This is a guest post from Heather P, sharing her personal story of finding out she was pregnant while still a high school teenager, and her decision process in favor of natural childbirth with no Epidural or pain relief medications.

Seeing the double pink lines on the pregnancy test, showing positive results that I was pregnant, came as a shock. I’m having a baby and I’m scared to death. I had just celebrated my 18th birthday, about to graduate from high school, go on to college and get my degree, then pursue my chosen career.

Here I was, a month after returning home from my summer vacation to Chicago, taking a pregnancy test, with my boyfriend on the phone with me. Out of all the things I was worried about and planning for my future, taking a pregnancy test and getting the results was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

I knew I had to tell my mom about my discovery, but how? I hadn’t even graduated from high school yet; I’m young and not married, but I’m pregnant. Having to tell my mother that I’m pregnant meant disappointing and hurting her. How do you look your mother in the eyes and tell her the news? How would she react to hearing that her own daughter was now an unmarried pregnant teenager, just like those she’s written about here on this site? Every emotion possible was running through me. I had no idea how to tell my mom, “Hey, Guess what? You’re going to be a grandmother…” Umm, no.

How to Tell Parents You Are Pregnant

I decided that I was going to call my mom at work and tell her over the phone once I got home from school that day. I expected all hell to break loose, but I was extremely surprised and relieved that her only reaction (after a long moment of silence) was to calmly tell me to go to Planned Parenthood and take another pregnancy test to be sure there was no false-positive results, and that we’d talk about it when she got home.

Having heard how other parents of pregnant teenage girls have reacted to an unplanned pregnancy, I was expecting to hear an explosive reaction from my mom too, but I didn’t get one. All we talked about were the 3 different pregnancy options that needed to be decided: Adoption, abortion, or keeping and raising the baby. There was no criticism from my mom; no down-talk; no name calling; no emotionally-charged rants whatsoever; our conversation was purely informational and calm.

While I knew I wasn’t ready for a baby, I called my boyfriend and told him what I was thinking and feeling, and asked him what he wanted to do since it was his baby too. He cried his heart out to both me and my mom, telling us that he wanted me to keep the baby, and that we’d work everything out. Ultimately, that’s what he and I decided to do. So I was now a 18-year-old mom-to-be.

Next question that had to be answered was, where was I going to live? My boyfriend lived in Chicago, and I live in Texas. Was I going to move back to Chicago and stay with him and his family? Was I going to stay in Texas and he move out here? We decided I was going to stay here in Texas with my mom, and my boyfriend would move here as soon as possible. While his family had already known (prior to him moving) that I was pregnant and he was about to become a father, my dad and siblings still had no idea.

I was way too afraid to hear their criticism and negative comments, so I asked my mom if she could deliver the news for me. She didn’t need to tell me what they said to her about it because it was written all over her face. Suffice it to say that their reactions were the exact opposite of my mom’s reaction. Then it was time to start figuring out who my labor and delivery doctor (OBGYN) would be, where and how I would give birth to our baby, and start getting things we needed for the baby.

Birthing Options for Expectant Mothers

Although I didn’t know anything about the different places to labor and deliver a baby, my mom knows what birthing options there are for mothers-to-be and she was a big help to us! In an unbiased way, she explained the pros and cons of giving birth in a hospital, as well as the cost of delivering a baby in a hospital. She explained midwives and birthing centers to me and the costs involved, and explained what home births are like. Not once did my mom ever say anything to pressure me or influence my/our personal choice of how or where I would labor and/or deliver our baby. Thanks mom!

Labor and delivery in hospitals is very expensive even if you have health insurance, and you have virtually no freedom on how you’re going to labor and deliver your baby. If you’re having mostly back labor (where the labor pains or contractions are mostly felt in your lower back), the last thing you would want to be told by the hospital nurses is to lay flat on your back, or that you’re not allowed to turn on your side or move around at all even if it makes you feel more comfortable before, during and after each contraction.

Hospitals aren’t very open-minded to what birthing methods women want for their own labor and birth experience, and you only see your doctor for a quick few minutes when the baby is ready to be delivered. Birthing Centers are very open to what pregnant mothers want for their birth experience, assuming you don’t want an Epidural or any strong pain medications. Birthing Centers are available for women who want natural childbirth like I did, but at a much lower cost than having a baby in a hospital. Birthing at home (home births) is essentially the same as laboring and delivering your baby at a Birthing Center.

Once my boyfriend and I understood the choices and options about how and where to deliver a baby, we decided to visit the Allen Birthing Center in Allen Texas. I didn’t want to have to spend $20,000 just to see my doctor for 5 minutes, so it was a relief when they told me that the cost was only $4750 dollars flat fee; the price includes from the moment you have your first prenatal office visit, to the day they check you after birth. Once we had a good look around and got all our questions answered to our satisfaction, we decided that the Allen Birthing Center was where I would give birth.

