This is a guest post from Jeff Nickles at My Super-Charged Life, where he shares tips, motivation and resources for living life to the fullest.

Guys, did you know that there is more to being married than just getting along with your wife?  Generally, a woman’s family is important to her.  She doesn’t just want you to have a good relationship with your mother-in-law and father-in-law.  She needs it.  Ladies, am I wrong here?

The Case for Becoming a Good Son-In-Law

Men, your wife needs you to be a good son-law and to blend into her family.  Yes, she is, in a sense, leaving them behind when she gets married to start her own family with you. But, she is going to need their support and encouragement along the way.  Trust me, your relationship with your wife will grow deeper and be easier if you develop a great son-in-law relationship with your in-laws.

Furthermore, I suggest that it is in your best interest as well.  I know that having a terrific relationship with my in-laws has been a true blessing for me.  Their love and support of me and my family has been invaluable over the years.  For example, they were there for us when an F-5 tornado destroyed our home.  In another instance, my mother-in-law took care of our newborn daughter when my wife had to go back to the hospital for a week.  I don’t know what we would have done if my in-laws weren’t so willing to help in these situations.

Having children creates a whole other reason to build a great relationship with your in-laws.  Grandparents are very important to a child’s sense of well-being.  They add depth and security to the loving relationships surrounding a child.  The better your relationship is with your in-laws, the easier it is going to be for them to grow close and be a positive role model for your children.  This is a valuable gift that you can give your kids that will serve them the rest of their lives.

I hope I have convinced you of the advantages of having a great relationship with your mother- and father-in-law.  They are special people to your wife and kids.  Your family needs them and therefore so do you.  Fortunately, son-in-laws don’t usually have the difficulties forming good relationships with their in-laws like many daughter-in-laws do.  However, there are still some points worth mentioning that I believe will help you in this endeavor.

How to Build a Great Son-In-Law Relationship With Your In-Laws

• Respect their daughter and take good care of her.  Daughters are very special to their parents.  I should know because I have two of them.  My wife and I have invested our whole hearts in loving and nurturing our daughters to become excellent young women.  I have even created a list of things I want to teach my daughters to be successful in life.  After giving so much, I want to know that the men that marry my daughters will be gentle with them, respect their opinions, provide them a sense of security and above all love them faithfully.  It will be a lot easier for me to love my son-in-law when I know he loves her as deeply as I do.
• Be there when their daughter needs you.  I shouldn’t even have to mention this one, but we’ve all heard stories about men missing the birth of their child due to some foolish thing.  Her parents will love you if they know their daughter comes first in your life.  I know that my relationship with my in-laws has grown as they’ve witnessed me caring for their daughter when she was in the hospital.
• Act and look like a respectable man.  Don’t embarrass your in-laws by acting and dressing like an idiot.  There comes a time in a man’s life where he needs to grow up.  There is a time and a place for everything.  Act appropriately around your in-laws.  Get a sense of what they think is acceptable and then conduct yourself accordingly if you want to build a meaningful relationship with them.
• Reach out to your father-in-law.  The relationship between a father and a daughter is special.  It will mean a lot to your wife and your mother-in-law if you can build a relationship with your father-in-law.  Find things that you have in common with him and go from there.  Invite him to a ball game, go with him to a local event or simply take him to lunch.  If you aren’t yet married, then be sure to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage before you pop the question.  This is a show of respect that he will appreciate.
• Attend family gatherings and engage.  When your wife’s family has a get together, make certain that you attend.  Unless it is unavoidable, never let your wife and children go to a holiday gathering at her parent’s house alone.  It causes your in-laws to worry that something might be wrong in your marriage.  In addition, you are missing a fantastic opportunity to build upon your relationship with your in-laws and the extended family through conversation and a shared experience.
• Build good relationships with their other children.  I believe that part of my success in building a great relationship with my in-laws has a lot to do with how I’ve connected with the rest of the family.  Your wife’s siblings have a great deal of influence with your in-laws.  The better the relationship you have with her brothers and sisters, the better your relationship will be with her parents.
• Consult with your wife on how to handle sticky situations.  Your wife knows her parents better than you do.  When you sense that a situation might be a little sensitive, consult with your wife for advice on how to respond.  My father-in-law used to be big in multi-level marketing programs.  I knew he was going to try to recruit me and I didn’t want anything to do with it.  I asked my wife how to handle it.  She was able to help me diffuse the situation before it became an issue.

Becoming a great son-in-law that your in-laws love has a lot to do with respect.  If you want a great relationship with them, then respect their daughter, respect them and respect their family.  Be polite.  After all, being nice is good for you.

