate or coerce parents into paying for college.

Should parents pay for college or should parents make kids find a job and work through college to help themselves get a great education? A parents legal and moral obligation to care and provide for their children ends when kids reach the age of 18 and they are considered to be adults in the U.S. While parents have an obligation to care for minor children and provide them the best education possible, parents are not obligated or responsible for adult children. Unfortunately, many parents continue to pay for and enable their grown kids anyway.

If you are a parent researching information on the advantages and disadvantages of paying for all or some of your kids college education, carefully consider and bookmark these devil’s advocate articles on who should pay for college, and who should not pay and how helping pay for college can lead to trouble. The decision is ultimately yours, so choose wisely, unless you don’t mind eating cat food in your elderly years. The book The Best Way to Save for College-A Complete Guide to 529 Plans by Joseph Hurley comes highly recommended by finance expert Suze Orman.

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Empty nest syndrome refers to the feelings of sadness, grief, depression, loneliness, emptiness and loss when children grow up, leave for college, get married, or leave home to live on their own. “Empty-nesters” can either be mothers or fathers, but mothers are primarily the ones who have difficulty dealing with or coping with an empty nest when children begin leaving home to live their lives as adults.

What do I do now?, What can I do now?, are questions empty-nesters commonly ask before, during or after learning their children are leaving home, since parents have spent most of their lives focused on raising children, caring for the home and family, until suddenly the kids are gone.

Are you an empty-nester? Are your children leaving home to head off to college? Are your children getting married soon, moving away or getting their own home? Is your son or daughter leaving home soon, leading you to ask yourself, What do I do after my children leave home?

Empty Nest Syndrome

First, let me say, Congratulations! Give yourself a big pat on the back for having raised your children in such a way that you’re not dealing with adult children living at home years after kids should have left home and begun living their lives as full grown, successful, independent adults.

You have taught your children how to be an adult, and you should be congratulated! You have cut the apron strings by letting go, and the “tied to his mother’s apron strings” quote doesn’t apply to you in regards to your son or daughter leaving home. Trust me, you don’t want to deal with the “revolving door syndrome” so common in today’s society. Good for you!

If you are trying to deal with an empty nest now, or will be an empty-nester sometime soon, please understand you’re not alone. Many moms and dads are trying to cope with empty nest feelings and emotions just like you are, and no two people deal with stressful situations like this the same way, so patience, understanding and empathy are important.

What Do I Do Now? What Can I Do Now?

What do I do after my children leave home? There are many things you can do, should do or need to do now that your children have left home and you are alone at last. It’s time to change your focus on being a parent and the responsibilities of parenting children still living at home, and direct your time and energies towards other things you can do that bring you enjoyment, pleasure and a sense of fulfillment.

Ask yourself, if you could do it all over again, what are some “coulda, shoulda, woulda” things you wish you had done before getting married or before having children? The answer to “What do I do now” is that you now have time to take a life inventory on yourself and start doing the things you have always wanted to do but never could before.

It’s time to get busy! Put your thinking cap on and get those creative juices flowing, and come up with a “What I Can Do Now” list now that the kids are grown and gone. Go back to school to get your high school diploma, or get the college degree you always wanted. Rekindle the romance with your spouse and fire up your marriage by spending time together and bringing back the fun and excitement experienced when you were dating or before the kids came along.

Do some volunteer work; find a new hobby; join an active online support group for encouragement. Travel! Take a cruise, rent an RV and stay at RV parks while traveling, or check out the cost of Flights and buy a plane ticket to visit places you’ve always wanted to see but couldn’t. (I recommend the Philippines) Learn a new language! You can do what I’m doing and learn spanish online, or you can learn japanese online or any other language you have wanted to learn but never had the time.

Or, here’s an idea for you and it’s completely FREE! I bet, after raising your children, you probably have lots of interesting mom, dad, grandpa or grandma stories to tell. Why not start a free blog and write stories about whatever topics you are passionate about? If you’re wondering what is a blog, you’re reading a “blog post” right now about Empty Nest Syndrome. Get it?

Are you dealing with empty nest syndrome? What are some things you have found that helped you cope with your children leaving home? What is on your What I Can Do Now list? Share your ideas, suggestions, tips and advice in the comment section below.

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