Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Lin — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 18:15:28 +0000

If you answer yes to one or more of the following “signs of an abusive relationship” quiz-questions about the boy (or girl) you are dating, then you are in danger of having a serious problem. If several of these are answered with yes, leaving an abusive relationship can mean the difference between life and death. It’s that serious. Get a new boyfriend/girlfriend, or spouse.

Is he using alcohol or drugs?

Does he have extreme mood swings? Happy one minute and angry the next?

Is he extremely jealous? Does he get angry if other boys pay attention to you or speak to you?

Does he use force during an argument? Has he ever pushed , shoved, hit or slapped you?

Does he blame others or make excuses about his problems or behaviors?

Is he verbally abusive to you? Yelling, putting you down, calling you names or threatening you?

Does he treat his mother with disrespect? Is he mean to her?

Does he try to tell you what to do, who you can or cannot see, who you can or cannot talk to?

Does he try to keep you away from your family or your friends, expecting you to spend all your time with him?

Does he criticize your family, telling you that he knows what is best for you and your family is wrong?

He doesn’t want you to tell your family or friends about the problems between the two of you.

He makes you feel guilty when you don’t want to have sex.

He pressures you into having sex with him when you don’t want to.

Physically forces you to have sex after you have said no.

Doesn’t accept or respect your decisions.

When chatting or instant messaging, he gets upset when you aren’t answering fast enough.

Implies that you lie or directly calls you a liar.

Doesn’t trust you.

Checks up on you. Tells you his friends at school are “keeping an eye on you.”

Comes to your home, school or workplace uninvited or unexpected to check up on you.

Keeps sending text messages or calling repeatedly if you don’t answer fast enough.

Hangs up the phone when he is talking to you.

Gives you the silent treatment.

Expects you to follow him and ask him what’s wrong when he walks off.

Apologizes but then does the same thing again and again.

Blames you for things he does.

Makes you feel guilty for not spending more time with him.

Tells you what you “should” do.

Tells you to do things rather than asking you to do them.

Says he can’t live with you or he will kill himself if you leave him.

Makes you feel responsible for his feelings.

Makes you afraid of telling him the truth, so you find yourself not telling him things or lying to him to avoid fights and conflicts.

Tells you what to do or not do, where to go or not go.

Telling you who to be friends with, or he doesn’t like your friends.

Telling you how to dress, how to wear your hair or make-up.

Telling you how to act, who to talk to or not talk to.

Wanting to know where you are at all times, who you are with.

Calling you to make sure you are where you said you would be.

Phoning, messaging you a lot each day.

He goes through your things; checks your phone to see who is calling or messaging you.

Starts a fight with you right before you need to leave to go home or out with your friends.

Obsessed with you; has to be a part of everything you do.

Reality check:

Remember, love doesn’t hurt. It’s not a feeling. It’s a behavior. Asking yourself these questions to find out if you’re “in love” or “in danger” can mean the difference between having a happy, healthy relationship or an abusive relationship, full of pain and misery. If your answers to these questions have caused you any sense of concern or alarm about your relationship, it’s time to turn to a family member or an adult you trust for help. Leaving an abusive relationship could save your life. Don’t be a statistic.

Further Reading-

Married To An Abuser-Identifying Early Warning Signs of Abusive and Controlling Men

How To Hide Money From An Abusive Husband

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