As a son-in-law, you have a responsibility to build a great relationship with your in-laws.  Your wife and family are counting on you to do so.  You have to learn to become a part of her family and to maintain a balance between the demands of your family and hers.  This is a worthwhile cause that you definitely want to invest yourself in whole-heartedly.  It has certainly been worth it to me!

Read more of Jeff’s articles about living life to the fullest at My Super-Charged Life!

(Photo by ladyb)

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Do men want to get married, or not? “Do Men Really Want to Get Married” is the question being discussed in a CNN article about whether the stereotypical belief that men are dragged off to the altar to get married kicking and screaming is true or not. CNN reporter, Alex Wallen, claims to have interviewed dozens of men on how they approached marriage, where these men admitted that they had “fantasized about popping the question, getting married, even having a wedding.”

Wallen reports that numerous men reported having a “light-switch” moment when they decided they should get married to their significant other. Examples given include a life-altering event, such as one man who suddenly realized his love for his girlfriend when she helped him deal with the death of his father; or it might be something as simple as having so much fun playing arcade games together that you can’t imagine yourself having this much fun with anyone else. One man decided it was time to get married when he became angry and balled-up his fists when another man made a pass at his then-girlfriend.

“Real men are perceived as committing “till death do us part” for the wrong reasons — they marry out of convenience or under duress, and they acquiesce, kicking and screaming all the way to the altar”, according to the article. If recent statistics are correct, men are choosing to marry later in life, with the average age being 28 before experiencing their “ah ha” moment, which is a good thing. Nevertheless, there are still many young men and women getting married too young, and far too many couples get married for the wrong reasons and end up regretting it later.

According to one survey claiming men DO want to get married, married men reported positive feelings about being married, with 94% saying they were happier married than single, and 73% reported their sex lives were better. Of the single men included in the study, 53 percent said they were not interested in getting married anytime soon, saying “at this stage in my life I want fun and freedom”, while 47 percent said they wouldn’t get married until they could afford to own a home.

“Of the 1,010 men aged 25-34 who were surveyed, 569 were married. Of that group, 81 percent said they got married “because it was the right time to settle down.” The desire to have children was a major factor for 35 percent; only 15 percent said they married sooner than they wished because of pressure from their partner.”

Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married

Another study was conducted by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University of 60 single, heterosexual men of different backgrounds, between the ages of 25-33. The project results revealed the top ten reasons why men won’t commit, or don’t want to get married.

1. They can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past.
2. They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabitating rather than marrying.
3. They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
4. They want to wait until they are older to have children.
5. They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises.
6. They are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn’t appeared yet.
7. They face few social pressures to marry.
8. They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.
9. They want to own a house before they get a wife.
10. They want to enjoy single life for as long as possible.

These findings may not be what women want to hear or believe, but relationship experts agree with the results of the study. Audrey Chapman, author of Getting Good Loving and Man Sharing, agrees with the study’s detailed findings that the sexual revolution hasn’t exactly helped women wanting to get married in their search for finding a husband.

• “All that stuff that grandma said about `Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’ is true. Women are making it too easy for men. They’re giving sex away.”

• “Now that there’s more competition, women think that sex is the ticket to get a man when in fact it’s a sure fire way not to get him at all,” Chapman reveals.

• “When men get lonely, all they have to do is call up one of their many women. And they call the one that they’re going to be able to spend the night with.”

• “She says that nowadays it is common for many men to have a variety of women to cater to their various needs, including sex, companionship, conversation and even meals. “Men can get all the comforts they need without making it legal.”

It’s interesting that Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, says much the same thing but it’s not what women interested in planning their wedding want to hear. It’s not about getting someone to marry you; love and marriage is not a game. It’s about finding the right person, at the right time and under the right circumstances so the marriage will be lifelong. Maybe some men don’t want to get married, now or ever. I would venture to say that there are women who also don’t want to get married and never will.

Wilmington, DE, psychologist Dr. Alvin L. Turner says, “As children, men don’t fantasize about being married–girls do. It takes a while for us to begin to appreciate that marriage is valuable for us and not just for women. It’s easy to see that marriage happens when you fall in love with someone, but even then many men will marry because they want to keep the woman from marrying someone else. So it becomes a way of protecting their investment basically rather than looking at it as something that’s valuable for themselves.”

William July II, author of “Understanding the Tin Man: Why So Many Men Avoid Intimacy” says this to women: “I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for women to accept the point at which a man says he currently is in his life because that determines his entire outlook on everything. If he’s ready, marriage sounds great. If he’s not, it sounds like a prison sentence. It’s better to couple with a man who feels ready than to try to ‘make ready’ a man.”

What about you? If you are a married man, what was your “ah ha” moment where you knew you wanted to get married to your girlfriend? If you are a single man, what are your thoughts on marriage? Ladies, what do you think about the idea that men really don’t want to get married but feel pressured in various ways to tie the knot?

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