Trying to finish school while pregnant proved to be very interesting to me. At first I was self-conscience about myself and the way that everyone looked at me, but after I realized that the kids at my school didn’t really make a big deal about it, it was easy to just be myself. Being pregnant didn’t really stop me from doing very much. I still drove everywhere, and held a part time job well into my third trimester.

The prenatal Lamaze classes that my boyfriend and I went to were pretty funny. We were the youngest couple there, but no one treated us any different. We watched some birthing videos of people having a baby, worked out of a workbook, and practiced different breathing and relaxation techniques that make labor more tolerable. I didn’t realize there was so much information you needed to know about labor and delivering a baby.

Natural Childbirth vs Epidural and Pain Relief

The time came for me to decide what kind of birth I wanted to have. I already knew that I wanted natural childbirth, with no Epidural administered or pain meds. Since my mom personally chose natural labor and delivery for each of her 6 kids, she was a good reference for “what to expect” as far as what natural labor and delivery is like. It was really helpful to hear from someone who’s “been there” explaining what it was like for her, and feel no pressure from my mom at all, or influence to go through labor and delivery the way she did.

I even decided that I wanted a water birth, where I would deliver the baby in a bathtub filled with warm water or in the “birthing tub” in the birthing center bedroom I chose. At 4:00 am on May 11th last year, I woke up to the sound of a really weird “POP”. Lucky for me I didn’t really FEEL the pop, I just heard it. (It sounded a lot like when you pop the cork from a wine/champagne bottle) I didn’t really notice anything weird for a couple seconds, until I started leaking fluid a little bit. My water was breaking, slowly. It was only when my mom woke up and came upstairs that we confirmed that indeed my water broke and was causing me to leak.

My mom, my boyfriend, and I sat in the living room for quite awhile just timing the contractions that had begun, until I decided that I wanted to get into my parents huge Jacuzzi-tub. I just wanted to relax and take it easy, so sitting in the tub getting a back massage and listening to some good jazz music, was definitely the way to go.

Once the contractions started getting more intense and lasting longer, I felt it was time for us to drive to the Birthing Center to get checked out, but we were sent back home with further instructions. A couple of hours later we went back to the center a second time, and even though I had only dilated 4 centimeters, I was allowed to stay at the center and was told to walk around as much as I could to help speed up the process. Gravity matters during labor!

My Doula came in to help relieve my back pain as my labor and contractions progressed, since I was having back labor mostly. Hand/fist pressure applied to my lower back only helped a little, and left me bruised more than anything else. I tried sitting on a “birthing ball”, also known as a birth ball or labor ball (it looks like an exercise ball) and rolling my hips, but it didn’t really do anything for me. Sitting on a stool in the shower for about 45 minutes, while my boyfriend held and directed the shower-head water on my lower back helped a lot.

The much maligned transition phase started while I was sitting in the shower. Transition was painful but, surprisingly, it was still tolerable. Even though both my mom and I were criticized about my personal decision for natural childbirth vs having an epidural and/or pain medication, I’m glad I did it this way and would do it again. I labored and delivered our baby my way, just like I wanted and planned for myself.

Delivering a Baby the Natural Way

It’s a very strange feeling when your body naturally, suddenly and without warning, starts pushing the baby down and out the birth canal. Water births are great! Sitting in the tub filled with warm water made pushing the baby out a lot easier than I had originally imagined. The tub water took the weight of my stomach off of my back, so it was easier to concentrate on pushing, instead of how sore my back felt. When my daughter’s head was crowning, I was scared to keep pushing because I could feel myself tearing slightly. Once the baby’s head came out, the midwife told me to stop pushing. “What?! Are you crazy?” were my thoughts.

As a way of distracting myself, I turned to my mom and my boyfriend, and told them that my boyfriend and I weren’t going to be having any more kids, haha. Someone then told me that the umbilical cord was wrapped around my daughter’s neck and they had to unwrap it before I could finish pushing her out. After the midwives/Doula un-wrapped the cord, another push or two was all it took and beautiful Sophia Bella was finally born at 2:59 pm on May 11th 2009.

There are many options to choose from regarding labor, dealing with labor pains, and options for delivering a baby that pregnant teens or women need to carefully consider and decide. I wanted a natural, vaginal childbirth, and I’m so glad it all happened as I had planned. Creating a birth plan is very important when you’re pregnant, and I’m glad my mom provided me all the information, support and guidance I needed in order to choose for myself and my baby.

Similar Posts:

• Birthing Options – Natural Childbirth Options For Expectant Mothers
• Allen Birthing Center, Dallas Midwife Birthing Options, American Association Birth Centers
• Ricki Lake: Ricki Lake’s The Business of Being Born
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Hearing the words “I am pregnant” may feel like a parent’s worst nightmare when finding out you have a pregnant teenager saying she is 6 weeks or 7 weeks pregnant, 8 weeks pregnant or more. Dealing with the earth-shattering news that your daughter is pregnant, or your son and his girlfriend are experiencing an unplanned teenage pregnancy, can be one of the scariest and most difficult situations to deal with.

Hearing you have a pregnant daughter likely came as a shock, and you may be feeling upset, angry, disappointed, hurt, embarrassed and scared about the changes now taking place in your pregnant teenager’s life and body. It can feel as if “our lives are ruined” with hopes, dreams and plans for her future forever shattered into pieces, and thoughts of “where did I go wrong?” keeping you up at night and unable to sleep. Your pregnant daughter was undoubtedly worried sick about “how do I tell my parents I’m pregnant”, and she needs your love, support and guidance, not criticism, blame or ridicule.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), the statistics of teen pregnancy are falling to 40.4 births per 1,000 women aged 15-19 years. The statistics are good news, but it doesn’t change anything for a parent dealing with a teenage pregnancy. The reality is that your daughter is pregnant and a mother-to-be, and you are going to be a grandparent.

Take a deep breath, and calm your racing thoughts and emotions. Most teen girls have the “it won’t happen to me” belief, yet there are two lines showing “positive” on the pregnancy test, removing all doubt that pregnancy can and did happen. Telling your daughter her actions were irresponsible is one thing, but yelling at her and calling her names won’t do anything to change the fact that she is pregnant.

Even if you have discussed sex with your teen, encouraged abstinence or birth control, teen pregnancies do happen and the life-altering consequences of getting pregnant are very real for parents and their child. Your daughter is pregnant and scared, and the father of the baby is dealing with his own fears and concerns about becoming a father. Thank your daughter for coming and telling you, which is the right thing to do, and let her know you will support her 100% of the way.

Your daughter has the right to decide what she wants to do with her pregnancy. If your daughter decides she is keeping the baby, as opposed to putting the baby up for adoption or getting an abortion, your daughter’s health and the baby’s health must be your primary concern. Immediately make an appointment with a doctor or clinic to begin the monthly visits and evaluations to ensure your daughter and baby are getting needed prenatal care, vitamins and professional medical attention.

Help your daughter ensure she’s eating right for a healthy pregnancy, getting needed exercise and eliminating any unhealthy vices such as smoking, drinking or drugs. Teens who become pregnant often decide to drop out of school. Encourage her to stay in school, complete her education, graduate from high school and plan for college. Many schools offer teenage parenting programs, so make an appointment with the school counselor to discuss the available options for your daughter.

Encourage and help your daughter by having her read pregnancy books like the What to Expect series, along with the pregnancy journal and organizer, which includes information on what to eat while pregnant, the week-by-week changes and stages during pregnancy, weight gain during pregnancy as well as important information about dealing with morning sickness, basic baby care etc, so she is better prepared for what is to come.

Your daughter and the baby’s father will need to decide if the baby will be born in a hospital, a birthing room, a birthing center or even a home-birth assisted by a doctor and/or midwife, and your daughter will want and need your guidance and suggestions. The father of the baby also needs to read books about pregnancy and parenting such as The Expectant Father series, in order to better understand and deal with his own feelings about becoming a father, the week-by-week changes taking place with the baby and mother, preparing him for fatherhood and responsibilities of caring for a baby.

You also need to accept that while you are the mother to your daughter, your daughter is the baby’s mother and you must allow her the needed space to be the mother of her own baby, and handle the responsibility to parent her own child. Your suggestions, guidance, advice, love and support are certainly needed, but don’t confuse your role as grandparent to the point where you are driving a wedge between you, your daughter and the baby’s father.

Some grandparents-to-be have the tendency to confuse accepting the pregnancy and condoning teenage pregnancy, but they are not the same. You likely wish you didn’t have to deal with your daughter being pregnant as a teenager, but wishing it weren’t so and the hope of waking up and discovering it was all just a terrible dream is an unrealistic fantasy and you must let it go. Your daughter, and the father of the baby, likely already know you don’t condone teen pregnancy and it’s time to accept it and make the best of it.

Babies raising babies, or teens raising babies, is very hard to do. Your lives will never be the same again and your pregnant daughter and the father of the baby will undoubtedly grow up very fast, in ways neither of them can even imagine. Be supportive, loving and helpful now and throughout the future. You will be glad you did, and the teen parents will be forever grateful and appreciative of your efforts.

Join CafeMom, which is an online support group for women, mothers and moms-to-be, where you and your pregnant daughter can discuss with other women and moms topics about pregnancy, parenting tips, suggestions and ideas about taking care of a baby, with other moms and grandparents just like you. CafeMom has a very active group of young mothers between the ages of 16-25 that your daughter will surely enjoy and receive additional emotional support throughout her pregnancy and after the baby is born.

Related Articles:
Birthing Options – Natural Childbirth Options For Expectant Mothers
Baby Needs Checklist: Basic Baby Needs for Newborn Babies
The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be

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